SumGuy Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 17 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: I dunno... I think this is good....He qualified himself..Right up front... .I mean you would have to admit that it would have been FAR worse if he blew smoke up your behind just to get laid, no?? I'd have to agree, it's pretty clear to me there is no way you open or begin with that. It's an approach that is crude and just looking for those DTF. From both the conservative/traditional cultural side as well as the liberal/progressive side it'es generally considered repugnant. Heck, even in the DTF crowd it may not be cool to be so crude. I believe a lot of men have no problem being treated like a sex object, but a lot of women do. Maybe an analogy is if a woman started asking a man how much he makes, what's in his 401k right off, as most men don't like being treated like just a wallet. In the end you are interacting in a way that reduces the other person to just an object meant to satisfy your need, be it sex, money, status, it says I don't give an F about what you want, you're just here for my pleasure to use and then dispose of. Some are all into being an object of any kind, most are not. In real life it puts women in an awkward position, just because they ignore it and may counter it with banter to shut it down doesn't mean they like it. It's also the kind of thing a guy who would assault them will say, not that all men who say this assault women, but I suspect most men who assault women say things like this. If her profile was all about just looking for a good time, with provocative pictures, etc. then yes maybe you could think that might be well received. There are also classier ways to go about it. If the profile is anything other than sending signals I'm looking for a hook-up it's just being a pig to begin interactions that way. I get that a lot of men don't see that, or think it's no big thing, just a joke, which boggles my mind and brings to mind a favorite expression of mine..."manners maketh the man." If high sexual energy is a huge part of what you need, there are far better and classier ways to go about finding that out.
SumGuy Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 2 hours ago, jspice said: Ok. And? Does it matter whether it’s done by a man or a woman? Its low brow either way. Can’t have much of a brain if all someone can focus on is body parts and physical attributes. It's crude either way, it's just in my experience men don't mind being treated like sex objects, and in fact find it flattering. A better analogy is for the woman to treat the guy like a wallet, where it's all about what she gets out of it. 3
SumGuy Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 37 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said: Fair enough.... I am just not that uptight over small stuff...And I wouldn't want someone around that was that uptight, either.. And you are mischaracterizing a small comment by saying its "all someone can focus on"...Women drop comments like this all the time.. As I stated before, its not something I would do, but when it was done to me, I never thought it was something to throw fits over, nor would I necessarily consider it low brow....Especially if there is some chemistry that was established... What's small to one is not small to another. And related just because it is small to me doesn't mean when someone thinks otherwise it is an over reaction. My amateur view is you get such a visceral reaction from women is that being treated like sex objects, and controlled has a long history and in fact is still going on in many parts of the world. It's a mind set that has led to their oppression and exploitation, or certainly a reminder of it. You may not think this banter is about that, and for you it may not be, but it often is and a woman who doesn't really know you has no way to know. So I believe women's reactions in this regard are perfectly justified. Likewise for men, men react very badly to things they believe are reducing them to wallets, as this is a not an uncommon characteristic of women who exploit and use them. You'll see women confounded why men get so up in arms at times about paying for dates, even calling them names and impugning there manhood, but most men know it is not about if they can or can't pay...it is about being viewed through that lens which is worrisome and repugnant. So I believe men's reactions in this regard are perfectly justified. 2
jspice Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 1 hour ago, thefooloftheyear said: Fair enough.... I am just not that uptight over small stuff...And I wouldn't want someone around that was that uptight, either.. And you are mischaracterizing a small comment by saying its "all someone can focus on"...Women drop comments like this all the time.. As I stated before, its not something I would do, but when it was done to me, I never thought it was something to throw fits over, nor would I necessarily consider it low brow....Especially if there is some chemistry that was established... .02 TFY You keep making it about women. I didn’t say women don’t do it. All good and well if you’re fine with it. Doesn’t mean others have to be.
jspice Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 1 hour ago, SumGuy said: It's crude either way, it's just in my experience men don't mind being treated like sex objects, and in fact find it flattering. A better analogy is for the woman to treat the guy like a wallet, where it's all about what she gets out of it. Right!! A better comparison.
