Happy Lemming Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 45 minutes ago, Malin889 said: The only reason I use online dating is because I’m a single mom... Just a shot in the dark, here... Again, many years ago, a friend of mine got divorced. He was a single Dad. He joined "parents without partners" (they have a .org) website. He went to some of their social gatherings and events and he met a really nice "single Mom". They were both divorced with kids, so they were both on the same level with kids, activities, parent hood duties, etc. etc. It seemed to work for him. I have no idea if this organization is in your area or if they still have events and socials, but you could definitely research it and see if it might fit as a good place to possibly meet a "normal" guy. 2
fromheart Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 37 minutes ago, Malin889 said: Yikes, is that seriously how you think? Are you in a relationship? It's not how I think, its what any man knows. You asked the question and I'm giving you the reality. A very attractive woman is bombarded with male attention constantly. She doesn't need to go online. Most of the attention you get online is going to come from desperadoes, and men digging around the bottom of the barrel. For less ethical men, it becomes a free pass to be sleazy and horrible as I'm sure you've noticed. If you don't want the attention of desperadoes and barrel digging sleazy guys, don't date online. You asked the question, that's the reality.
scooby-philly Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 17 minutes ago, Malin889 said: Thanks Scooby! I’m sorry that’s happening to you too! Work is a little slow today, I may go out to treat myself to lunch today at a local sports bar, we’ll see! No thanks necessary. And see - that's the approach. Don't let one forum be your only option! Also, as a decent/normal guy (okay, not perfect and a bit of a big teddy bear and a little nerdy too) a few things I would say: 1. In any context - don't come off as closed or have rbf. Let a friend or two (and a male friend at that) check your profile online to help there. In real life, okay - if you're not feeling great that's fine, but if you're feeling normal, make sure your body language, smile, attitude say hey - any single men out there....I"M HERE!!!! 2. With OLD - have a variety of photos. I can't tell you how many times I get turned off by someone's photos - they're either all party photos, they're all "I'm in my sweats and jeans", they're all "i'm in my black dress or gown", they're all of me traveling to tourist hotspots, or they're all of me with my friends - or they all fall into one of those categories. I mean, we should be looking to make a decent impression so shuffle those photos up! 3. Don't be a afraid of taking initiative at any point. I know most women are used to being chased - but it's okay to do a little chasing or make it clear that you like someone or whatever you need to at certain points to help a guy out. Not saying you switch "roles"...but decent guys aren't turned off by a little bit of forwardness and confidence from a good woman. 1
Ellener Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 14 hours ago, Malin889 said: Any what is it with guys holding up gigantic fish in their profile photos?! enough with the giant fish! 1
Author Malin889 Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 10 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Just a shot in the dark, here... Again, many years ago, a friend of mine got divorced. He was a single Dad. He joined "parents without partners" (they have a .org) website. He went to some of their social gatherings and events and he met a really nice "single Mom". They were both divorced with kids, so they were both on the same level with kids, activities, parent hood duties, etc. etc. It seemed to work for him. I have no idea if this organization is in your area or if they still have events and socials, but you could definitely research it and see if it might fit as a good place to possibly meet a "normal" guy. Hmm, thanks! I will check it out. There doesn’t seem to be one in my area (Mass), but maybe I can look into other groups like it.
Ellener Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 5 hours ago, fromheart said: I'll be honest with you, most men know that the real attractive, emotionally secure women don't need to go on dating sites. Dating sites are digging around the bottom of the barrel to get laid. Women have an illusionary sense of power online, so the dysfunction is complete. I don't use dating sites. Nah, don't think so. I think the dating site Match.com, the only one I've used, is geared to money-spinning and difficult to use ( and currently under lawsuit for allegedly inventing profiles ) but the three men I have talked to so far were entirely normal and very nice. Where did you meet your partner then? I find it hard in real life because there seem to be so many friends-with-benefits type hidden 'relationships' even when I meet a single guy I find there's some other woman in the background! And it's not a question I feel I can ask openly though I always ask 'is there anyone else' but such things aren't always acknowledged as a marriage or live-in partner would be.
some_username1 Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 2 hours ago, Malin889 said: Ew!! Women do that?? as a woman, I’ve never done that. Of course, I don’t have a dog, but if I did I would not be posting a picture like that!! Gross. More than you might think- it’s something of a trope it seems- snogging your dog as your main pic or second pic. It’s mostly the over 40’s though and I get the impression from their pics that they are either too old to care or put any effort in or lack the awareness that the Instagram loving younger women do about what makes a great dating profile picture. But yes, “animal intimacy” is a rising trend I’m seeing in women’s pics. Instant left swipe!
