T-Mama Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Some of my previous messages have been full of despair and confusion and hurt. My situation went from me being the OW, to me breaking out of that situation and eventually making a confession to the then fiance (now wife)...and then to me being harrassed and threatened by my former lover. I've made apologies.....so many....never received forgiveness, but I tried to extend forgiveness. It has been hard to thoroughly move on despite the good life I have with my current boyfriend. Loose ends make me feel as though there was never any closure.....I'm trying to learn that there doesn't always have to be closure (does there?) I think when I exposed everything I thought it was going to make a positive difference (in the end).....and when it didn't I just felt like I'd really lost something.
slubberdegullion Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Closure is a myth. It doesn't exist, so seeking it will be like picking apples in January: fruitless. Time to move on, time to stop apologizing, time to seek forgiveness from others. Take it all as a lesson learned, refuse delivery of the hurt anymore and get on with your life. Life is too short to be wasting it away dwelling on past pains and dark regrets. But you already know that anyway... Good luck.
newbby Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 it is outrageous that he turned the whole thing around on to you! this is the very thing that keeps me determined to get away from my xmm. i am not surprised that you still feel terrible. he chose to have an affair with you, he knew how he felt about his marriage and how he wanted to preserve it, you very likely did not, if it is a typical affair where he manipulated you to be there. he wont forgive you because it is easier to blame you than it is to accept responsibility, you do not need to apologise to him or to beg for his forgiveness. if he couldnt take the consequences of discovery he should not have been there knowing that he wanted to keep his marriage intact. you do not need his forgiveness and you will never get it. forgive yourself and that is all.
Author T-Mama Posted October 5, 2005 Author Posted October 5, 2005 It was a dramatic situation....involving reports to the police.....reports to his employer.....but he was able to escape retribution (in this world anyway). I appreciate your words....I will move on.
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