What do men prefer?

[scooby-philly]

So a few points - some of which people already shared:

 

• Attraction
  • I've dated skinny women, slightly bigger women, and "average" women. As long as you're "healthy" looking, work with what you have, and are comfortable with your body and body image, you're attractive.
  • Some guys prefer only one "look" - which is scary and limiting - but hey, more options for the likes of me!
  • I can't say for sure what I'm attracted to more if it were a tie, but I definitely prefer a face to a body because you can fix the body, you can't (Easily, cheaply) fix a face. But again, there's also the whole thing of attraction - I could find a person someone else rates a 5/10 as hot.
  • Playfulness, down to earth attitude, not being stuck up, those are top qualities that are hard to find nowadays.
• Profile
  • Have something in your profile if you want to attract a good man. Doesn't need to be a biography - but like match.com lets you have 4000 characters in your bio. Try for at least 1,000! You can share your interests, things/places you want to explore, your attitude about life, work, love, etc. Just don't be bitter and don't make it seem like you're so independent that you're only looking for a man for the trophy and/or to fill in the empty slots in your calendar
  • Pics - Smile, a body pic or too (doesn't need to be revealing) helps, different types of shots, not too many with family and friends, not too many with just yourself, no instagram filters PALEASE!, and don't make all of your photos fall into one of these dreaded categories: "I'm always going to black tie affairs", "I never wear anything but jeans", "I have all these wonderful girlfriends, look at them all in all of my pictures", "look at how shallow and/or spoiled I am - here's nothing but travel pics from easily recognized landmarks".

[smackie9]

dating irl or on the web, it all comes down to appearance first and foremost. The more attractive and fit you are the more attention you are going to get. It's a no brainer.

[SummerDreams]

19 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

dating irl or on the web, it all comes down to appearance first and foremost. The more attractive and fit you are the more attention you are going to get. It's a no brainer.

If you count attention by quantity then sure. Some people though are interested in quality. We are looking for ONE person to spend our lives with after all. If you have one who loves you, then that's enough.

[Gr8fuln2020]

21 hours ago, Angel29 said:

I have no idea what is going on in the dating world now. I had a nosy to see what the competition is like on dating sites and am finding that obese women put themselves as average body type and I am quite slim but would say I am average body type so if a man was to do a search he might exclude 'average' body type in his search. Other women try to make out they have the perfect lives by travelling, going to festivals with their friends, body dysmorphia and snapchat filters on their pictures. I have deleted my dating profile because I feel that online daters are extremely shallow with the grass is greener syndrome. I would say I am slim but not athletic but have a pretty face.

My question is do men prefer a woman who is very toned with a not so nice face or would they prefer a woman with an average body and pretty face? 

I know looks are not everything and I am a kind person with a good heart but I feel pressured by looks. This shallow world is knocking my confidence. In real life I have lots of men who are interested in me but they lack confidence in asking me out.

This shallow world is not far removed from the past. People are attracted to the conventional beauty defined and... not. I find and believe, and it may sound intuitive, that people choose based on personal expectations and interests. This is what I mean...for me, I am very fit and active. I want the same in a partner. I am not interested in dating women who are not. I can see from profiles and pictures whether that person has a lifestyle that is active or not. I agree that many women consider themselves 'average' when they are not, but it could be that the old slightly obese or obese is the new average. When I search, I do include average as I find many women to define this term based on their own criteria. I have dated women who considered themselves 'average' to actually be pretty active, fit. I also find ladies who consider themselves 'slim' to also have an active, athletic lifestyle. 

Honestly, the first impression anyone has of you is your profile pic(s). Here is my OLD MO:

1. Attractive face (subjective, but to my preference)

2. Body type (Fit/athletic -> slim -> average) and height

2.5 Distance. Obvious priority is for a local relationship, but open to LDR. 

3. Pics. If the person has no pics (within a year) showing whole body, I hesitate. I have had women blatantly misrepresent themselves. If there are pics showing an active person with an active lifestyle, I will contact her. If not, I read their profile and glean more information and decide whether I want to message her. 

If all goes well, we meet and get to know one another. The rest is history...

I truly feel that every should make every effort to represent themselves accurately from the get go. It doesn't make sense to misrepresent yourself when and if you do meet, you will likely only disappoint the other person AND perhaps piss him/her off for wasting their time. It's also dishonest and manipulative. That's my take. Not sure if it answered anything for you. 

