Lostandhurting Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Hi all i'm new here and found this forum after searching for answers for a few days and finding nothing. I'm 25 and have been best friends with my bf for almost 6 years now. We've been dating for just about five years now. When we were first together for the first 3 years everything was so great! He was a nice guy, a family guy who would have laid down in front of a bus for me but the past two years have changed. We began working for our own company and he turned into a workaholic monster. We are a little financially strained but we work things out every month and never go without. Since he turned in to a workaholic I see him two days a week and two nights if i'm lucky otherwise he works all day and all nights at our office building while I stay home and care for my dog. So with the workaholic attitude all thought and mention of our future has dissapeared. If, God forbid, I mention marriage or a family he flies off the handle telling me it's an immature thing to want and i'm dumb for bringing it up now. I forgot to mention he's 10 years my senior, he's 35. I am VERY family oriented and it breaks my heart that he is becoming this way, I love him with all my heart but I don't know what happened or where he went. For him everything now has become about material posessions, maybe because we don't have a lot of fancy things, but when he says things like "you can have your family when I can afford my ferrari" it breaks my heart. Every single person we know is married and 90% already have children so I know it's not peer influence. I just don't know what to do anymore, 5 years in to this relationship and I feel like i'm fighting a losing battle. I want to have a future with this man so much but now I feel like he just settled for me and went along with my future plans to get me and now he has me he feels like he can back out of plans we made together. It wouldn't concern me as much but his recent fear of "commitment" is causing me to become hostile towards him. I don't do it intentionally but I notice that i'm doing it, for me I know it's a defensive technique because I feel like i'm not worth marrying at this point. Sorry so long, does anyone have any advice or anything to say that could help me please, i'm so lost!
Gala242 Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Sorry to hear about your situation, I'm surprised by the fact that ya'll have been dating for 5 years now and at his age he still hasn't shown any interest in settling down with you. All i can say that he is comfortable where you and him is now and doesn't want to commit fully to you. A major part of it is because he knows that you aren't going anywhere and is totally committed to him. My advice would be to distance yourself from him start doing your own thing, hanging out with ur friends, concentrating on your own life. If he sees you not paying him as much attention that will get him to start to think about what you really mean to him and hopefully get him to finally committ to a real future with you. If he still doesn't change his mind then i think it would be time for you to just move on and find someone else who will committ to you totally and want what you want. I wish you the best, and i hope things work out.....
Author Lostandhurting Posted October 6, 2005 Author Posted October 6, 2005 Thank you for your advice, I'm trying my best to let it go and be as "to myself" as I can be to hopefully give him a push but boy it's tough when it seems like everywhere I look there's weddings and babies coming along for everyone but me. I cry myself to sleep every other night. Well I'll just stick it out with this technique and see if it comes to fruition. Thanks again!
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