SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 (edited) On 1/28/2020 at 5:20 PM, Malin889 said: Ok, two weird online dating scenarios in the last week: 1) A guy from online dating who I had been in contact on and off finally asked me last Thursday if I wanted to go out the next night. I said yes. I'm not always able to go out so soon due to finding a babysitter, but my daughter was going to be with her dad and I didn't have plans, so I figured, why not? We had plans to go out for a drink. I was excited because we messaged back and forth a few times and the messages were witty and fun. The next afternoon, he texted saying he had a semi-emergency at work and had to cancel and could we reschedule. He works as a manager at a hotel, so I didn't think it was completely false that there would be an emergency on a Friday night. But when I said "let me know when you'd like to reschedule", there was no response. Ok fine. You asked me out dude. Next. 2) Today I was messaging someone who seemed very nice and normal, and he lived a couple towns over from me. We were messaging quite a few times throughout the day. I asked if he wanted to get together for a drink or coffee. We agreed on Friday and he found a place to meet up. He's a couple years younger than me, no big deal. Anyway, then he asks to be FB friends. (It's the FB dating site). I'm cautious about people being Facebook friends with me who I don't know because I have pictures of my daughter on there. (Maybe I'm being paranoid but I don't care.) Anyway, I agreed to be FB friends with him, but I wasn't comfortable with it. (I'm sure he's a nice normal person, but you never know.) I was actually going to defriend him on FB right after we chatted. Anyway, after we made the date, he said, "you being older turns me on", he said it a couple of times. It was making me feel uncomfortable. Then he IMed me on FB messenger and said it again. I responded back saying "honestly that makes me uncomfortable that you say that". I'm not being a prude, but I'm on the dating site to meet a nice normal guy and hopefully have a relationship and I don't like when guys start to get a little creepy. He then responds back right away, "I'm just being direct. I'm all set with meeting up. Good luck to you!" Like, what the heck? Are there any mature, normal guys out there? I give up! I was being direct too by saying that, and I guess he didn't like it. Ugh. I don't have the effort to keep going on this darn thing! Any what is it with guys holding up gigantic fish in their profile photos?! enough with the giant fish! I would say that you effected both of those scenarios yourself. If you want to be treated that way (times two), just go to a bar somewhere on a random night - you can depend on just those sorts of interactions. To categorize any of this under "online dating" is all but technically wrong, since you didn't even give the online/internet part any TIME to make the wanted difference. The best online matchups occur after both sides have had multiple online-only interactions across some amount of time, in order so that each is brought to a point where they know what to talk about among the pawns of the other's life, etc. The other stupid sh*t that people love to equate with OLD is effectively anything but OLD... it's like seeing a Facebook notice about a house party happening tonight, and racing over there and finding some drunken buffoon and attaching yourself to him at the time and then coming back to Loveshack to complain about everything he did. You in that case effected your own result. And yes, there are millions of completely clueless people who participate in OLD exactly as you have, and who in turn continue to give OLD an even worse name even though their mentioned experiences have nearly zero to do with OLD. (it's as if these people just happened to be "online" when they were reminded there is a basketball game nearby tonight... so they went to the game, met someone in an adjacent seat, hit it off for about 20 minutes... and thought that to be significant enough to invite them out with true friends after the game, only to wonder later why those actual friends could only point, laugh and insult the interloper. That before returning to Loveshack to post their post-basketball social traumas on a thread titled "Online dating") Edited January 30, 2020 by SincereOnlineGuy
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 News flash, folks! People who are sleazy online are sleazy offline. It's just much more convenient to communicate with multiple people at once. MEET. MEET in person and you are on your way to dating. Communicating online exclusively is not dating or having a relationship. Until you meet, have conversations, face to face, spend physical time together, you will not know that person. 2 1
chillii Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 Well , l'm a decent guy that was looking for something real and l was on a date site once. So there' was one anyway haha, and l've had a few friends using them too , both good guys . As far as RL and date sites , tbh , l dunno really , both have pitfalls . Personally , yeah there was all the usual crap and stuff you read in women on the date site l was on , but there were decent women too , on there same reason as me and l met some great ;ladies so they were there. Guys in general , l dunno , girls l met hadn't had much luck though. 1
jspice Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 It’s pointless to try to rationalise with the above poster. He accuses women of hating men in almost every post he makes. He can’t really argue his point without somehow condescending to people. he thinks he knows better. He doesn’t. I’d suggest ignoring him since his theories make no sense anyway. 2 4