To be honest, people have differing preferences, but most people want to be with someone who is health in appearance. The mental part comes later, but upon first impressions, your photos, profile say a lot. 

Edited January 31, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020

[Haydn]

A good darts arm.

[kevinjones]

22 hours ago, Angel29 said:

I have no idea what is going on in the dating world now. I had a nosy to see what the competition is like on dating sites and am finding that obese women put themselves as average body type and I am quite slim but would say I am average body type so if a man was to do a search he might exclude 'average' body type in his search. Other women try to make out they have the perfect lives by travelling, going to festivals with their friends, body dysmorphia and snapchat filters on their pictures. I have deleted my dating profile because I feel that online daters are extremely shallow with the grass is greener syndrome. I would say I am slim but not athletic but have a pretty face.

My question is do men prefer a woman who is very toned with a not so nice face or would they prefer a woman with an average body and pretty face? 

I know looks are not everything and I am a kind person with a good heart but I feel pressured by looks. This shallow world is knocking my confidence. In real life I have lots of men who are interested in me but they lack confidence in asking me out.

A. What is your age? And what age men are you trying to attract. That is most important. Fo me at least, age, does she live alone, kids or not, and schedule are most important. I actually used to just skip past profiles where girls are showing themselves doing all sorts of activities. Nobody cares. 

B. If you are about 5 ft 4, less than 120, you should be good. Adjust more for taller or shorter. You would already be far ahead of the game. Tone or not. 

Edited January 31, 2020 by kevinjones

[VioletVelvet]

1 hour ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

This is what I mean...for me, I am very fit and active. I want the same in a partner. I am not interested in dating women who are not. I can see from profiles and pictures whether that person has a lifestyle that is active or not. I agree that many women consider themselves 'average' when they are not, but it could be that the old slightly obese or obese is the new average. When I search, I do include average as I find many women to define this term based on their own criteria. I have dated women who considered themselves 'average' to actually be pretty active, fit. I also find ladies who consider themselves 'slim' to also have an active, athletic lifestyle. 

Agree. This is the exact same for me in gender reverse. And I think that this is a great point. Whether a person is male or female, if they are honestly looking for a relationship they will choose based on the criteria of who will actually work best in my life. 

[sothereiwas]

6 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

This sounds all well and good but when most ladies online are only replying to the best looking guys, us more average looking folks know this is kinda BS. 

"They go into the store with a list that has only vegetables and lean meat on it, and come out with a little of that, along with a cart full of potato chips and soda pop." - Unknown frustrated dating man. 

[max3732]

On 1/30/2020 at 4:49 PM, Angel29 said:

I have no idea what is going on in the dating world now. I had a nosy to see what the competition is like on dating sites and am finding that obese women put themselves as average body type and I am quite slim but would say I am average body type so if a man was to do a search he might exclude 'average' body type in his search. Other women try to make out they have the perfect lives by travelling, going to festivals with their friends, body dysmorphia and snapchat filters on their pictures. I have deleted my dating profile because I feel that online daters are extremely shallow with the grass is greener syndrome. I would say I am slim but not athletic but have a pretty face.

My question is do men prefer a woman who is very toned with a not so nice face or would they prefer a woman with an average body and pretty face? 

I know looks are not everything and I am a kind person with a good heart but I feel pressured by looks. This shallow world is knocking my confidence. In real life I have lots of men who are interested in me but they lack confidence in asking me out.

I've been doing online dating and I definitely prefer and average body and pretty face. In fact I was really attracted to this women who had a really cute face but was slightly overweight. I really don't care about being slightly overweight and it's something that is also relatively easy to change. I really don't like to see filters and in fact get very annoyed by them.

[Gr8fuln2020]

31 minutes ago, max3732 said:

 I really don't like to see filters and in fact get very annoyed by them.

Yes yes! Filters are also a big negative with me. Talk about misrepresentation. I am also very leery of those silly iphone filters with bulging eyeballs, stars, halos, flowers around the head crud. Juvenile and speaks of 'not serious' in  my mind, not just playful or silly. I do admit, I did meet one lady who had a single pic with such a filter and she turned out to be fricken' awesome in so many ways...

[chillii]

Admittedly , even though the op seems to have left the building anyway , but l have often found a lot of guys seem to like a woman a bit meatier than my tastes .