2BGoodAgain Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 some guys like to fish...and feel accomplished doing it. Yes, there are normal guys out there. No, most of them are weird. Yes, most normal guys are weird. Look, you're not looking for just anybody... you're looking for someone special for you. Well, that special will cost you time and a thick skin... you're gonna meet many weirdos, b/c let's face it... it's online. There'a reason these guys are online. Then again, i guess you could go to the bar, but then you get that crowd.. lol. In ANY scenario.. you have to shift thru the bull to find the diamond in the ruff, as the saying goes... hang in there. Also, different scenario, diff rules.... online vs bar vs clubs vs dating sites... etc. watch out for those guys who are just online for a quick hook up. Mostly b/c they are prob married.
thefooloftheyear Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, SumGuy said: My amateur view is you get such a visceral reaction from women is that being treated like sex objects, and controlled has a long history and in fact is still going on in many parts of the world. It's a mind set that has led to their oppression and exploitation, or certainly a reminder of it. You may not think this banter is about that, and for you it may not be, but it often is and a woman who doesn't really know you has no way to know. So I believe women's reactions in this regard are perfectly justified. I'm not saying it's unjustified nor am I saying its all women vs men.... I dunno....I get it....we live in a time now, that for some people its taboo to even tell them they look nice...They';ll consider it offensive...And that's great...I have no issue with it... Meanwhile, practically ALL of the women I know my age drop sexual innuendo about seemingly anything....Like I remember one time a woman on social media took a picture of herself at the market with a foot long cucumber in her hand with the caption..."yeah babay"...The comments ensued...one more salty than the other.. In other words,. who knows? Maybe the guy that passed along the comment about liking big breasts thinks he's dealing with a woman who is ok with that type of banter.....And if you think about it, its a dating site...sexual chemistry and flirting are just part of the deal, I would think..... The real irony here is I never met a woman with larger breasts that didn't deliberately accentuate that fact if they were out there trying to attract a man...Even obscenely heavy women make sure you are aware that they have enormous breasts.. I guess my only point is that there is a large amount of area in between " I like a woman with larger breasts" and "blow me and go the fck home"... TFY Edited January 31, 2020 by thefooloftheyear 1
Allupinnit Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 Again @thefooloftheyear - who are your friends?! Posting something like that to social media is beyond trashy. Gross. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 4 minutes ago, Allupinnit said: Again @thefooloftheyear - who are your friends?! Posting something like that to social media is beyond trashy. Gross. Not friends...I have no female friends...I don't count social media followers as friends... But nonetheless, I don't necessarily see it as "gross"....Kinda silly? sure... Many people just don't take themselves so seriously all the time...its not like she was flashing her tits or anything...its really just a joke... TFY 1
jspice Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 7 hours ago, Allupinnit said: Again @thefooloftheyear - who are your friends?! Posting something like that to social media is beyond trashy. Gross. Right?!
VioletVelvet Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 14 hours ago, SumGuy said: It's crude either way, it's just in my experience men don't mind being treated like sex objects, and in fact find it flattering. A better analogy is for the woman to treat the guy like a wallet, where it's all about what she gets out of it. Whether or not it's a man or a woman and whether or not it's crude, talking about sex or boobs or other sexual body parts in a first or very early conversation is setting the stage for the relationship to be purely sexual and probably a hook-up. If that's what both parties want, then cool. But if the woman is looking for something more substantial and thinks a particular man may be interesting and then that comes out -- well for me it's just a roll of the eyes and oh great, another one. Instant yawn and delete. 3
Author Malin889 Posted February 2, 2020 Author Posted February 2, 2020 Ok what do you guys think of this: A guy emailed me online yesterday and says hi how you doing blah blah. He looks like a nice guy, but he says in his profile that he’s “looking for women open to non-monogamy” yet he’s single. I know what non monogamy means, but I don’t know what it means in his case. Anyway, I said, “you seem like a nice guy, but sorry I’m not looking for non-monogamy, but good luck” and he responds with “thanks but I can change I was only experimenting with that sorry.” Huh???
