ljwentworth32 Posted February 5, 2020 Posted February 5, 2020 Needs some guidance and opinion here. So girl I'm seeing and I are both on very tight schedules - ie. busy during the week. Only time really we can get together is weekends, usually Friday - Saturday. I always end up being the one to reach out and ask her schedule, when she's free, plan somethiing on like Wednesday, sometimes Thursday. She's always very receptive and responds quickly but she never initiates. I wonder if I don't reach out and just wait if she's going to.... should I do that one week and see? Or is that a bad look? Girls, would you be turned off if your guys asks you 2 days before a gettogether to make plans? One time I think I reached out to her Thursday and she offered Sunday night to get together which I turned down - (working the next day). what do you guys/ladies think? honestly hoping one time she'd take the initiative and ask me out and plan something. (would absolutely love that) But then if I give her 2 options for date ideas, she says either or? lol not helpful to let me gauge interest in activities! (still trying to figure out what she' really likes - I think she's just being agreeable in the first months) I mean she's always very responsive (responds in less than like 5 minutes to texts), always says yes to just about everything and if its a restaurant or food she doesn't like she'll offer an alternative, and tons of emojis, etc..., always excited when we meet. is this not initiating thing mean theres still some slightly lower than I expected interest or are some girls just like this, they need you to reach out every time? thanks a million guys!
Interstellar Posted February 5, 2020 Posted February 5, 2020 If she’s not your girlfriend yet then I’d avoid Fridays and Saturdays. Do Sundays instead. Schedule it 5-9 days ahead. You should’ve taken the Sunday, if interest is incoming you take it. You can schedule it for later in the day.
Aus Posted February 5, 2020 Posted February 5, 2020 how many dates have you gone on? It's sexy when the guy initiates and show interest by planning dates in the early stages of dating It sounds as though she's receptive and interested, keep doing what you're doing. After about 5 consistent dates initiated by you, then yes, it would be nice if she invites you over for dinner or plan something special. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted February 5, 2020 Posted February 5, 2020 (edited) People are different. Many ladies are in the mind-set that men are the ones who should initiate early on. Like Aus says, shows interest. After some time, she should feel comfortable initiating and planning outings. I am dating a woman who has done more of the planning than I have. She feels natural about it. I initiated and planned the first two. I love it. Takes the pressure off me and really allows her to plan dates around themes, venues that she really enjoys and I likely would not have thought about. WIN WIN. Edited February 5, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020
Wanderlust2018 Posted February 5, 2020 Posted February 5, 2020 I’m happy to do the majority of the chasing, initiating and planning, but I have learned over time that I prefer women who also initiate and plan some, especially after a handful of dates where I’ve already taken the lead. I know in my case, my career is super demanding, and at times, I don’t want to have to put a whole lot of thought into plans after a very long and draining day or week. I find it relaxing and a breath of fresh air for someone to also take that occasional lead where all I have to do is show up.
Blind-Sided Posted February 5, 2020 Posted February 5, 2020 59 minutes ago, Aus said: ....................... It's sexy when the guy initiates and show interest by planning dates in the early stages of dating ........................... This is the point right there. Most women want to be chased in the beginning. After a while, she will probably make some suggestions. As long as she is receptive, and talking... and the dates are going well... I'd say you are good. Have fun, and I wish you luck. 1
clia Posted February 5, 2020 Posted February 5, 2020 I'm also curious how many dates you've been on so far. And it sounds like you are only seeing each other one day a week? I agree with you that she should start initiating/planning at some point -- it's just unclear to me whether you've really reached that point yet. One thing you could do is to plan the next date while you are on the current date. That's what my husband always did. Most of the time it arose naturally in the conversation -- we'd be talking about a restaurant or other event or activity that sounded interesting to us, and he'd suggest doing it on X day. That way the two of you are figuring it out together (at least generally, oh, let's plan for dinner on Saturday or let's plan to go to that festival on Saturday) as opposed to you having to separately reach out to her to plan something. Or you could just put it on her to plan something once you've figured out a day -- why don't you pick the restaurant, or why don't you decide what we should do.
