My gf embarrassed me in front of my friend, should I have a problem with this?

[ccas93]

The relationship should be on real thin ice for you. If I were you, one more comment like that and I'd be out. No matter how bad your script is, if she doesn't appreciate your effort and that you have a creative outlet you're working at, then she isn't the one. Esp if she is being a B about it and telling you that you annoy her. 

Break up with her before she does with you, or before you get into a deeper, more intertwined dysfunctional relationship with this girl. 

 

[K.K.]

20 minutes ago, ironpony said:

 Cause I feel that after all these other embarrassing moments with the same friend, and now this one, I feel like the relationship is on real thin ice for me now, or maybe I just need to cool off and I am over-reacting, if the relationship has mostly been good otherwise from these embarrassing moments here and there?

I don’t think you’re overreacting, ironpony.

It has nothing to do with the script, for me. You could replace that part of your post with anything. It’s a breach of trust. One would expect that of all people, the one who sleeps in your bed wouldn’t try to make a fool out of you in public. 

Maybe you can firmly warn her that she’s treading a fine line. I’ve had to cut people loose for this kind of thing. If you can’t trust the closest person to you to hold your feelings in their hands with gentleness and highest regard, who can you trust? 

Loyalty is everything.

[ironpony]

7 minutes ago, ccas93 said:

The relationship should be on real thin ice for you. If I were you, one more comment like that and I'd be out. No matter how bad your script is, if she doesn't appreciate your effort and that you have a creative outlet you're working at, then she isn't the one. Esp if she is being a B about it and telling you that you annoy her. 

Break up with her before she does with you, or before you get into a deeper, more intertwined dysfunctional relationship with this girl. 

 

Oh okay, well you say break up with her, but you also say one more comment like that, and you would be out.  I am frustrated and turned off a lot because of it now.  Not just the one comment tonight, but because of the pattern before, and this kind of feels like the icing on the cake now for me, if that is not over-reacting.

So should I give her another chance and say one more remark like that and I am out, or will this just cause her to be nice for a while but then go back?  Cause the last time she embarrassed me in front of the same friend I told her when we were alone later that I almost walked on her at that moment that I got that turned off.  So she then felt really bad and said she would try really hard not to say anything in haste like that again.  But then a few months later now, it happens again.  However, maybe she did legitimately not want to embarrass me since she tried for a few months and it worked for a while?

So I could give her the warning again, but would it only work temporarily?

Edited February 8, 2020 by ironpony

[ccas93]

Well I'd say it's your decision since it's not my relationship. I'd either break up with her or give her one more chance. Depending on how you feel about her and the relationship. You're the one that knows her, so your own feelings/decisions are important to consider here as well. 

[ironpony]

Another thing is, my friend really likes her it seems, and once in a while, she tells me how I landed a good girlfriend a lot.  So that makes me wondering maybe she is a good one overall like my friend says maybe?

Edited February 8, 2020 by ironpony

[ccas93]

The fact that this is a pattern and she says she's irritated by you, makes that seem like a moot point to me. 

[Ellener]

It's hard to say what's going on with your relationship @ironpony but you do seem to have a lot of 'naysayers' about this film career, and at some point you'll have to decide whether it's that you want to pursue no matter what anyone else thinks, or if you want to settle down into a more regular way of life and retain the support of your family and girlfriend.

I didn't listen when people told me I couldn't live as a musician unless I'm going to teach, and I've carved out a little niche career for myself and I perform several times a week and am very fulfilled, and it's lead to an expertise in a new field of memory loss/care, but it has been a problem funding healthcare for myself as I get older in the US, and of course losing my home with a natural disaster 2 years ago didn't help. 

Everything comes at a price though. 'You pay your money and take your choice..' to quote Freddie Mercury who did just that!

[Ellener]

6 minutes ago, ironpony said:

makes me wondering maybe she is a good one overall like my friend says maybe?

I'm sure she is, most people are, but it doesn't mean you are on the same page with your film career dreams.

