Has anyone had a bad experience with an Online LD Relationship and/or Friendship?

October 5, 2005

Has Anyone had a bad experience with an Online LD Relationship and/or Online LD Friendship that ended the online LD relationship and/or online LD friendship?

Would you like to share a short verison of your story?

Thank You and have a Pleasant Day!

October 10, 2005

The Question:

Would you like to share a short verison of your story?

The Answer:

I am going through a difficult time with a guy I met on-line about two months ago. At first I really didn't expect the relationship to go anywhere, and I especially didn't expect to eventually fall for him as hard as I have. He was looking for someone to hang out with and I was looking for someone with long-term potential. We both knew this going in. He lived only 20 minutes away when we first started seeing each other and then about three weeks later on a wednesday he decides to up and move back to Indiana without any notice. He calls and sayes "You better come over and tell me goodbye 'cause I'm going back home." I knew he was having a hard time getting a decent job, he was newly released from prison (he was totally up front with me from the beginning). He wasn't interested in telling me goodbye, in a fashionable way, he wanted the sex. I thought after he gets back to Indiana, we might talk on-line or via phone, I wasn't expecting anything except friendship after that. Well, when he gets to Indiana he calls every once in a while and we talk, he casually asks me when am I going to move up there and marry him (romantic huh?). He actually told me during one of our spouts that "that" i.e. nagging, is why he hasn't settled down. He is very immature and if he dosen't get his way he pouts. I figure this is because he really hasn't had much experience in the romance department, being locked up most of his adult life might have something to do with that (he's 34 going on 8). In the meantime I'm pursueing other potential relationships as well as going to school full-time and being a full-time mom to 3 teenage girls, not to mention putting up with the crap another gem of a guy is putting me through (Harrassing phone calls, being manipulative, taking up most of my free time.....basically obsessed). Then on friday night, 9-30-05 he calls, I was settling in for the evening, my kids were on fall break and with their dad, and I was in dire need of r&r, finishing up midterms. He is addament that I drive all the way up to Indiana and bring him home with me for a few days. Being the impulsive idiot that I am, I give in, besides he is a lot of fun and I enjoy the sex. It's a 5 hour drive, I know, I can't believe it either, well the story hasn't even started yet. The plan was to meet "halfway" then drive back the same night. Take into account that he has no vehicle, money, or prospects, but what the hay!!! Here I am driving up the I-65 at 10:00pm to pick up this Don Juan (NOT)!! What am I thinking? I forgot to add that he doesn't have a cell phone either, and I'm pretty much meeting him someplace I'm not that familiar with, we are suppose to meet at the parking lot of a Walmart on the first exit after I get on 465 around Indy. In the meantime he is calling me from a payphone, using the prepaid minutes of a calling card that I bought and told him the pin # over the phone, the card runs out of minutes, it had a 33 minute surcharge and it was only 60 minutes to begin with. So I try to call the payphone he was using but the call wouldn't go thru. Well, while I'm driving through Louisville I get a phone call, it's his friend in WV calling me. She has him on the land line and has him on her cell and what he tells her she tells me and vise versa. Just a little complicated. Anyway, I finally get up there. He gets out of the car gives me a hug and kiss and asks me if I want to go up to Kokomo where his sister lives and spend the night, then drive back in the morning. It's about 1:00 and I say sure "What's another 100 miles?" (50 up and 50 back, added to the 400 miles I already came, which was suppose to be halfway). He drives my car and we kiss and talk on the way up. He shows off driving like a mad man. We get there and get ready for bed, couch. After I service him, and he gets off (prematurely, I might add) he falls fast asleep while I lay beside him unable to move and every time I try to close my eyes I see white dotted highway lines. Needless to say I don't get much sleep. We get up the next morning, stiff necks to boot, and start our little journey back to my place in Eastern KY (500 mls). Before we even get out of town we stop and gas up, plus coffee and cigs, I pay and don't drink coffee or smoke (does this tell you anything?), however,my car-my gas, I guess. We get back to my place early afternoon, he wants you-know-what immediately. Mind you he neglected to shower before we left, and he is expecting a certain "service". And I tell him absolutly not until he showers. Reluctantly, he showers, pouts,.. We have you-know-what, and he needs more cigs, and since he has no money guess who pays? NOTE: From here on out when something is bought, let it go without saying that it is I who fronts the money, (I never thought to ask if he had any). The whole time we are togther in KY we have a pretty good time. We surf the net, looking up sex enhancement drugs (for him), and Alaskan crab fishing (for him a job). I work a little on my Algebra and get a little house work done. We cruise around, and go over to WV to get his last check from the job that he quit, it was a measly $75.00, which was more than likely the main reason he wanted to come here to begin with. He puts $20 of gas in my