Gaeta Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 At my company we don't make people wait for their money. If they call to warn a mistake we cut them a check right away. People need their pay, l hope most company do that.
BaileyB Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 I fear that this was a test, to see how you would respond. If you keep him around, it will signal to him that there is no consequence from taking money from your account without your permission. The next time he does it, it is likely to be more than $100 to tide him over until his next pay period... Be very careful about this. 4
Redhead14 Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 (edited) Nevermind giving him your account pin, which is silly enough but you're bringing a man you've only known for 4 months around your children?????? And, more or less behaving as if he's more than a man you've only been dating for 4 months???? There's a ton wrong with this situation. You need to step back from this guy at the very least and hit the reset buttons in terms of boundaries. It's not a good idea to bring men you barely know around children. It's not good for them if they decide they like him and you need to kick him to the curb but, more than that, children are abused/harmed by "strangers" brought into the home by single mothers at an alarming rate. Child abuse is 40 times more likely when single parents find new partners. And, please for the love of God, don't say he doesn't seem like the type of guy who would . . . Did he seem like the type of guy who would "borrow" money from your account after you trusted him with your pin??????? Edited February 6, 2020 by Redhead14 2 3
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 The card also gave him an opportunity to check your balance, your credit available.
Kitty Tantrum Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I don't think it's that simple, or he likely wouldn't have been so devious to begin with. Oh, I don't think it's that simple either. Just that I don't think payroll errors are terribly uncommon. But at BEST, I'd say he's an opportunist with a deficient conscience. Not good partner material, even if he's not a straight-up con artist. 1
Kitty Tantrum Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 Thought: I suppose it's possible he may have felt entitled to a small loan, if he's sunk more money into the relationship so far... But that highlights a particular pet peeve of mine: people who feel entitled to TAKE something that they want, when they want it, without due consideration and permission - because they gave something of theirs at some prior point in time and have unilaterally decided, without any communication or agreement, that it is "fair." Those people are entitled to a swift kick in the shins. 3
Author sk1977 Posted February 6, 2020 Author Posted February 6, 2020 1 minute ago, Kitty Tantrum said: Thought: I suppose it's possible he may have felt entitled to a small loan, if he's sunk more money into the relationship so far... But that highlights a particular pet peeve of mine: people who feel entitled to TAKE something that they want, when they want it, without due consideration and permission - because they gave something of theirs at some prior point in time and have unilaterally decided, without any communication or agreement, that it is "fair." Those people are entitled to a swift kick in the shins. Yes, I think that's exactly how he felt/feels.
Author sk1977 Posted February 6, 2020 Author Posted February 6, 2020 The other important part of this is he knows I'm on a tight budget and after all the bills are paid for monthly, I don't have much to play with. I told him I've been stressed about finances and really am trying to cut corners. But the thing is when he told me he didn't have any money for a week, I felt I needed to help, because he helped when I was in a similar situation once. I offered that $100 knowing that I might be the one struggling later, but I still did it to help him. He knows that too. I don't know how he dared to take even more without asking, knowing it might put me and my kids in a bad situation. 2
elaine567 Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 My guess he "needed" that $100 badly and could not rely on you giving it to him so he stole it. Why he was so desperate is open to question. He crossed into criminal territory to get that money so perhaps this could be about addiction. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 32 minutes ago, Kitty Tantrum said: But that highlights a particular pet peeve of mine: people who feel entitled to TAKE something that they want, when they want it, without due consideration and permission - because they gave something of theirs at some prior point in time and have unilaterally decided, without any communication or agreement, that it is "fair." Whatever rationale his brain may have cooked up, it's a total boundary violation. Giving her money or paying for things for her is his decision. Those are GIFTS, freely given. He is not now or ever OWED anything because he willingly gave her something. It does not in any way give him the right to steal money from her account without asking. 2 1
Ellener Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 4 hours ago, sk1977 said: Thanks you to all who responded! I really appreciate your thoughts. I don't know if this makes any difference, but he did say he will give me the money back this coming Friday when he gets paid. Love sucks. He obviously didn't think it was a big deal, and it sounds like your financial boundaries are somewhat blurred for having been dating such a short time. And he's meeting your children already? Decide what your boundaries are and discuss it with him then stick to it is what I'd do.
