Are there normal guys on online dating?

[Malin889]

 

Ok, two weird online dating scenarios in the last week: 

1) A guy from online dating who I had been in contact on and off finally asked me last Thursday  if I wanted to go out the next night.  I said yes. I'm not always able to go out so soon due to finding a babysitter, but my daughter was going to be with her dad and I didn't have plans, so I figured, why not? We had plans to go out for a drink. I was excited because we messaged back and forth a few times and the messages were witty and fun. The next afternoon, he texted saying he had a semi-emergency at work and had to cancel and could we reschedule. He works as a manager at a hotel, so I didn't think it was completely false that there would be an emergency on a Friday night. But when I said "let me know when you'd like to reschedule", there was no response. Ok fine. You asked me out dude.  Next. 

2) Today I was messaging someone who seemed very nice and normal, and he lived a couple towns over from me. We were messaging quite a few times throughout the day. I asked if he wanted to get together for a drink or coffee. We agreed on Friday and he found a place to meet up. He's a couple years younger than me, no big deal. Anyway, then he asks to be FB friends. (It's the FB dating site). I'm cautious about people being Facebook friends with me who I don't know because I have pictures of my daughter on there. (Maybe I'm being paranoid but I don't care.)  Anyway, I agreed to be FB friends with him, but I wasn't comfortable with it. (I'm sure he's a nice normal person, but you never know.) I was actually going to defriend him on FB right after we chatted.  Anyway, after we made the date, he said, "you being older turns me on", he said it a couple of times. It was making me feel uncomfortable. Then he IMed me on FB messenger and said it again. I responded back saying "honestly that makes me uncomfortable that you say that". I'm not being a prude, but I'm on the dating site to meet a nice normal guy and hopefully have a relationship and I don't like when guys start to get a little creepy. He then responds back right away, "I'm just being direct. I'm all set with meeting up. Good luck to you!"   Like, what the heck?  Are there any mature, normal guys out there?  I give up!  I was being direct too by saying that, and I guess he didn't like it.  Ugh.  I don't have the effort to keep going on this darn thing! 

Any what is it with guys holding up gigantic fish in their profile photos?! enough with the giant fish! 

 

[Interstellar]

What’s your age? 
Just for you, I’ll inform the United Men of America to hold a giant panda or a cute puppy instead.

[Happy Lemming]

25 minutes ago, Malin889 said:

Any what is it with guys holding up gigantic fish in their profile photos?!

Maybe its their way of say... "Hey look what I caught, now you can clean it and cook it for dinner."

Personally, if I caught a nice fish (sockeye salmon or Tuna), I'd want to make sushi out of it.  I just need to order up some more nori!

[Malin889]

14 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Maybe its their way of say... "Hey look what I caught, now you can clean it and cook it for dinner."

Personally, if I caught a nice fish (sockeye salmon or Tuna), I'd want to make sushi out of it.  I just need to order up some more nori!

Ha! Maybe 

sushi is the best. 

I am mainly just annoyed at the prospect of a date that got canceled because of somebody who is immature. 

 

[Happy Lemming]

1 minute ago, Malin889 said:

I am mainly just annoyed at the prospect of a date that got canceled because of somebody who is immature.

I've got nothing good to say about on-line dating.  I did try it, hated it and went back to meeting women in "real life".

I think guys that have the confidence to come up to you, introduce themselves, chit-chat with you and try to ask you out are less likely to be immature, weird or flakes.

Just my two cents...

[Malin889]

3 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I've got nothing good to say about on-line dating.  I did try it, hated it and went back to meeting women in "real life".

I think guys that have the confidence to come up to you, introduce themselves, chit-chat with you and try to ask you out are less likely to be immature, weird or flakes.

Just my two cents...

I agree. I think we were talking about this in another post on here a couple days ago. I love it when guys approach me “in real life” and definitely doesn’t happen as much as it used to now that everyone stares at their phones. But whenever someone approaches me in real life, it’s so refreshing! It definitely takes confidence. I think people are more scared than they used to be to approach the opposite sex. As a woman, I just want to say, we love it! Do it more! Please! 

[Happy Lemming]

1 minute ago, Malin889 said:

As a woman, I just want to say, we love it! Do it more! Please! 

My girlfriend loves to tell the story (how we met) of me swimming up to her in the apartment complex pool, chit-chatting and asking her out.  She brags to all of her girlfriends that she didn't have to use on-line dating, just put on her blue bikini!!