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 (edited) While there are inappropriate people on line & in person my experience has been that people were more polite in person. Of course in a crowded club there will be some bumping, grinding or groping but in a less crowded situation those incidental contacts don't happen, let alone the intentional grabbing, Somebody mentioned that all the "beautiful" people play games because they can but average looking folks are more genuine. That also has not been my experience. My husband is drop dead gorgeous movie star handsome but he is a sweet, reliable guy. I met him in person. Ironically I was looking for the excitement of a player & thought based on his looks that he'd fit the bill. The 3 guys I dated from on-line were barely average looking. I had resigned myself to being in my late 30s & that it was time to stop being superficial, so I agreed to date men whose photos weren't making me swoon. They were all overweight; none had great hair; they weren't stylish / fashionable and they all had trouble holding a conversation due to shyness or social awkwardness. However they were all well educated & successful. Still for me it was 1 & done on the dates. I paid for one dinner just to get the heck out of there & split the other 2 checks because I did not want to be beholden to these men. To the women on this thread who said they can't meet people other then OL because they are busy business owners, my favorite hunting grounds were business networking events. I met my husband at a business card exchange. I'd go to the events to drum up business for my fledgling company but flirt if there was a cute guy. Killed two birds with one stone -- improved my personal marketing / brand and gave me huge pools of eligible successful men. Like somebody else said, there is some level of not wanting the whole world to know you are "out there." When I was contemplating going on line, I picked e-harmony in part because it was closed. You had to be a member to see the matches. A friend of mine had a side gig as a bartender. I was horrified when people would come in & tell her they saw her on Match. The idea of that turned me off Gr8tfuln2020 is on to something. No matter what you have to interact in person. That will always be the key to assessing compatibility. OLD is a tool. It's not magic. You can't treat it like the only way to meet someone. Be open. Smile. Say hi to people. And for heaven's sake put your phone down in public . Pick your head up & look around. You will be surprised who you may find. Edited January 30, 2020 by d0nnivain 1
Author Malin889 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 So I was just on Bumble and asked a guy how he is and how his day is going. He replied: “I’m horny. You?” These guys give guys a bad name! Ugh. 1 1
Author Malin889 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 4 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Gr8tfuln2020 is on to something. No matter what you have to interact in person. That will always be the key to assessing compatibility. OLD is a tool. It's not magic. You can't treat it like the only way to meet someone. Be open. Smile. Say hi to people. And for heaven's sake put your phone down in public . Pick your head up & look around. You will be surprised who you may find. Yes I agree, I’ve always said this. I’m a very social person and When I go out I’m always looking around, I’m a big smiler and I like smiling at people (in a friendly non creepy way lol). It breaks my heart when I’ll look around and notice so many people staring at their phones. One time my friend and I were out at a bar and the guy sitting next to us was swiping on a dating app! Like, open your eyes and look around you!! 1
Daisydooks Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 1 hour ago, Malin889 said: So I was just on Bumble and asked a guy how he is and how his day is going. He replied: “I’m horny. You?” These guys give guys a bad name! Ugh. Ick! "Well, I did think you were sexy, until you spoke to me." 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 1 hour ago, Malin889 said: So I was just on Bumble and asked a guy how he is and how his day is going. He replied: “I’m horny. You?” These guys give guys a bad name! Ugh. I only respond in that way after I have gotten to know the person (after having met a few times at least). Honestly, guys like that typically have no intention of meeting you or they are hoping for FWB, not LT material. Shocker, right? Anonymity (online presence) allows so many people to be bolder. Guys like this have always existed and every person I have met/dated have eluded to such men. It doesn't hurt my chances or affects me. Once I meet, I become the focus, not guys like that. I think most of the ladies realize the enormous difference, chasm that occurs between guys like that and those who they meet, face to face and after some serious back and forth. Was that your first exchange with this guy?
Author Malin889 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 9 hours ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: News flash, folks! People who are sleazy online are sleazy offline. It's just much more convenient to communicate with multiple people at once. MEET. MEET in person and you are on your way to dating. Communicating online exclusively is not dating or having a relationship. Until you meet, have conversations, face to face, spend physical time together, you will not know that person. No kidding! That’s what I’m trying to do— MEET IN PERSON! 1
Author Malin889 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 6 hours ago, jspice said: It’s pointless to try to rationalise with the above poster. He accuses women of hating men in almost every post he makes. He can’t really argue his point without somehow condescending to people. he thinks he knows better. He doesn’t. I’d suggest ignoring him since his theories make no sense anyway. Agree 100% 2 2
Author Malin889 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 1 hour ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: I only respond in that way after I have gotten to know the person (after having met a few times at least). Honestly, guys like that typically have no intention of meeting you or they are hoping for FWB, not LT material. Shocker, right? Anonymity (online presence) allows so many people to be bolder. Guys like this have always existed and every person I have met/dated have eluded to such men. It doesn't hurt my chances or affects me. Once I meet, I become the focus, not guys like that. I think most of the ladies realize the enormous difference, chasm that occurs between guys like that and those who they meet, face to face and after some serious back and forth. Was that your first exchange with this guy? Yes, my first exchange. Do you know how On Bumble the women need to reach out to the men first? So I reached out and that was his response. Gross.
