Almost 30 but this Girl is making me feel like 15 again

[SzyslakExperience]

Hey everybody,


I decided to join this website and expose my current situation with this girl. I've been holding this information all by myself and decided to put it all here, in order to get some opinions and guidance. So here it goes:

I'm a 29 year old guy, working for this company for almost 5 years. On last November, this girl, 26 year old, started to work there and, from the moment I saw her, I felt like a teen all over again. I felt loads of attraction at first sight and I got the hint she noticed me too. So from then on, we use to cross by each other on an almost daily basis (at the mid afternoon break). I've noticed she looking at me, searching for me when we're on the same room, smiling at me, being nervous around me, sitting and pointing her feet at me (gosh, I sound like a creep...).

One day, I was on Instagram and I bumped into her profile. I was hesitant at first, but ultimately decided to follow her. She accepted the invitatiojn immediately and did the same with my profile. From then on, she started to watch every story and liking every pic I post (either the ones I'm alone or in group).

So this last Friday, something happened. I'm arriving at work and she comes out of a car parked right in front of me. We immediately locked eyes and start smiling. Heck, I think time stopped :) So we talked for a bit and she was extremely friendly.

On that same day, I posted another pic on Instagram and she liked it again. So I decided to chat with her, something like this:
Me:
- Thank you for all the likes. You're really boosting my influencer ego.
Her (almost immediately):
- Anything I can help with, just ring me (lol emoji)
- A kiss for you, have a nice weekend (shy emoji).
Me:

- Right back at you ;)

I know, we talked but, for some reason, she immediately ended the conversation. I was expecting it to last a bit longer, so I got really confused by this.

This week, we interacted again. It went something like this:

 I'm having coffee in the company's cafetaria and she walks in to take a cup of coffee. She chooses one of the machines available and i say to her "You should choose another machine, the coffee from that one is terrible". She goes away without reaction or response.

Later, I go by her again and this happens:
Me: "You're really destroying my ego with attitudes like the one you did today. :)"
She: "What did I do? When did I do it? I'm confused!"
( I explain it )
She: "Really? (laughing) That is soooo me. Please forgive me!"
Me: "I don't know, I have to analyse your apologies..."
( she leaves without an answer ).

I'm really confused about this. I'm going completely bonkers (!) for this girl but I'm getting extremely cautious. We work in the same company (not on the same subjects/department) and I don't want to cause a fuss about this with my job and with our colleagues. But I really want to get to know her better. The thing is, after this week's events, I'm feeling she's getting a bit more distant.

What do you think about all this. All opinions are welcomed.


Thank you for reading and replying :)

[preraph]

Well, she's new, so of course she's going to be happy anyone there is being friendly to her, but she may have realized it was more and began carefully backing off without trying to make you mad since she does work there with you.  Some of her reactions are just from being surprised and flustered.  Does that ever translate to interested?  Maybe, but not judging by her explanations, which weren't exactly encouraging.  She doesn't want to make you mad, of course.  I'd back off a bit and just see if she moves in any.  

[schlumpy]

Why don't you start with some basic information such as - is she already in a relationship? Does that matter to you? 

[SzyslakExperience]

1 hour ago, schlumpy said:

Why don't you start with some basic information such as - is she already in a relationship? Does that matter to you? 

From what I can tell, I don't think so. But, like I said, I would like to get to know her better. And the relationship status belongs to that category

[manfrombelow2]

You know what, from this sentence alone, you have communicated that you put this woman onto a pedestal. And that's never good.

And you know why you put her on a pedestal? Because obviously you have not been dating enough women.

from the moment I saw her, I felt like a teen all over again. I felt loads of attraction at first sight and I got the hint she noticed me too

 

[manfrombelow2]

Based on your input of data, it is likely that because she was the new one (only from last November) in your workplace, then it made sense that she tried to show off her most positive and friendly attitude, NOT JUST WITH YOU, but with everybody else.

The only one that misinterpreted was you, and you alone. You were so head over heels for her to the point that you projected your own interest onto her, thinking she might be interested into you too, while, like I just said, she was just trying to be nice.

Now it's time for some analysis:

1- This is called stalking. No more no less. Men who are high-quality, well-centered and alpha do not stalk other women's social network sites. Moreoever, a person's social network site is private so unless you are already her boyfriend/husband, what's the point of trying to "follow" her? That's creepy and weak behaviour.

