Are there normal guys on online dating?

[Mrin]

Truth be told when I do OLD I hear that a lot from women "OMG you're normal!!! What a catch!" I always just chalk it up to them buttering me up. But then I read posts like this and hear stories from my female friends and it makes me wonder.

I've always suspected that we men have the better deal when it comes to OLD. I've dated a ton of women and only had a very few nut jobs. Most were great women. 

Maybe they are just better at hiding things...

 

[Daisydooks]

I met a couple decent men. I spoke to some weirdos though. I just didnt go on date with those ones. Hahaha

I am marrying my fiance this June. We met on POF. There are some positive stories around. Haha.  

[Banana Bender]

7 hours ago, Malin889 said:

 

Ok, two weird online dating scenarios in the last week: 

1) 

2) 

Any what is it with guys holding up gigantic fish in their profile photos?! enough with the giant fish! 

Wow.
If those are your examples of "not normal" on online dating, then you have been truly blessed."

[fromheart]

I'll be honest with you, most men know that the real attractive, emotionally secure women don't need to go on dating sites.

Dating sites are digging around the bottom of the barrel to get laid.

Women have an illusionary sense of power online, so the dysfunction is complete.  I don't use dating sites.

[Tonk]

OLD is just a way to get introduced to people. You still have to meet in real life!

[nospam99]

On topic (I think?): I claim to be a normal guy on OLD ...

- honest in my profile
- make it clear I'm looking for an LTR
- don't ask about sex (until later into the actual dating process - even then, more of letting nature take its course)
- in the first or second message ask if 'she' is interested in meeting

Not that my claimed 'normality' has resulted in success. But lots of factors could be the cause of that ... my age, height, location, wealth (relative lack thereof in my area), activity level (apparently very high for my age) and, importantly, the superficially compatible women in my area. OLD is what it is. I'm just 'voting' on the OP question.

[Zippy2000]

"Are there normal guys on online dating?"

Yes there are BUT you just have to be patient.  A lot of people online come across as nice people and most of them are on their best behaviour. The problem is a lot of people a communicating or should I say hiding behind a screen.

They will speak to you and then lose interest or they went that into you.  You can find a normal guy but you will have to filter through a lot of people or heartache before you get there.  Internet dating just makes it more available to the masses now since you have APPs and tablets you can access.

About 15 - 20 years ago it wasn't always like that.  When internet dating first came in there were a lot of successful matches.  There still are up to this day BUT as there is so many more was to access the net and APPS such as Tinder or Bumblebee.  A lot of people go on them for not just relationships but causal hook ups and one night stands. 

You just have to speak to people and take them as they are and give it time to get to know someone.

[Malin889]

10 hours ago, some_username1 said:

The one where they are tonguing their dog on the sofa is my new favourite- when did that ever become a thing?!?!?! Gross!

Ew!! Women do that?? as a woman, I’ve never done that. Of course, I don’t have a dog, but if I did I would not be posting a picture like that!! Gross. 

[d0nnivain]

Normal is a loaded word.  I'm sure there are normal people on OLD but my very limited experience with it 15 years ago was disappointing.  It seemed like the majority were people who were social misfits who needed to hide behind a device.   

Of the 3 men I met after getting dozens of rejections, all were good on paper.  They were well educated & had good jobs.   All were unattractive & socially inept.  None were confident or self assured but they had reasons to be because they were successful.  Honestly had I met them IRL rather then on OLD I probably never would have agreed to go on dates with them.  The dates were awful, like pulling teeth because these guys could not hold a conversation .  

After 90 days when my short subscription ran out I got off OLD & never looked back.  I returned to looking IRL which was much better for me.  I had far fewer rejections.  I met a more attractive, more self assured group of men.  I had several more enjoyable dates & then met my husband at a business card exchange.   The rest as they say was history.  

Edited January 29, 2020 by d0nnivain

[Malin889]

50 minutes ago, Zippy2000 said:

"Are there normal guys on online dating?"

Yes there are BUT you just have to be patient.  A lot of people online come across as nice people and most of them are on their best behaviour. The problem is a lot of people a communicating or should I say hiding behind a screen.

They will speak to you and then lose interest or they went that into you.  You can find a normal guy but you will have to filter through a lot of people or heartache before you get there.  Internet dating just makes it more available to the masses now since you have APPs and tablets you can access.

About 15 - 20 years ago it wasn't always like that.  When internet dating first came in there were a lot of successful matches.  There still are up to this day BUT as there is so many more was to access the net and APPS such as Tinder or Bumblebee.  A lot of people go on them for not just relationships but causal hook ups and one night stands. 

