Are there normal guys on online dating?

[manfrombelow2]

If "normal" here is defined as "high-quality alpha men who got their sh*t together and who are not needy, clingy and desperate when it comes to dating and sex", I don't think there are many of them on the online dating world.

Because the entire concept of "online dating" is already abnormal. And is very likely to fail, most of the time.

Edited February 6, 2020 by thaygiaogiang

[kevinjones]

On 1/28/2020 at 8:20 PM, Malin889 said:

 

"I'm just being direct. I'm all set with meeting up. Good luck to you!"   Like, what the heck?  Are there any mature, normal guys out there?  I give up!  I was being direct too by saying that, and I guess he didn't like it.  Ugh.  I don't have the effort to keep going on this darn thing! 

 

 

Dating is different for a guy than a girl.  And guys have different priorities. 

The date for a guy involves planning, paying, facing possible rejection. He never even met you. You are one of thousands of profiles. He never saw your smile, felt you, etc. 

So when the time comes, unless he thinks you might be "the one", or unless he things sex is a sure thing, he has better things to do. His hobby, go out with the guys, go out to look for girls in real life, do nothing, or sit online and look for sex. Just about any of those are better than sitting through a date with a total stranger you might not even like. 

[some_username1]

Full disclaimer: As a guy who has been asked by women why I’m having to online date because I’m (allegedly!) funny, hot, respectful and not a weirdo I feel I have a good grasp of what is generally considered acceptable to say on online dating and imo at this point that I think you might have veered into the “too sensitive” category OP.

I’m always straight up with women early on that I am attracted to them because of their curvy figure and their big boobs or whatever. Maybe because my conversational style is both funny and matter of fact they can appreciate I’m just being honest rather than sleazy, but still, nobody has ever given me a hard time about commenting on it. Although to be fair I initially refer to them as “boobs” or “breasts”. Online dating is a visual medium so there should be some expectation that someone has swiped right on you for your figure so there shouldn’t be any need to try and shy away from that. When we’re swiping we are all of us not thinking: “I bet that ugly MFer has a *great* personality! Definite right swipe!”

I also noticed you made a point of mentioning someone who said they were picky. I’m really not sure why that is an important detail? What’s the issue with being picky? If anything I *want* the person I’m speaking to tell me they are picky because otherwise they are just swiping on anything or looking to settle and neither of those is attractive.

[some_username1]

On 2/4/2020 at 6:48 PM, ccas93 said:

Let's be real though, being a normal, mature, good guy on OLD rarely works. You try to strike up a normal, interesting conversation with a girl you find attractive, and 95% of the time she puts zero effort into getting to know you and disappears after a few half assed, one-line messages. Or even if you do get her involved in the conversation a little bit, she often starts looking for any reason to stop talking to you. 

That said, I have been on enough online dates and gotten laid enough from OLD to know not every woman is this way. But I'd say it's the majority. 

Christ isn’t that the truth! I saw a profile the other day that had “Do you know what’s really hot? An actual conversation!”

She had a killer figure, so, seeing as text chat is somewhat of a forte of mine I thought it should be pretty straight forward to get a date set up....yet she replied only a couple of words at a time, sporadically, complaining about how men don’t know how to have a conversation! She was the worst conversationalist I’ve encountered and I could write a book on The lack of effort women put in!

Sometimes I think that you really do get out of it what you put in....but then for all the many  compliments I get I’m still single so perhaps the “take it seriously” approach is actually doomed to failure and the real winners are the sleaze merchants- perhaps they started out trying to treat the women right yet figured out a lot earlier than I did that it’s a losing strategy....*smh*

[kevinjones]

45 minutes ago, some_username1 said:

Christ isn’t that the truth! I saw a profile the other day that had “Do you know what’s really hot? An actual conversation!”

She had a killer figure, so, seeing as text chat is somewhat of a forte of mine I thought it should be pretty straight forward to get a date set up....yet she replied only a couple of words at a time, sporadically, complaining about how men don’t know how to have a conversation! She was the worst conversationalist I’ve encountered and I could write a book on The lack of effort women put in!

Sometimes I think that you really do get out of it what you put in....but then for all the many  compliments I get I’m still single so perhaps the “take it seriously” approach is actually doomed to failure and the real winners are the sleaze merchants- perhaps they started out trying to treat the women right yet figured out a lot earlier than I did that it’s a losing strategy....*smh*

I have found that the women  I totally ghosted, stood up, and ignored would never leave me alone.  Unfortunately I did that because I was never that interested, so it does me no good.

