Ric123 Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 Broken up 3 months ago , I begged a lot for few weeks, got blocked everywhere. She reached out 2 weeks ago after 1,5 months no contact. I went right back to begging for a week. I'm solid at no contact forever now, 5 days no contact lol. (she hasn't seen me in 2,5 months). Next week she'll reach out and come to pick up my son for a play date with her daughter, should I bring my son downstairs, or just send him down alone he is 9, tell her I'm busy at work? Seeing her just yet after begging 2 weeks ago bad idea I'm guessing? Her seeing me now right after begging, it will lighten her need to reach out in the future? Will kill mystery? And curiosity?
scooby-philly Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 If she's not the mother of your son and you're not the father of her daughter, why are you still scheduling play dates? There's absolutely no reason to expose yourself and potentially you child and hers to any emotional trauma. Help your son find new friends and go NC full and forever. 1
Silver_star Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 It would really help to know why you broke up, and what she is saying to you when she is reaching out. You should not have begged for her back. It is very unattractive. What are the play dates about? Why do you still have these? In any case, not going downstairs and sending your 9 year old to the door will look cowardly. Face her like a man. Don't bring up the incident at all, and NO MORE BEGGING...Keep it cordial and respectful but short.
Author Ric123 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 (edited) We broke up because she said I smothered her. She reached out with non sense msgs, if I had seen her book etc. I asked her out for coffee, drinks, etc.. She always said no, that she wants nothing to do with me and she has no feelings for me anymore. That's why I don't wanna see her face to face. If she wants nothing to do with me, why should I validate her with my presence? Also it's not about being coward. I want her to miss me, to be curious. If she sees me, she will have no need to reach out any time soon, any anxiety built to this point will be satisfied. There will be no mystery whatsoever. I will probably just tell I'm at work and when she comes to pick him up, he will come downstairs by himself. The kids are friends, and last Xmas he went over her place. Edited January 30, 2020 by Ric123
Silver_star Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 Why don't you just take one last look around your apartment, gather all her things put them in a box. Text her and tell her all of the things of hers are in a box and if she wants it to you let you know and she can arrange a mutually agreeable time to come pick them up. if she doesnt get back to you about those things within 30 days, you can toss said things. Problem solved on her non sense texts. I would cut back on the "play dates" that are not within school hours. It is not neccessary and forces you to keep contact with someone you are trying to get over.
Author Ric123 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 Yeah I hear u. I think I'm staying away this time. I want her to miss me. Maybe down the road I'll come downstairs during kid's exchange when things cool down a bit more, when all the begging is behind her back etc. Last time she took him in Xmas (was the first time after the break up) I wasnt present I was at work and she knew it. My kid's mom happened to be at my place and handled the exchange. Now it's going to be the second time. We broke up 3 months ago. Besides I'm sure, she thinks after all my begging 2 weeks ago (I begged a full week), she probably thinks I'm so looking forward to see her during the exchange, to talk to her, meanwhile I'll do the opposite.
preraph Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 You can't really manipulate her into missing you. Your manipulation is probably one of the reasons you're her ex.
Author Ric123 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 Yes I smothered her a lot. Controlled her a bit. She had behaviors that I didn't like. And we spent way too much time together plus working together, led to fights, etc. I'm not trying to manipulate her. I'm trying to protect myself, seeing her now exposing myself is probably not a good idea, but that's why I'm asking advice
Author Ric123 Posted January 31, 2020 Author Posted January 31, 2020 So what to do here. Should I meet her face to face or not..? Pretty sure she has no desire to see me
schlumpy Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 Your only option now is to cease your efforts to recapture this girls affections and do a postmortem on your relationship to find out what you did wrong. Then use that knowledge to enhance the prospects that your next relationship will be successful.
usa1ah Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, Ric123 said: So what to do here. Should I meet her face to face or not..? Pretty sure she has no desire to see me You shouldn’t do play dates any longer with the kids. She is no longer part of your life. Sounds like you are using your son as a tool to get back with her. Edited January 31, 2020 by usa1ah 1
2BGoodAgain Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 stop being a doormat. Keep NC. Protect yourself and your son...
Malin889 Posted February 3, 2020 Posted February 3, 2020 -Why did you break up? -Why are the kids having play dates? They don’t have any other friends? You need to stop this already. If you hate each other that much, who is contacting who to have these play dates? -Saying “I want her to miss me” is kind of sh****, don’t you think? -Stop contacting her and move on
Marc878 Posted February 3, 2020 Posted February 3, 2020 Your needy clingy behavior is a major turnoff and you don't seem to learn. theres nothing to salvage here. All you'll do is keep yourself in limbo. cut all contact and work on fixing your issues or you'll go through this again.
Author Ric123 Posted February 3, 2020 Author Posted February 3, 2020 (edited) I'm better. We haven't spoken in a week. I don't call I don't text, I don't contact her at all, I did a full 180. She will reach out this week to plan to come to pick up the kid. Kids were video calling yesterday night and playing online games. I won't be present during kids exchange. I'm gone. She won't see my face again until she apologizes, becomes humble and polite and actually starts to message and warm up. I'm done with her narcissistic behavior. I wasn't particularly needy in the relationship, we just spent way too much time together plus working together, she was my supervisor and led to arguments at home and at work. And she is very independent, plus at work is used to give orders, and she didn't like at all to be "controlled by me at home". But yeah after she left I went through all the begging and pleading. Edited February 3, 2020 by Ric123
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