car, buys his own cigs, and lovingly purchases me a Pepsi, impressive. That night he makes the comment that he would really like to get high, and do i know of anyone who might be able to set him up. Me being in college happen to know a few people who I guess would know, I am not a pot head and never have smoked pot. I get ahold of a friend and he sayes he can set us up some for $30. We wait around all day, without getting anything. He was annoyed. Like it was my fault he couldn't get high, he decides on beer instead, all the while listening to how much better weed would have been. He is beginning to get on my last nerve. The next day we leave for Indiana, I plan on staying a few days (bad mistake). The first night up there as soon as we get there he wants to go to his cousins 25 miles away. I am really exhausted, I don't want to go, I remind him that I have diven close to 1500 miles within the span of a few days. He wouldn't give up, pouting, and throwing a hissy fit. I end up crying out of shear exhaustion and disappointment that he wouldn't take my feelings into account. I give in, he promises we will be back by 9:00pm. The reason we have to go to them and they couldn't come to us is because they are both on home confinement (yes seriously), some real prizes. I begin to come around and ask myself what the heck have I gotten myself into? Little late. The whole time we are there I drink some vodka and listen to him mouth off at his other cousin who is "just like a sister to him". She was in jail the night before, for FTA (I am becoming savy in my law breaking vocabulary, what an accomplishment). He is admonishing her for being a neglectful mother-a little ironic since he has a 5 year old daughter he never sees or calls or supports. He actually sticks to his word and we leave about 9:00p. On the way home he runs out of cigs. Ka-ching. We get to his sisters trailer and her daughter, son-in-law, and grandson is there. I notice that I have a voice message on my cell phone. I go into the hallway to listen to it, after introducing myself. It happens to be the crazed, harrasser-stalker who leaves a very nasty message. He sayes something to the effect that when I was raped as a young woman I enjoyed it and the next time I see him I would find it real interesting, in a threatening way. I am peeved, he hollers from the living room "Who is it, your boyfriend?"
My responce, "F__k-YOU"!! I do not make a habit of using "that" word, but "that" word comes out of his mouth 5 or 6 times a sentance and that is no exaggeration. I realize I was very rude, and that was not the time to say such a thing, but I was so tired and angry and upset that he would make light of what this creep said, set me off. Well, he comes huffing and puffing into the hallway and points his finger at me and looks at me with such disgust as he yells at me "Don't you ever speak to me like that in front of my family again"!! I was flabergasted, confused to say the least. The way he treated me and talked to me didn't count? And at that very moment all the money I just through away to be with him and to pacify him went streaming thru my mind in such vividness, each and every transaction, every time I gave him h__d, putting up with his immature behavior, I just lost it, I was delirious from sleep deprivation as well. I left the trailer, leaving my purse, phone, keys, I didn't know where I was going, all I knew was that I had to get out of there. I went behind the trailer into a field and fell to my knees. I crawled around, weeping and sobbing, my heart breaking. That's when I realized I had been made a fool of, taken advantage of by a player. I felt so beneath the dirt, I couldn't immagine feeling any lower. After a little while he comes outside and looks for me, yelling my name, he couldn't find me though, it was too dark. I stayed out there for a long while. I came back inside after he went around the other side. I guess he saw me through the windows, and he immediately came inside getting in my face and demanding to know what was I thinking, while I'm covered in dirt and leaves in my hair, my face covered in tears and snot. He gets impatient and tells me to shut up crying, it was getting on his nerves, I was thinking, "yea, well me spending all of my money on your dumb convict a__ is getting on my nerves too", however I never voice my thoughts. Finally I compose myself enough to ask "him did he want to know what the "stalker" said in that message?" I tell him anyway, I never told him that I was raped years before. For once he's speachless. He sets there for awhile and I calm down. After I come back from the bathroom he asks me if I want to go for a drive. Going for a drive is the last thing on my mind, I was thainking more along the lines of taking a few xanexs and downing a couple more swigs of vodka. I guess I'm so incoherent the next thing I know is that I'm setting in the car and we're driving someplace. The windows are down and my hair is flying, I start crying again. He slows down and asks me to look at him, and in a very unromantic way he sayes, "You wanna just go and get married tonight?" I say, "What? You will never change, and you will continue to break my heart." He sayes, "No, I won't, I'm sorry for what happened back there, I shouldn't have come at you like that. Forgive me?" I just sit there crying, thoughts racing through my mind, like me coming for weekly visits at the prison with one kid on my hip and another on the way. Living beside his sister in the trailer park with beer bottles on the porch and an unmowed lawn and a few broken down cars in the yard and a truck set up on blocks, or even worse, him on home-confinement. (Please