Does anyone else feel a sense of calm and peace when thinking about suicide

[Whatever2345]

I know my grandma brother mom doesn’t care. Only my dad. I have one friend. Everyone has left me without feeling guilty or with no remorse. Hospitals don’t help neither does suicide watch. f*** that. Honestly it doesn’t scare me. I get the thrill thinking about suicide and how happy I will be. I’ve been battling it for 18 years. I’m just happy to just die. Just be free. Not cry every night wishing I was dead or Dont belong in the world I have been plotting how I will die for months and honestly I don’t care my parents will be happy for not worrying anymore and they’ll know I’m happy and that I’ve tried. My friends they will forgive me so I don’t have much to lose

Edited February 8, 2020 by Whatever2345

[andytuotuo]

Hi there,

I really just want to give you a hug and want you let you know that you are not alone in this world. A lot other people are going through rough situations, and I am one of them. My heart was shuttered into 1000 pieces and there is so much weight in my heart.

It is so tiring I know. You don't know if it will ever get better, If we will ever be happy again. I honestly can't guarantee that but I know it will get better eventually. There are so much more in this world. So many people, so many things, so many colours, so much love. I know it's easy to feel like your life is over, especially there are thing you can never to go back to or redone. What a shame and so much regret. We all wish things were different but all we can do is to deal with it, no matter how much it hurts. 

There is a Youtube Channel <Thoraya Maronesy>. She interviews everyday people different questions including people's stories and emotions. Every time I feel my heart is too heavy, I go watching people sharing their stories and it gives me new perspectives on life. It makes me feel less lonely in this world and even appreciate what I have in life. I hope it will help you too.

Just remember, you are never alone. People care and love you.

[Silver_star]

People do care. There are people who love you more than you know.

Your parents, your sibling, your friend...they love you. They would be devastated to lose you. The weight of what you are going through seems crippling and it seems to be too much, but you are not alone. Other people out there share the same weight, and there is help and other people to talk to. 

There are people you have not even met yet that will love you and that you will make so many memories and have great times with. You have so much to lose, a whole lifetime.

You belong in this world! 

[alphamale]

are you under the care of a doctor or taking any meds?

[Berteau]

Think about this.  100 years from now we will all be dead anyways.  Including everyone that knows you.

[d0nnivain]

You say your dad will care & you have one friend.  That is something.  No they won't forgive you if you take your life.  They also won't forgive themselves.  When someone takes  their own life, the survivors are emotionally destroyed. I also suspect your mom & brother care more then you know.  

Whatever you are feeling is probably awful.  I have been in that black bleak place.  I have lost loved ones to suicide.  

Here's the thing.  You don't know that you will get peace being dead.  If you believe the religious folks taking your own life is a sin & you will condemning your immortal soul to hell for all eternity.  You think being dead is better.  What if it's worse?  

You can change your situation.  What is making you upset?  What can you change about your life to make it better?  What is it that you want that you feel you don't have?  How can you go about getting that?  People make their own fate.  You can start by writing a gratitude journal.  Every morning write 3 things that you are grateful for.  They don't have to be profound, but they can be.  Anything that is good & positive in your life counts.  I have included things like I got sun on my face today; it stopped raining to I love my down comforter to keep me wrong.  In time you will recognize more positives in your life & you can build on that to create the happy life you want. 

Please don't give up.  To the extent this is about the end of your relationship with the guy who went in the army, the acute pain will pass.  You are trying for a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  

Edited February 17, 2020 by d0nnivain