is it possible to be just friends with the one you love/any notes!!!

[truelyblue]

i have been in love with my best friend since a couple of years and though we were really close n trusted each other a lot we have not seen eye to eye in over a year.constant bickering and arguing.

 

he knows that i really like him ,he told me it wud not bother him but there has been a distance at times .yet i know everything ..but we are not together and can never be so is it worth staying friends ......i dont know its hard but can one breakup a frendship is the terminology right?

 

i dunno verdict please

[LucreziaBorgia]

Being friends under these circumstances is unfair to you both. You are offering friendship under false pretense, and he is accepting said 'friendship' at your emotional expense.

 

You have to ask yourself what your motivation is for wanting to be friends. If your sole motivation is being friends, simply because you are settling for less than the love you want - then there really is no reason to be friends unless you like the idea of participating in the death of your own heart on a daily basis.

[truelyblue]

i would not like my heart broken but i still cant seem to decipher whether its ok to be friends or not ........as i walk a very thin line between friendship love and love love...

i guess wot i am really trying to say is when we are friends and he is there for me then everything is fine even if he talks abt other women i dont mind as long as we are cool..but then he tends to go silent ,sometimes says he ineeds his space and then is back again.the times he is gone i miss him and then want him....so i dont know is tht longing just as a really good friend like a a soulmate friend or because i do love him and cant seem to accept it because i dont want to let him go........

 

help me!!!!!!!

[LucreziaBorgia]

You know what it is you are subjecting yourself to. You know that the situation will not change, and all you have to look forward to is varying degrees of hope and hurt - where that hope coexists firmly with the hurt. You will have to decide if the hurt from this situation is worth holding on to in order to keep feeding your hope. You can only help yourself here, and if the hurt is simply intolerable you will have to let go of that hope too, and walk away from this.

[SARose61]

Hugs to you. I get the feeling that you are living through what I did 23 years ago. I was deeply in love with a guy I considered my best friend. He would come and go, we'd be really close one week then whamo he was off doing his own thing. Then he started a serious relationship with a girl who told him that our friendship was cramping their relationship. He broke off all contact with me. OUCH! I was crushed. Back then I tolerated a lot from him. Now that I look back I put way much more into the friendship than he ever did. But that's what love is, giving without expecting anything back. It doesn't give that person the right to take advantage of you be it in a friendship or in a romantic relationship. You said he will back off needing space and then he comes back. Ask yourself why he comes back? Is it for self interest reasons? If you need him for something is he there for you if he can be?

 

I will tell you that 10 years later my guy did find me and he had grown up and realized his selfishness, his cluelessness about how I really felt about him. Life by then had taken us in different directions. But it certainly did feel good to hear him voice his apologies. We are still good friends today.

 

Hope things work out for the best,

 

Rose

[ONLYU_0315]

I am BESTFRIENDS with my ex/firstlove/first everything/ and the man i'm in love with now.

We arent together now because i'm currently involved but let me tell you, this whole process of becoming super close was very long and exhausting and hurtful. i wouldn't take any of it back now because we have something very special but it is very hard, even to this day. we both love eachother and we fool around but it's difficult.

i mean if you both know that your not gonna hook up the best way to "deal" with being his friend and only his friend is to get a man or your own and him get a woman of his own and hang out that way.

But then again jealousy comes into the picture. So ya never really know. i guess you just have to find your own way of being his friend, because there are plenty of bumps in the road that you will encounter. so it's basically how you feel about it. i guess

[truelyblue]

thanks u all..

he has been in a relationship and she was very upset that we were so close.....he did not let it bother him the initial one and half year of their relationship but then he withdrew completely and suddenly almost overnight and just was not there nemore .when he came back and decided he wanted everything to be alright he said and i quote"i was going thru some stuff myself...i have not even discussed it with my gurl and i know if i talk to you i will have to tell you everything i cant hide from you ,u know me best"

 

after this he was fine for abt 6 months and then the same thing...........

he split with his gurl around the same time.

 

the thing is, in a funny way he has always been there if i ever needed nething.had to get something done .but then if i was sick he told me i dont know how to handle tht if i was sad he wud console me and then tell me "i cant c u upset i think u need time with urself."..............he has said things like i love you and care abt you and i dont want to lose you.after a fight he wud say" even after all this while if somthing happens to me ur the first person i want to call............."

 

so i really cant figure out which is it because if all this points to tht he cares for me as a friend i wud really go for it its hard to find a good guy but harder to find a gr8 friend inspite of the pain.

 

yes it is me who is more weaker between us .one who does more but its hard to put aside all the good times.

 

there is one thing i want to ask........

can we trust a person who is all words and no action.......

he is kinda like that and i spoke to him abt it he said he is a words kinda guy if it hurts me so much he will try action but thts not him........

 

by action i mean ......if someone cares abt you the way they behave with you lets you know more thn words ,with him its generally words.......

 

any input wud be gr8!!!!!!!!!!!

[AZPAZP]

when i was liking on my friend i told him i liked him. He started acting all different to. That's something that happens because they only see you as a friend. When another one of my friends started liking me i felt weird because it just doesn't feel right you only think of them as a friend. You don't like them.

[truelyblue]

hey,

i posted something earlier....please read n help me!!!!!!!

[LucreziaBorgia]

hey,

i posted something earlier....please read n help me!!!!!!!

 

There is nothing anyone can say or do to change your situation. Only you can do that, since it is apparent this guy wants nothing to do with you romatically. So, your only choice is to stay in a horribly painful situation or end your pain by finding a way out. Unfortunately, the only way out of this is the way you refuse to take. So, in a sense you are firmly choosing your own pain and hurt. Not sure how someone can help you to rid your pain if you are so determined to keep yourself in it.

 

Perhaps you can approach it differently, though. You say you want help - but what is it you really want? If you could wave a magic wand and make things work 100% in your favor, what would that outcome be that would make you happy?

 

Ok, answer that and you've identified what it is you want to happen. The next step is figuring out realistically how you can make that happen. Is there a realisitic way to make a guy love you romantically who simply doesn't want that sort of relationship with you? No? Then your choice is limited: adapt to your pain, or leave it.

[Jayhawks]

You know you don't want to be just friends with him. This is why you are having to much trouble coming to grips with your feelings. You want him near and enjoy his company but you want to take that next step and truly belong to him. He does not seem to want to take that next step with you. Can you deal with being near him and not feel that completeness in your heart?

I think you need to back away and see if you can see him as just a friend. If you can then you both are good to go but if you feel anger or jealousy for him then you need to protect your heart if you expect to have a complete life with someone. Sometimes we must make hard decisions to have a chance at joy. Make the right one for you.

[truelyblue]

hey thanx for the replies...........

you are right i do have to make the decision ultimately............i guess for now ill just take a back seat and watch how my feelings are doing. hes in a diff continent so it should not be so hard as there is little communication , this shud give me time to work things out in my heart n head and then c where i want to go..........

 

the problem is m not sure if i love love him you know............its a little hard to explain maybe i have gone and become obsessed with how much he was there for me as a friend and put him into a bf equation...........i guess i need to take off all the expectations and let things take their own course..........

 

i need to figure out which is harder losing one of my closest friends or not having him become my bf..........

 

wot say???????????