And the ones where you are a stand up guy,  take an effort,  and try to meet them I saw  with what you encountered. not much feedback. Little conversation. Delayed responses etc. 

I think in some way a woman always views you as "a catch" if you are too busy for them or have little interest. Maybe more exciting for them ? it makes you seem more valuable?

[SumGuy]

4 hours ago, kevinjones said:

The date for a guy involves planning, paying, facing possible rejection. He never even met you. You are one of thousands of profiles. He never saw your smile, felt you, etc. 

So when the time comes, unless he thinks you might be "the one", or unless he things sex is a sure thing, he has better things to do. His hobby, go out with the guys, go out to look for girls in real life, do nothing, or sit online and look for sex. Just about any of those are better than sitting through a date with a total stranger you might not even like. 

I'd say to the first line so what.  If planning a date and potentially paying for it are a burden you got bigger problems.  Facing rejection?  Seriously, in man world don't we face rejection/competition/failure all the time in our work, in sports.  Isn't the measure of a man how he deals with it?  How he does not let it color his view of the world? 

And yes on her end she needs to also get ready, maybe have a plan in case you are dangerous (she has no idea who you are), and possibly face rejection.

Lastly on the first line, I am hoping you chose a woman to ask out who has a smile on her face tin at least one of her profile pics, if not then that may be your problem.

 

Your second part "he has better things to do", just wow!   News flash, so does she.  What do you think you are entitled to here, guaranteed sex if you pay for dinner so as to not waste your time?  Yes the date may suck, or it may be great, in the end you will never really know until you go on it.  It takes guts, a certain fortitude...and hopefully good screening so it is more likely the date is fun even if the chemistry is not there.

This attitude that socializing and meeting people and just having a conversation is not worth your time is  pretty self-centered how I was raised.   You meet folks without expectations that they are going to do something for you, you enjoy them for them and there is no short cut to getting to really know someone except to spend time with them. 

And how is meeting someone on a date not looking for girls in real life?  These girls in real life are strangers until you meet them.  Not sure how that is any more a time saver or any less a chance of getting rejected...unless it is just hitting on women at bars and clubs until one says yes.

In the end if your time is so valuable, then hire a matchmaker to do the work for you.

[Allupinnit]

If the woman is only providing vague one-liners back she isn't all that interested and doesn't care to have a conversation.  Doesn't necessarily mean she's bad at it.

My H treats me right and I didn't have to chase him at all.

[kevinjones]

17 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

I'd say to the first line so what.  If planning a date and potentially paying for it are a burden you got bigger problems.  Facing rejection?  Seriously, in man world don't we face rejection/competition/failure all the time in our work, in sports.  Isn't the measure of a man how he deals with it?  How he does not let it color his view of the world? 

And yes on her end she needs to also get ready, maybe have a plan in case you are dangerous (she has no idea who you are), and possibly face rejection.

Lastly on the first line, I am hoping you chose a woman to ask out who has a smile on her face tin at least one of her profile pics, if not then that may be your problem.

 

Your second part "he has better things to do", just wow!   News flash, so does she.  What do you think you are entitled to here, guaranteed sex if you pay for dinner so as to not waste your time?  Yes the date may suck, or it may be great, in the end you will never really know until you go on it.  It takes guts, a certain fortitude...and hopefully good screening so it is more likely the date is fun even if the chemistry is not there.

This attitude that socializing and meeting people and just having a conversation is not worth your time is  pretty self-centered how I was raised.   You meet folks without expectations that they are going to do something for you, you enjoy them for them and there is no short cut to getting to really know someone except to spend time with them. 

And how is meeting someone on a date not looking for girls in real life?  These girls in real life are strangers until you meet them.  Not sure how that is any more a time saver or any less a chance of getting rejected...unless it is just hitting on women at bars and clubs until one says yes.

In the end if your time is so valuable, then hire a matchmaker to do the work for you.

I don't online date. I meet women in real life. Was just pointing out why men probably don't sho up for blind dates. 

Edited February 6, 2020 by kevinjones

[ccas93]

I just want a nice normal conversation for a once... just not with you... and you.. and you. and you and you and you