One day, I was on Instagram and I bumped into her profile. I was hesitant at first, but ultimately decided to follow her

2- Like I said, she needed to act friendly and positive because she's at work. Smiling and talking with other colleagues is a diplomatic gesture. Again, you over-read it and put her on a pedestal. This is due to the fact that you have not been dating enough women. If you thought time stopped just because of a smile from a random woman, I think you need to take a deep look back into yourself and your romantic life.

So this last Friday, something happened. I'm arriving at work and she comes out of a car parked right in front of me. We immediately locked eyes and start smiling. Heck, I think time stopped :)

3- This is creepy, weak, needy and desperate. You talked like a shy schoolgirl, not a grown 30-year-old man. And this triggered her defense mechanism for sure.

- A kiss for you, have a nice weekend (shy emoji).[/qupote]

4- Now she is sure that you are all over her, and she did this ON PURPOSE. Why? Because why not.

She goes away without reaction or response.

5- This is aprovement seeking behaviour. You freaked out because of her change in attitude and now you want her to clarify that everything is still OK.

Later, I go by her again and this happens:
Me: "You're really destroying my ego with attitudes like the one you did today. :)"
She: "What did I do? When did I do it? I'm confused!"
( I explain it )
She: "Really? (laughing) That is soooo me. Please forgive me!"
Me: "I don't know, I have to analyse your apologies..."
( she leaves without an answer ).

Workplace romance never works and only bring calamity to both parties. Now that she is keeping distance with you, that's a wonderful thing. My advice for you is leave her alone, because she's not into you anyway, go out and date multiple women at once.

[Interstellar]

Are you making your other female coworkers laugh when she’s around? you should. You want her to be intrigued by you. When nobody’s around ask her phone number, then call after a few days and ask her out for coffee, just make sure that when you ask her questions you don’t make her feel like she’s being interrogated by the FBI.

Edited February 8, 2020 by Interstellar

[SzyslakExperience]

6 hours ago, thaygiaogiang said:

 

Regarding a few points you mentioned:

#2 - I don't normally follow people I don't personally know because of what you mentioned. But the thing is, She did it back and she was the one that started liking my photos. She could have just ignored my profile. 

#3 - The kiss thing was said by her, not me. So she didn't put up a defense based on something she said.

I've dated a few women and I've been on long lasting relationships. What's bugging me on approaching this one is due to the fact that a false steps could impact on my work environment.

[SabreTeeth]

 

14 hours ago, SzyslakExperience said:

I'm a 29 year old guy, working for this company for almost 5 years. On last November, this girl, 26 year old, started to work there and, from the moment I saw her, I felt like a teen all over again. I felt loads of attraction at first sight and I got the hint she noticed me too. So from then on, we use to cross by each other on an almost daily basis (at the mid afternoon break). I've noticed she looking at me, searching for me when we're on the same room, smiling at me, being nervous around me, sitting and pointing her feet at me (gosh, I sound like a creep...).

So, all in all, you got fixated on a girl that you know the basics about (her name & age) as you admitted elsewhere you don't know if she's in a relationship. 

Now, one question, are you two the only ones of similar age? If you are, thing is, is she's gonna gravitate towards you as a new hire because she feels she can relate better to you than your 40+ year old colleagues. 

 

14 hours ago, SzyslakExperience said:

One day, I was on Instagram and I bumped into her profile.

Just an fyi Instagram is like other social media in that people don't often "bump" into colleagues as they more often go looking for them. On social media people far more often "bump" into acquaintances they don't quite know the name of but recognize the pictures. 

 

2 hours ago, SzyslakExperience said:

I was hesitant at first, but ultimately decided to follow her. She accepted the invitation immediately and did the same with my profile. From then on, she started to watch every story and liking every pic I post (either the ones I'm alone or in group).

So this last Friday, something happened. I'm arriving at work and she comes out of a car parked right in front of me. We immediately locked eyes and start smiling. Heck, I think time stopped So we talked for a bit and she was extremely friendly.

She's a new hire. She's gonna try & find someone to relate to. Particularly, as said, if you two are closer in age than not. And particularly, given the rest of the commentary, she maybe shy.

Same can be said of the encounter in the parking lot - people usually smile when others smile, being friendly is sort of go-with-the-territory of work, etc. 

 

14 hours ago, SzyslakExperience said:

On that same day, I posted another pic on Instagram and she liked it again. So I decided to chat with her, something like this:
Me: - Thank you for all the likes. You're really boosting my influencer ego.