kevinjones Posted February 2, 2020 Posted February 2, 2020 Yes, there are normal men online dating. The vast majority. I feel a man treats a woman different if he feels she is actually relationship material. No sexual innuendo etc. Now with online dating, the vast majority of women he sees are probably not what he wants, but could fulfill a role of "just sex". So he throws innuendo out, and if he does this to 5 or 10 women, probably one or two will bite. People are busy these days, and if you don't check all the boxes, it is a waste of time to just go have dinner. So men naturally gravitate to the more "sure thing" 1
kevinjones Posted February 2, 2020 Posted February 2, 2020 1 hour ago, Malin889 said: Ok what do you guys think of this: A guy emailed me online yesterday and says hi how you doing blah blah. He looks like a nice guy, but he says in his profile that he’s “looking for women open to non-monogamy” yet he’s single. I know what non monogamy means, but I don’t know what it means in his case. Anyway, I said, “you seem like a nice guy, but sorry I’m not looking for non-monogamy, but good luck” and he responds with “thanks but I can change I was only experimenting with that sorry.” Huh??? Why are you thinking about a guy who basically wants "just sex"? Is he probably out of your league in other ways? He must be one of the few guys who openly states that.
Author Malin889 Posted February 2, 2020 Author Posted February 2, 2020 13 minutes ago, kevinjones said: Why are you thinking about a guy who basically wants "just sex"? Is he probably out of your league in other ways? He must be one of the few guys who openly states that. I’m not thinking about him. I actually blocked him. And he’s actually not one of the few who openly states that, I’ve actually come across quite a few who have “liked” my profile or messaged me who either are non-monogamous or married or seeing someone, even though I say I’m only looking for a long term monogamous relationship. It actually happens quite often online. By posting my post above, I was just explaining yet another crazy thing I encountered during my online dating experiences. The fact that someone could just change his preference from non-monogamous to monogamous is very odd. What was funny was the fact that he said “I could change”. Whatever! 1
kevinjones Posted February 2, 2020 Posted February 2, 2020 1 minute ago, Malin889 said: I’m not thinking about him. I actually blocked him. And he’s actually not one of the few who openly states that, I’ve actually come across quite a few who have “liked” my profile or messaged me who either are non-monogamous or married or seeing someone, even though I say I’m only looking for a long term monogamous relationship. It actually happens quite often online. By posting my post above, I was just explaining yet another crazy thing I encountered during my online dating experiences. The fact that someone could just change his preference from non-monogamous to monogamous is very odd. What was funny was the fact that he said “I could change”. Whatever! I hear you. For guys it is numbers game. Many women state they are looking for something serious, but then after a few emails invite you over for sex. More or less a guy can run off 20 emails to women in a few minutes, and some will bite. We often times don't take it that serious. Just fun.
kevinjones Posted February 2, 2020 Posted February 2, 2020 I also think men and women lie a lot online. Often times when I used to online date this would occur.. a. Woman says she wants a relationship. Not just sex. b. I come at her with "just sex" c. She then admits she already has a FWB, but wants "more" with someone else. Now why on Earth would I want to waste time dating a girl who is already sleeping with someone?
salparadise Posted February 2, 2020 Posted February 2, 2020 There are all types online, just like there are all types walking down the street. It’s your job to discern which have potential and which are just checking to see if you’re low hanging fruit. If your profile contains innuendo or pics featuring cleavage, you’re going to draw a lot of flies. To ask a question, as though you should be able to deduce something meaningful about all men based on the comments of one or two, is pretty shortsighted. Read between the lines and be aware that most are not a good match... it takes exactly one good one to create a success story. 2
Zippy2000 Posted February 4, 2020 Posted February 4, 2020 On 1/29/2020 at 4:00 PM, fromheart said: It's not how I think, its what any man knows. You asked the question and I'm giving you the reality. A very attractive woman is bombarded with male attention constantly. She doesn't need to go online. Most of the attention you get online is going to come from desperadoes, and men digging around the bottom of the barrel. For less ethical men, it becomes a free pass to be sleazy and horrible as I'm sure you've noticed. If you don't want the attention of desperadoes and barrel digging sleazy guys, don't date online. You asked the question, that's the reality. Whoa! Excuse me! Your opinion is very subjective and is also very condescending to millions or genuine people who are looking for love or a relationship. You don't speak for every man. Also saying the attention you get is from "desparodoes"!? men digging the bottom of the barrel! Lets not forget the millions of people who have successfully met and married from online. People who wouldn't have met in their own circles to try online. My friend who met his American girlfriend and now online who has come to UK to get married. My friend from work who met his now wife online too. You forget there are different online sites that attract different clients. The rise of Tinder or POF were originally set up for hook ups and not relationships. Please don't generalise people or stereotype them as "bottom of the barrel" and not to go online. That is just plain rude and also ripping into a multi million dollar/pound industry.
