Lishy Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 How would you react if a girl you had a casual thing with told you she missed you and was thinking about you more often then usual????
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Would depend if I liked her in that way or not. We need more info!
slubberdegullion Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Depends on the situation. If either of us were involved with another SO, then I'd take it as a compliment but would be reticent to take it any further. However, if both parties were single, then I think I'd be open to furthering the discussion a bit, just to see where it goes. Quick caveat: If there was any previous agreement or discussion about keeping it very casual, or even just a one-shot event (no pun intended... oh, well, ok, pun intended ) then I'd be more negative than positive about it.
Author Lishy Posted October 5, 2005 Author Posted October 5, 2005 the problem is that he just didnt reply! I told him i missed him and was thinking about him and he didnt reply until i said ok i get the hint i will stop calling you - He replied immediately that he was just busy and made it clear he didnt want me to stop contacting him and he even text the next day to say he wasnt ignoring me he was asleep! So he doesnt want to reply to me about it but he still wants me to contact him. What the hell does he want????
Author Lishy Posted October 5, 2005 Author Posted October 5, 2005 Would depend if I liked her in that way or not. We need more info! I know he likes me its obvious - I have always told him i dont want a relationship (I just got out of a 14 yr relationship) But now my feelings have changed so i decided to tell him (It was out of the blue) Did i do the right thing?
NTB Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 still need more info is this like a casual dating? FWB? it all depends
Author Lishy Posted October 5, 2005 Author Posted October 5, 2005 still need more info is this like a casual dating? FWB? it all depends It was casual in the way that i would call when i didnt have my son and he would come aorund and we would cuddle, talk (he told me ALL about himself, I was more guarded) but i really 'felt' it with him and when i realised he had stopped calling me i sort of slowed it down with him too. He has told me he still loves his ex but he said he needs to move on. We never talk about 'us' as i made i clear that was not what i wanted. But i do now!!!!! Yikesssssss i miss him
slubberdegullion Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Uh oh. I smell trouble. I have always told him i dont want a relationship... But now my feelings have changed so i decided to tell him While it may be appropriate, or even laudable, in women's circles to change one's mind about such things (the ever-maddening "women's perogative"), many men see this as a sign of - dare I say it? - irresponsibility and even irrationality. After all, if you can change your mind so drastically about something so important as a relationship with this guy, then you can obviously change your mind again. For him, it's not the best way to go into a relationship, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's a huge red flag. He'll be guarding his feelings very carefully now.
Author Lishy Posted October 5, 2005 Author Posted October 5, 2005 Yeah i guess i messed it up eh! Oh well i have been out of the game for 14 years and to be honest when i met him all i wanted was a casual thing its just when the contact slowed down i realised how much i miss him and his cuddles!!! Why wont he just tell me he isnt interested then i would leave him alone I even said just be honest and i will still be your friend its cool and he still didnt reply until i said ok i wont contact you again. If he didnt like me wouldnt he just want me to stop contact?
Author Lishy Posted October 5, 2005 Author Posted October 5, 2005 Uh oh. I smell trouble. After all, if you can change your mind so drastically about something so important as a relationship with this guy, then you can obviously change your mind again. QUOTE] I never said i didnt want a realtionship with HIM i just said i didnt want a big heavy relationship at the moment - I cant imagine meeting anyone and deciding i want a realtionship with them the first few times i see them. I dont see this as changing my mind i see it as realing what i want!!
MassiveAtom Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 And it's really kinda sad. Someone missing you is a good thing, means you made a positive impact and will be welcome back upon your return. Too many of us just immediately douse ourselves in expectation at the mere mention of emotional attachment. Maybe that's because we've been trained to want to reward good behaviour. Who knows? This fella just freaked, give him time, find a hobby, or a spin cycle: )(no offense intended) and wait for the fella to sort things out. be warned though, it might be a long time..
Topper Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 I don't ever think that honest open communication is ever wrong. It may not work out the way we want, but it still isn't wrong. Just becuse your heart is ready for the next step doesn't mean that his heart is ready. Let him have some time to reflect on what you are offering him. Let him know what you honestly feel. Go out on a limb and show him how you feel. Maybe invite him over set up a romantic evening and tell him you are ready for more then just cuddling. I once read that, "Men need to make love to feel loved . Woman need to feel love to make love." Show him maybe that will break down his wall of resistance.
fusangite Posted October 6, 2005 Posted October 6, 2005 This guy has rejected you sexually/romantically. He just wants to maintain the pretence you are still friends. This is a common behaviour; it is part of the glue that holds society together.
Author Lishy Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 See i didn't know this was common behaviour!!! I have been out of the dating game for so long I am used to being open and honest with my feelings and if this is how people are i guess i will keep it to myself in future. What makes me mad is that he wants to keep in contact but wont just say he isnt interested in me romantically that is just mean in my eyes (am i wrong to think that?) Is this what i should expect from now on? to have to hide how i feel in order to not get hurt?
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