Her (almost immediately):
- Anything I can help with, just ring me (lol emoji)
- A kiss for you, have a nice weekend (shy emoji).

Me: - Right back at you

I know, we talked but, for some reason, she immediately ended the conversation. I was expecting it to last a bit longer, so I got really confused by this.

Okay. This entire conversation is just awkward. It's hard to say if she was being legit, goofy or what. 

1) Are you doing this at work? If yes, I doubt she'd stay signed on for longer than her break time being new. 
2) You could have started with a far better opening line. Sure it's instagram but a how you doing, what's up, etc. wouldn't have gone amiss. 

 

14 hours ago, SzyslakExperience said:

This week, we interacted again. It went something like this:

 I'm having coffee in the company's cafetaria and she walks in to take a cup of coffee. She chooses one of the machines available and i say to her "You should choose another machine, the coffee from that one is terrible". She goes away without reaction or response.

Later, I go by her again and this happens:
Me: "You're really destroying my ego with attitudes like the one you did today. :)"
She: "What did I do? When did I do it? I'm confused!"
( I explain it )
She: "Really? (laughing) That is soooo me. Please forgive me!"
Me: "I don't know, I have to analyse your apologies..."
( she leaves without an answer ).
 

Why did you say that? For all you knew she didn't even hear you about the coffee. As you're neither dating or had more than basic interactions you've limited to no right in addressing her in such a fashion so a bit of advice... watch your attitude. She could go to HR & say you're harassing her for no good reason because really your commentary is uncalled for. 

Btw I don't know, I have to analyse your apologies is just an odd response. Most people would say hey whatever, it's all good, etc. after all. I can't tell if you're just socially awkward,  have something like aspergers (and mean no offense) which may explain your fixation, or if you've control issues (as controlling partners can leave their decisions hanging like that).

 

14 hours ago, SzyslakExperience said:

I'm really confused about this. I'm going completely bonkers (!) for this girl but I'm getting extremely cautious. We work in the same company (not on the same subjects/department) and I don't want to cause a fuss about this with my job and with our colleagues. But I really want to get to know her better. The thing is, after this week's events, I'm feeling she's getting a bit more distant.

What do you think about all this. All opinions are welcomed.
 

Truth be told I see little that implies she's interested in you. 

If anything she's awkward & insecure from the sounds of it which is to be expected as a (possibly her first serious job) newly hired individual. If, as said above, most of your colleagues are older she quite possibly sought you out simply because of your similar age & not because she's interested. 

As for liking your instagram. I like posts on my facebook feed from friends & colleagues daily. Doesn't mean I'm interested in dating them. People may just like stuff because they either legitimately like the posts, are bored & clicking random thumbs up, or expect the returned favor of whomever liking their posts. 

Edited February 8, 2020 by SabreTeeth

[SzyslakExperience]

19 minutes ago, SabreTeeth said:

 

So, all in all, you got fixated on a girl that you know the basics about (her name & age) as you admitted elsewhere you don't know if she's in a relationship. 

Now, one question, are you two the only ones of similar age? If you are, thing is, is she's gonna gravitate towards you as a new hire because she feels she can relate better to you than your 40+ year old colleagues. 

 

Just an fyi Instagram is like other social media in that people don't often "bump" into colleagues as they more often go looking for them. On social media people far more often "bump" into acquaintances they don't quite know the name of but recognize the pictures. 

 

She's a new hire. She's gonna try & find someone to relate to. Particularly, as said, if you two are closer in age than not. And particularly, given the rest of the commentary, she maybe shy.

Same can be said of the encounter in the parking lot - people usually smile when others smile, being friendly is sort of go-with-the-territory of work, etc. 

 

Okay. This entire conversation is just awkward. It's hard to say if she was being legit, goofy or what. 

1) Are you doing this at work? If yes, I doubt she'd stay signed on for longer than her break time being new. 
2) You could have started with a far better opening line. Sure it's instagram but a how you doing, what's up, etc. wouldn't have gone amiss. 

 

Why did you say that? For all you knew she didn't even hear you about the coffee. As you're neither dating or had more than basic interactions you've limited to no right in addressing her in such a fashion so a bit of advice... watch your attitude. She could go to HR & say you're harassing her for no good reason because really your commentary is uncalled for. 

