sothereiwas Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 On 1/28/2020 at 12:00 PM, Lorenza said: It's just he's not the "come and conquer" kind of guy, isn't a quirky mysterious person I'm usually attracted to and is just calm, collected and available. Yeah, he doesn't deserve you. Let him find his own happiness.
chillii Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 (edited) l'd say the opposite , she doesn't deserve him. He might be in love and have real feelings for her, she's none of that , it's only convenience and a using type thing. But then again , maybe he isn't. l asked pages back but don't think l got an answer but l didn't see anywhere where he even offered or showed any interest in more , or asked her out or declared some hidden undying love , maybe he's just helping her out , maybe he has zero interest. And l know exactly what people round here will say and think to that but they'd be wrong . l helped someone out, got a soft spot for someone struggling that l know is a good person. l didn't want or expect anything back , nor was l desperate far from it, my dad often helped people out. Edited February 25, 2020 by chillii
sothereiwas Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 3 minutes ago, chillii said: l'd say the opposite , she doesn't deserve him. I think you might have interpreted my statement too narrowly. 2
Artdeco Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 I hate to say it but there seems to be a visible pattern of Eastern European women benefiting from (supposedly more financially fortunate) western European men. I’m not quite sure because I don’t remember the contents of the entire thread, but I think I remember that the OP is from an eastern European country? If this is the case, then I’m not surprised. I have business connections all over Europe, and what I hear a lot is that eastern European women already “learn in kindergarten” how to attract “wealthier, less attractive men” for their benefit. Not my words. And this whole attitude may lead to many Ms of convenience where the husband is used as a trampoline/jumping board into a better lifestyle. I don’t know why guys would fall for that - but the strategy might work well for the girls. “Help me here, help me there”.....etc. and you can sleep in my bed but just as friends etc etc - until they get what they really want which is financial independence
elaine567 Posted February 25, 2020 Posted February 25, 2020 (edited) 40 minutes ago, Artdeco said: there seems to be a visible pattern of Eastern European women benefiting from (supposedly more financially fortunate) western European men. The OP is an Eastern European but she has now gone to live back home and I thought this man is an Eastern European man, but I could be wrong Edited February 25, 2020 by elaine567
Artdeco Posted February 26, 2020 Posted February 26, 2020 Why? Looking for “stable” and being bored at the same time (and not 100% convinced) isn’t horrible. It’s a sensible choice I suppose. But why condemn the LTR to LTR hopping? Isn’t it the same opportunistic way of “conducting“ relationships?
Trail Blazer Posted February 26, 2020 Posted February 26, 2020 On 1/29/2020 at 2:38 PM, Lorenza said: The thing is when a woman is ready to move heaven and earth for a man, he will stop appreciating her in no time. I look around and see men doing everything for women who don't have to move a finger. Isn't life too short for heartbreaks though? When you utterly adore him and he just replaces you with someone who can make him chase? How old are you? You seem very jaded. Don't settle. Never settle. You need to be realistic, but at the same time, not just settle for anyone because, what happens when you find the one who really gives you the warm and fuzzies, yet you're with someone else who's vanilla? You'll be faced with a dilemma. Hurt yourself and stay. Hurt him and leave. Either way, it'll be your own doing. He doesn't deserve to be hurt just for loving you. A decent person won't find it easy at all to leave a man just because someone "better" comes along.
Author Lorenza Posted February 26, 2020 Author Posted February 26, 2020 Haha why is there still a discussion? I wrote what was supposed to be a summing up post that I have decided that settling for something like this isn't right and I'd like to fall in love I had a talk with him and said that I he is a great friend to me and I'd like it to stay that way. 1
Hopeful30 Posted February 26, 2020 Posted February 26, 2020 There is a reason that arranged marriages are more successful than marriages for love (which end up in divorce half the time). When you choose a partner based on emotions (which change and fluctuate with time) you are choosing a partner that may not suit you later in life (our tastes tend to change with age). When you *settle* for a man you're not passionate about, you're making a more logical decision. You are weighing his overall character and personality with yours, and I feel that *settling* leads to more successful and longer term relationships because you're making a decision based on overall compatibility and stability, not emotions. I think everyone settles. I've settled in all of my previous relationships, yet I still enjoyed them for what they offered and genuinely loved all of my exes. Some exes I had passion for, others I couldn't stand their touch after a while, but every man had something beautiful to offer. The moment I decided to stop settling, well...let's just say I've been single and sexless for 5 years. The perfect partner does not exist. The word *settle* does not mean "take a partner I don't really like". It simply means choosing a partner despite your awareness that he doesn't trigger your emotions the way we would like them to. At the end of the day, you want a partner that you can grow old with. Passion is not a requirement for this. 1
Juha Posted February 27, 2020 Posted February 27, 2020 Sounds like a pretty crappy relationship to me. That is just my opinion though. I do not see any happiness here... I see a guy who is a sucker hanging around and doing things for a woman that does not like him romantically but may accept a relationship because it makes her life easier. That does not sound good to me at all for either of you. Maybe the best thing would be to leave this guy alone so he can maybe find someone who actually likes him and won't use him
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