Its all a big mess

[crederer]

She's using the suicide attempts to control you. Don't let her. This is a classic controlling maneuver. Her family has likely changed their tune because their lawyer told them they would come out on the losing end of this. If these people are half as successful as you make them seem, they are probably 10 steps ahead of you and have all of their decisions calculated. 

[pepperbird]

18 hours ago, crederer said:

She's using the suicide attempts to control you. Don't let her. This is a classic controlling maneuver. Her family has likely changed their tune because their lawyer told them they would come out on the losing end of this. If these people are half as successful as you make them seem, they are probably 10 steps ahead of you and have all of their decisions calculated. 

OP,

I've raised a daughter with mental health issues- major depressive disorder. I've seen what it can do to an otherwise amazing mind, Even at her worst moments ( and it got really, really bad) she never used it as an excuse to treat others with cruelty and callousness.

[Dimjo9]

On 2/2/2020 at 5:14 AM, Tristan_jay said:

Been lurking here fir sometime, hoping the people here can help me navigate the chaos i am in. 

Me and my wife have been married for 4 years , but together for 6. We met in collage an immediately clicked with each other. She comes from a very well to do family of which both parents are bored member's of a big company. Her father never really approved of me where as her mother and I got along well, her father always believed his daughter could do better and assumed our relationship was nothing more than a college phase. He eventually learnt to accept (more like tolerate) our relationship when we got engaged. 

My wifi and I have always  been affectionate with each other but her sex drive was never as high as mine, i came to accept this as married life because i assumed that was what was normal for couples. So imagine my shock and disbelief when i discovered highly sexually charged messages and pictures between her and some guy going back six months on here ipad.

My mind went blank as i sat there reading their conversations, if it wasnt for the pictures i honestly would have never thought it was my wife and would have assumed her account was hacked or something. I confronted her and ofcourse she denied everything until i showed her proof she started crying and hyperventilating. She swore to cut of contact and never speak to him again but i was too upset to even look at her. I told her to leave while she kept clinging to me in tears. 

I phoned her father who seemed elated by what he had just learnt, as if his little princess had finally figured out she can do better and was more than happy to come and picher up personally. For the next three months i was seething with rage and grieve as i went about trying to secure a good lawyer just in case of a divorce and knowing her father he already had a SHARK of a lawyer at his beck and call.

Throughout all this my wife consistently tried calling ,texting, emails, and even hand written letters then eventually showed up at my place begging for a second chance. I chose to forgive her as long as she came clean about everything, it seems he OM was an old flame from her high school prep days as well as the guy she lost her virginity to. They reconnected on facebook, he apologised for how things ended between them (dumped her via text for another girl) and was hoping they could atleast be friends.  Ofcourse old feelings came back and before she knew it she was in an affair. She swore she never meant to "cause the love of her life pain" , that she knows the pain of betrayal and is disgusted with herself that she could do such a thing.

For the first four months she seemedto do everything right. She was transparent about her where abouts and feelings, she was more attentive and affectionate. Till one day while she was out a buddy of mine send me a picture of her at the mall hand in hand with the same dushbag who nearly cost us our marriage. I phoned her father and informed him of the situation and told him he finally gets his wish, that he should no longer include me in family events as i will now pursue a divorce and that he should come pick up his daughter. He arrived before she did and the conversation we had i swear could've frozen hell over. He was actually trying to save our marriage  and rationalize her cheating, he advised me not to make any decision while am upset. When she arrived she was a bit surprised to see me and her dad talking but broke down when i showed her the pictures. 

As i waz getting my legal affairs in order i got a paniced call  from her mother, i could hear the whistling of of in the background of the call , i knew she was driving. She tells me my wife tried hang herself and the only reason she isnt deadis because the maid managed to save her before the worst happend. She also told me my wife left a suicide note addressed to me. 

It stated that she was sorry for giving in to temptation and she knows she has ruined the best thing that ever happend to her. It explained that the time she saw her OM was meant to be the last, he some how convinced her that she owed it to him to end it in person (the scumbag) and that the kiss (ddnt know about that)  and holding of hands where unexpected. It also explains that she knows i deserve better and any woman would be beyond lucky to have me but for her she truely cannot live without me. She knows its selfish and cowardly but feels thisis truely the best for everyone.

While still on the phone her mom showed up at my door. She had rushed over while speaking to me. As soon as she entered she dropped to her knees and begged me not to leave her daughter, she even offered to open a trust fund or work out somekind of payment plan for rest of my life. She apologised as she knew it was low and incredibly unfair to me but she was desperate because she wanted her baby girl to live.

I told her first and for most is her daughters recovery while getting the help she needs and doing this isn't helping in anyway but her mom was and still is adamant about tying me to her daughter with more than just marriage.

That was six months ago, we are still separated but i do visit her three or four times a week mainly because if she doesn't see me for more than 3 days she stops eating. Ohh and the kicker to all  this is once her OM got wind of her suicide attempt and the reason behind it he shut down he facebook page, cancelled her cellphone plan and thought it was a good idea to visit family in Europe (the spinless coward). So how do i navigate this mess

Hi Tristan Jay,

I can sense you are a principled man, educated and walk the straight path. This family will do you more harm than good, money can't be use to justify mistakes & rectify a man"s honor which your W soiled, dirtied to the ground.

The days that you are visiting her cut it down slowly & if she's in a sober mood tell her you have no plans to reconcile, the visit is a friendly one. 

Tell her parents ( Dad/Mom ) that your honor is more important than all material things combined.. They look down on you in the past and now is the time your true character will be out. They will hold you in the highest regard & the respect you are longing through the years will be achieve.

If you co-owned the house time to divide the assets & sell it; if you are renting much easier. The future for a man with dignity is full of hope & the best still to come. 

You are being manipulated and without you knowing falling into a lifetime of trap & pain. This is a test of your strength & conviction which they are observing closely. The parents probably guarantee their daughter that you can be bought by money & other luxuries affordable to them.

Widen your horizon & better your self in the areas that needs improvement. ( fitness, health, education, grooming ).. When you are ready a replacement will be send your way 101% better in all aspects than your ExW.. 

I pray that the King of Kings grant you the courage & strength to be able to walk in a new future full of happiness !!

 

[Marc878]

She knew exactly what she was doing. Then consequences hit. 

she cheated went into self protection mode and learned to take the affair underground. 

the best predictor of future actions are past history. You’ll get this again. How’d you like it the first 2 times?
 

shes just a cake eater. Nothing special here at all.

you better wake up