You just have to speak to people and take them as they are and give it time to get to know someone.

Yes, I know, I miss the days when there wasn’t online dating! And trust me, I’ve been patient lol! 

[Daisydooks]

...

Edited January 29, 2020 by Daisydooks

[Malin889]

2 hours ago, Tonk said:

OLD is just a way to get introduced to people. You still have to meet in real life!

Yes, that is my goal, to actually “meet” the people, but two people I was supposed to meet above in my original post canceled for one reason or another! 

[d0nnivain]

3 minutes ago, Malin889 said:

Yes, I know, I miss the days when there wasn’t online dating! And trust me, I’ve been patient lol! 

OLD is one tool, one arrow in your quiver.  What else are you doing?  You have to mix it up & not rely on a single method. 

2 minutes ago, Daisydooks said:

In one single post you have offended everyone here LOL

I was a little disheartened by the post but not offended. 

 

BTW, I forgot to mention that at the time I met my husband he had a profile on Match.  We never would have met OL.  I was on e-harmony.  We were both outside of  each other's age & education ranges.  Sometimes the filters work against you.  lol  But you still need the filters.   Although my husband is incredibly handsome he didn't get a lot of play on Match because he didn't have a college degree at the time & was underemployed.   He felt like all the women he met were crazy / unbalanced or looking for sugar daddies.   He claimed to really hate high maintenance types  which I find ironic because I am high maintenance & spoiled.  He disagrees with that characterization because while I do have expensive expectations, I buy the stuff for myself.   If DH & I only did OLD we never would have met.   To me that is the best argument for using multiple sources for dating leads not just a computer  / app.  

[Gaeta]

The 3,5 years I did online dating I realized 80% of people on there were freshly out of relationships, these were not the type of men I was willing to interact with. It took me many many first meeting, and a lot of filtering. I finally find my someone but it took a lot of patience and efforts. On the other hand a friend of mine ended up marrying the 3rd man she met online, they've been together 10 years + 3 kids together. It's a number game. 

Edited January 29, 2020 by Gaeta

[Malin889]

6 hours ago, Banana Bender said:

Wow.
If those are your examples of "not normal" on online dating, then you have been truly blessed."

I’ve had a lot worse, those are just the latest ones. And the first guy is normal, he just had to cancel. But the second one wasn’t... 

[Malin889]

43 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

The 3,5 years I did online dating I realized 80% of people on there were freshly out of relationships, these were not the type of men I was willing to interact with. It took me many many first meeting, and a lot of filtering. I finally find my someone but it took a lot of patience and efforts. On the other hand a friend of mine ended up marrying the 3rd man she met online, they've been together 10 years + 3 kids together. It's a number game. 

Yes everyone says “it’s a numbers game” but I’ve gone through a lot of numbers...

[Malin889]

56 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

OLD is one tool, one arrow in your quiver.  What else are you doing?  You have to mix it up & not rely on a single method. 

I was a little disheartened by the post but not offended. 

 

BTW, I forgot to mention that at the time I met my husband he had a profile on Match.  We never would have met OL.  I was on e-harmony.  We were both outside of  each other's age & education ranges.  Sometimes the filters work against you.  lol  But you still need the filters.   Although my husband is incredibly handsome he didn't get a lot of play on Match because he didn't have a college degree at the time & was underemployed.   He felt like all the women he met were crazy / unbalanced or looking for sugar daddies.   He claimed to really hate high maintenance types  which I find ironic because I am high maintenance & spoiled.  He disagrees with that characterization because while I do have expensive expectations, I buy the stuff for myself.   If DH & I only did OLD we never would have met.   To me that is the best argument for using multiple sources for dating leads not just a computer  / app.  

I don’t just use online. The only reason I use online dating is because I’m a single mom, so it’s a good way to at least introduce myself and arrange dates. (It’s hard for men to look at you when you’re with your kid lol) But I go out with my friends when I can, and I also just joined a running group and a new gym close to my house. 

[Malin889]

11 hours ago, MsJayne said:

Short answer - no.   The giant fish thing...they're showing you that they're a hunter, it's the photo-equivalent of beating their chest. The one's who take a shirtless pic in the bathroom mirror are showing you that they're a five-star w@nker.     

I think I met a nice, normal guy on OLD three months ago. Everything's great and he seems perfect for me, but I'm still waiting for him to pull a deformed rabbit out of his hat while hoping like hell he doesn't.  Sadly, for every one decent guy on OLD there's ten sleazy morons and another ten who can barely string a sentence together,  just like in real life.  You just have to hang in there and try not to let the ugly side of it turn you off, take regular breaks from it so it doesn't start to affect your attitude to men, dating, and relationships.  

