contel3 Posted February 5, 2020 Posted February 5, 2020 (edited) This guy was just looking for a hook up and got frustrated after nothing happened for "such a long time". Not the smartest way to go about it, but if I got a dollar every time a guy blurted out a really inappropriate comment about his privates, I'd be a rich woman. It's really common, especially with online dating. I don't think it's necessarily due to sexual frustration, it's more of a sense of entitlement to quick sex I'd guess....some men actually have a lot of sex, or even have a girlfriend or wife and still get super pissy and explicit when you don't put out fast enough for their taste. Part of it is probably social awkwardness though. Edited February 5, 2020 by contel3
Kyra Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 10 hours ago, Aus said: Does he text his mom that? Speak to his boss like that? I'd be worried if a guy I was dating only spoke to me as he'd speak to his mother or boss
Kyra Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 Sometimes just the nerves of being on a date can make people blurt out stupid things. He could be a decent guy that did something stupid or he could be any of those other things other posters have said. If it was one off thing and everything else about him seemed good, I'd be inclined to give him another chance to see if it was just a one-off fail. But if you weren't that fussed about him or you have lots of other options perhaps he isn't worth your time.
preraph Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 Hey, if it came out of his mouth, it was in his brain first. NEXT! 4
mark clemson Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 16 hours ago, Ashers said: Anyway a couple of days ago during some light flirting at a coffee shop his response to something I said was outlandishly sexual; more what you'd expect between intimidate people (we haven't been). Out of curiosity, since the couple of days ago has he shown any interest in contact you again, or has it been radio silence on his part?
Author Ashers Posted February 6, 2020 Author Posted February 6, 2020 8 hours ago, sothereiwas said: Didn't realise it was a woman. I believe you're quite possibly the only one who didn't realize I'm a woman (as others have referred to me as her/she) & yet after I said woman a few times elsewhere you insisted on your attitude/behaviour by saying for me to go confront the guy when you do nothing of the sort. Good day to you, 'sir', your response is unnecessary. 2
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 (edited) Are you in law enforcement, Ashers? Asking because you mentioned somewhere something about being trained or physically fit, as in law enforcement. Edited February 6, 2020 by LivingWaterPlease
Author Ashers Posted February 6, 2020 Author Posted February 6, 2020 Just now, LivingWaterPlease said: Are you in law enforcement, Ashers? Asking because you mentioned somewhere something about being trained or physically fit. I am in law enforcement, sheriffs. The mention, I believe you're talking of, is self-defense in relation to something sothereiwas kept going on about.
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 (edited) Just have a comment about this guy you had coffee with. Is it possible you offended him some way and he made the comment to insult you rather than as a sexual overture? Kind of a passive-aggressive type comment? Edited February 6, 2020 by LivingWaterPlease adding content
Author Ashers Posted February 6, 2020 Author Posted February 6, 2020 44 minutes ago, mark clemson said: Out of curiosity, since the couple of days ago has he shown any interest in contact you again, or has it been radio silence on his part? Yes, he has. I've put him off with an excuse - quoting the 'emergency' from prior. 1
Author Ashers Posted February 6, 2020 Author Posted February 6, 2020 3 minutes ago, LivingWaterPlease said: Just have a comment about this guy you had coffee with. Is it possible you offended him some way and he made the comment to insult you rather than as a sexual overture? Rather unlikely I insulted him, unless he's insulted by law enforcement. I'm pretty easy-going and very mannerly. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 1 minute ago, Ashers said: Rather unlikely I insulted him, unless he's insulted by law enforcement. I'm pretty easy-going and very mannerly. I see. I'm in the USA and I realize cultures differ in their assessment of what constitutes mannerly so just thought I'd throw that out there.
Author Ashers Posted February 6, 2020 Author Posted February 6, 2020 (edited) 4 minutes ago, LivingWaterPlease said: I see. I'm in the USA and I realize cultures differ in their assessment of what constitutes mannerly so just thought I'd throw that out there. ROFL. I'm British born & grew up in America. Only difference really is Brits we've a bit more class than to talk about dicks on the 2nd date like this American did. Edited February 6, 2020 by Ashers 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 (edited) We may be similar, as you point out. However, you seem to be a person who is forthright about expressing yourself strongly to men when they say something that is in the least bothersome to you. Which causes me to wonder why you just didn't stand up and leave the crude guy sitting there. Not that any men on this thread are crude, they have all seemed polite to me. I would have felt fine to stand up and walk away without involving my brother to make an excuse. I would have actually done it with no hesitation at all to a man who would speak to me that way. Editing to add. Also, in your place, now that he is contacting you again I wouldn't hesitate to not answer his calls or texts if you feel intimidated by explaining the truth about why you don't want to see him again. Either that or I would tell him plainly that you were uncomfortable with his comment. Edited February 6, 2020 by LivingWaterPlease adding comments
Author Ashers Posted February 6, 2020 Author Posted February 6, 2020 5 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said: We may be similar, as you point out. However, you seem to be a person who is forthright about expressing yourself strongly to men when they say something that is in the least bothersome to you. Lol. I am more forthright with ignorant, needlessly argumentative or plain stupid people. It doesn't matter the sex. It's a byproduct of military & law enforcement. More sensitive civilians find it rude but they're used to being mollycoddled. 5 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said: Which causes me to wonder why you just didn't stand up and leave the crude guy sitting there. I would have felt fine to stand up and walk away without involving my brother to make an excuse. I would have actually done it with no hesitation at all to a man who would speak to me that way. You are entertaining. You talk of insult & yet don't seem to realize nor care that just getting up & walking away without explanation isn't just rude it's tasteless. I've a little bit more class than to be just plain rude which is why I made an excuse, a reason to get up & leave. 5 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said: Not that any men on this thread are crude, they have all seemed polite to me. Uh-Huh. Sothereiwas saying about nfl players messing up a woman isn't rude & ignorant? Classy. 5 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said: You mean you have more class than to use the word you posted above? I'm trying to figure out if you think it's using the word that's classless or talking about it on the second date? ROFL. Do try harder when you're attempting to insult someone, darling, as right now you're falling flat on your face & coming across as just plain ignorant. The "dick" is how your fellow classy American referred to it. Would you rather I called it a knob-end? 1
sothereiwas Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 10 hours ago, Ashers said: go confront the guy You were already sitting across the table (or whatever) from him, no "going" was required! A simple "mister, that's not acceptable behavior for a civil person": and leaving would be ideal IME. But I can understand why you wouldn't want to discuss this, so whatever. In the end, we both get the life we deserve, so that works for me.
