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How quickly things change

AgainstAllOdds1

By AgainstAllOdds1
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AgainstAllOdds1 Member

AgainstAllOdds1

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A couple of weeks ago, I posted about when I should have the DTR/exclusivity talk with a girl I'm dating. Since then, things got weird:

- Went out with her a few times, including once where we tagged each other on an IG story. A girl I used to like but turned me down a few months ago took notice and "congratulated" me in a private DM (doubtful it was sincere, but more on this below). 

- I stayed at her place last weekend. We've hooked up several times since we started dating, so this was nothing new.

- Usually we keep in touch every day, with her initiating a series of texts. This week? Barely anything. After a few days of no contact on either side, I reached out with a quick text. She says we'll "possibly" see each other this weekend? I'm not into pursuing someone non-responsive, so the ball is in her court now.

- The girl who turned me down a few months ago hinted yesterday that we should get drinks on a day we're both off next week. I didn't commit to it, but if the girl I'm dating continues acting strangely, then  maybe I take the other girl up on her offer.

My thoughts: 1.) The girl I'm dating must have begun seeing someone else this week. We've stayed over at one another's places the past several weekends, so it's tough to imagine she's been seeing someone else seriously during that time. 2.) The other girl coming back into the picture? My guess is it's a ruse. Probably wants me to commit and then she'll say she's "busy," just to show I chased her. She's not a bad person, but tough to imagine a girl that turned me down changing her mind. 3.) There's no way the girl I used to be into (who gave the insincere congrats) saw the IG story and then DM'ed the girl I'm dating lies about me, right?

What do you make of this?

  

Edited by AgainstAllOdds1
Noproblem Established Member

Noproblem

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#3 crossed my mind lol

1 and 2 are possible

I have to add this..

The girl who turned you down might want to go out with you now that you are taken because she likes you  as a friend and she is now comfortable that you won't chase her again, so she is gonna enjoy your friendships together

or

She kinda liked you but was not sure, now that she saw you with someone else, she wants you back!

preraph Established Member

preraph

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I imagine Girl No. 1 probably senses you are still interested in other women.  I mean, it's not hard to tell, usually.  So she is probably fizzling and may have anyway.  Don't know why Girl 2 has resurfaced.  Maybe she needs someone to make her ex jealous of, who knows.  Have a drink with her and find out. 

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AgainstAllOdds1 Member

AgainstAllOdds1

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40 minutes ago, preraph said:

I imagine Girl No. 1 probably senses you are still interested in other women.  I mean, it's not hard to tell, usually.  So she is probably fizzling and may have anyway.  Don't know why Girl 2 has resurfaced.  Maybe she needs someone to make her ex jealous of, who knows.  Have a drink with her and find out. 

To be honest, I haven't brought up another girl or pursued anyone else in recent weeks. Do I think Girl 1 is "the one?" I'm not really sure. But I would certainly be interested in seeing where things progress. If Girl 1 continues to fizzle, then it doesn't hurt to take Girl 2 up on her offer - provided she doesn't change her mind.

42 minutes ago, Noproblem said:

#3 crossed my mind lol

So this is possible? 😟 I don't know the motives of the girl who turned me down wanting to see me. Rarely is it that she has a newfound interest, but who knows anymore.

Edited by AgainstAllOdds1
preraph Established Member

preraph

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Well, you don't have to make a decision now, so give it some time and see where it goes.  Good luck.

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AgainstAllOdds1 Member

AgainstAllOdds1

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Thanks. The timing of everything is what has me so baffled. Girl 1 went from hooking up and hitting me up all the time to virtually ghosting me at the drop of a hat, while Girl 2 has inserted herself back into the picture. I can see both situations amounting to nothing, but it doesn't hurt to see where it goes. Like you said, I don't have to make a decision right now.

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AgainstAllOdds1 Member

AgainstAllOdds1

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Update: things are back to the way they were.

Girl 1 texted me last night while I was out with my friend and then again today. She is with family this weekend, but asked me about getting together for Valentine's Day. I take that as a sign she wants to become more serious. The friend who I was out with thinks she was standoffish during the week because she wants a commitment. We'll just have to see.

Meanwhile, Girl 2 remains "excited" about my developing relationship. To test this, I took a photo of some drinks my friend and I had and posted it online. Today, we ran into each other and she, with a big smile, asked how my date with my girlfriend went yesterday after seeing the picture. I didn't mention who I was out with, only saying I had a good time. She then mentioned how she loves the type of bar I went to.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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Maybe she's mad because you didn't ask her out for Valentine's day and she had to do it.

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Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

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There is a gap here ... a huge gap ... If you are interested in defining things, then you need to define things. You don't go a weekend of hanging out with someone without bringing up the relationship.

Your failure to talk about the relationship suggests that you two aren't really on that level ... and you sense how awkward it would be to bring up the relationship. 

My bet: you probably do not talk to her like you really want to be with her ... and want something more serious with her.  You might be hesitating because you are picking up signals from her that she is not interested in anything more than randomly sleeping together (which may be coming to an end).

Forget about the previous woman who "rejected" you --you're running around chasing your tail by worrying about her.  Do you want a relationship with the first woman or not? Figure that out and figure out what's going on ... get clear ... and then you'll be able to move on. Otherwise, you'll bring this same hesitation to any relationship you have in the future.

 

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AgainstAllOdds1 Member

AgainstAllOdds1

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I should mention the twist Preraph: I had reserved a Valentine's Day table for two at her favorite restaurant earlier this week and wanted to keep it a on the down-low (especially since she wasn't being as conversational the past few days). So, when she asked me about Valentine's Day today and I showed her I was already one step ahead, she was thrilled.

As for committing to her, you bring up a good point Lotsgoingon. I haven'r brought up exclusivity because, 1.) I'm wary of misinterpreting things and getting let down...again, and 2.) My friends in relationships have told me the girl usually hints at it or brings up the topic herself - if I bring it up, I would look desperate, etc. But after getting to know her more and more, I feel ready to move forward and bring it up the next time I see her.

Edited by AgainstAllOdds1
Fletch Lives Established Member

Fletch Lives

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It takes a couple of months for a woman to fall in love (if and when it happens). Until then, you don't have her hooked, so don't count on anything.

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