[Malin889]

A few minutes ago, this guy I just “liked” and he “liked” me, he looked like a nice guy, so I messaged him and asked him a few questions and said that he seems like a really down-to-earth nice person and what does he like to do for fun, etc. he responds back with “travel, swimming, oceans, and crazy sex” then said “I wish” and I said “you wish what?” And he replied with “I wish I could have the crazy sex”. So I tell him he looks like a nice guy and he replies with that??  Only on online dating. I blocked him. 

[Malin889]

1 minute ago, Happy Lemming said:

My girlfriend loves to tell the story (how we met) of me swimming up to her in the apartment complex pool, chit-chatting and asking her out.  She brags to all of her girlfriends that she didn't have to use on-line dating, just put on her blue bikini!!

That’s a nice story! 

[Happy Lemming]

Just now, Malin889 said:

And he replied with “I wish I could have the crazy sex”. So I tell him he looks like a nice guy and he replies with that??  Only on online dating. I blocked him. 

Yes, that is just rude on so many levels.  You don't bring up sex in the first communication. OMG!!

[Mrin]

Haha that's weird. I had a fish pic in my profile. But it is me holding about a three inch fish. Due to the camera angle and the shirt im wearing I look like The Hulk holding a minnow. Comedy. 

[Malin889]

Just now, Mrin said:

Haha that's weird. I had a fish pic in my profile. But it is me holding about a three inch fish. Due to the camera angle and the shirt im wearing I look like The Hulk holding a minnow. Comedy. 

That would actually be REALLY funny— a guy holding a really small fish. More people should do that lol! 

[Malin889]

7 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Yes, that is just rude on so many levels.  You don't bring up sex in the first communication. OMG!!

I know, it’s terrifying what some people say. I think because they’re hiding behind a screen they think they can say whatever they want? It’s not an escort service but some people treat it like it is. 

[ccas93]

Women are awful on online dating too. Maybe not in a sexually aggressive way, but they do their share of ghosting, excuses, flaking, being phony, and general time wasting and weirdness that OP described in scenario #1. Also annoying photo fads on female profiles too. It's not one gender or the other. It's people in general. 

Edited January 29, 2020 by ccas93

[scooby-philly]

As a normal, healthy(ish), 38 year old male - yeah, I'm starting to believe less and less in OLD at this point in my life. 2/3 ltrs I met in real life and so many of the profiles on OLD are old or fake no matter what site/app you use. Like, I'm not perfect and without a little baggage - no one over 25 is even if we don't have debt, kids, no crazy exes hanging around, etc.. But yeah - the problem with OLD is that it makes it easy for people - too easy. Like so many people (men and women) don't use it actively, they don't know what they want, or they want perfection. To me, it's just another tool in the toolbox, it's okay to use it, but you can't count on it and it only works as hard as you do. 

[Ambereyes]

Two guys and you give up? 

There are weirdos and rude people everywhere, online or offline. Sex and the city has no OLD, look how many weird dudes they encounter? This is not OLD, this is dating.

But to answer your question, I met my BF online. Best relationship I ever had.

Edited January 29, 2020 by Ambereyes

[Malin889]

6 minutes ago, Ambereyes said:

Two guys and you give up? 

There are weirdos and rude people everywhere, online or offline. Sex and the city has no OLD, look how many weird dudes they encounter? This is not OLD, this is dating.

But to answer your question, I met my BF online. Best relationship I ever had.

It’s been a lot more than 2 guys. These are just the latest scenarios. I’m not giving up, I’m just very frustrated and need a break.

[Malin889]

9 minutes ago, scooby-philly said:

As a normal, healthy(ish), 38 year old male - yeah, I'm starting to believe less and less in OLD at this point in my life. 2/3 ltrs I met in real life and so many of the profiles on OLD are old or fake no matter what site/app you use. Like, I'm not perfect and without a little baggage - no one over 25 is even if we don't have debt, kids, no crazy exes hanging around, etc.. But yeah - the problem with OLD is that it makes it easy for people - too easy. Like so many people (men and women) don't use it actively, they don't know what they want, or they want perfection. To me, it's just another tool in the toolbox, it's okay to use it, but you can't count on it and it only works as hard as you do. 

I don’t want perfection, I just want a nice guy who can carry a conversation and ask questions, not just say “hi” or two word answers, who won’t mention sex before he’s even met me, and who follows through when he makes plans.

[Malin889]

12 minutes ago, ccas93 said:

Women are awful on online dating too. Maybe not in a sexually aggressive way, but they do their share of ghosting, excuses, flaking, being phony, and general time wasting and weirdness that OP described in scenario #1. Also annoying photo fads on female profiles too. It's not one gender or the other. It's people in general. 

Oh I don’t know that side of the coin but I can imagine it’s similar! Just out of curiosity- what kind of photo fads do women use? I hope I’m not one of them!
 