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2020 Posted February 5, 2020 If you would like her to initiate & plan a date once in a while, tell her that. 1
Author ljwentworth32 Posted February 6, 2020 Author Posted February 6, 2020 12 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: How long have you been dating her? 14 hours ago, Aus said: how many dates have you gone on? It's sexy when the guy initiates and show interest by planning dates in the early stages of dating It sounds as though she's receptive and interested, keep doing what you're doing. After about 5 consistent dates initiated by you, then yes, it would be nice if she invites you over for dinner or plan something special. 12 hours ago, clia said: I'm also curious how many dates you've been on so far. And it sounds like you are only seeing each other one day a week? I agree with you that she should start initiating/planning at some point -- it's just unclear to me whether you've really reached that point yet. One thing you could do is to plan the next date while you are on the current date. That's what my husband always did. Most of the time it arose naturally in the conversation -- we'd be talking about a restaurant or other event or activity that sounded interesting to us, and he'd suggest doing it on X day. That way the two of you are figuring it out together (at least generally, oh, let's plan for dinner on Saturday or let's plan to go to that festival on Saturday) as opposed to you having to separately reach out to her to plan something. Or you could just put it on her to plan something once you've figured out a day -- why don't you pick the restaurant, or why don't you decide what we should do. We've been on 3 dates. one every weekend. I've planned every single one. Like one of the above posters... I have a very demanding schedule /work/ etc.. the girl is not the center of my life. in my last relationship with my ex. I think she got turned off that I didn't put as much thought into the dates and it turned into lots of tv and sex at her place. trying not to do the same thing but at the same time theres very little initiation of communication or date planning from her end during the whole week which is a turn off for me. like you're not even gonna say hi, what are you doing this weekend???? the girls I've dated before all were much more active in planning and this one is just only receptive but absolutely zero intiiation which seems odd. But she seems very receptive and always endwraps every text I send her. But it almost irritates me when she doesn't have a strong stance on something too. LIke I'll throw out the option of do you want to go to A or go do B and her response will be "either or". I mean if she can't even give me a hint if she likes A or B more, how is she gonna plan a date???
Author ljwentworth32 Posted February 6, 2020 Author Posted February 6, 2020 (edited) 15 hours ago, Interstellar said: If she’s not your girlfriend yet then I’d avoid Fridays and Saturdays. Do Sundays instead. Schedule it 5-9 days ahead. You should’ve taken the Sunday, if interest is incoming you take it. You can schedule it for later in the day. why avoid friday, saturday? I hate Sunday because it a relax, errand day and I work the next day. At least Friday/saturday we can sleep in and sleep over. If I keep asking her for Sunday dates, theres very little chance of sex and a sleep over. Plus I usually friend zone people who ask me for Sunday dates. Edited February 6, 2020 by ljwentworth32 1
clia Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 9 hours ago, ljwentworth32 said: But it almost irritates me when she doesn't have a strong stance on something too. LIke I'll throw out the option of do you want to go to A or go do B and her response will be "either or". I mean if she can't even give me a hint if she likes A or B more, how is she gonna plan a date??? At three dates, your relationship is still really new, so I don't think you should be freaking out about this quite yet. I do think it's fair for you to say "Why don't you decide what we should do on our next date" or something like that, though. And if you want her to make the decision, force her to make the decision. Don't accept "either or." Tell her to pick one. That said, some people are just wishy washy like this by nature and are always saying "you decide" or "your choice," or "I don't care" and it does become really annoying. I think it's too soon to say whether this is just the way she is, or if she's just being shy since she doesn't know you that well and is afraid to state her preference. 1