kendahke Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: It's because he didn't bother to let her know what happened and ask for extra cash first. It's also because he didn't let know immediately after he took the money, either. Exactly. I'm stuck on the fact that he looked her in her face for days after he did it--knowing he did it--and said nothing until she came to him with her bank statement. Now, there's a bold liar. If OP was lax on her finances, no telling how long he would have let that lie ride and how much he would have stolen. With no thought about her children--talk about taking food out of a baby's mouth. THEN he copped an attitude about the damage to her trust his actions did--pride goes before destruction. OP, I know you think you love this guy, but the reality is: at 4 months, you love only what you know about this guy, which is next to nothing if this is his true nature. He hid that from you until he got you emotionally groomed. OP, I do believe the entire board is disgusted with this guy for you. I hope you can make it there over the protests of your heart. Edited February 6, 2020 by kendahke 3
kendahke Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 35 minutes ago, sk1977 said: I don't know how he dared to take even more without asking, knowing it might put me and my kids in a bad situation. Now you know he'll take food out of your babies' mouths and clothes off their backs because he feels entitled to take it. Did you run a background check on him yet? 1
Kitty Tantrum Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 27 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: Whatever rationale his brain may have cooked up, it's a total boundary violation. Giving her money or paying for things for her is his decision. Those are GIFTS, freely given. He is not now or ever OWED anything because he willingly gave her something. It does not in any way give him the right to steal money from her account without asking. Er, yes. I hope you didn't think I was implying otherwise. 1
preraph Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 If you have gone and given him your pain you need to change your PIN. You do not share financial stuff with anyone you're not married to.
Kitty Tantrum Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 52 minutes ago, sk1977 said: The other important part of this is he knows I'm on a tight budget and after all the bills are paid for monthly, I don't have much to play with. I told him I've been stressed about finances and really am trying to cut corners. But the thing is when he told me he didn't have any money for a week, I felt I needed to help, because he helped when I was in a similar situation once. I offered that $100 knowing that I might be the one struggling later, but I still did it to help him. He knows that too. I don't know how he dared to take even more without asking, knowing it might put me and my kids in a bad situation. THAT deserves a kick in the face. That's unbelievable. On principle, it wouldn't matter if you had a million dollars in there. But the circumstances make it a thousand times more skeevy. I'mma say...... drugs? Gambling?
Ruby Slippers Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 2 minutes ago, Kitty Tantrum said: Er, yes. I hope you didn't think I was implying otherwise. Yes, I meant to agree with you! But I see how it came out otherwise. I share your peeved-ness about people who have poor boundaries. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 I have met TOO many ladies who have been taken advantage of financially. Some of these ladies are intelligent, professionals that should know better and have the means to find out if someone has a criminal record, poor credit, etc. I have always been very financially responsible and above water almost my entire life. I pay very close attention to spending habits, conversations, etc. that involve money habits. If I see a red flag, such as someone asking me if I would be okay if she got a breast job knowing that she is in a chronic financial crisis (dated someone after a few weeks) , I know this person is not responsible with their money and looking for someone to carry her in some fashion. This typically translates into other personal forms of neglect. I have retirement, my children's college priorities to focus on and letting someone into my life that will complicate that is a no no. I don't have a problem with someone living paycheck to paycheck, but how they prioritize is a heavy concern. You have known him 4-months. Why has HE SPENT THOUSANDS ON YOU??? I see this is another indication of poor judgment on his part. If I were you, you need to behave more financially independent. I would never let someone spend thousands or even hundreds of dollars on me especially so early in a relationship. FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE, NOT DEPENDENCE! 2
