zawadi16 Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 So I’ve been a few dates with this great guy. He’s the first man who has piqued my interest in a very long while. Last night he had made dinner for us. He excused himself to go the restroom when he received this message. He had left his phone on the bar counter top while cooking and I was sitting right there at the bar. I saw he sent a text saying “I’m sorry to hear about your family it breaks my heart. I just wish we could’ve lived together and started our lives together.” and the reply, the message that came in, said “I feel the same way”. There was more to it but I wasn’t able to see the rest. So I’ve been thinking about this. To me it sounds like he’s just worried about her (sorry to hear about your family). Also sounds like he does not want her back because he said, “I wish we could have”. That sounds like a yea that’s cool, but it’s never going to happen and he wasn’t trying to make it work because he would’ve said let’s fix this to her or something along those lines. This is just how I perceived it. Should I just proceed with caution?
Blind-Sided Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 It's only been a few dates. You don't want to scare him off by asking him about the txt. AND... you are right... it's kind of a generalized platitude you would respond with when there has been a tragedy. It would be hurt full to respond with... "Sorry about your family, but you are a psycho b!tch, and I'm glad you aren't close anymore." LOL. I would just keep going, and have fun with it. If it gets to the point where you will be a "Couple"... then just say something like... "Before we take this to the next level, is there anyone else who you are thinking about, or seeing?"
FMW Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 51 minutes ago, zawadi16 said: I just wish we could’ve lived together and started our lives together.” I think that sounds a little more serious than a platitude. Of course who knows what it really means, but my first impression is that there's an emotional attachment. So yes, I would proceed with caution. 5
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 Yes, caution is warranted. He has unfinished business 6 1
Author zawadi16 Posted February 1, 2020 Author Posted February 1, 2020 Just now, d0nnivain said: Yes, caution is warranted. He has unfinished business How is it unfinished business if he’s moving on? He clearly doesn’t want the relationship back.
FMW Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 If all you're going on is the texts that you referenced, I don't see anything that says he "clearly" doesn't want the relationship back. I'm not saying he does - but it would be smart to consider the possibility he's not emotionally finished with this other person just because they apparently aren't seeing each other. You posted, presumably, because this set off your radar. Pay attention to that and as you said - proceed with caution. 1 1
Emmafive Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 I think what could give us a better indicator as to what’s going on is if we knew more about their dating history. Do you know?
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 14 minutes ago, zawadi16 said: How is it unfinished business if he’s moving on? He clearly doesn’t want the relationship back. If he had moved on, he would not have been heartbroken; he wouldn't be in contact with her. There is still a connection. Again I'm saying caution. I didn't say dump him. You need to keep your eyes open 3 1
Author zawadi16 Posted February 1, 2020 Author Posted February 1, 2020 2 minutes ago, Emmafive said: I think what could give us a better indicator as to what’s going on is if we knew more about their dating history. Do you know? Here’s what I do know. The breakup wasn’t long ago. Like in the last few months long ago. I asked him if he’d ever been married, engaged, long term relationships, etc. He said he used to only date casually (he’s 30 FYI) until he met his ex and he was going to propose. Oh, and that they still follow each other on social media.
elaine567 Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 NO platitude there, that is an active attempt from him to reconnect and express regret as to how things turned out. This is also a real time message, not one you happened to find from months ago. This how he feels right now. It is NEVER a good idea to get involved with anyone who recently got out of a serious relationship or is still involved with an ex. Whether they love or hate the ex is immaterial, she is still in his life and occupying his thoughts. You will be the one to get hurt. If this split was only a few months ago and he wanted to marry her then stay away he is in no position to date anyone. 4 2
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 If they are still connected on social media & he wanted to marry her, you could very well be a rebound. Guard your heart & keep your wits about you. 4
ExpatInItaly Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 2 hours ago, zawadi16 said: How is it unfinished business if he’s moving on? He clearly doesn’t want the relationship back. Where are you getting that from? His message says to me that he is not emotionally done with her and he misses her and whatever they had. So yes, I would proceed with a lot of caution. 2 1
Ruby Slippers Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 2 hours ago, zawadi16 said: The breakup wasn’t long ago. Like in the last few months long ago. I asked him if he’d ever been married, engaged, long term relationships, etc. He said he used to only date casually (he’s 30 FYI) until he met his ex and he was going to propose. Oh, and that they still follow each other on social media. He's not even close to over her. If they were near the proposal stage, it will take him at least 6 months to a year to get his head right and be ready to consider new love again. What to do from here? I'm not sure. I'd probably stop seeing him for now and see if he comes back around once some time has passed. 1 1
Author zawadi16 Posted February 1, 2020 Author Posted February 1, 2020 52 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Where are you getting that from? His message says to me that he is not emotionally done with her and he misses her and whatever they had. So yes, I would proceed with a lot of caution. Im saying that because he said I wish could have...he’s not saying I want to fix this. Serious question, you can miss someone & what you had but not want the relationship back right?
