I'm being ignored or I dont know if he lost interest in me : Anyone in the same situation?

[cupycake]

Hi guys, I need your advice here  I honestly don't know what to do.

So, me and this guy matched on an online dating app. At first it was just a normal conversation but then we really did hit it off. However, we were living a bit far away from each other, I'll say 2 hours by plane. So we never really have a chance to meet in person. 

1st - We were planning to meet when he's back to town which was supposed to be during November 2019 but as he told me, he said his family wants him to get back to the US for the holiday since he hasn't come back there for years. Then we agreed to postpone our meeting until 2020 but who knows things would come up, right? We keep in touch by texting only, we talked a lot, almost everyday, every hour but;

2nd - by the end of Dec 2019 (he was already in the US by that time), he told me he got a very good job offer with insane salary and bonus but if he accept the job, there will be consequence for us. Alright, so I told him to go ahead and accept the job because he would be an idiot to turn down that offer, really. However, he said he really wanna see me and decided to come back at least for 2 weeks but until now, it hasn't happened or might never happen because with the new job, he needs to start in the middle of Jan, so we postponed. Nothing happen here, we still keep talking.

3rd - Then one day, he completely disappeared, I was worried, I sent him 2, 3 messages but no response until the next day he texted me back said his sister got into an accident, been a tough day for him. But then following the days and weeks after that (with the new job and the accident), he didnt talk to me at all unless I text him first but it took him hours to answer. He disappeared during the conversation without saying anything (he always tell me if he needs to go somewhere before) and then come back at night end it with just a sentence "gnight" even though my last texts were asking him questions if his sister got any better and if her daughter got scared. I got super upset about it but didn't say anything until 2 days after. I was basically telling him that he didn't answer my questions 2 days ago and it'd be nice if he could just say something before disappear into thin air. He responded said it's been busy and he'll probably be disappearing again as long as it's like this and he's not going to report here every time he needs to be somewhere ... he told me I made a big deal out of it. I'm not saying he's wrong but it did drive me crazy for not knowing what's going on  and guys, I ended up saying sorry to him and said that if he has time, just text me. We were okay after that but our conversation happens less and less. Sometimes, only 2 messages saying "good morning" from me and "gnight" from him.

4th - He booked ticket to fly back from the US to see me. So, the plan is to arrive on 10th Feb. But guess what, he cancelled the flight due to the outbreak of Corona virus :(((( (i'm seriously super duper upset about this) even though he said he's looking for alternative but it's much more expensive and the date will change. I honestly do not know if that's the only reason or if there is something else. At the moment, I'm back to Vietnam for the holiday and during this time we did not exchange much messages, once again, he wouldn't text me unless I text him first and he would take hours to response to my messages. 

The reason I put the number up there because we/he have/has postponed our meeting for several times already. I'm getting frustrated, sad, angry, ... at the same time. All mixed feelings. Plus he has been so distant from me lately, I just don't know if there is someone else involve or if he really is busy or he just suddenly lose his interest ... 

I know it has only been three months so far, I know my story is nothing compare to others. But guys  I just dont know how to handle this, I'm all confused. Should I just text him anyway and act cool? or should I just keep quiet and wait until he texts me?

[stillafool]

It sounds like he is trying to give you the "slow fade" and the virus was a convenient excuse.  

3 hours ago, cupycake said:

3rd - Then one day, he completely disappeared, I was worried, I sent him 2, 3 messages but no response until the next day he texted me

How did he completely disappear if he got back to you the next day?  It was only one day.  I think he feels too much pressure from you and he doesn't want to make time.

[cupycake]

13 minutes ago, stillafool said:

It sounds like he is trying to give you the "slow fade" and the virus was a convenient excuse.  

How did he completely disappear if he got back to you the next day?  It was only one day.  I think he feels too much pressure from you and he doesn't want to make time.