thefooloftheyear Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 6 minutes ago, Malin889 said: Yes, my first exchange. Do you know how On Bumble the women need to reach out to the men first? So I reached out and that was his response. Gross. I dunno... I think this is good....He qualified himself..Right up front... .I mean you would have to admit that it would have been FAR worse if he blew smoke up your behind just to get laid, no?? TFY
Author Malin889 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 17 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said: I dunno... I think this is good....He qualified himself..Right up front... .I mean you would have to admit that it would have been FAR worse if he blew smoke up your behind just to get laid, no?? TFY No you’re right. He told me upfront what he’s looking for and I can move on. Good to know upfront I suppose instead of two months down the line 3
elaine567 Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 This is the old "Do you wanna f***?" as an opening remark trick. Lots of offence caused with upset, angry women all around, but all he needs is one to say yes... 4
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 49 minutes ago, Malin889 said: Yes, my first exchange. Do you know how On Bumble the women need to reach out to the men first? So I reached out and that was his response. Gross. Guarantee that this guy is NOT what you are looking for nor someone who is looking to meet YOU. No one serious is going to play his first card in such a manner. His response was for shock value or not interested in you ... There are some effed up and crude people out there for sure. 1
Daisydooks Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 49 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said: I dunno... I think this is good....He qualified himself..Right up front... .I mean you would have to admit that it would have been FAR worse if he blew smoke up your behind just to get laid, no?? TFY Typically even if they're nice and sweet at first, they still don't want to take you for coffee or dinner and will invite themselves to your house or ask to meet at theirs. Its pretty obvious who is looking to get laid regardless of their words. Haha 20 minutes ago, elaine567 said: This is the old "Do you wanna f***?" as an opening remark trick. Lots of offence caused with upset, angry women all around, but all he needs is one to say yes... It's obviously worked before lol!
elaine567 Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 On 1/29/2020 at 2:25 AM, Malin889 said: A few minutes ago, this guy I just “liked” and he “liked” me, he looked like a nice guy, so I messaged him and asked him a few questions and said that he seems like a really down-to-earth nice person and what does he like to do for fun, etc. he responds back with “travel, swimming, oceans, and crazy sex” then said “I wish” and I said “you wish what?” And he replied with “I wish I could have the crazy sex”. So I tell him he looks like a nice guy and he replies with that?? Only on online dating. I blocked him. I get that it is bringing up sex too early, but was it not a kind of self deprecating joke that you took apart and made it not funny?
BrennaR Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 I've gone online and met guys that I was in long term relationships with, but I wouldn't do it again. After my last relationship ended, I have downloaded the apps here and there, but erased them without dating anyone. I don't know if I am permanently scarred from my last encounter (I was in a relationship with a narcissist that I met online) or I am simply not ready. As far as meeting normal people online vs real life, I think it's a mixed bag either way, but in general the real life meetings seemed to have been a lot more meaningful/ friendship base for me, but not as a rule. I've met plenty of quality men on and off the apps and I think they are out there, you just really have to be vigilant to filter out the Cluster Bs, and as we age those issues seem to be a lot more prevalent in the over 35 group singles scene.
Author Malin889 Posted January 31, 2020 Author Posted January 31, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, elaine567 said: I get that it is bringing up sex too early, but was it not a kind of self deprecating joke that you took apart and made it not funny? Hmm well if it was someone I knew and I knew their sense of humor perhaps, but because I didn’t know them and I’ve had so many creepys message me about sex or be inappropriate, how was I to know whether or not it was a joke? I just assumed it was another creepy dude. But you could be right. Another guy messaged me tonight and we were having a nice conversation. He was in his early 50s, so about 10 years older, seemed nice at first, seemed very promising. He said he was interested in a relationship and was very picky, which I thought was an interesting thing to say. He then mentioned he liked curvy women. Fine, I didn’t say anything. He asked “what kind of guy” I liked. I said, “honest, sweet, genuine, easy going”, and then he asked again, and I told him the same thing again. Then he told me he liked women with large breasts. (Except he used a different more crude word.) Maybe that was a joke too? I blocked him. Edited January 31, 2020 by Malin889 1 1
thefooloftheyear Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 6 minutes ago, Malin889 said: I said, “honest, sweet, genuine, easy going”, and then he asked again, and I told him the same thing again. Then he told me he liked women with large breasts. (Except he used a different more crude word.) Maybe that was a joke too? I blocked him. Its not anything id ever do...but it doesn't really sound so tragic...He could have just been playing with you or trying to break some ice..I dunno...Im horrible at gauging this stuff really...lol TFY
jspice Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 If that’s the best someone can do to break the ice THAT’S tragic. 3
thefooloftheyear Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 1 hour ago, jspice said: If that’s the best someone can do to break the ice THAT’S tragic. It depends....I've had women say way more salty shyt than that to break ice... TFY
jspice Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 Ok. And? Does it matter whether it’s done by a man or a woman? Its low brow either way. Can’t have much of a brain if all someone can focus on is body parts and physical attributes. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 2 hours ago, jspice said: Ok. And? Does it matter whether it’s done by a man or a woman? Its low brow either way. Can’t have much of a brain if all someone can focus on is body parts and physical attributes. Fair enough.... I am just not that uptight over small stuff...And I wouldn't want someone around that was that uptight, either.. And you are mischaracterizing a small comment by saying its "all someone can focus on"...Women drop comments like this all the time.. As I stated before, its not something I would do, but when it was done to me, I never thought it was something to throw fits over, nor would I necessarily consider it low brow....Especially if there is some chemistry that was established... .02 TFY
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