SumGuy Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 12 hours ago, Mrin said: Truth be told when I do OLD I hear that a lot from women "OMG you're normal!!! What a catch!" I always just chalk it up to them buttering me up. But then I read posts like this and hear stories from my female friends and it makes me wonder. I've always suspected that we men have the better deal when it comes to OLD. I've dated a ton of women and only had a very few nut jobs. Most were great women. Maybe they are just better at hiding things... Same here. I do make extra efforts to avoid nut job women on-line though. The most common "bad" experiences I've had with meeting women on line is the really out of date photo (rare but happens) or complete inability to converse even after good messaging exchanges (but that could just be to her lack of interest or feeling chemistry).
SumGuy Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 3 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Of the 3 men I met after getting dozens of rejections, all were good on paper. They were well educated & had good jobs. All were unattractive & socially inept. None were confident or self assured but they had reasons to be because they were successful. Honestly had I met them IRL rather then on OLD I probably never would have agreed to go on dates with them. The dates were awful, like pulling teeth because these guys could not hold a conversation . I'm with you but in my experience the women who couldn't hold a conversation were always very good looking, there were plenty of very good looking women who could also hold a conversation thank goodness. Of course I take it as a challenge to find a topic that will engage them, get a smile or passionate description or even laugh. 1
Daisydooks Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) 6 hours ago, fromheart said: I'll be honest with you, most men know that the real attractive, emotionally secure women don't need to go on dating sites. Dating sites are digging around the bottom of the barrel to get laid. Women have an illusionary sense of power online, so the dysfunction is complete. I don't use dating sites You're a real prize, I bet. This belief system alone is ignorant and unattractive/bottom of the barrel-y. You literally offended everyone in this thread with one single comment proving low hanging fruit exists even outside of online dating sites. I found myself on a dating site simply because I didnt have time between starting my own business and working 50-60 hours a week to go out and didnt actually know how to find men after being in a 12 year long relationship from 16-28. By 28, I was making 6 figures, owned my own things, had my own business, I am confident because I should be, and I am attractive. Most men like 5'4", blonde haired, blue eyed, 120lb fit bodied women with a good head on their shoulders. Attracting men wasnt hard. Attracting decent men and worthy men, was. What I didnt have was a tonne of time. My relationship ended due to an affair. I met him in real life in school. The men I met in real life also wanted me only for the things I had and what I look like. I dont crap where I eat so meeting someone at work was out of the question. I don't play sports. I have a gym in my house so no, I wouldn't meet men at the gym when I spent good money to not have to go to the gym while maintaining my physical appearance. I lived in a big city and shopped late evening, when the only people working were 17 or 71. No men shopping at the same time. I'm sorry that not everyone has the time to run around town meeting men in places like bars on a Tuesday. I certainly didn't. I think using OLD and traditional ways to meet people combined can really help. I dont know that I'd have done only OLD alone and kept my eyes closed to men in real life, but I sincerely didnt have time to be out every night meeting men and wasnt meeting anyone I wanted to date. At bars? I dont drink. I find men in a bar on a Tuesday horribly unattractive. First off, if theyre there in the day time, why arent you working? At night? Why are you drinking on a Tuesday? See where I'm going with this. My lifestyle was not conducive to meeting men in a "traditional way." In one full swoop, you offended everyone in this post. I'm not sure you made the point you meant to. It was ignorant and rude. Edited January 29, 2020 by Daisydooks 2
SumGuy Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Daisydooks said: I found myself on a dating site simply because I didnt have time between starting my own business and working 50-60 hours a week to go out and didnt actually know how to find men after being in a 12 year long relationship from 16-28. By 28, I was making 6 figures, owned my own things, had my own business, I am confident because I should be, and Im attractive. What I didnt have was a tonne of time. Exactly and for the other reasons you mention, don't sh*t where you live means work is out, and many other places you frequent for day to day life are problematic (especially if you are a woman) b/c it can get weird if things don;t work out. I've met plenty of very attractive women in OLD and a very high chance they were not just attractive but really had their life together. and bars and nightclubs, those are the last places I'd ever want to find a date; worse than OLD Edited January 29, 2020 by SumGuy 2
smackie9 Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 wow how did bestiality get into this conversation??? Anyways when you deal with the public, especially on a mass scale 80%/ 90% are going to be nut jobs. In my industry it's almost every claim we get the customer is a dbag craycray. 1
mark clemson Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 15 hours ago, Malin889 said: It’s been a lot more than 2 guys. These are just the latest scenarios. I’m not giving up, I’m just very frustrated and need a break. I didn't read every post, but - consider meetups? Some are easier to connect with people at than others, but if you need a break it's something to consider. Try a few different ones to see the "vibe" and the type of person attending. If you meet someone you fancy or hit it off with, you can suggest a coffee date at the end of the night and see if they agree.
