Dealing with a coworker who acts like a dick only when my other coworker is around.

[Sm12345]

I’ve been working with one of my coworkers, R, for almost 8 years. We get along really well, eat lunch together and work in the same department. I usually work directly with him when I’m done my tasks and vice versa.

About 6 months ago, another guy, M, started working with us and we all get along really well. He had the same interests as R and I, and is a really nice guy.

Recently though, M, has begun making personal insults about my social life and really insensitive comments. I thought maybe I was just being thin skinned, so I laughed it off. 

Strangely enough, when R isn’t around, M and I get along really well too. As do R and I when M isn’t around. It’s almost as if they’re trying to impress each other, often at my expense.

This afternoon during lunch, they were talking politics (I’ve learned that I probably shouldn’t talk to them about that, because they’re far left liberals and I’m more centrist/libertarian.) They somehow landed on Yasser Arafat and they were discussing his cause of death. 

I mentioned that it was more likely he died of polonium poisoning, since his death was sudden (something multiple credible journalists have suggested.) This was met with “Ok, Alex Jones.” (A common phrase when I present any sort of alternate theory. M, followed it up with “That might be the most absurd theory I’ve ever heard. None of your opinions on politics live anywhere near reality.” 

I spent a few minutes, composed myself then left the table. Later I approached M, and told him that I was tired of his dismissive attitude, and that I thought he was a dick for trying to impress R, by putting my opinions down. He said “f*** you.”, then walked off.

Trying to figure out if I overreacted here, or if I should just cut my losses and just interact with R, when M isn’t around, since things seem to be much better when he isn’t around.

[K.K.]

Ok, you’re a guy. Had to check. 

Sounds like what women do to each other when someone new has come round and changed the whole vibe of the friendship. 

All kinds of things come into play. Jealousy, irritation at having to share your friend. Changes the ‘pack’ position a bit. Can feel threatening. 

He sounds like a dick yes, but now that you’ve gotten the inevitable first fight out of the way, his “f*** you” (bold move for the pack newbie) will serve to push the uncertainty into acceptance territory. 

Some of my best friends started out in a state of hatred and side eyeing. 

Then, like magic (and usually one hell of a fight) ... respect was established, the pack realigned and life went on like gravy.  

 

[Sm12345]

I thought we were good friends. All of us collectively. But it’s really degrading to the point where I can’t be bothered with either of them.

[preraph]

I don't think you were out of line. When someone is riding you to make themselves feel superior, the sooner you shut them down, the better. 

[JTSW]

You didn't overreact.

These guys are idiots and if a friend insults you like that then they are NOT a friend.

You don't need these immature idiots.

You're better than them.

[Blues Drive Monster]

I know how you feel cos I've sorted of dealt with those kind of people before.

Even if there is no ill intention in their comments, nevertheless it gets really frustrating after a while. They just want to show off, appear smart, impress each other at your expense. I suggest you change attitude towards them. Let them know you're not taking any more sh*t, just like you did the last time. Don't let your self-esteem be threatened by pricks like them.

Edited February 25, 2020 by Blues Drive Monster