Banana Bender Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 10 hours ago, samjam7 said: Then it occurred to me that why don't I have a general discussion with him about sexual orientation . Sure, that's completely normal. Just the other day I was buying groceries and it occurred to me to ask the shop assistant about sexual orientation. Seriously, I understand what it is to battle with Mental Health issues, so this is not meant to be unkind, but you need to get yourself sorted before pursuing a relationship. And for the record, if this guys is 27 and never had a GF, then I hate to tell you but he's spent an awful lot of time whacking-off.
fromheart Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 Its a porn issue, if its a gay issue then you have an issue with homosexuality. It sounds like you are form an Asian culture?
stillafool Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 9 hours ago, alphamale said: straight men don't watch gay porn I would not want a man who watches gay porn. No. 1
fromheart Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 57 minutes ago, stillafool said: I would not want a man who watches gay porn. No. And if you have no problem with porn, then you are a homophobe.
stillafool Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) 53 minutes ago, fromheart said: And if you have no problem with porn, then you are a homophobe. So I'm a homophobe because I don't want to watch men having sex with each other or a man who likes that type of porn? Watch all the gay porn you want buy leave me out of it. Edited January 29, 2020 by stillafool 1
stillafool Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 1 hour ago, stillafool said: So I'm a homophobe because I don't want to watch men having sex with each other or a man who likes that type of porn? Watch all the gay porn you want but leave me out of it.
fromheart Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 2 hours ago, stillafool said: So I'm a homophobe because I don't want to watch men having sex with each other or a man who likes that type of porn? Watch all the gay porn you want buy leave me out of it. No, you said you have a problem with a man watching gay porn. If he's bi sexual, he will enjoy gay porn. Presuming you are ok with heterosexual porn, you therefore have an issue with homosexuality. Try and calm down a little, no need to get personal.
stillafool Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 14 minutes ago, fromheart said: No, you said you have a problem with a man watching gay porn. If he's bi sexual, he will enjoy gay porn. Presuming you are ok with heterosexual porn, you therefore have an issue with homosexuality. Try and calm down a little, no need to get personal. No I said I wouldn't want a man who watches gay porn (as in my husband or a bf). I don't care what you and other men watch. 1
SumGuy Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) I think he is less than 90% "straight" but so what. He's bi-curios some would say. I don't believe for a second ones gender preference or preferences make a person more or less likely to cheat on you. Bi people can be just as loving and stick to one gender/one person as homosexual or heterosexual people. Many a heterosexual can tell you about a cheating partner. Now you may be uncomfortable with his sexuality or watching porn, fair enough, but it shouldn't be because one believes bi people are inherently cheaters/can't stick to one gender. Edited January 29, 2020 by SumGuy 2
Lotsgoingon Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 Yes sexual orientation is probably on a continuum, and I don't doubt that most strongly hetereo guys have had at least some moments of feeling attraction to a guy. Young guys often sexually experiment with each other. A gay friend of mine told me he experimented with a lot of "hetereo" guys as a very young person, but that those guys eventually lost interest and focused on girls. He realized he was gay because he didn't lose interest. I think most men who are comfortably hetereo would not say they're 10 percent gay. I think you are in your right (without being homophobic) to not want to date a guy who seems unclear about his sexuality. Also, he may be compensating by saying he's so into you. He may be scared himself of being "bi" and thus pulling back from it. Trust your gut on this one ... don't trust parents' words ... don't trust friends' words ... don't let anyone talk you into doing anything you don't feel comfortable doing. If in ten years you feel comfortable with a guy like this, go for it. Now, you are not comfortable. He can find a different woman who is comfortable with his words. A tip: if a partner or would-be partner can't physiologically and emotionally calm your fears with their words (if his attempt at reassurance didn't work) then hit the "stop" button. 3
Author samjam7 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 ^^Lotsgoingon Yeah true he might be trying to compensate for it by telling me how much he likes me and wants to be with me. In the end it will be making the decision. To those of you who asked me. Yes I am from asian culture. I am also currently very emotionally vulnerable. I am guessing the guy is bi-curious which is okay. No judgement. But I don't know if I should be comfortable with this given his other positive qualities.
Author samjam7 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 Also he told me the reason for him preferring women is so that he can have a family like his parents and have kids. I want more things. I want love/attraction and family/kids. I do not know how to bring it as a discussion with him though. I don't if it will hurt him or bring his closet feelings. Whatever, even if I were to say no to him for marriage I want to do it in the least hurting way. My parents are 100 percent sure about this guy. I am so frustrated! Will I ever find the one? I feel so lonely. All my friends are in relationship or married. I also an only child and I don't know if I will ever find that one dedicated man who will want a monogamous relationship like me.
fromheart Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 8 hours ago, stillafool said: No I said I wouldn't want a man who watches gay porn (as in my husband or a bf). I don't care what you and other men watch. Yes, I know what you said. Your man isn't allowed to watch gay porn. He must be a good boy and only look at what mommy allows him to.
elaine567 Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 3 minutes ago, samjam7 said: Also he told me the reason for him preferring women is so that he can have a family like his parents and have kids. You would be what is called a "beard". The girlfriend/wife of a closeted homosexual, used to conceal their sexuality. To the world he is the married man with kids, behind closed doors he is gay... He tells you he s 10% interested in guys, to test you and to make sure you are OK with it... Stay away is my advice.. 3
Author samjam7 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 1 hour ago, elaine567 said: elaine567 what about him saying that his 10 % interest in men would never be an issue once we are married. Since, it does not matter as he would not bring in a third party regardless. But I get what you are saying. It is a big risk regardless!
elaine567 Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 He wants to get married to please his family and yours, and to have kids, he can tell you anything you want to hear. Does he really mean it? Who knows? Of course it is a big risk for you and your kids. 2
Author samjam7 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 16 minutes ago, elaine567 said: He wants to get married to please his family and yours, and to have kids, he can tell you anything you want to hear. Does he really mean it? Who knows? Of course it is a big risk for you and your kids. Damn you are right 1
Author samjam7 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 I struggle to be selfish and I struggle to say no to people even when I probably should. What is wrong with me? I always end up in deep s***.
Lotsgoingon Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 It's called having weak "boundaries." Google "setting boundaries" and you'll come to a treasure trove. Life literally becomes impossible if you can't set good boundaries. 2
Author samjam7 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 But I think I like him a little
stillafool Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 10 hours ago, fromheart said: Yes, I know what you said. Your man isn't allowed to watch gay porn. He must be a good boy and only look at what mommy allows him to. My husband is allowed to do whatever he wants. He isn't into gay porn. Again, if you are that is your business and I don't know what it has to do with me.
fromheart Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 13 minutes ago, stillafool said: My husband is allowed to do whatever he wants. He isn't into gay porn. Again, if you are that is your business and I don't know what it has to do with me. For someone who claims to not be interested in porn I may or may not watch, you sure go on about it.
Author samjam7 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 I feel sick to the stomach. Anxiety is giving me nervous stomach again. This anxiety is not due to homophobia or because I find gay porn repulsive. It is due to indecision. 1
elaine567 Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 16 hours ago, samjam7 said: But I think I like him a little Is that enough to sign away your life to him? 1
Author samjam7 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 1 hour ago, elaine567 said: No elaine567, it is not. Minus the gay porn part we could have been decent together I think. He would have been good for my career too but what's the point if I always live with the insecurity that he might walk away anytime and come out of closet. 2
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