know that I am not making fun of people who live in trailers, as I used to live in one myself). Is this what my life has come to? What happens to my life back home, is this a dream-nightmare? I ask him "What about my kids, and my classes?" He responds "They can move up here, and you can transfer your classes." I'm thinkin', there ain't no way my kids will ever agree to move up here and I don't think my grant money will transfer to a different state. But, in my crazed mind I go "OK". I actually agree, my mouth is moving but it's like I have no control over what comes out. Again he gets what he wants. We end up back at his cousin's place and before I know what is going on his cousin is in the back seat, and they are yelling back and forth at each other, something about he better not be going to pick up her boyfriend because he's the reason she had to spend the night in jail, and it gets heated. She actually out-cusses him, something I never would have thought possible. Well, don't cha know, we end up picking her boyfriend up. He's out in the middle of nowhere at some campground in a delapitated camper that's about 50 years old, I swear to God! And when she and her boyfriend get together words and phases I've never heard nor has any other sailor heard comes flowing out of their mouths, talk about potty mouths, more like raw sewage nasty garbage mouths, no words to describe. Then before I know it we're all on our way to Indy, to elope, and they are to be our blessed witnesses. This is the God's honest truth, I swear with my right hand on the Bible, I couldn't make this up even if I tried, and it only gets better. It's about 2:00 in the morning and it finally dawns on my fiance' that the courthouse doesn't open until 9:00 at least. We keep driving anyway. When we get to Indy, I just say "Lets just get a room and crash." Everyone agreed, duh. Well, we find this motel, a decent one and right across from it is a IHOP. I'm starving, so I tell him I want to eat. We all go in and order, the meal adds up to 40 bucks. After the plates were cleared away the night manager/cook, who looks like he's a reject from the 70's, sets at a table across from us and starts smoking a cigar and reading the newspaper. The stupid girl sayes to him, "If you're gonna smoke that thing, you might as well put 'something' in it." I can't believe my ears, but what takes the cake is he sayes that he is getting ready to and would we like any? I am in utter disbelief. They all unanimously say "Oh Yea!!" I'm setting there shacking my head. So the dude with the cigar tells the waitress to call their "guy" and put in an order for an 8th. While we're all setting there waiting another guy comes in and comes straight to our table and pulls a car sterio out of a plastic Walmart bag and asks us if we want to buy it for $20. We all shake our heads and tell him no, but to no avail he comes down to $15, then $10, still no takers. Finally, the manager tells him to leave or he will call the police!!! OMG!!! We're still waiting when my brilliant fiance' comes up with the idea that we should go get the room and then I can go ahead and lay down did he have a brain fart, I mean did he actually think about me for once. Then they would go back to IHOP er IHODrugs to get the weed. So we go on down the street, to get gas and cigs, and low and behold, the guy with the hot car sterio is standing there. I go and pre pay for the gas and as I'm walking away my new fiance' sayes "oh, babe, could you get me a pack of Kools?" and that's not all, he sayes as an afterthought "Get them a pack of Marlboros." And what's worse, I do it. When I come back he's talking to the sterio dude, he motions for me and sayes "He only wants $7, give it to him." And like an idiot I do. This was the trip of a lifetime, if you're drug addict, freeloader, cigerette smoking dopehead. I mean, seriously, where in the world could you go and within 2 blocks get fed by a mindless woman, get a decent room paid for by a mindless woman, have the same woman buy your cigs and weed, gas, and to top it off, buy a $7 hot car sterio? Whowoodathought? And I still had the wonderful contentment knowing that my Prince Charming would be my wedded husband in the matter of hours, but first in the matter of minutes we would be consumating our marrage, er I would be consumating him, Yaknowhatimean, Vern? While I was in the hotel, getting our room, the weed dude showed up at IHOP with the dope. As soon as I walked out of the registration desk they all yelled at me to hurry up and get in the car, the weed dude was at IHOP. I'm presently finding it shocking that they waited on me, but then I remember, I had the cash.~smacking my head~ So we get the weed, but before we can go to the room we have to get paper to roll the weed with, duh, even I know that, weed doesn't come prerolled, so we have to go back to the gas station to get some paper. And who shall we run into? The hot car sterio guy holding another plastic Walmart bag with what seems to be another car sterio. OMG!!! We'll just take the papers tis time please. We finally get to the hotel, but finding the room proves to be too difficult for our party of four, more like 2 1/2. We had to go down one corridor, then make a right, down another corridor, on the elevator, to room twohundredfourtysomethin. Two beds and I get the bathroom first, I purposely stay in there longer than normal, just being mean. I get the remote and I get the bed by the window so I don't have to smell the pot. Soon they start discussing what we need for a marrage licence, 1) you have to get a blood test, only the male though. 