EastCoastGirl182 Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 I have a bit of a sticky situation to deal with this weekend and was wondering if anyone could offer some suggestions…..I am 25, the boyfriend is 27, and we have been dating a year as of this weekend. This weekend we are both going to attend an out of town wedding for a close female friend of his. It will be back in his hometown, with all of his old friends. I have been back with him many times, know his friends, have gone on vacations with them, and enjoy being around them and vice versa. Here is the problem: his ex-girlfriend who he dated for a little over 2 years will be there, as she is a close friend of the bride’s. Now, they broke up about a year and a half ago because she was cheating on him and he found out. At the time they had a long distance relationship and lived thousands of miles apart. They still live in different time zones and have not seen each other since she came to visit and he found out about her infidelity (not from her, but from mutual friends). Now, the complicated part is that this girl has a drinking problem. When she drinks she drinks to excess and acts erratically. She sometimes starts fights, sometimes cries, it varies. Up until about a month and a half ago when he got his # changed she called often late at night, always drunk. The last time she called I answered the phone and asked her to “Please stop calling”. This upset her greatly and she called him crying that I was mean to her, etc. My dilemma is that I’m looking forward to this wedding and want to see everyone and have a good time, but I’m very nervous about what she’s going to do. I don’t want to be cause for a “scene” but at the same time I’m scared that she will get intoxicated, emotional, and possibly try to pull my bf away to “have a talk”, or just make things uncomfortable for all of us. Should I just ignore her? Should I introduce myself or would that add “fuel to the fire”? Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.
alphamale Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 I don’t want to be cause for a “scene” but at the same time I’m scared that she will get intoxicated, emotional, and possibly try to pull my bf away to “have a talk”, or just make things uncomfortable for all of us. Should I just ignore her? Should I introduce myself or would that add “fuel to the fire”? Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. Tell whomever is "running the show", be it the bride or bride's mom, what the situation is. Ask that she or your two be seated at tables on opposite ends of the room. And tell the host or hostess to keep an eye on her or have someone else keep an eye on her and kick her ass out if she disrupts the ceremony and party. Otherwise, you should be cordial but aloof to her because it is a wedding and you need to be on best behaviour. But...there is not reason why you cannot give her the "evil eye" once or twice during the evening.
Author EastCoastGirl182 Posted October 5, 2005 Author Posted October 5, 2005 Hahahaha. That's funny. I don't know the bride or the bride's family well enough to make such a request, especially since I'm sure there is already a seating chart. I just want to keep the peace and I'm very nervous about how to handle this.
NTB Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 i would say play it cool go about your business and have fun just let your BF now that if the sistuation changes because of this girl you'd like to leave so no scene is caused.......i don't think he would have a problem with that or i could be wrong who knows
gidgit1961 Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Up until about a month and a half ago when he got his # changed she called often late at night, always drunk. The last time she called I answered the phone and asked her to “Please stop calling”. This upset her greatly and she called him crying that I was mean to her, etc. I'm just curious. You say the two of you have been dating for a year, so why is he still taking her phone calls? From what you said, it seems she still knows how to get in contact with him, even after he changed his phone number. It just seems to me that HE should have made it clear to her that he was finished, and wanted no further contact with her.
Author EastCoastGirl182 Posted October 5, 2005 Author Posted October 5, 2005 G, I totally agree with what you're saying, and it was a source of conflict between us for a while. I'm hoping that everything goes smoothly, but if it doesn't I'm afraid I'll be stuck there in an unfamiliar place, an unfamiliar town, around people who although they like me and I consider them my friends, are really more his friends then mine. Which also means that I can't ask him to leave his friend's wedding if you know who gets out of control. Ugh. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it.
gidgit1961 Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 You're in a really hard place. If it were me, I'd go, since the plans are all made. Try and make the best of it, but make sure he understands that, if she gets out of control or makes any kind of scene, the two of you are out of there. He helped create the situation, so he needs to own his part of it. The next thing that needs to be dealt with is his reasoning for keeping her in his life. If this is someone you intend to, or are even considering, spending the rest of your life with this needs to be handled. Right now he is showing you so much disrespect by continuing to take her calls, and ignoring your felings on the matter. So...square your shoulders...go have fun...then sit down with him and figure where you go from here. (((Hugz)))
Cecelius Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 If you go and are classy and polite, and she makes a scene, then she will end up looking like a fool and a loser.
Topper Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Just go and have fun. Sounds like most people there know this woman and I'm sure they know she is a drunk and trouble maker. I don't think anyone there would blame you for her lack of diginty. Just make sure that you and the BF have a game plan just in case she does make trouble.
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