I do feel that when I finally meet “the one” it will be “in real life” and maybe this is just something I need to go through to appreciate that person? I don’t know. The universe is telling me something... what exactly, I’m not sure. 

[scooby-philly]

6 minutes ago, Malin889 said:

I don’t want perfection, I just want a nice guy who can carry a conversation and ask questions, not just say “hi” or two word answers, who won’t mention sex before he’s even met me, and who follows through when he makes plans.

Oh yeah - I wasn't trying to imply you were. I'm just saying that from a man's perspective, probably 75-80% or more of the profiles I see on normal dating site are either inactive, or they're single for a reason, or they are waiting for perfection to come their way. You may be absolutely in the other 20-25% which makes you a hot commodity. 

I can't describe what a normal guys' profile would look like since I look at women's profiles - but I would imagine it would be honest, funny, and a little more detailed and with a decent variety of photos. 

[Ambereyes]

Just now, Malin889 said:

I don’t want perfection, I just want a nice guy who can carry a conversation and ask questions, not just say “hi” or two word answers, who won’t mention sex before he’s even met me, and who follows through when he makes plans.

Most guys cant be bothered with carrying on a convo with strange women they arent all that crazy about yet and ask them out on dates, online or offline. Cuz it's a hell of an effort . Same goes for women. You dont feel so offline because you simply dont meet as many men offline. 

But dating is frustrating and exhausting. You just have to kiss 1000 frogs, big girl.

[MsJayne]

Short answer - no.   The giant fish thing...they're showing you that they're a hunter, it's the photo-equivalent of beating their chest. The one's who take a shirtless pic in the bathroom mirror are showing you that they're a five-star w@nker.     

I think I met a nice, normal guy on OLD three months ago. Everything's great and he seems perfect for me, but I'm still waiting for him to pull a deformed rabbit out of his hat while hoping like hell he doesn't.  Sadly, for every one decent guy on OLD there's ten sleazy morons and another ten who can barely string a sentence together,  just like in real life.  You just have to hang in there and try not to let the ugly side of it turn you off, take regular breaks from it so it doesn't start to affect your attitude to men, dating, and relationships.  

[ccas93]

24 minutes ago, Malin889 said:

Oh I don’t know that side of the coin but I can imagine it’s similar! Just out of curiosity- what kind of photo fads do women use? I hope I’m not one of them!
 

I do feel that when I finally meet “the one” it will be “in real life” and maybe this is just something I need to go through to appreciate that person? I don’t know. The universe is telling me something... what exactly, I’m not sure. 

At least where I'm from, the majority of women have photos of herself sipping wine in the same type boujie style outfit. The same professional graduation photos from the same schools. So many of same travel photos, machu piccu, elephants in Bali, same pose jumping in front of the Eiffel Tower, trying to frame herself as a sophisticated world traveler because she's been on a few vacations, etc. I chatted with one of these world-traveling, Bali-elephant-photo girls and I said "yeah I want to go to Indonesia some day" and she said "where's that?" 

Edited January 29, 2020 by ccas93

[some_username1]

4 minutes ago, ccas93 said:

At least where I'm from, the majority of women have photos of herself sipping wine in the same type boujie style outfit. The same professional graduation photos from the same schools. So many of same travel photos, machu piccu, elephants in Bali, same pose jumping in front of the Eiffel Tower, trying to frame herself as a sophisticated world traveler because she's been on a few vacations, etc. I chatted with one of these world-traveling, Bali-elephant-photo girls and I said "yeah I want to go to Indonesia some day" and she said "where's that?" 

The one where they are tonguing their dog on the sofa is my new favourite- when did that ever become a thing?!?!?! Gross!

[some_username1]

54 minutes ago, Malin889 said:

I don’t want perfection, I just want a nice guy who can carry a conversation and ask questions, not just say “hi” or two word answers, who won’t mention sex before he’s even met me, and who follows through when he makes plans.

Ironically, as a guy who uses OLD the way you describe I myself would love to meet a woman capable of having a conversation. Most are only able to converse in text speak like they have a character limit on an old monochrome Nokia phone and brevity is of the essence: “Wot u up 2 bb?“ sorta crap. Maybe I should just give up and become a fish toting sex pest? 
 

So in many ways I think the genuine men and genuine women have the same problem of trying to filter out the noise and I don’t think either of us are any good at it because forums like this are full of people who are having a rubbish time and matching with complete time wasters. 

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that guys like me are out there, you just aren’t matching with them- and vice versa. Maybe try changing who you swipe on?

Edited January 29, 2020 by some_username1