Maybe I'm taking it too serious about him disappear for a day. But I guess when you said he's giving me the "slow fade" is true

[d0nnivain]

The whole thing sounds like a  logistical p.i.t.a.  I'd  put no stock in him until he calls you from your town.  Until then this just isn't viable.  

Tighten up your OLD filters to keep it local.  

[cupycake]

11 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

The whole thing sounds like a  logistical p.i.t.a.  I'd  put no stock in him until he calls you from your town.  Until then this just isn't viable.  

Tighten up your OLD filters to keep it local.  

 It just drives me crazy not knowing if he wants to stop or if he's just really busy or he is trying to make me as "plan B", etc.

I know if I drop him a message telling him how I feel all about these, he'll try to turn it over me and make it looks like I'm the crazy one >.<

[d0nnivain]

Other then info from him, what do you want?  Assume you won't get the info & it will always be like this.  Even if you meet, the distance still exists.  Do you really want to carry on this way?  How satisfying will it be to always be apart. 

If you are not getting a hard yes, assume it's a no or at least nothing more then a lukewarm maybe. 

[SumGuy]

Having to book a 2 hour flight to just have a date or meet is a recipe for disaster in my opinion.  Long distance relationships where there was a year or more of living together first are hard enough.

Say you do meet, and really hit it off, what is the plan going forward?  How would this work?  Just try not to be too unrealistic about this.

I don't think you're crazy or would seem crazy if you let him know how you feel in a non-accusatory fashion with the above in mind. 

 

[cupycake]

15 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

Having to book a 2 hour flight to just have a date or meet is a recipe for disaster in my opinion.  Long distance relationships where there was a year or more of living together first are hard enough.

Say you do meet, and really hit it off, what is the plan going forward?  How would this work?  Just try not to be too unrealistic about this.

I don't think you're crazy or would seem crazy if you let him know how you feel in a non-accusatory fashion with the above in mind. 

 

oh no .. he's back to the US now. And right now I'm in southeast asia. He lived here before. 

So, the plan is to fly back next month, he'd spend 2 weeks with me. But unfortunately this is not happening. 

I just don't know whether or not to keep quiet or should I speak up what I'm feeling. Like I answered d0nnivain, he'll probably turn this around.

[cupycake]

21 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Other then info from him, what do you want?  Assume you won't get the info & it will always be like this.  Even if you meet, the distance still exists.  Do you really want to carry on this way?  How satisfying will it be to always be apart. 

If you are not getting a hard yes, assume it's a no or at least nothing more then a lukewarm maybe. 

You got your points. It just sucks knowing that this is coming ..

[smackie9]

Unless he's flying from mainland China, he's full of crap.

[Miss Spider]

I say find someone that lives closer. I’m noticing an increasing number of women here meeting men online long distance, then wondering why they lose interest. Most men are not looking for exclusive relationships with someone they chat with through text every day and only meet once a week or once a month or once a year indefinitely. Most are looking for someone they can see and have sex with every day. Every  couple days at max. 

Edited January 30, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[VioletVelvet]

Are you sure he is who he says he is? Sounds like catfishing to me. 

 

[cupycake]

9 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I say find someone that lives closer. I’m noticing an increasing number of women here meeting men online long distance, then wondering why they lose interest. Most men are not looking for exclusive relationships with someone they chat with through text every day and only meet once a week or once a month or once a year indefinitely. Most are looking for someone they can see and have sex with every day. Every  couple days at max. 

Indeed, we were living in the same country before. Only 2 hours to fly back and we were suppose to meet by end of Nov last year. But god knows what might come up. He had to fly back to the state and then the new job. But yeah I agreed with you.

[cupycake]

Just now, cupycake said:

Indeed, we were living in the same country before. Only 2 hours to fly back and we were suppose to meet by end of Nov last year. But god knows what might come up. He had to fly back to the state and then the new job. But yeah I agreed with you.

Well, compare to others that I talked to, I think he's pretty much a nice person. I think. But maybe that was at first and not now. 