ExpatInItaly Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, zawadi16 said: Im saying that because he said I wish could have...he’s not saying I want to fix this. Serious question, you can miss someone & what you had but not want the relationship back right? I think this is you simply wanting to believe that's what it means, and neglecting to acknowledge that people rarely come right out and tell their ex they want to fix it without first putting a feeler like he did. That's how I interpret his message - casting a line in her direction and seeing if she responds positively first. I have yet to experience someone sending a message like his that was simply a platitude, as someone suggested up-thread. Why mention the relationship at all if he were totally over it? And yes, you can miss someone and not want the relationship back. I don't think you have enough evidence to conclusively determine he doesn't want her back, as his messages seems to lean the other way. Time will tell. Do you happen to know who ended their relationship? Edited February 1, 2020 by ExpatInItaly 3 1
Author zawadi16 Posted February 1, 2020 Author Posted February 1, 2020 27 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: I think this is you simply wanting to believe that's what it means, and neglecting to acknowledge that people rarely come right out and tell their ex they want to fix it without first putting a feeler like he did. That's how I interpret his message - casting a line in her direction and seeing if she responds positively first. I have yet to experience someone sending a message like his that was simply a platitude, as someone suggested up-thread. Why mention the relationship at all if he were totally over it? And yes, you can miss someone and not want the relationship back. I don't think you have enough evidence to conclusively determine he doesn't want her back, as his messages seems to lean the other way. Time will tell. Do you happen to know who ended their relationship? He said that they kept fighting and then their dogs didn’t get along which caused them to fight even more.
smackie9 Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 I would say things are still a little fresh. 1
Emmafive Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 2 minutes ago, zawadi16 said: He said that they kept fighting and then their dogs didn’t get along which caused them to fight even more. Soooo two things could probably be fixed. Get a trainer for their dogs and with time they could work on their communication. Unless there was cheating, fighting about kids vs not wanting kids , finances, just major incompatibilities really. If two people love each other with proper communication they can make it work. I’m sure the two of them know that and probably just needed time to take a step back. Based on what you’ve said their issues seem fixable and since they’re both still emotionally attached they’ll find their ways back to one another. sorry OP I’d definitely cut bait on this one. They’ll make another attempt in due time. 1
Author zawadi16 Posted February 1, 2020 Author Posted February 1, 2020 And speaking of dogs... He had laughed at something on his phone. I guess he felt like he didn’t want me left out on the joke? He showed me a funny sweater meme that was sent to him. He told me the backstory to the meme saying he sent a pic of his dog since it’s his bday next week and the reply was an ugly sweater meme and it said give him hugs and kisses for me. I saw the name at the top but thought nothing of it. Just assumed it was family or a good friend. It was his ex.
Author zawadi16 Posted February 1, 2020 Author Posted February 1, 2020 9 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Ok but who actually ended it? He said they had a fight and he told her he needed time to think about what to do because the fighting wasn’t healthy. The next day she told him she agreed that it wasn’t healthy and then told him she wished him the best. so I’m not really sure who ended it.
Emmafive Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 1 hour ago, zawadi16 said: And speaking of dogs... He had laughed at something on his phone. I guess he felt like he didn’t want me left out on the joke? He showed me a funny sweater meme that was sent to him. He told me the backstory to the meme saying he sent a pic of his dog since it’s his bday next week and the reply was an ugly sweater meme and it said give him hugs and kisses for me. I saw the name at the top but thought nothing of it. Just assumed it was family or a good friend. It was his ex. I can 100% conclusively say he still wants to be with his ex. I’d bow out now. You’re just a distraction. 1 1
LenaBean94 Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: I think this is you simply wanting to believe that's what it means, and neglecting to acknowledge that people rarely come right out and tell their ex they want to fix it without first putting a feeler like he did. That's how I interpret his message - casting a line in her direction and seeing if she responds positively first. I have yet to experience someone sending a message like his that was simply a platitude, as someone suggested up-thread. Why mention the relationship at all if he were totally over it? And yes, you can miss someone and not want the relationship back. I don't think you have enough evidence to conclusively determine he doesn't want her back, as his messages seems to lean the other way. Time will tell. Do you happen to know who ended their relationship? If he wantedhis ex back when she had responded that she felt the same way why didn’t he take the opportunity? Instead he texted her about a dog. The fact that he didn’t would imply he doesn’t want a reconciliation right?
Mystery4u Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 3 hours ago, zawadi16 said: He said they had a fight and he told her he needed time to think about what to do because the fighting wasn’t healthy. The next day she told him she agreed that it wasn’t healthy and then told him she wished him the best. so I’m not really sure who ended it. Oh dear. Yes you should proceed with caution, and do not be surprised if after some time away from her and with you he 'realises' he wants to try to make it work with her again and drops you. If they only 'broke up' a few months ago, were going to get married, still follow each other on social media, still keep in contact via messaging (basically all the things you DON'T do with an ex you have properly broke up with and have started seeing someone new), then he is in no way over her.
elaine567 Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 32 minutes ago, LenaBean94 said: If he wantedhis ex back when she had responded that she felt the same way why didn’t he take the opportunity? Instead he texted her about a dog. The fact that he didn’t would imply he doesn’t want a reconciliation right? The dog text was at a different time. The OP is now putting two and two together and realised that the dog/sweater joke was from his ex...
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