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What are your top/ most important characteristics in a Long Lasting Relationship?

ljwentworth32

By ljwentworth32
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ljwentworth32 Member

ljwentworth32

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I think compatibility is way way way undervalued. That's probably top of my list. And what I mean by that is common interests, values, goals, stages of life, among others...

then is respect, trust, chemistry, etc... obviously attraction but I think that's almost a given. if I'm not attracted to you - we can be friends at most. 

without compatibility, I feel you're going down a road to no where fast if your looking for something that will stand the test of time.

 

Legatus Established Member

Legatus

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Good communication - if you have to guess or over-analyse somebody's behaviour, it will neither be good for you nor a building block of a successful relationship

Compatibility - in a sense. I prefer to have a lot of small things in common but it's not necessary to be the same person. The best relationship I've had was with a woman who was so different from me. She asked me why I think we worked so well. I told her it was because we had many small pillars holding us. Even if one would break all the other will still support it. If you only have few big ones and one breaks, it introduces instability. 

Chemistry is, of course, a mandatory one. Attraction can change but chemistry, whatever it is for each person, has to be there.

Also I, personally, need the openness.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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To me respect comes before compatibility. There is no used of being compatible if you can't respect me, yourself, and our relationship.

The second thing is common interests. I have been 15 years in a marriage where we had 0 common interests and it fueled a lot of disagreements. He was only into sports and I think in 15 years I convinced him twice only to go out to a movie. Not ever doing *something* together pushed us apart.

Bf and I enjoy many of the same things so it's easy to build good memories together and I find that important.

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Interstellar Established Member

Interstellar

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She doesn’t watch Oprah.

 

Edited by Interstellar
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K.K. Established Member

K.K.

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8 hours ago, ljwentworth32 said:

I think compatibility is way way way undervalued. That's probably top of my list. And what I mean by that is common interests, values, goals, stages of life, among others...

then is respect, trust, chemistry, etc... obviously attraction but I think that's almost a given. if I'm not attracted to you - we can be friends at most. 

without compatibility, I feel you're going down a road to no where fast if your looking for something that will stand the test of time.

 

For me, it’s for them not to be a dickbag, not overly uptight, to be very open minded, forgiving, and sexually charged. Compatibility is measured by the qualities that an individual has in relation to what another individual needs. Oh...and knows how to take a joke without getting into an uproar. 

 

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Fletch Lives Established Member

Fletch Lives

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She needs to be able to bark like a dog, sing like Linda Ronstadt, and not like Oprah Gymfree!

Seriously, the big requirements are integrity, trust, respect, love, and good attitudes and not too many big problems.

Edited by Fletch Lives
carhill Established Member

carhill

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At my age if she smells good I'm in. Forever isn't that long these days.

skywriter Established Member

skywriter

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We communicate well, we are willing to compromise quickly,  support each others goals, while also prioritizing both our needs.

Piddy Established Member

Piddy

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42 years and counting here.  I think compatibility is the most important.  We even worked together in the same department for 23 years.  So, you better like each other above all else.  You can have separate interests and allow the other to pursue those interests. 

We both have the same nonreligious views (atheists) and have the same political views (progressive), similar world views, values etc., so that's helps a lot also.  I don't know how James Carville and Mary Matalin do it.  I couldn't be married to a right wing republican.  Wouldn't work.   

Like Larry David I couldn't even have sex with a republican, let alone be married to one.:)In our case demeanor and personality match also.  We both hate drama and are even keeled.  Don't sweat the small stuff and have good communication.

  Sexual chemistry is important.  We're still attracted to each other after all these years.  There is no jealousy.  We both acknowledge that we fantasize about other people.  She likes Tom Brady and I had a crush on someone myself.  

You will have your ups and downs, but you need to be able to be mature and work things out.  But it really comes down to a flip of the coin.  A lot of luck is involved.  Compatibility can mean different things to different people.

You may think you're compatible early in your relationship, but it has to stand the test of time to know for sure.  Compromise and patience are virtues that any long term relationship need to work.