[d0nnivain]

He probably is a nice person but the logistical hurdles caused him to give up

[2BGoodAgain]

1) he's married/has a gf/in a relationship

2) he's not interested in you.

Take your pick, it's 100% one of the above. 

I'm sorry to say this, but if this is how a guy shows he's interested in you and you tolerate it.... it means...you either enjoy being a doormat or like being 2nd/3rd/4th best to whatever is keeping his attention.

Love yourself first.. protect yourself. Have pride in your value. Don't take this crap from anyone. Good luck!

[Mystery4u]

He is not interested.

I'm from Europe and when I met my ex while on holiday in another European country, I surprised her by flying an hour to where she was a few days later so I could see her again before she went back to the USA. One month later I flew to Mexico to meet her for a week as she was going there on a pre planned trip. 2 months later I flew to the USA and stayed with her for 3 weeks. I did all these things because I was interested in her. No excuses. Compare that to what actions has this guy has done to show you he is interested in you? There is your answer.

Stop talking to him and move on, you are wasting your time.

[cupycake]

Hi guys, thanks a lot for all your comments.

The last message we exchanged were 3 days ago. I was the last person sent the message and there was no response from him so far. He ghosted.

Anyhow, I guess I already have my answers. This sucks but I’ll step back.

I’m thinking of sending him a text asking what’s going on and if he wants to stop. But I’m afraid I won’t get any answer back and that would make me more furious

I think I should just stop right where I shouldn’t send anything at all, right?

Edited February 1, 2020 by cupycake

[VioletVelvet]

I would like to know if you've ever skyped/facetimed or anything where you saw him while you communicated. 

[Gr8fuln2020]

On 1/30/2020 at 7:23 AM, cupycake said:

 It just drives me crazy not knowing if he wants to stop or if he's just really busy or he is trying to make me as "plan B", etc.

I know if I drop him a message telling him how I feel all about these, he'll try to turn it over me and make it looks like I'm the crazy one >.<

You are, at best, plan B. If he comes out, it will be for a short-term fling. A long term relationship is not what he is looking for with you.

[cupycake]

1 hour ago, VioletVelvet said:

I would like to know if you've ever skyped/facetimed or anything where you saw him while you communicated. 

No we didn’t. I did mentioned several times but seems like he ignored it.

 

 

[VioletVelvet]

3 minutes ago, cupycake said:

No we didn’t. I did mentioned several times but seems like he ignored it.

 

 

Here's the thing. The guy you think you are talking to is not the guy you're talking to. I guarantee it. The pictures you've seen are not him. This is not at all uncommon. They play you along and play you along until they realize they can't anymore, then they disappear. I can't include the link here but look up this article from The Atlantic: 

A Catfishing With a Happy Ending

Emma Perrier was deceived by an older man on the internet—a hoax that turned into an unbelievable love story.

It had a happy ending but it was not with the guy who catfished her. 

I strongly, strongly suspect that's what happened with you. 

 

[cupycake]

1 hour ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

You are, at best, plan B. If he comes out, it will be for a short-term fling. A long term relationship is not what he is looking for with you.

I got that feeling.

although he has been very nice and sweet. But again, I guess it was just for the beginning. 

[ExpatInItaly]

You are wasting your time on him, OP. 

You've never met the guy, so you don't actually know him. He might be a decent person, or he might be married with 3 kids and smell like Doritos. He is currently making no plans to meet you, so really, there's nothing more to talk about. He's too far away and his interest is too low. 

In the future, do not invest in someone you have never met, particularly when they are a plane-ride away. It's not a very realistic prospect. 

EDIT: I've just seen that you have never even seen him live on webcam. OP, I guarantee you this man is not who he says he is. You've fallen for a fantasy that doesn't exist. 

Edited February 1, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[VioletVelvet]

1 hour ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

You are, at best, plan B. If he comes out, it will be for a short-term fling. A long term relationship is not what he is looking for with you.

She's not plan A or Plan B. I guarantee the guy is not real.