Fletch Lives Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 She sounds high maintenance. A good relationship is a friendship on fire. While it's good that the man takes the lead from time to time, and especially makes the first major moves - such as contacting, asking for her number, inviting, and going for the first kiss (sometimes the ladies just won't do it) - after that, I like to see the woman lift a finger in dating/the relationship. Eventually, she should start asking you out sometimes, and initiating contact sometimes. The man can't do all the work and be happy in the long run. It's too much. After a couple months, she should share in date plans and initiating contact.........or a man may wish to see this good behavior earlier, when a man is more sophisticated and knows a good catch when he sees her. 1
SumGuy Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 On 2/5/2020 at 8:00 AM, ljwentworth32 said: should I do that one week and see? Or is that a bad look? Girls, would you be turned off if your guys asks you 2 days before a gettogether to make plans? Don't do that it's game playing/testing. It's a sign of insecurity. She's responsive and amiable and says yes almost always? That is interest. Yes some women prefer the man to ask, yes some are doing the same game is he interested, some people just are not great at planning, some think that is what men want. Way overthinking this. 1
SumGuy Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 11 hours ago, ljwentworth32 said: why avoid friday, saturday? I hate Sunday because it a relax, errand day and I work the next day. At least Friday/saturday we can sleep in and sleep over. If I keep asking her for Sunday dates, theres very little chance of sex and a sleep over. Plus I usually friend zone people who ask me for Sunday dates. Friday and Saturday are good date nights, but Sunday right out? There is zero chance of sex if you don't see her. You can't trade some sleep for sex, change you errand day, or gasp just get into bed earlier with someone Sunday. Even more revolutionary, see her and have a great time without sex. I know crazy talk. To friend zone someone based on asking for Sunday dates, sounds pretty inflexible and even uptight.
Lotsgoingon Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 You might be getting in your own way here and as the phrase goes, you're negotiating with yourself. Your job is to find something YOU would like to do with her ... and a time that works for you (that you think would work for her) and propose it confidently--without seeking her pre-approval. I'd like to go X place. I can do Y time. Propose your idea firmly. Don't tentatively check in with her about if your idea is OK. Some people don't have all kinds of date ideas in their brain. Then let her respond. She'll tell if she thinks your idea is dumb or unworkable and she'll likely throw out an alternative. Sounds like this woman is saying yes to everything you propose. You can go with that. If on the date, you notice a lack of enthusiasm, then yeah, that's reason to be worried. At some point, you can talk to her about her wishy-washy responses. Look, I want to know that you are OK with my suggestions. I'm comfortable going to some of your favorite places. So you can talk to me about what you like to do. There are women out there who are comfortable with a guy proposing ideas and largely just going along--especially at the start. I used to think this was overly passive ... I no longer think that way. What better way to get to know someone than to see what they think is fun, what they think would be a good time and going along with them to that venue/activity? Some women like going on the adventure of a date suggested by a guy. To these particular women, it's fun not being familiar with the place the guy is proposing. Good luck. 1
Author ljwentworth32 Posted February 6, 2020 Author Posted February 6, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: She sounds high maintenance. While it's good that the man takes the lead from time to time, and especially makes the first major moves - such as contacting, asking for her number, inviting, and going for the first kiss (sometimes the ladies just won't do it) - after that, I like to see the woman lift a finger in dating/the relationship. Eventually, she should start asking you out sometimes, and initiating contact sometimes. The man can't do all the work and be happy in the long run. It's too much. After a couple months, she should share in date plans and initiating contact.........or a man may wish to see this good behavior earlier, when a man is more sophisticated and knows a good catch when he sees her. A good relationship is a friendship on fire. so so true. i need to find this. Eventually, she should start asking you out sometimes, and initiating contact sometimes. The man can't do all the work and be happy in the long run. It's too much. youre right too. I'm going to eventually get exhausted w coming up w ideas and probably give up if this continues. Edited February 6, 2020 by ljwentworth32
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