Author Lorenza Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 4 hours ago, elaine567 said: "Acts of Service" is I guess his love language... Or someone is paying him to be nice to you - your Dad maybe or your Mom... Nah, my mom is too poor and my dad is busy chansing an emotionally unavailable woman of his own Men love this stuff.
Author Lorenza Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 5 hours ago, I'veseenbetterlol said: Bingo! If you settle for someone, one day you could meet someone who you like more. You'll never be happy in your relationship. Besides I would never want someone to just "settle' for me, that isn't fair. You aren't gonna give him a chance to find someone who really loves him because you pretend to care for him. Well he isn't finding anyone. We had way less contact during the second half of 2018 and first half of 2019. I'm not trying to act in any certain way actually. Not trying to pretend or be sweet to him
Miss Spider Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) I swear some men like doing this white knight stuff for women. It makes them feel manly or something. But if you date him, you may realize down the road how empty and alone you feel. How you just settled for someone with no spark. And you never really were in love with him. Then a guy who does spark your interest comes along and you’ll wonder what if. So you’ll have to break it off with him. You’ll feel guilty. He’ll go kicking and screaming, then become completely heartbroken and never trust again...a broken shell of a man... And that’s like the one of the better case scenarios... .. Edited January 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough
Ruby Slippers Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 47 minutes ago, Lorenza said: The thing is when a woman is ready to move heaven and earth for a man, he will stop appreciating her in no time. I look around and see men doing everything for women who don't have to move a finger. Isn't life too short for heartbreaks though? When you utterly adore him and he just replaces you with someone who can make him chase? Good point. Like the Taylor Swift line: "Boys only want love if it's torture."
gaius Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 If she ends up meeting some other guy she likes more she can always just get rid of this guy. It's not like she has to marry him. Apparently this guy is satisfied with paying her bills and doing things for her when they're not even dating so doing all that and getting sex once or twice a year would be a step up.
Gaeta Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 9 hours ago, Lorenza said: I do want someone who can help me out financially. I feel comfortable letting a man do that and will always prioritize the one who can pay for things without me even needing to ask. Don't about being a modern woman anymore, not that my way of thinking is very modern anyway. It would be nice if that generous guy I'd end up with was also someone I could fall in love with, but if it isn't... well, it is way easier being loved than to love, isn't it? It will be very hard to find a man willing to support you financially in 2020 if you live in a western country. You have to decide what's your priority, love or financial security. If you met a man that has passion but is as poor as you, would you commit to him?
stillafool Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 18 hours ago, Lorenza said: Most men are flaky, emotionally unavailable and low-investment nowadays anyway, so what the heck. Since you feel this way about men, here's a suggestion, go back to school and chose a career where you can support and pay for yourself. 2 4
BaileyB Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 You have a really negative view of relationships, and that is probably because you have never truly been in love... it changes everything. 2
BaileyB Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 18 hours ago, Malin889 said: He pays your rent and bills? I dunno, why would you let someone do that for you who isn’t your husband or long time significant other? Indeed. I find it strange that this man would offer to pay another woman’s bills when he is not obligated to do so. It’s also interesting that you would accept this/possibly even come expect this. 2
BaileyB Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 49 minutes ago, Gaeta said: You have to decide what's your priority, love or financial security. Brings to mind that old saying, “those who marry for money earn every. single. penny.” 2 2
Els Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) I'm going to say the exact same thing to you that I say to the dudes who are intentionally going for women less than half their age - it's your life. I don't think it'll be a good life, but if that's really what you want, then sure. The main thing here is that you need to be honest to him so he knows what he's signing up for. I suspect you haven't been, and he's still holding out hope that you're actually attracted to him. Edited January 29, 2020 by Elswyth 4
rjc149 Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) Expect him to make an official move on you at some point. Expect him to believe that his generosity and kindness entitles him to your vagina. Expect him to react angrily and turn 180 on you when you politely refuse his advances. Don’t expect to be happily married to a money-mule beta male provider. If you don’t want to actually have sex with him then this shouldn’t be a question you need ask yourself. The right move: tell him that his generosity makes you uncomfortable because you are not romantically attracted to him and you cannot give him what he expects in return. Then stop accepting his handouts, and support yourself. However, if you need the handouts, and if he’s okay with being a sugar daddy and nothing more, then you better start putting out. The longer you kept taking without giving back, the more his expectations rise and the more his resentment explodes when you try to play the innocent deer in headlights as you sexually reject him . Edited January 29, 2020 by rjc149 1