Btw I don't know, I have to analyse your apologies is just an odd response. Most people would say hey whatever, it's all good, etc. after all. I can't tell if you're just socially awkward,  have something like aspergers (and mean no offense) which may explain your fixation, or if you've control issues (as controlling partners can leave their decisions hanging like that).

 

Truth be told I see little that implies she's interested in you. 

If anything she's awkward & insecure from the sounds of it which is to be expected as a (possibly her first serious job) newly hired individual. If, as said above, most of your colleagues are older she quite possibly sought you out simply because of your similar age & not because she's interested. 

As for liking your instagram. I like posts on my facebook feed from friends & colleagues daily. Doesn't mean I'm interested in dating them. People may just like stuff because they either legitimately like the posts, are bored & clicking random thumbs up, or expect the returned favor of whomever liking their posts. 

Attitude in my native language has a different meaning and i mistranslated it. When I said "attitude" I meant "what you did". And it was all playful, as she acknowledged it at first, when she laughed and apologized. What I meant with my "i will analyse your apologies" was to playfully bust her, with the aim of building the conversation to ask her out. But her response was nil so I backed off. A member of my team was present at the time and he too didn't understand her response.

It's not her first job and she's pratically the same age as everyone else.

[SabreTeeth]

2 hours ago, SzyslakExperience said:

Attitude in my native language has a different meaning and i mistranslated it. When I said "attitude" I meant "what you did". And it was all playful, as she acknowledged it at first, when she laughed and apologized. What I meant with my "i will analyse your apologies" was to playfully bust her, with the aim of building the conversation to ask her out. But her response was nil so I backed off. A member of my team was present at the time and he too didn't understand her response.

It's not her first job and she's pratically the same age as everyone else.

Well obviously she didn't see it as playful as she would have continued with the banter. Similarly if she was interested in you she would have continued with the previous banter. 

Do yourself a favour before you end up in the HR/manager's office explaining why you're haranguing the new girl & leave her alone because unless she's never had a date before in her life & doesn't have a single clue how to respond she's not interested. 

[CLS63AMG]

Never take them watching your stories as meaning anything - those play automatically and even if you skip though them it'll show that they watched them.  So many take this as some defining factor in a relationship or break up.

[Lotsgoingon]

Yeah, you're approaching her like a scared 15 year-old would approach that cute girl he sees in the hall.  

First step: have a conversation with her.  You see her in the cafeteria or whatever, cut the you're-using-the-wrong-machine nonsense and say, "why don't you join for a few minutes." Sit and talk! Anything is better than talking about the wrong coffee machine ... "Hey, how's work treated you so far?" "So sit down and tell me about yourself." ... Or "What are you up to this weekend?" 

You hid and ducked when she sent you that kiss line ...  Right back at you. Dude, that was such a cop-out, a dodge. That was a potentially serious flirt on her part, and you want to build on that level of flirting or at least check it out, linger in that energy.  You're of the texting generation and texters figure out how to choose words carefully ... man, that was the chance to say (just off the top of my head--you can find something better)  ... "Well I'm planning on a good weekend. When should I plan for the kiss?"  ... or "How about we hang out a bit before the kiss?" .. "How about we combine the weekend and a kiss?" "I always love to kiss a pretty woman." You could have responded, matching her energy, without drooling on yourself. You absolutely needed to acknowledge her words or else, she's going to think you are disinterested or can't read a big cue.

Next time you see her in person, ask her to meet for lunch ... or coffee ... Hey you wanna grab lunch sometime? ... I'd love to grab lunch with you? ... Or dinner. 

She's new, so you have the right to just ask about her work ... her previous life ... how she's getting along ... totally respectful ... but if there is real energy there between you two, you ask also, what she likes to do for fun. And you ask her out for dinner or a movie or whatever. 

Initiate time with her ... and see how the energy is in person. Period! Quite this fifth-grader texting that reminds me of when I liked a girl and since I was in fifth grade, all I knew to do was to push her or pretend I didn't like her. You're an adult now dude!

 

 

 

Edited February 9, 2020 by Lotsgoingon

[Miss Spider]

On 2/8/2020 at 5:12 PM, CLS63AMG said:

Never take them watching your stories as meaning anything - those play automatically and even if you skip though them it'll show that they watched them.  So many take this as some defining factor in a relationship or break up.

Exactly. Sometimes I accidentally watch stories. Sometimes I purposely watch stories of guys i have no interest in just out of curiosity. Means nothing. 

Edited February 11, 2020 by Cookiesandough