AgainstAllOdds1 Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) What boxes need to be checked off before you sit down and have the DTR talk? I've been dating a girl for 1-2 months and things have been great. We've gone out, we've stayed in on quiet nights, we've stayed over each other's places - we've done everything you would expect early on in a relationship. But one thing we haven't done is meet the other's friends and family. This could be due to our hectic schedules - she works long hours during the week and I work weekends. Do we need to accomplish this before exclusivity? Edited January 29, 2020 by AgainstAllOdds1
basil67 Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 You can be exclusive any time you want. There are no boxes to check because it's not a marriage proposal. If it doesn't work, then you end it. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 Why? You would need to meet friends & family before getting engaged but nobody other then the 2 of you have any bearing on having a relationship.
Caauug Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 You have done well so far. Keep it up. If it's starting to turn cereal...… Before getting too committed you should meet friends and family. Friends will show you what she is like, as in "Birds of a feather flock together" Not always but mostly...... Family will show you about her up bringing. Chances are she will look like her mother at that age. Not always but.... What is the atmosphere like in their home? Easy going or ridged, what are the morals and values of the parents as they were likely passed them down. Remember, a lot can be said but what is shown is closer to the truth. 1
scooby-philly Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 2 hours ago, Caauug said: Friends will show you what she is like, as in "Birds of a feather flock together" Not always but mostly...... Family will show you about her up bringing. What is the atmosphere like in their home? Remember, a lot can be said but what is shown is closer to the truth. @AgainstAllOdds1 - @Caauug said it best and I've boiled it down to their three main points. 1. Friends reveal who we think we are and/or who we want to be 2. Family reveals who we were shaped to be originally 3. Actions speak to who we really are. Remember - as adults we have the choice as to who are friends are and also how much time we spend with family and what we tolerate from them or don't tolerate. And the trick to the first 6-12 months of dating is to discover patterns - seeing the person in as many settings under as many circumstances as possible to get a clear picture of who they are as a person, not who they say they are - cause that's not always aligned (most cases it isn't these days). And at 2 months - there's no pressure to meet family yet - but you should start meeting her friends between now and 6 months. If at 6 months she hasn't brought up meeting her family - then I would be cautious. On a personal note - I can't stress enough the patterns. I was foolish in my last relationship. I was love bombed in the beginning, and for the first time had met and had someone interested in me who was (I thought) sweet, affectionate, open with their sexuality (without being an actual serial adulterer) and what happened - I ignored the signs, the patterns that she was immature, she was from a shaming, un-supportive, bitter family, and I let it continue and continue and continue till she ghosted me at almost two years...That said - it sounds like you're not rushing into this with blinders on so kudos to you for that! Just keep the game plan in mind - now to 6 months meet the friends. If not by 6 months, at 6 months you should start meeting family. If she balks on either front or you meet and then she reduces or limits exposure, she's not sure about you. 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 Good grief, if you like the lady and things are going well, there's no reason NOT to have the talk. People can be friends with others who have different views on things, so that doesn't tell you everything, and no one gets to pick his/her family.
Gaeta Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) No, you don't meet friends and family before exclusivity. You want to introduce to your family someone that has proven themselves to you and you are exclusive with, otherwise you'll be introducing new women to your family left and right and it's not respectful of them. It's ok to wait 4-5-6 months. My daughter introduced her boyfriend to me after almost 1 year dating. Being exclusive is not having a long term relationship, it only means you will date exclusively. Time will make it a long term relationship. If you are looking for long term then your conversations together should evolve around your life goals, do you both want children, do you both have the same view on raising a family, same view on religion, politics, moral value, finances, etc. It's not something you will learn in 1 conversation but with time that's why it takes time to date and get to know someone. Edited January 29, 2020 by Gaeta 2
Blind-Sided Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 (edited) I don't think you have to meet anyone to be exclusive in Dating with another person. Honestly, at this point in my life... I don't know if I would want my friends and family to meet people I was just "dating". Once it gets serious... then I would bring her around. The reason is... my mom was heartbroken when my ex snapped and wanted to break apart our family. So, I don't want to give my mother false hopes that things are going good. (She wants me and my kids to be happy) Also... I have kids... and I don't want to bring anyone home until it's a locked in relationship. When I was young (High school, College)... I would bring home anyone I would want to go out with. With that said... I guess that is one upside of social media, and having friends set me up. I can peek into their lives, and I already know their friends. Edited January 30, 2020 by Blind-Sided
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