[ironpony]

Oh okay thanks, but this isn't about the film career I want to take, this about how she embarrassed me in front of my friend.  How, K.K. said it, that I could replace that with almost anything:

14 minutes ago, K.K. said:

I don’t think you’re overreacting, ironpony.

It has nothing to do with the script, for me. You could replace that part of your post with anything. It’s a breach of trust. One would expect that of all people, the one who sleeps in your bed wouldn’t try to make a fool out of you in public. 

Maybe you can firmly warn her that she’s treading a fine line. I’ve had to cut people loose for this kind of thing. If you can’t trust the closest person to you to hold your feelings in their hands with gentleness and highest regard, who can you trust? 

Loyalty is everything.

 

Edited February 8, 2020 by ironpony

[Ellener]

6 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Loyalty is everything.

If it's that important to you that she is 100% loyal, then yes, the writing's on the wall...but she could just be trying to look out for you in her own way and disuade you from the film career stuff though if she sees it as unlikely or a pipe dream.

Edited February 8, 2020 by Ellener
wording

[ironpony]

But isn't the way she did it in front of my friend, the wrong way though?  Is part of receiving criticism for my script or career choice, to be made a fool of, in front of my friend for it?  Cause if it were the other way around and I was out with one of her friends, and I told her that her job was crap and I hate it, and no one is going to like you for it, so what's the point;  than I am pretty sure she would get really turned off by me saying that in front of her friend.  Not because I am trying to give her good criticism, but because it's in front of her friend, when she didn't even ask while in front of her friend, if that makes sense?

Edited February 8, 2020 by ironpony

[ccas93]

You keep reemphasizing that point. We understand it. No matter what, it doesn't sound good and I think the sooner you break up with her, the sooner you stop staying up late on Friday nights wondering why she's treating you this way. 

[ironpony]

Oh okay sorry if I am overemphasizing it.

Well at the same time, aside from these embarrassing moments while out with the same friend with her, a lot of the relationship has been good so far though, so I don't want to do anything hasty or that I regret either.

She is also going away for a couple of months to another city, on a business training course for her new job.  This was the last night I got to see her before she goes away.  So should I bring this up now, or maybe is under pressure wanting to do well in her course, and should save it for after she accomplishes the course?  But there is also valentines day coming up to, which I was going to go down and visit her for, and got her a gift before.  So should I bring it up before then too?

Edited February 8, 2020 by ironpony

[ccas93]

Again, it's your choice, and your relationship, and you know what things are like between you otherwise, and I don't. I don't think you'll regret it. It like jumping off the diving board. Seems like a scary thing but feels amazing once you do it. But she's even moving to another city. I say just end it. And that's all I'm going to say. Have a great night man. I really hope this all works out well and whatever ends up happening is for the better. 

[ironpony]

Oh okay, thanks, but she is only moving to another city for a few weeks to take a course, and we've been dating for two years though.

However, one time I had some to drink and said something possibly embarrassing at her work party though and she seemed to let it roll of her back, so I wonder maybe I am being double-standardish about it maybe then?  However, I was just mentioning this funny sex scene from a movie, and it had nothing to do with her though, where as when she embarrassed me, it was about me, so I think I draw a distinction there maybe...

Edited February 8, 2020 by ironpony

[Ellener]

18 minutes ago, ironpony said:

She is also going away for a couple of months to another city, on a business training course for her new job.  This was the last night I got to see her before she goes away.  So should I bring this up now,

No! You are saying she's maybe not supportive with your career so don't be unsupportive of hers! 

Go with the flow, it'll work itself out.

[ironpony]

6 minutes ago, Ellener said:

No! You are saying she's maybe not supportive with your career so don't be unsupportive of hers! 

Go with the flow, it'll work itself out.

Oh, I was just using this as an example, as to how she would feel if it's the other way around.  I'm not going to say this to her at all.  Of course I support her career!