Allupinnit Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) Yeah - this isn't cool. I know a woman IRL who has men in her life like this. Paying her rent, bills, etc. because they want to smash but she doesn't put out. It's so uncomfortable when they come around too - sniffing like a dog waiting for a bone. I believe in Urban Dictionary it's called an orbiter. Don't marry the guy and stop taking his money. Edited January 29, 2020 by Allupinnit
Author Lorenza Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 2 hours ago, Gaeta said: It will be very hard to find a man willing to support you financially in 2020 if you live in a western country. You have to decide what's your priority, love or financial security. If you met a man that has passion but is as poor as you, would you commit to him? Nah not support, just buy me stuff and do favors. I'm in Eastern Europe, so it's a bit different. I would not commit to someone poor, passion is a temporary thing
Author Lorenza Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 13 minutes ago, Allupinnit said: Yeah - this isn't cool. I know a woman IRL who has men in her life like this. Paying her rent, bills, etc. because they want to smash but she doesn't put out. It's so uncomfortable when they come around too - sniffing like a dog waiting for a bone. I believe in Urban Dictionary it's called an orbiter. Don't marry the guy and stop taking his money. If he gives - why not take? He has money. Our relationship is completely platonic as well
Author Lorenza Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 29 minutes ago, rjc149 said: Expect him to make an official move on you at some point. Expect him to believe that his generosity and kindness entitles him to your vagina. Expect him to react angrily and turn 180 on you when you politely refuse his advances. Don’t expect to be happily married to a money-mule beta male provider. If you don’t want to actually have sex with him then this shouldn’t be a question you need ask yourself. The right move: tell him that his generosity makes you uncomfortable because you are not romantically attracted to him and you cannot give him what he expects in return. Then stop accepting his handouts, and support yourself. However, if you need the handouts, and if he’s okay with being a sugar daddy and nothing more, then you better start putting out. The longer you kept taking without giving back, the more his expectations rise and the more his resentment explodes when you try to play the innocent deer in headlights as you sexually reject him . His generosity makes me very comfortable. Wč have slept in a same bed for 4 days when he took me on a trip. No advances. Maybe he's asexual.
Author Lorenza Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 1 hour ago, Elswyth said: I'm going to say the exact same thing to you that I say to the dudes who are intentionally going for women less than half their age - it's your life. I don't think it'll be a good life, but if that's really what you want, then sure. The main thing here is that you need to be honest to him so he knows what he's signing up for. I suspect you haven't been, and he's still holding out hope that you're actually attracted to him. I'm not sure. Giving your all and then being dumped like trash doesn't feel like living the good life. He knows I don't have romantic feelings
elaine567 Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) I know you are not madly sexually attracted but is there anything about him you do not like? Edited January 29, 2020 by elaine567
Author Lorenza Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 1 hour ago, BaileyB said: You have a really negative view of relationships, and that is probably because you have never truly been in love... it changes everything. I've been in love. I have been madly in love
Author Lorenza Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 1 minute ago, elaine567 said: I know you are not madly sexually attracted but is there anything about him you do not like? I don't like that he's very quiet and super spiritual. A few tiny physical things, but those can be overlooked 1
Gaeta Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 5 minutes ago, Lorenza said: I'm in Eastern Europe, so it's a bit different. I would not commit to someone poor, passion is a temporary thing Ok so part of it is cultural. One of my brothers dated a couple Eastern European Women, they had the same view as you. Both times it didn't work that's why I was asking if you were in a western country. Your answer is pretty clear. You've past the age of believing in prince charming, find yourself a facilitator.
Author Lorenza Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 Does happiness only rely on love? A man's love for a woman is the most conditional and temporary love there is. A pet probably loves you more purely than a man ever will
Els Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 1 minute ago, Lorenza said: Does happiness only rely on love? A man's love for a woman is the most conditional and temporary love there is. Maybe you should stay away from men entirely if this is truly how you feel about them. 3
Gaeta Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 1 minute ago, Lorenza said: Does happiness only rely on love? A man's love for a woman is the most conditional and temporary love there is. A pet probably loves you more purely than a man ever will You're arguing with a bunch of westerners, we don't have the same views on love, relationships, finances in relationships, etc. You don't have to justify to us your choice. 2
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