John123usa Posted February 2, 2020 Posted February 2, 2020 I seem to be miscommunicating on apps such as Tinder, Bumble, and even Match.com. I seem to have a consistent pattern of being ghosted. I cannot get an explanation. Even when conversations seemingly go well, the women drop off. I am having so much trouble getting a date. I have been trying for years. A few questions for you, based upon what one female (IRL, not from the dating site) has told me so far. First, I tend to write only one response a day. Basically, I get up, go to work, and after work, once my day is done I respond to messages. Sometimes, though, it is after midnight. Do women need to get multiple responses throughout the day? I'm used to messaging, then having a few phone conversations, then meeting. Are phone conversations still a thing in today's world, or is that a no no most of the time? Is the "proper" way to go from messaging and / or texting straight to meeting? I was also told that the ideal time to suggest a meeting is after 3 or 4 message exchanges. That seems quick to me, but is that the norm in today's world? It seems as though I am coming across as uninterested in someone, even though I am messaging. Seems like an oxymoron, but what do you think? Am I perhaps stuck in a 15 year old way of doing things? What do you all think?
elaine567 Posted February 2, 2020 Posted February 2, 2020 If people are actually ghosting you, you are either not interesting enough to them, for them to continue talking to you or they feel you are not interested enough in them, or it is something you are saying that is making them shut you down without even an explanation or an "I'm sorry we are not a match..."?
basil67 Posted February 3, 2020 Posted February 3, 2020 What are you like in real life? Can you hold an easy conversation with a woman? I'm wondering if not connecting with women is situational or a bigger issue for you.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted February 3, 2020 Posted February 3, 2020 The brevity of your responses and the time you respond could seem as though you are lackluster in your interest. I communicate for a couple of days and arrange a meeting during or within a week. It doesn't make sense to wait longer than that unless there is a time commitment issue. Also, I do ask to speak on the phone, but find most would rather text, so speaking on the phone is still a thing. Yes, of course, people expect more of a back and forth. It is a pretty decent indicator of interest. Who told you after 3/4 messages? That sounds pretty quick, but not unheard of.
Ami1uwant Posted February 3, 2020 Posted February 3, 2020 Any text message can be read two very different ways. Your short responses could mean no interest. the thing with texting vs talking could be a real issue with those in their mid 20s. my rules 1 short online communication 2 phonecall..if conversation seems to be there thrn set up a date 3dont talk until the date. You need to have stuff to talk about on the date. also...don’t assume you are the only one she is talking to. 1
Andy_K Posted February 3, 2020 Posted February 3, 2020 9 hours ago, John123usa said: I seem to be miscommunicating on apps such as Tinder, Bumble, and even Match.com. First, I tend to write only one response a day. Basically, I get up, go to work, and after work, once my day is done I respond to messages. Sometimes, though, it is after midnight. Do women need to get multiple responses throughout the day? Yes, not enough. At least for Tinder, Bumble, etc. Everyone you're talking with has other matches. If you're exchanging one message with someone, and she's exchanging half a dozen messages a day (or just in the evening) with someone else, guess who's going to seem more important to her? And once she's arranged a date with one or more others, it becomes increasingly likely you'll get ghosted. The general rule for OLD is strike while the iron is hot. If she responds quickly and is interested, don't wait a day for your next reply! Send something reasonably promptly yourself. If interest continues, set up a date, or at least bring the topic up. Don't wait weeks or until you run out of things to talk about.
Zippy2000 Posted February 3, 2020 Posted February 3, 2020 Im in the EXACT same boat. The women I speak to will ghost. Its nothing personal. Its just the nature of the beast for online people who think they can hide behind a screen so their manners go out the window. People ghost as they were possibly speaking at someone else before they spoke to you and decided to choose the other person. Timing or late replies also put people off and people indicate this is lack of interest. Amount of content in messages. How many times have people responded in one word answers or no energy in their messages Messaging, and more messaging that never seems to end. I d maybe speak up to a week to get the feel of that person and see how reliable they are, then ask if can make a phone call or arrange a date. Also step up the game. Remember you wont be the only one she is speaking to so flirt, be funny or interesting to show interest.
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