Edited February 8, 2020 by ironpony

[ironpony]

Oh okay thanks.  Well that's just it though, it seems that there are those who think that she should not be acting like this in front of a friend and that it's not her place, and then there are those who think I may be being too insensitive and I need to grow a pair, or grow thicker skin.

How do I decide which is the way to go?

Edited February 8, 2020 by ironpony

[Ellener]

14 minutes ago, ironpony said:

it seems that there are those who think that she should not be acting like this in front of a friend and that it's not her place, and then there are those who think I may be being too insensitive and I need to grow a pair, or grow thicker skin.

How do I decide which is the way to go?

You're a grown man, an adult, you take those choices for yourself and live comfortably and acceptingly with the consequences.

[ironpony]

Okay well, my mind and heart tells me I should tell her that if she does it again, I will have to break up with her, but is this a healthy thing to say in a relationship, since it's an ultimatum?

[Noproblem]

1 hour ago, ironpony said:

Oh okay, and just to be clear I have no problem if she hates my script, and that is totally fine.  It was just the way she randomly brought it up in front of a friend, in such an irritated way, which was the complete wrong way to bring it up I thought.

Another thing is, before me and my gf and my friend were out to eat, me and her went to go pick up my friend.  On the way, it seems like my gf was bothered by something so I asked, and she said nothing but I knew something was up.  I said it's okay tell me, and she said that things I have been doing have been irritating her lately, such as not being able to remember things here and there, but I have had some insomnia issues recently that has effected my memory.  I didn't think it should be something for her to be irritated by.  But before the conversation could go further, we arrived at my friends house and she got in the car.  We then went to go to eat at the restaurant, and that is when my gf brought it up, how much she can't stand the script and how the content bothers, about halfway through the dinner.

So could she be acting like this, cause maybe she is bothered by my memory shortcomings lately, perhaps or maybe something else is bothering her entirely?

I think you are defending her now and making excuses.. but yet you posted the topic and said she embarrasses you on different occasions

Either you get upset or not.

Make up your mind.

We are  being unbiased here, you are biased because OBVIOUSLY : You love her!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[ironpony]

Yeah that's true.  I am really turned off as of now, but am biased cause I love her.

I was thinking of talking about this problem with my best guy friend, who also knows her well.  However, would it not be appropriate for me to do so with my best guy friend?  It's just I talked about how I didn't like her embarrassing me, so if I talked about the problem with him, would that be me embarrassing her then?

Edited February 8, 2020 by ironpony

[Noproblem]

26 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Yeah that's true.  I am really turned off as of now, but am biased cause I love her.

I was thinking of talking about this problem with my best guy friend, who also knows her well.  However, would it not be appropriate for me to do so with my best guy friend?  It's just I talked about how I didn't like her embarrassing me, so if I talked about the problem with him, would that be me embarrassing her then?

I am sure she talks about you in private with her best friends right?

Like, she has people she confide in and she either praise you or complain about in front of them, all people have someone to confide in.

It's natural..

If you can trust this friend not to gossip and tell others what you will tell him , then do confide in him and see what he has to say..

 

[elaine567]

My guess
Your gf is likely disgusted and bothered by the subject matter of your script.
She seeks to distance herself from it, by saying to your friend she was "forced" to read it.
She tried to get your friend on side on this matter, and it seems like she succeeded. 
Your friend is now feeling awkward.
Few women really feel comfortable around the subject of rape.

5 hours ago, ironpony said:

"It's about a bunch of rapes, can you believe it". 

What she said was true though, wasn't it? 
You may have been embarrassed in front of your friend, but nothing your gf said wasn't true.
You have made a film about serial rapists and that will bring up a lot of questions in the minds of those who know you, whether you like it or not.
Your gf may be loyal to you, but it doesn't mean she is going to wax lyrical about a film she cannot back due to its content.
I think many woman would feel a bit uneasy if their bf or friend was spending his time making a film about rapes..

[Ellener]

4 hours ago, ironpony said:

is this a healthy thing to say in a relationship, since it's an ultimatum?

it's your boundary.