2) Valid ID, could be a problem for him, his has been suspended for life. 3) On and On and On. I guess they were coming up with excuses in case he changes his mind in the morning. Finally they shut up and pass out, I'm not that lucky, my man wants a little somethin, yaknowhatimean? I get to sleep but in what seems to be only a couple of hours its light and bright outside, and there's something hard and firm poking me in the behind. Oh lucky me, my wedding day, isn't there an old wives tale about not seeing your soon to be better half (except in my case, can't say better half, he wouldn't even qualify as a better 1/8 lol) on the day of your wedding? Somebody save me. So we yada yada yada... Afterwards he calls his sister and asks her to call and find out what we need before we can get married. She calls back and it must have been my lucky day because there is a 3 day waiting period!!!! Thank God! We head back to his sisters but first we have to drop off Tweedledee and Tweedledumb. After they are finally out of the car, and it is quiet he sayes that he will pay me back all the money I spent the night before. I just shake my head, like I won't hold my breath. He goes on to say that he was just showing off. I say "What do you mean, showing off?" (like I didn't know what he was talking about, but I just wanted him to squirm.) He responds "It's a man thing." I say, "Were you just showing off when you wanted to marry me?" "Oh, no." he sayes. Sure. I'm thinking what a relief, it didn't happen. When we get back to his sister's, he leaves to go to his nepfews to smoke pot. I take a shower and after I get out, I run my checkbook. It turns out I spent $150 the night before and the whole trip cost me a grand total of $450. All the gas, cigs, food, alcohol, and whatever else, I couldn't believe it. I mention to his sister that I am out of money, but really I'm not, I just want him to know that there is no more funds, and I barely have enough to get home with. His other sister comes over, who is totally cool. He's in the living room, in a lazy boy and we're in the kitchen. I proceed to tell them about our oddessy the night before, and that I don't have anymore money, and that all the gas I have is whats in the car, I don't have enough money for anymore gas. His other sister tells me that she hates both of the two pot heads I treated the night before because they turned her in to the police and broke into her trailer and God only knows what else they did. I am furious. I look at him and say, "Don't ever take me around them again." I get up and go to the bathroom to cry. A minute later he comes in there, and sayes,"What's the matter now?" I just look at him and say, "I can't believe you would do this to me." He just turns and walks out saying, "I'm not in the mood to argue with you." I'm thinking, you were in the mood to take me for all I have, not showing any consideration or appreciation and to beat it all, when we were dropping the pot heads off, instead of saying to me "thanks" or "nice to meet you", she had the nerve to ask him for some of the pot, that I bought! I was livid (I guess I've incriminated myself). I go back into the living room. I was torn weither to stay another night or go home, the next day would be my birthday, and for some sick reason I want to be with him on my birthday! What a fool. I noticed that now that I was "out of money", he didn't have anything to do with me, things that make you go hum. We stayed with his other sister and as soon as his head touched the pillow, he was out. No cuddling, or even sex, not even in the morning. He was focused on meeting some guy about a job, that and finding some way to get some cigs. I had to hold myself back and focus on not giving in and giving him some money. It was a struggle, why? Why did I struggle when it came to putting myself first and not give in? What is wrong with me? I'm really a decent person, I have a nice personality, I'm responcible (most of the time). It's not like I have to 'buy friends', I have all kinds of friends. What is it about this particular man? And he's no real prize either. Even his sister told me. Today, he called me ranting about how he has to go to work tomorrow and he doesn't have any money or cigs. He wouldn't shut up. I wasn't going to offer any money, but he did what I never thought he would, he just thru in during our conversation, "Why don't you send me some money?" And before I knew it, I was at the local western union sending him $100. I told him he had to pay me back, and you would have thought I asked him to walk thru fire. He got all defensive, like it was represensible that I would even think he wouldn't pay me back every cent since he's such an upstanding person and has never before taken advantagous of me. He said it as though I owed him. WTF? I need a brain transplant. I rationalized it so that if I didn't send him the money, he wouldn't go to work, and therefore I would never get paid back. You may be saying to yourself, "This poor woman is kidding herself if she thinks for one minute that she will ever see any of that money." Well, brothers and sisters, I'm here to tell you that that plan is already in action, it is already a go. See, he wants something that only I have the capability to get, except my contact is going to get my money (plus interest) and hand him an enpty bag. I won't be breaking the law, I'll just be getting what is rightfully mine. I have to play his game until the time comes so he doesn't disappear. I know what I'm doing and my friend will watch out for me. Still though, I would like to hear any advice anyone would want to give. I know this sounds like a farfetched story, but it every bit is true. Besides, who could make this stuff up?