[SummerDreams]

9 hours ago, enigma32 said:

This sounds all well and good but when most ladies online are only replying to the best looking guys, us more average looking folks know this is kinda BS. 

You should be happy about this rather than frustrated because this way you can filter the ones who only want a good looking guy from the ones who actually care about a man's personality, character etc. Plus I was talking for serious women who want a serious relationship and not one night stands.

[Envy123]

Considering my looks and body shape, I have a serious disadvantage in OLD. Offline, I've had far more success as people see the bigger picture in person.

[chillii]

1 hour ago, SummerDreams said:

You should be happy about this rather than frustrated because this way you can filter the ones who only want a good looking guy from the ones who actually care about a man's personality, character etc. Plus I was talking for serious women who want a serious relationship and not one night stands.

Yeah , very true.

[Andy_K]

1 hour ago, SummerDreams said:

You should be happy about this rather than frustrated because this way you can filter the ones who only want a good looking guy from the ones who actually care about a man's personality, character etc. Plus I was talking for serious women who want a serious relationship and not one night stands.

The vast majority of women online want a guy with a good personality, and most prefer relationships over ONS too. But if they're being messaged by hundreds of guys, they're naturally not going to have time to carefully assess all of them, and will begin by replying to the better looking ones. What Enigma is referring to, is that most average looking guys simply won't ever register on their radar, no matter how decent they are. And the very women they're messaging will complain there are no decent guys online.

 

[SummerDreams]

1 hour ago, Andy_K said:

The vast majority of women online want a guy with a good personality, and most prefer relationships over ONS too. But if they're being messaged by hundreds of guys, they're naturally not going to have time to carefully assess all of them, and will begin by replying to the better looking ones. What Enigma is referring to, is that most average looking guys simply won't ever register on their radar, no matter how decent they are. And the very women they're messaging will complain there are no decent guys online.

 

So you are saying that I have 20 guys who have messaged me and because I can't be bothered to look into them one by one (why?....), I will just choose the best looking one and get it over with. It doesn't make sense to me. First of all, if you have no time to spend for online dating sites then don't sign up in them, it's simple. Second of all, why would someone who wants a serious relationship skip the personality aspects of each individual and just choose the best looking guy? If they do that, in my opinion they were not interested in a serious relationship in the first place.

[thefooloftheyear]

23 minutes ago, SummerDreams said:

Second of all, why would someone who wants a serious relationship skip the personality aspects of each individual and just choose the best looking guy? If they do that, in my opinion they were not interested in a serious relationship in the first place.

Because most people are sensible enough that if you don't know two people from a hole in the wall, you stand a far better chance of getting along with the one you find physically appealing....

Its not that they are "skipping the personality aspects" but really... how much would you know about someone from just a profile anyway?  Id think most people bend the truth there anyway....To give you an example, I actually pretty much wrote a profile for a friend of mine because he's an illiterate idiot...You read that and think...."hmm...sounds good".... 

Bottom line is practically all romantic relationships begin with a spark from physical attraction...This isn't that difficult a concept..

TFY

Edited February 1, 2020 by thefooloftheyear

[alphamale]

On 1/30/2020 at 4:49 PM, Angel29 said:

I In real life I have lots of men who are interested in me but they lack confidence in asking me out.

why don't you give them some encouragement?

BTW, most men would prefer the average body with a beautiful face

[SumGuy]

14 hours ago, enigma32 said:

This sounds all well and good but when most ladies online are only replying to the best looking guys, us more average looking folks know this is kinda BS. 

How do you know this is what they are doing?   Is there some survey?

i really don’t see how you could ever know what they do in private.   Just because a lot of men who get no attention on line say this doesn’t make it true.   Certainly there are women looking just based on looks and if you put up a hot photo you’ll get hits from them.  

But the women looking for a serious LTR, you have no idea what they are looking at.   

I don’t either have actual screen shots of what they look at, but can say in conversations with maybe a couple dozen women about such things you’re 100% wrong.  

Men just seem to not realize what things in a profile turn women on or off, and average look are not it.
 

  Yes some women like fish pics, most don’t seem to but still such pics seem very common.  Even here, posters that seem to me to be insightful sometimes make statements like “why are women put off by that” about things which are to me are no brainers.  
 

it’s not that I know these things out of the blue, I just talk to my female friends and women I meet via OLD especially where we have fun talking but no spark    OLD war stories are a fun bonding activity  

Also few are adept at hiding there feelings and outlook on life.  Men and women, both in strong measure.  Bitterness, cynicism,  judgmental and demanding, etc. come through.