Author sk1977 Posted February 6, 2020 Author Posted February 6, 2020 2 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: I have met TOO many ladies who have been taken advantage of financially. Some of these ladies are intelligent, professionals that should know better and have the means to find out if someone has a criminal record, poor credit, etc. I have always been very financially responsible and above water almost my entire life. I pay very close attention to spending habits, conversations, etc. that involve money habits. If I see a red flag, such as someone asking me if I would be okay if she got a breast job knowing that she is in a chronic financial crisis (dated someone after a few weeks) , I know this person is not responsible with their money and looking for someone to carry her in some fashion. This typically translates into other personal forms of neglect. I have retirement, my children's college priorities to focus on and letting someone into my life that will complicate that is a no no. I don't have a problem with someone living paycheck to paycheck, but how they prioritize is a heavy concern. You have known him 4-months. Why has HE SPENT THOUSANDS ON YOU??? I see this is another indication of poor judgment on his part. If I were you, you need to behave more financially independent. I would never let someone spend thousands or even hundreds of dollars on me especially so early in a relationship. FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE, NOT DEPENDENCE! He spent thousands on Christmas presents for me and the kids and my birthday, which just happened to be in the last few months.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 Just now, sk1977 said: He spent thousands on Christmas presents for me and the kids and my birthday, which just happened to be in the last few months. The occasion doesn't matter. Think about this...he spent THOUSANDS on gifts to people he's known maybe 4-months. Don't you feel there is something unsettling about this? Where did he have the thousands of dollars sitting to spend? With that much to spend, I would think he was much more careful about filling out his time-sheet than not. Or did all this disposable income from elsewhere, perhaps? I don't know. You really need to find a way to keep your finance completely separate from his and create some separation. Here is a rhetorical question...do you rely on him to help YOU financially? 2
BaileyB Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 (edited) 16 minutes ago, sk1977 said: He spent thousands on Christmas presents for me and the kids and my birthday, which just happened to be in the last few months. Huge red flag. First, that he spent thousands for Christmas. Period. Second, that he spent thousands on people that he had known for a handful of months. I hate to say it, but for two people who apparently don’t have much money to spare, this shows poor judgment all around. Edited February 6, 2020 by BaileyB 3
The Outlaw Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 Change your pin. How he treated you is irrelevant at this point in time. It's never 'OK' to take money out of anyone's account without their consent. 1
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 34 minutes ago, sk1977 said: He spent thousands on Christmas presents for me and the kids and my birthday, which just happened to be in the last few months. Maybe money he took from another woman and spent on you. It's not because this man gave you money for gifts that you have to loan-give him money. First you are a mother with little mouths to feed. He's a single man, if he doesn't have money to put gas in his car then he can ride with a colleague, if he doesn't have money to eat you can cook him a casserole for the rest of the week. Him being short in cash is nothing compared to you being short on cash! 3
Ambereyes Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 (edited) Somethings about this just don't add up... 1.One day he spends thousands on your gift, the next day he's broke and need your money? 2. Someone who is broke gives you a thousand dollar gift and you just happily take it without asking questions? "where your money come from? ", or "maybe you shouldnt spend so much considering your financial situation"? 3. I'm no expert in con men but I thought they'd go for woman who has money. But OP is not? 4. OP how much do you actually use HIS money? You mentioned his gifts, and he pays for things for you and your kids..Why do you let a man who you know for 4 months spend so much money on you? I just feel normal people wouldnt do those things..they just dont make sense to me Edited February 7, 2020 by Ambereyes 3
Author sk1977 Posted February 7, 2020 Author Posted February 7, 2020 58 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: Here is a rhetorical question...do you rely on him to help YOU financially? I don't rely on him financially. I don't how it's relevant to him taking money out of my bank account. I came here for support and not for being criticized. Him spending money on me surprised me, because I only had experience dating guys who were stingy and expected me to pay for half of each date. It was surprising, but I thought it was just him being generous. I tend to see good in people.
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