:p

But on a serious note, I had one once, but to be honest the distance became too much to handle for us both and we went separate ways. SHe had 4 kids and I have three so our time was limited because both of us did not want to overly expose the kids to a new relationship until we knew it would work out. Good move on both of our parts as the relationship ultimately did not work out.

October 10, 2005

I had an experience once in which I struck up an online conversation with a woman. She shared all sorts of personal details with me, so I forwarded her the web site to the office where I worked.

About ten days later, I got a box of stuff in the office mail. It contained - I swear I'm not making this up - a romantic music CD, an erotic card, a personal note, and a few handfuls of those little tinfoil hearts that you often see around Valentine's day.

I mailed it back, and hoped with crossed fingers that she wouldn't contact me again.

She did. She was enraged. Very scary stuff. Fortunately, I defused the situation and never heard from her again. *whew*

October 10, 2005

About ten days later, I got a box of stuff in the office mail. It contained - I swear I'm not making this up - a romantic music CD, an erotic card, a personal note, and a few handfuls of those little tinfoil hearts that you often see around Valentine's day.

I mailed it back, and hoped with crossed fingers that she wouldn't contact me again.

Did the tinfoil hearts contain chocolate? If so, it was very strong-minded of you to send them back. I'm impressed.

October 10, 2005

Nope, no chocolate was involved. They were those little thingies that some folks use to spread on their tablecloth at Valentine's day, similar to the teeny green shamrocks people scatter about on St Paddy's day.