I hope it works out for you! Sounds good so far!

[scooby-philly]

@Malin889 - I feel your pain. So many of the women I see now online (so many profiles are inactive so it's like a 50/50 shot if they're actually using the site now) fall into one of a few categories:

1. Socially inept to the point where I wouldn't want to date them

2. Overachievers who want a guy simply to slide into their "down time" so they can say they're in a relationship, but if you were to marry them and have kids, they'd be cold, mean, and focused on keeping up with the Jones'

3. "Princesses" with big egos and no sense of fashion other than "urban fabulous".

 

Keep your chin up - remember, it's just another tool in the toolbox. You can also meet guys doing activities you like, by asking friends, by just striking up conversations in real life!

[Malin889]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

After 90 days when my short subscription ran out I got off OLD & never looked back.  I returned to looking IRL which was much better for me.  I had far fewer rejections.  I met a more attractive, more self assured group of men.  I had several more enjoyable dates & then met my husband at a business card exchange.   The rest as they say was history.  

I’d Much rather meet people in real life as well: 1) you know already that you have some sort of chemistry, 2) You  already know that you find each other attractive, 3) you’ve already had a normal conversation, 4) there’s a better chance that they won’t cancel on you because they’re not as scared because they’ve met you already 

[Malin889]

11 hours ago, some_username1 said:

Ironically, as a guy who uses OLD the way you describe I myself would love to meet a woman capable of having a conversation. Most are only able to converse in text speak like they have a character limit on an old monochrome Nokia phone and brevity is of the essence: “Wot u up 2 bb?“ sorta crap. Maybe I should just give up and become a fish toting sex pest? 
 

So in many ways I think the genuine men and genuine women have the same problem of trying to filter out the noise and I don’t think either of us are any good at it because forums like this are full of people who are having a rubbish time and matching with complete time wasters. 

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that guys like me are out there, you just aren’t matching with them- and vice versa. Maybe try changing who you swipe on?

Thanks for the advice and sorry that happens to you too.

[Malin889]

4 hours ago, fromheart said:

I'll be honest with you, most men know that the real attractive, emotionally secure women don't need to go on dating sites.

Dating sites are digging around the bottom of the barrel to get laid.

Women have an illusionary sense of power online, so the dysfunction is complete.  I don't use dating sites.

Yikes, is that seriously how you think? Are you in a relationship? 

[Malin889]

3 hours ago, nospam99 said:

On topic (I think?): I claim to be a normal guy on OLD ...

- honest in my profile
- make it clear I'm looking for an LTR
- don't ask about sex (until later into the actual dating process - even then, more of letting nature take its course)
- in the first or second message ask if 'she' is interested in meeting

Not that my claimed 'normality' has resulted in success. But lots of factors could be the cause of that ... my age, height, location, wealth (relative lack thereof in my area), activity level (apparently very high for my age) and, importantly, the superficially compatible women in my area. OLD is what it is. I'm just 'voting' on the OP question.

You sound like a nice guy. 

[Malin889]

12 hours ago, Ambereyes said:

Most guys cant be bothered with carrying on a convo with strange women they arent all that crazy about yet and ask them out on dates, online or offline. Cuz it's a hell of an effort . Same goes for women. You dont feel so offline because you simply dont meet as many men offline. 

But dating is frustrating and exhausting. You just have to kiss 1000 frogs, big girl.

It’s so sad, isn’t it? Lol. I get exhausted myself from starting all these conversations only to get a two word answer back. I was speaking to a guy the other day on Facebook dating and I thought he might be promising because we had five Facebook friends in common. I would ask him a few questions and he would respond back with three or four words and not ask me any questions about myself. So after his last response, I just gave up on him. I don’t have time for this! Lol

[Malin889]

29 minutes ago, scooby-philly said:

@Malin889 - I feel your pain. So many of the women I see now online (so many profiles are inactive so it's like a 50/50 shot if they're actually using the site now) fall into one of a few categories:

1. Socially inept to the point where I wouldn't want to date them

2. Overachievers who want a guy simply to slide into their "down time" so they can say they're in a relationship, but if you were to marry them and have kids, they'd be cold, mean, and focused on keeping up with the Jones'

3. "Princesses" with big egos and no sense of fashion other than "urban fabulous".

 

Keep your chin up - remember, it's just another tool in the toolbox. You can also meet guys doing activities you like, by asking friends, by just striking up conversations in real life!

Thanks Scooby! I’m sorry that’s happening to you too! Work is a little slow today, I may go out to treat myself to lunch today at a local sports bar, we’ll see!