Els Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 It CAN "make people feel the impulse" to do stupid things, but an adult with a reasonably functioning cerebral cortex would be expected to rein in the impulse. Kind of like how we don't go around taking a dump wherever we feel like it, and we don't smash rocks on someone's head when they annoy us. 1
sothereiwas Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 7 minutes ago, Elswyth said: It CAN "make people feel the impulse" to do stupid things, but an adult with a reasonably functioning cerebral cortex would be expected to rein in the impulse. Kind of like how we don't go around taking a dump wherever we feel like it, and we don't smash rocks on someone's head when they annoy us. Yes, also - context is everything. My wife, in the privacy of our home, says some pretty naughty stuff to me sometimes. Whatever the opposite of offended is, that's what I get. If a stranger walked up to me and said the same thing the response would be a lot different. In the OP case, only she knows the nuances of the context, so all advice on this from people not there is of highly variable value for the specific case and is probably more applicable for the general case. 1
Els Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 1 minute ago, sothereiwas said: Yes, also - context is everything. My wife, in the privacy of our home, says some pretty naughty stuff to me sometimes. Whatever the opposite of offended is, that's what I get. If a stranger walked up to me and said the same thing the response would be a lot different. In the OP case, only she knows the nuances of the context, so all advice on this from people not there is of highly variable value for the specific case and is probably more applicable for the general case. I think the OP has said that he is essentially a stranger (second date, they've never been intimate) and they were in a coffee shop, though. But yes, of course it's different if you're a couple in private and you know what the other person likes! 1
sothereiwas Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 3 minutes ago, Elswyth said: I think the OP has said that he is essentially a stranger (second date, they've never been intimate) and they were in a coffee shop, though. But yes, of course it's different if you're a couple in private and you know what the other person likes! His demeanor, the exact details of the setting, what the conversation was leading up to that moment, etc. are all part of the context along with other things. He might be merely awkward, working in software engineering I have known a lot of socially retarded guys. Not most, but often stereotypes exist for a reason. Or maybe he's a total creep. But then again, it was a 2nd date I guess? My guess, probably he misjudged things, is maybe a little socially awkward, and probably tends toward being crude. He might be worth housebreaking but personally if my sister was dating someone who behaved like this I'd be appalled.
Els Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, sothereiwas said: His demeanor, the exact details of the setting, what the conversation was leading up to that moment, etc. are all part of the context along with other things. He might be merely awkward, working in software engineering I have known a lot of socially retarded guys. Not most, but often stereotypes exist for a reason. Or maybe he's a total creep. But then again, it was a 2nd date I guess? My guess, probably he misjudged things, is maybe a little socially awkward, and probably tends toward being crude. He might be worth housebreaking but personally if my sister was dating someone who behaved like this I'd be appalled. I dunno, I think that what he said is WAY different from saying something "awkward" or not being particularly talkative (which is usually the way socially awkward people handle things IME - I also work in the same field as you ). I really view it like taking a dump in public, which is a bit different from scratching your butt in public (or anything else that is a little awkward but not particularly atrocious). Edited February 6, 2020 by Elswyth 1
sothereiwas Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 2 minutes ago, Elswyth said: I dunno, I think that what he said is WAY different from saying something "awkward" or not being particularly talkative I agree in general. I've known a lot of those people, and they tended to say some shocking and really scary in some cases stuff in a trusted circle of associates. Probably not on early dates but I dunno. I don't date them. We don't know what transpired in the 1st date and the moments of the 2nd date that led to this. Perhaps an otherwise innocent comment or conversation was somehow misconstrued as an invitation to go there, as it were. Maybe he's just a creep. We don't know, but often in cases like this the truth lies in the middle someplace. However, even with that said, he should have kept it tucked in until he was certain, that's just good taste and impulse control. 1
elaine567 Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 Am i missing something here? When did "I have a hard cock and need to play with MYSELF in the bathroom", become a turn on for women? 1 1
sothereiwas Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 2 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Am i missing something here? When did "I have a hard cock and need to play with MYSELF in the bathroom", become a turn on for women? "I really want you right now" sometimes seems to work. Phrasing, not so awesome in this case.
Els Posted February 6, 2020 Posted February 6, 2020 2 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Am i missing something here? When did "I have a hard cock and need to play with MYSELF in the bathroom", become a turn on for women? Hey, I guarantee you that if you name anything at all on the planet, there is at least ONE person who is turned on by it. (That doesn't, obviously, mean that most will, and it definitely doesn't make it OK to spout crap like that to a stranger!)
Recommended Posts