October 10, 2005

Nope, no chocolate was involved. They were those little thingies that some folks use to spread on their tablecloth at Valentine's day, similar to the teeny green shamrocks people scatter about on St Paddy's day.

I trust that you included a sternly worded note when you sent it all back to her.

October 10, 2005

Actually, no. But I did send her a terse one-line email, essentially saying that forwarding stuff to my office without my prior knowledge was a deal-breaker, and I wanted nothing more to do with her. She begged and pleaded and even threatened me, but I didn't respond, and eventually she faded away. Thankfully.

October 14, 2005

i hardly come to the shack anymore because the friend i found, i found on here.

we exchanged emails, spoke on the phone all the time, got on brilliantly, made plans to meet... until gradually he just tuned out, emotionally.

he became distant (much more so than the 6,000 miles between us), implied he wanted space, that i was smothering him, that he needed to pull back.

truth was, he'd met someone else. a girl at work. and when he no longer needed the interaction i gave him, he stopped contacting me. i was useful for a while, that's all.

yeah, it hurt. but realising someone isn't what you thought they were is helpful in getting things quickly back into perspective. i no longer wonder about him, i no longer miss him. in a way i'm relieved he's someone else's problem now.

we still speak occasionally and two things are clear. firstly, this girl isn't a keeper - he told me this himself. the relationship, he admits, is 95% physical. and secondly, i'll remain someone he compares other women to negatively, chiefly because he still feels i am the most remarkable woman he ever knew despite never having met me.

so we'll carry some degree of baggage from this into all our future relationships - unrealistic baggage at that, for who can live up to a fantasy?

my advice is don't start online relationships. the few that end well are vastly outweighed by the majority which end in hurt and confusion and with no real resolution.

the internet is a bad place to meet sane people.

October 14, 2005

in a way i'm relieved he's someone else's problem now.

Absolutely.

we still speak occasionally and two things are clear. firstly, this girl isn't a keeper - he told me this himself. the relationship, he admits, is 95% physical.

The same guy who always claimed he didn't want to have purely physical relationships, because he was such a romantic?

Why do you believe him anything at all? Stay nice and friendly if you don't want to leave on bad terms, but don't try to find excuses. Some people need other people so desperately to boost their ego, you should think better of yourself to agree to this kind of deal.

and secondly, i'll remain someone he compares other women to negatively, chiefly because he still feels i am the most remarkable woman he ever knew despite never having met me.

Hon, stop wasting your time with this dude, he's not worth it and don't bother about his compliments, they're the reason you fell for him.

my advice is don't start online relationships. the few that end well are vastly outweighed by the majority which end in hurt and confusion and with no real resolution.

People have to meet before they start investing emotions.

the internet is a bad place to meet sane people.

Could be.

October 15, 2005

Hi, in a nutshell, I happened to encounter two very different guys who started off very differently but ended up being the same....commitment phobes.

My biggest fear now, is that there is a great amount of people on the net who are using emails, IM's webcams and text messaging as a fantasy-based resource to be able to express their inner-most dreams and hopes onto real live people without any thought for their words.

After a year and a half with my last online guy, I flew thousands of miles to meet a very mixed up petrified guy who had no memory of what he said on a daily basis and who sent so many mixed messages during my trip, I nearly lost it.

I am not saying all are like this but, it seems there are a lot of ego-feeding suckers who are living fantasy relationships and who really have no clue what real relationships involve. Just remember, if they say they "love" you, be very scared. Love takes a lot of time and being together through all kinds of situations. Loving someone's positive traits is different altogether.

Just be aware and look for the red flags with LDR's and commitment phobs. If it sounds too good to be true......

October 16, 2005

I found the LoveShack forum when I googled "men compartmentalize" ... what does that tell you?

I had made this note in one of my many notebooks in the last few months and was thinking about how men do this and decided to google the thought...see what turned up. Actually a lot turned up. One comment I ran across even suggested that women should compartmentalize more.

"Men who compartmentalize everything and put women or relationships with women in a compartment labeled "when everything else is done".