mark clemson Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 21 minutes ago, smackie9 said: wow how did bestiality get into this conversation??? Believe it was the "big fish" profile pics? 1 1
Mrin Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 My experience has been the direct opposite of @fromheart to be honest. I prefer OLD because I only want to spend time with quality women. When I look back at my last 8 years of dating, the mismatches or "lower quality" (I hate that term by the way) women I dated were usually women I didn't meet via OLD. I tend to favor paid sites like Match.com where I can see so much about a woman before even contacting her (e.g. education, career, familia status - both current and desired, politics, religion). And of course her physical appearance. By the time we get to actually meeting up I have a pretty good sense of her qualities and rarely have I been disappointed or misled. Almost all of the women I've met through OLD have been just the opposite of what fromheart described and often what @Daisydooks alluded to - busy successful women who don't have time to mess around with jokers who hit on them randomly. I think the site/platform has a lot to do with it. As does the age range perhaps (my dating range has spanned from 32 - 55ish). I should also note that I steadfastly refuse to date through my profession. I'm in a position of authority and so dating work contacts gets messy even when you navigate around any ethical concerns. Mrin 3 1
Author Malin889 Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 2 hours ago, Daisydooks said: You're a real prize, I bet. This belief system alone is ignorant and unattractive/bottom of the barrel-y. You literally offended everyone in this thread with one single comment proving low hanging fruit exists even outside of online dating sites. I found myself on a dating site simply because I didnt have time between starting my own business and working 50-60 hours a week to go out and didnt actually know how to find men after being in a 12 year long relationship from 16-28. By 28, I was making 6 figures, owned my own things, had my own business, I am confident because I should be, and I am attractive. Most men like 5'4", blonde haired, blue eyed, 120lb fit bodied women with a good head on their shoulders. Attracting men wasnt hard. Attracting decent men and worthy men, was. What I didnt have was a tonne of time. My relationship ended due to an affair. I met him in real life in school. The men I met in real life also wanted me only for the things I had and what I look like. I dont crap where I eat so meeting someone at work was out of the question. I don't play sports. I have a gym in my house so no, I wouldn't meet men at the gym when I spent good money to not have to go to the gym while maintaining my physical appearance. I lived in a big city and shopped late evening, when the only people working were 17 or 71. No men shopping at the same time. I'm sorry that not everyone has the time to run around town meeting men in places like bars on a Tuesday. I certainly didn't. I think using OLD and traditional ways to meet people combined can really help. I dont know that I'd have done only OLD alone and kept my eyes closed to men in real life, but I sincerely didnt have time to be out every night meeting men and wasnt meeting anyone I wanted to date. At bars? I dont drink. I find men in a bar on a Tuesday horribly unattractive. First off, if theyre there in the day time, why arent you working? At night? Why are you drinking on a Tuesday? See where I'm going with this. My lifestyle was not conducive to meeting men in a "traditional way." In one full swoop, you offended everyone in this post. I'm not sure you made the point you meant to. It was ignorant and rude. Thanks Daisy for saying that, I was too thinking the same thing! I'm a single mom and I have my daughter most of the time, I also work full time and own my own side catering business. When I do take my daughter out to dinner or whatever, it's not like guys just walk up to you and give you their number! I'm sure they would think it was weird as would I. Although, if a guy actually had the confidence to just hand me a piece of paper with his number then walk away, I wouldn't mind it at all! But people don't just do that. And even though I've met a lot of weirdos, I do think there are some great people online, I guess I just haven't met them yet! But I truly do think that there are a lot of "normal" people like me and Daisy who are professionals and want to date but too busy or exhausted or frustrated to meet people out, or are single dads, and find that online is a good way to at least get a conversation started. 1 1
Author Malin889 Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 3 hours ago, scooby-philly said: 1. . In any context - don't come off as closed or have rbf. Let a friend or two (and a male friend at that) check your profile online to help there. In real life, okay - if you're not feeling great that's fine, but if you're feeling normal, make sure your body language, smile, attitude say hey - any single men out there....I"M HERE!!!! 2. With OLD - have a variety of photos. I can't tell you how many times I get turned off by someone's photos - they're either all party photos, they're all "I'm in my sweats and jeans", they're all "i'm in my black dress or gown", they're all of me traveling to tourist hotspots, or they're all of me with my friends - or they all fall into one of those categories. I mean, we should be looking to make a decent impression so shuffle those photos up! 3. Don't be a afraid of taking initiative at any point. I know most women are used to being chased - but it's okay to do a little chasing or make it clear that you like someone or whatever you need to at certain points to help a guy out. Not saying you switch "roles"...but decent guys aren't turned off by a little bit of forwardness and confidence from a good woman. RBF -- Resting b**** face? As for switching roles, I did go out with someone recently that I went out on two dates with and i did kind of take the initiative and hint to him to ask me out the 2nd time, which worked out well. We only went out on two dates, he was pretty normal and I felt good that there are some normal people out there, even if it didn't work out with him. I've taken the initiative on these sites plenty of times and just asked out the guy, only because I'd rather go out sooner rather than later. I don't want to wait around for weeks before we finally meet, or don't meet at all. 1
preraph Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) It's like those guys bring up sex some way prior to even meeting because they want some guarantee that the date will lead to sex. It's disgusting and infantile. It's like Nobody cares about your penis who hasn't met you and doesn't know what it's attached to and whether it's the only thing you use to think with, FFS. Edited January 29, 2020 by preraph 5
scooby-philly Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 @Malin889 - Yes - RBF!!! And sounds like you got it down. Just don't get frustrated with the whole OLD thing. Don't let it be your only avenue for meeting people and just remember that technology supports the lowest common denominator - not the highest - which when it comes to dating, mean human and breathing...lol.