Edited by Piddy
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alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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a shared sense of humour is most important in a LTR

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Calmandfocused Established Member

Calmandfocused

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A big thing for me is someone who has a high sex drive and who loves to have sex. If you don’t want to have sex frequently, or you’re terrible in bed then it wouldn’t work for me. Honestly,  I can’t cope with the frustration of it. 

 

I need that desire satisfied as much as I need decency, compassion and respect from a partner. 

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Kitty Tantrum Established Member

Kitty Tantrum

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Similar values and compatible goals, above all else.

Belief in God.

Love, loyalty, honesty, fidelity, honor, duty, leadership.

Good sex and lols and "shared hobbies/interests" are pretty low on my list. I mean, I wouldn't want those things to be entirely absent, but when life REALLY GETS REAL, those are the things that can be done without for a time as necessary. As long as the important requisites are there, the partnership is solid even when life is hard and things aren't necessarily "fun."

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RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

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I agree with much of what @Piddy said.

19 years and counting for us, and compatibility is #1. It's just easy for us to be together, live together, have common goals together, very similar humour, life outlook, political views so on and so forth.

Communication and respect are vital, and I think that is part of "compatibility". We understand each other, we communicate in similar ways, never felt this "men are from Mars women from Venus" thing - it's as if we are cut from the same cloth. Misunderstandings are few and far between. We respect each other, we value each other. 

We are best friends and it just makes things easy. When rough patches have been met - we work together to get through it because we both want the same thing, a happy life together.

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mark clemson Established Member

mark clemson

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Lots of good points above. Not all are critical for me, but many are. For me, being smart and having a job of some kind are also both important.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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For me a lasting relationship has always needed:  

attraction 

intelligence you have to be able to talk 

empathy / compassion / sensitivity  -- no meanies or bullies 

a great sense of humor -- laughter fixes a lot 

the ability to fight fairly & be willing to say I'm sorry 

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Allupinnit Established Member

Allupinnit

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Good character (I have found this to be the first and foremost most important thing, as you cannot change someone's inherent character).  Self-awareness.  Spirituality.  Humor.  A great face.  Intelligent. Kind. Sexual.  Affectionate.  Financially secure, but generous.  Loyal.  

 

 

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alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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54 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

 Financially secure, but generous.  Loyal.  

 

 

what is your definition of "financially secure"?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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51 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

Good character (I have found this to be the first and foremost most important thing, as you cannot change someone's inherent character).  

integrity is huge.  

Allupinnit Established Member

Allupinnit

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12 hours ago, alphamale said:

what is your definition of "financially secure"?

No frivolous debts, knowledge and practice of giving and saving, living within his means.  Hopefully makes around what I do (large east coast city).  I also enjoy podcasts regarding investing, and make a habit of seeking out well-performing ETFs and putting money away for the future.  Hopefully he's maxing out his retirement account as well. 

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K.K. Established Member

K.K.

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14 hours ago, mark clemson said:

Lots of good points above. Not all are critical for me, but many are. For me, being smart and having a job of some kind are also both important.

If I may so boldly ask, Mr. Clemson .... which ones aren’t? 

Allupinnit Established Member

Allupinnit

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Also I abide by the 10/10/80 rule.  Give, save, live on the rest.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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80% of americans live paycheck to paycheck and couldn't come up with $500 for an unexpected expense

Allupinnit Established Member

Allupinnit

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13 minutes ago, alphamale said:

80% of americans live paycheck to paycheck and couldn't come up with $500 for an unexpected expense

Yeah - and that's unfortunate.  I believe good money management BEFORE there is a problem is the way to avoid financial ruin.  We also live in a culture that encourages us to take on debt in order to live a certain lifestyle, at incredibly high interest rates.  

manfrombelow2 Established Member

manfrombelow2

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The MOST CRUCIAL factor that makes me want to stay or leave a LTR is whether or not the person makes me feel AT PEACE.

Period.

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alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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1 hour ago, thaygiaogiang said:

The MOST CRUCIAL factor that makes me want to stay or leave a LTR is whether or not the person makes me feel AT PEACE.

Period.

there will be plenty of time to be "at peace" when you're in the grave, I want someone who makes me feel alive

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