I, too, have a long history of failure with anything pertaining to finding men via the internet.

I won't call them relationships. But they can last for years, consume you, and while you dwell in your fantasy, these men have you compartmentalized.

I wonder how many of you have cracked their passwords and discovered some of their OTHER compartments.

January 1, 2006

Well, I've had one that was really awful. I mean, it was to the point where everyone was in on the 'joke' except me. I believed him every time he would say that we would fall in love when we met in person. He told me he really liked me and how much he cared for me. And then, just before Christmas, just like that everything was over. He lied to me about meeting.

His entire freakin FAMILY was in on this !! I swear, I had never been so torn up. His sister, who he lived with told me all this stuff, and it just, wow...

for a while I just said F men ~_~

but Im now in another long distance relationship, woo-hoo I will never learn. Will I?

January 1, 2006

I think even the people who consider their online relationships successful still look upon their online days as a negative experience.

That said, my aunt met her husband on match.com, and they've been happily married for four years or so. They're perfect for each other.

January 4, 2006

Well, I havent got any bad experience but after reading so many comments, I thought to comment a bit abt my views on it. I am going very slow with my first online LDR. We have being dating online past two months but it become more of talking on the phone (international calls!) for hours. I havent committed to him for the simple fact that I havent met him and he also agrees the same. But I am hoping things should work out between us when he returns (he is coming after two months)....

Till now I had just one bad experience where he had gone for a lap dance and I even posted abt the same here (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=633982#post633982) ...which "slubberdegullion" responed to me (thanks!) and it was exactly what i was thinking....

But from my personal experience I can say that its better to go very very slow in online relationship...Bcoz your bf/gf might say she isnt cheating but then there isnt any way to know if he or she is really saying the truth.

I have known many incidents where there is always a bad ending and also, where people have got married. But still, I felt that its up to us to make it work out. Online relationships can be exciting but it comes with lots of negative emotions too... Major factor i feel could be the trust emotion.

Its very difficult to trust someone online ... Just have faith and go slow with it !!!

January 4, 2006

I've had two LD disasterous and time-wasting relationships with two guys who have no clue what a real relationship consists of and this is what I have learned:

A) You shouldn't be the outline of someone's fantasy or some great chase! More often than not, some tend to romanticize or fantasize who they want and project it onto you. It appears that if one pulls back, the other sees that as safe and pursues until you trust and then they bolt.

B) Consistency, consistency, consistency. If they say great words to describe how they feel about you and those words are phenomenal, they hold about as much weight as a snowflake. Someone who is honest, will show you in every way possible, including calling you regularly, showing a genuine interest in who you are and sending you any kind of affirmations that they are sincere including plans to meet. This shouldn't stop after you let your guard down. Otherwise, it's all just a game of neediness and selfish ego-feeding.

C) Talk of "love" can't be real because two people have to go through ups and downs in real time to truly know if you are compatible or not.

D) This is my hard lesson, don't wait for anyone over a long extended period of time, even if your partner asks you to because you may waste precious time on very nice words and rudely find out they were empty.

Action speaks louder than words.

By the way, after travelling thousands of miles to meet "him", I've been home six months without one phone call but oh, I just received a BCC email from him telling me he's changed his email address and would "love to hear from me". Me meaning all the other women that same email was addressed to as well.

January 4, 2006

I was having a long distance relationship with a man that turned out to be in a wheelchair. He was hoping it wouldn't be a deal breaker. It might not have been if he had been up front initially, but after corresponding and then meeting, I was annoyed. I was up front with him about it and said that he should just be straight forward and tell people initially, not spring it on them during a rendezvous. He seemed like a good guy with a tough row to hoe, but honesty first would have been helpful.