Author Malin889 Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 14 minutes ago, preraph said: It's like those guys bring up sex some way prior to even meeting because they want some guarantee that the date will lead to sex. It's disgusting and infantile. It's like Nobody cares about your penis who hasn't met you and doesn't know what it's attached to and whether it's the only thing you use to think with, FFS. Exactly! I’m happy to talk to a guy about getting intimate ONCE WE’VE MET AND HAVE GOTTEN TO KNOW EACH OTHER WELL, (that was in all caps on purpose), but if I haven’t met you, don’t even! 2 1
thefooloftheyear Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 I am almost afraid to post this, seeing as some are very sensitive, but here goes... Most of the men I know would probably be considered "good catches', by many women ..They all are pretty fit professional men either business owners/entrepreneurs or have high level jobs..Most state that its "too embarrassing" to go about it that way....If they are looking, they don't want it to be known, if they have kids don't want their kids to know about it, and generally don't want to get any gossip going ...This may be true, as recently a female relative of mine actually matched with someone I know...She shared the story with me and asked some questions...When I told him the story he was visibly upset about it and seemed to be ashamed about it...I didn't think about it again, but when I saw her again, I jokingly asked her about it, and she said he removed or deleted the profile right after that....He never talked about it again, so he obviously wasn't happy I knew about it... Another guy I know used it to have a bunch of sex and dump a bunch of women just to "get it out of his system" after a messy divorce...A few of the others that admitted to using it, just moaned that it was a waste of time with too many women lying about themselves and posting modified photos of themselves that looked nothing like them, IRL.. Just a gut feeling here,, as I have only second hand experience,. but it seems to be more "normalized" for women...Just like a lot of social media is...Most guys my age wont use FB either for the same reasons...Maybe that's why the some of guys that are using it, do so poorly on OLD...I cant say that its this way in all age groups, but attractive/desirable middle aged men don't struggle for female attention...Many report that the minute they get back on the market, its like a "dog whistle" gets sent out and every Katie or Susan in the area swoops in... Perhaps the sites are over run with women(many of them good women) and a lot of the "good/desirable" guys are just too embarrassed to do it...I know if I were a woman I would certainly consider the possibility that I mentioned...You aren't finding good guys on there because they don't feel comfortable with it, and have other options.. TFY 1
SumGuy Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 49 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said: Most of the men I know would probably be considered "good catches', by many women ..They all are pretty fit professional men either business owners/entrepreneurs or have high level jobs..Most state that its "too embarrassing" to go about it that way....If they are looking, they don't want it to be known, if they have kids don't want their kids to know about it, and generally don't want to get any gossip going ... I'm fascinated, can't imagine how that would be a worry if the men are not married. I can see it in a small town/city environment, but then gossip is a possibility no matter how you go about dating. What way do they go about it then? matchmakers? How in the world would there kids know about it? If they are old enough to get on the OLD site they are old enough to know. Why would someone be embarrassed they are trying to date? I can see being selective when "high level" but would think an OLD site would be good, you can better reach people outside your circles. I can see if you are famous, too wealthy or just too busy you'd out source it to a matchmaker. Maybe it is the big city thing is why I'm dumbstruck; although I am in that category you describe.
Miss Spider Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) ^ A lot of celebs use dating apps Edited January 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough
basil67 Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) Seems to me that so many want to date someone who behaves like a normal person but doesn't look like a normal (average) person. Edited January 29, 2020 by basil67 1
SumGuy Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 25 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: ^ A lot of celebs use dating apps usernames, i need usernames
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