If people who do it saw it I doubt they’d keep doing it.   
No one wants a bitter Brad, or demanding Debbie.  

So yes men and women who want a LTR look at “average” looking people and their profiles, and pass based on the profile not just looks. 

Edited February 1, 2020 by SumGuy

[alphamale]

2 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said:

Because most people are sensible enough that if you don't know two people from a hole in the wall, you stand a far better chance of getting along with the one you find physically appealing....

Its not that they are "skipping the personality aspects" but really... how much would you know about someone from just a profile anyway?  Id think most people bend the truth there anyway....To give you an example, I actually pretty much wrote a profile for a friend of mine because he's an illiterate idiot...You read that and think...."hmm...sounds good".... 

Bottom line is practically all romantic relationships begin with a spark from physical attraction...This isn't that difficult a concept..

TFY

excellent analysis tfoty

[Andy_K]

1 hour ago, SumGuy said:

How do you know this is what they are doing?   Is there some survey?

i really don’t see how you could ever know what they do in private.   Just because a lot of men who get no attention on line say this doesn’t make it true.   Certainly there are women looking just based on looks and if you put up a hot photo you’ll get hits from them.  

But the women looking for a serious LTR, you have no idea what they are looking at.   

This is a difficult subject to get into without drawing on anecdotal evidence, but let's put it this way. Any guy who has spent a reasonable amount of time online, and has a profile which has been complimented on often for something other than pictures (i.e shows personality rather than just looks), will have experienced getting far more attention/responses from women who are older, less attractive, less in shape etc looking for LTRs than the opposite. If all women looking something serious were valuing personality over how your looks compare to theirs, you'd expect a more balanced level of interest across the board.

People of both genders will tend to aim for the best that they think they can realistically get. Nothing wrong with that. But the reality is that it's much, much harder for a personality to stand out online than it is for looks. 

Edited February 1, 2020 by Andy_K

[SumGuy]

4 hours ago, Andy_K said:

 Any guy who has spent a reasonable amount of time online, and has a profile which has been complimented on often for something other than pictures (i.e shows personality rather than just looks), will have experienced getting far more attention/responses from women who are older, less attractive, less in shape etc looking for LTRs than the opposite. If all women looking something serious were valuing personality over how your looks compare to theirs, you'd expect a more balanced level of interest across the board.

People of both genders will tend to aim for the best that they think they can realistically get. Nothing wrong with that. But the reality is that it's much, much harder for a personality to stand out online than it is for looks. 

I guess I would first ask compliments from who?  The only compliments on your profile that matter are from those you are looking to attract.

I would expect that the distribution would follow the percentage of those on the site.  As most people in the US are out of shape, most would be out of shape, etc.  My anecdotal experience is the % of older, less attractive. less in shape women who contact me is not greater than the opposite.  My response rate with women I reach out to is about 50% IIRC, but I'm selective and those I reach out to are attractive and in shape...on age it varies from older to younger.  

I never said all women are looking for something serious, just of those who are they typically value your profile highly.  Women who are just interested in great fun sex, are going to choose for looks.  Those who really want to just travel the world, other criteria as well.

I find it really problematic to map the male experience ti what women are doing in there selection process.  You really don't have to, just ask them.  Or more precisely ask the kind of women you are seeking to attract.

I do agree it is much harder for personality to shine through.  A picture is easy.  Conveying a sense of oneself in writing is hard. 

If one wanted a true assessment I would say it needs to be a stranger, and preferably one who is or knows the group you are trying to attract and would know what resonates with them.

[Gr8fuln2020]

59 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

Actually, there are surveys. Look into the research that OkCupid conducted based on their own OLD site. The women there only found 20% of the men online to be above average. The bottom 80% they are not attracted to.

Really? Did they do a survey asking men? I would agree with that 20% as to how I feel about attractive ladies online.

 

[sothereiwas]

11 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

Really? Did they do a survey asking men?

Men mostly wanted to date either women their age (a minority) or women around 25. Women tended to go for men their own age. Past that, women see men differently than men see women. Women tend to be pickier, and consider more factors. A lot of research has been done on this. 

[basil67]

With older women especially, I agree that women are pickier.  Many middle aged women are fine with being single and he'd have to be something really special for her to have another relationship.