kevinjones Posted February 4, 2020 Posted February 4, 2020 (edited) On 1/29/2020 at 5:35 AM, fromheart said: I'll be honest with you, most men know that the real attractive, emotionally secure women don't need to go on dating sites. Dating sites are digging around the bottom of the barrel to get laid. Women have an illusionary sense of power online, so the dysfunction is complete. I don't use dating sites. Perhaps the most accurate assessment of online dating I have ever read. Certain women enjoy it, because they do get lots of attention (largely for just sex) which they never get in real life. And men can be sleazy and anonymous with what are perceived to be easy lays. It's just like anything else. Good jobs are taken before they hit newspaper wants ads. Good deals on cars are sold before they hit Autotrader. And Good homes are sold and not sitting around on Zillow for 6 months. Edited February 4, 2020 by kevinjones 1
thefooloftheyear Posted February 4, 2020 Posted February 4, 2020 13 minutes ago, kevinjones said: Perhaps the most accurate assessment of online dating I have ever read. Certain women enjoy it, because they do get lots of attention (largely for just sex) which they never get in real life. And men can be sleazy and anonymous with what are perceived to be easy lays. It's just like anything else. Good jobs are taken before they hit newspaper wants ads. Good deals on cars are sold before they hit Autotrader. And Good homes are sold and not sitting around on Zillow for 6 months. Man.....You nailed this...Bout the most accurate representation I have ever heard.. TFY
Fletch Lives Posted February 4, 2020 Posted February 4, 2020 One of my lady friends once said I'm the only normal guy she's met from online dating. That's really sad. There are lot's of undesirables and scammers on dating sites. But in the end, you only need to find one good one. 1
Allupinnit Posted February 4, 2020 Posted February 4, 2020 I met my H on Tinder. I was 38, never been married. He's divorced. We're normal and attractive, educated and make good money. I had men treat me all kinds of ways online from the very serious to the hopeful ONS, regardless of how I conducted myself. It's always a crapshoot - people come into the date a lot of times on the rebound or brokenhearted from the last person, and that colors what they're ready for. Plenty of people lie to themselves about their true intentions - and you have zero idea who you're going to meet. But that's the case with dating anyone. My H and I both had similar experiences online, albeit he is always shocked at some of the stories I tell about the clowns I had the privilege of meeting. I had a few boyfriends over the years, met some creeps, had some casual sex. Just like him. I think the trouble comes online when people expect results unlike they'd already get in real life. Being online and dating doesn't entitle anyone to anything. 1
ccas93 Posted February 4, 2020 Posted February 4, 2020 (edited) Let's be real though, being a normal, mature, good guy on OLD rarely works. You try to strike up a normal, interesting conversation with a girl you find attractive, and 95% of the time she puts zero effort into getting to know you and disappears after a few half assed, one-line messages. Or even if you do get her involved in the conversation a little bit, she often starts looking for any reason to stop talking to you. That said, I have been on enough online dates and gotten laid enough from OLD to know not every woman is this way. But I'd say it's the majority. Edited February 4, 2020 by ccas93
Author Malin889 Posted February 5, 2020 Author Posted February 5, 2020 On 2/4/2020 at 1:48 PM, ccas93 said: Let's be real though, being a normal, mature, good guy on OLD rarely works. You try to strike up a normal, interesting conversation with a girl you find attractive, and 95% of the time she puts zero effort into getting to know you and disappears after a few half assed, one-line messages. Or even if you do get her involved in the conversation a little bit, she often starts looking for any reason to stop talking to you. That said, I have been on enough online dates and gotten laid enough from OLD to know not every woman is this way. But I'd say it's the majority. You must be a guy then?? See, as a woman, I put in a lot of effort, and notice there’s a lot of guys who put in half-assed one liners.
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