January 4, 2006

I think that you can NEVER TRUELY fall in love OR have a crush on someone that you met online until you meet them in person and got to know them on a face to face manner for a while. And like one poster said something like, "And go thru ups and downs together!" If you have never met the person IN PERSON and you have developed a crush on them or fell in love with them then I believe that you have just wrote your heart a ticket to get broke. Let me explain, "ANYONE CAN BE WHATEVER THEY WANT TO BE" OR "WHATEVER YOU FANTASIZE THEM TO WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO BE" BEHIND A COMPUTER SCREEN, TEXT MESSAGING, A TELEPHONE, OR EVEN IN FRONT OF A WEBCAM! Just case the guy dresses in a three piece suit on a webcam doesn't mean he is actually a lawyer. He could have bought the suit at a used clothing store and a webcam doesn't show whom all is sitting in the same house or place as him. Now, this is not always the case. Some people are truely straight out about everything with you but even the most honest person can leave things out unattentionally and that small thing could be just the thing to break the bond of a crush or love that you developed for that person. NEVER invest your heart into a person that you have never met face to face in person!

January 6, 2006

These are some really good posts with really good advice! I believe anyone thinking about starting a LDR Relationship with a person that they never met or are thinking that they maybe are starting to form a crush or fall in love with that person that they never met that should read the advice and stories of these posters. That way they can be very on ALERT so they don't get hurt!

January 7, 2006

Well, I havent got any bad experience but after reading so many comments, I thought to comment a bit abt my views on it. I am going very slow with my first online LDR. We have being dating online past two months but it become more of talking on the phone (international calls!) for hours. I havent committed to him for the simple fact that I havent met him and he also agrees the same. But I am hoping things should work out between us when he returns (he is coming after two months)....
Till now I had just one bad experience where he had gone for a lap dance and I even posted abt the same here (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=633982#post633982) ...which "slubberdegullion" responed to me (thanks!) and it was exactly what i was thinking....
But from my personal experience I can say that its better to go very very slow in online relationship...Bcoz your bf/gf might say she isnt cheating but then there isnt any way to know if he or she is really saying the truth.
I have known many incidents where there is always a bad ending and also, where people have got married. But still, I felt that its up to us to make it work out. Online relationships can be exciting but it comes with lots of negative emotions too... Major factor i feel could be the trust emotion.
Its very difficult to trust someone online ... Just have faith and go slow with it !!!

Hi Friends...well now i got something to add on to my own comment! BEfore that, I did a good thing to go slow...Coz yday I caught my boyfriend having cyber sex with another girl online!!! Now the question comes how I came to know, well the other girl was me!!! I wanted to test my guy whether he is geniune or not and he turned out to be like the ones who we meet online!!! I didnt cry for him, just felt sorry that he lost me. Also, i disabled my other fake id so he lost his newly online partner too!!!!!!! But friends after my experience, I would say that online is only for those who wanna have some fun for some minutes/hours/days...but its a rare chance for life time. You don't have emotions and feelings with online relationship! Everything is just a fake and last only for a small time.....

January 7, 2006

It's not a real relationship until you have to deal with their ugly mug every G-D- day. humph.

January 8, 2006

I also love it when people post pictures of themselves that are ten and fifteen years old. Ha ha ha! I mean, come on.

I once tried to correspond with a woman I saw a profile for on an online dating site, which is the only time I have done that. I'll take a bar any day over that. It was like playing a game of 20 questions with her. I had to write intimate essays detailing my feelings about dozens of emotional issues, hypothetical situations, desires, dreams. I am quite happy to share those things...in a conversation. And you know, that means we both contribute something, including a shared interest in the subject. I wrote her a few e-mails and then simply threw in the towel. It was too much like an interview mixed with a school exam.

January 8, 2006

You don't have emotions and feelings with online relationship! Everything is just a fake and last only for a small time.....

Actually, that's only partially true. Many of us do care about honesty in our online relationships with some of the people we correspond with. I recently spent a night at an online friends' parents' house driving back from my own parents' place for Christmas. It was an excellent time, and very heartfelt too, I might add. It confirmed that our online friendship was genuine. In fact, meeting this friend felt like seeing any old friend. That's a really nice realization.

But if you want to treat your online friends like discardable junk, well, that's what you attract. People generally can feel out fakers and users eventually.

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Has anyone had a bad experience with an Online LD Relationship and/or Friendship?

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