My gf embarrassed me in front of my friend, should I have a problem with this?

[ironpony]

2 minutes ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

What was/is her dream job? Perhaps something more practically realistic than filmmaker?

The WHAT matters here because if you're chasing a dream with poor odds of any real success (STABLE income over long term, not continually sinking time and money into projects hoping they pan out) while she's chosen a field that was a matter of buckling down and working hard and being more or less set... that makes her the grownup, and you kinda not.

What does SHE get out of staying with you? Sex on the weekends? She could that from men who are more attracted to her AND who are already financially stable and independent.

What do you bring to the relationship that makes it worth it?

This isn't about what YOU want or "deserve." It's about providing and doing the things that are necessary to sustain the sort of relationship you want. If you don't do that, the relationship won't last.

She went to law school to get a degree for a legal job.  But that would probably be more difficult for me than trying to make movies, I would think.

How do other filmmakers do it though, since there are several out there who are married, and the filmmaking goals did not get in the way?  As for me being unemployed now, I did get laid off a few months ago, but I think she should not think that was my fault as a boyfriend if a company goes out of business does it?  And I got a new job a few days ago, but the business shut down because of the corona virus.  So is this something I am causing to happen to myself, or are the businesses laying me off themselves, and she shouldn't see it as my fault?

[Kitty Tantrum]

You got laid off MONTHS ago and only just got a new job a few DAYS ago. That IS your fault. You can't blame anyone else for that. The fact that everything is shutting down NOW due to a pandemic doesn't erase the series of decisions you made that led to you being unemployed for months on end.

You're making excuses and applying weasely logic to try to make it seem like the your circumstances are entirely out of your control. That ALONE is enough to make a lot of women bail.

Your circumstances could be A LOT DIFFERENT right now if you had spent as much time and energy buckling down and putting your nose the grindstone to achieve financial stability and independence from your parents - as you have on pursuing your dream of filmmaking.

You are prioritizing your "dream" in a way that prevents you from being a suitable long-term relationship prospect. Period.

[ironpony]

Oh okat, well I have been applying for jobs in those few months, so am I doing something wrong in that process then, if I don't get calls back from a lot of them?  Plus I thought that getting laid off due to a pandemic was out of my control though now.

A lot of the jobs available over the past few months though, want you to have a certain educated skills or licenses though.  Should I just maybe go back to school and get some of these then?

Edited March 16, 2020 by ironpony

[elaine567]

You didn't want to work outdoors or do overtime, and you even at one time suggested that you present a list of your preferences to your perspective employer.
Life doesn't tend to work like that. 

[ironpony]

Oh okay well I was throwing out suggestions as to what can I do to find out in advance I will be working in the freezing cold, cause in the last couple of jobs, the employer didn't tell me.  But I was suffering from health conditions from working in the cold for so many years, and the doctor told me that I want my health to get better, stop working in the freezing cold.

Well my ex gf said that if I don't want a job where I am working out in the cold, than I need to go back to school to get more degrees that will open up more opportunities.  Should I do that then, and follow her advice?

Edited March 16, 2020 by ironpony

[Sinful]

With what I've read it sounds to me like this is more about commitment for her. She wants you to commit to her and move the relationship forward, and that could be various things but moving in together is a step forward (a rather big step to be honest). I get the feeling that she wants to see the relationship moving forward and all she sees (whether accurate or not) is you trying to move forward with this film.  

It's just like with professional athletes and other careers that require a lot of time, your partner needs to understand that and and be willing to sacrifice some with you or the relationship likely won't last. And that goes both ways, you will need to give her time as well, or just end it and focus 100% on your film project.  

[ironpony]

Well I guess I just didn't see what it was that was making her think I wasn't concentrating enough on her.  I mean I didn't move in her with back when she asked since her place charges more rent, even if we split it, which I was trying to save up my money for, but I did spend lots of time with her and I feel I committed in every other way besides the moving in part, unless I really needed to do that at that time.

[elaine567]

1 minute ago, Sinful said:

your partner needs to understand that and and be willing to sacrifice some with you or the relationship likely won't last.

She has already broken up with Ironpony.

 

17 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Well my ex gf said that if I don't want a job where I am working out in the cold, than I need to go back to school to get more degrees that will open up more opportunities. 

She is studying for a law degree, and I guess, you are in her eyes still "messing around".
She probably feels she has outgrown you.

[ironpony]

Well I guess I feel she is being double standard-ish a little maybe cause I have no problem supporting her in her career goal, so why should she with mine... unless I am wrong.

[Sinful]

50 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Well I guess I just didn't see what it was that was making her think I wasn't concentrating enough on her.  I mean I didn't move in her with back when she asked since her place charges more rent, even if we split it, which I was trying to save up my money for, but I did spend lots of time with her and I feel I committed in every other way besides the moving in part, unless I really needed to do that at that time.

Not concentrating, but moving the relationship forward. They're 2 different things. 

 

41 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

She has already broken up with Ironpony.

Broken up or not, it's still a valid point to be recognized here. Especially if he's thinking of getting back together with her, or even entering into a new relationship as this situation can play out when 1 or both partners have very demanding career fields. If you want to be the 1st lady you have to accept the fact that you may not always have access to your husband due to his many duties and responsibilities.

[ironpony]

Well also as far as moving out of my parents place goes, I've attempted to do that before but my parents kept talking me out of it.  They said that because I am autistic, I cannot run a house on my own, if I put a down payment on a house, if they are right, so they have scared me out of it before saying I'm not ready.