babybrowns Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) Hello, I would love some advice please regarding online dating. I’m talking to someone who lives a few hours away from me and we have set up a meeting for 3 weeks’ time when I’ll be in that part of the country. We are texting a lot but I am concerned that the momentum might get lost by the time we actually meet in person. Would anyone please be able to advise any tips on how to keep the ‘spark going’ until then? Many thanks Edited January 28, 2020 by babybrowns
TaintedLuv Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 Have you video chatted or spoken on the phone? Being so far, I’d want to get an idea of how we would interact on a real “date”. I generally try to meet people within 24-72 hours or by that weekend the latest. After that, I get bored when I don’t have a good sense of the person in reality. Why not set up a virtual “coffee date”? 2
Gaeta Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 Why do you even consider someone living across the country? These relationships are difficult and don't have a high rate of success. You should not nourish any spark until you meet. He may not be even close to the idea you have of him. Before we meet someone face to face our brain compensate for the missing information by creating Idealistic character traits, it's all fantasy. I would tell this guy I'll get in touch with him in 3 weeks before I depart for my trip and set a place and time for a first meeting. When I had less dating experience I got caught up with talking with men living far, I will never do that again. 3 1
d0nnivain Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 Less is more. If somebody's interest fades that fast, it wasn't worth it. Don't talk that much so you have stuff to talk about when you meet 1
basil67 Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 Just do whatever you've been doing. If you can't keep interest alive for three weeks, then there's not much worth pursuing. 3 1
Miss Spider Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) If two people truly vibe, it will crescendo until the time when you actually get to meet!!! How exciting. I’m in a similar situation. Talking to a guy through text for about 2 1/2 weeks until he moves here. This is honestly the longest I have got to know someone before meeting and it’s super intriguing to have the background and build up before meeting. That way when you meet you aren’t complete strangers. The only way I can see struggling to keep up the momentum is if there is a lack of interest there on either side or if there’s not much of a connection in your conversations. I’m so excited to meet him and love chatting with him each day I usually hate texting. Good luck on your first date with your guy too. Edited January 28, 2020 by Cookiesandough 4
Lotsgoingon Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 If you can't generate chemistry when you see each other, then you don't have chemistry. No, do NOT want to maintain "momentum" before a meeting. You haven't met the person. You don't have to psyched yourself up for a good relationship. With the right person, you can be tired, a little less great looking than normal ... and things will still click. Texting closeness is an illusion. I've fallen in love (exaggeration) with women's voices on the phone in the old days. Meant NOTHING when I saw them in person. Nothing. I've hated people's voices talking on the phone before meeting ... then met them ... loved them. You don't have to do anything. Just show up for the date. You thinking dating is like a track meet you have to prepare for? No, you bring a slightly better version of your real self and see what happens. And it's fine if nothing happens. 2
Andy_K Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 In my experience, if you haven't met after a couple weeks or so, you most likely never will. Every time I've chatted to someone longer than this, every time I've convinced myself that this one is different, it just never happens. Scheduled meetings get postponed and cancelled until one of you gives up. At the end of the day, if either of you meet just one person in real life you're genuinely interested in, they immediately become more real than your virtual 'chat buddy', and that's the end of it. And if you or they are actively looking, then that's a highly likely possibility. 1 1
Miss Spider Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) No way , we talk every day almost all day long and the conversations keep getting better and better. He’s a huge nerd like me. He came here for an interview and we were going to meet for lunch but I hadn’t really started to talk to him at that point, so I didn’t know how awesome he was, so I didn’t really follow through. Now he got the job and is moving here Sunday. Even if either of us meets other people, we will definitely still at least meet. Edited January 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
Lotsgoingon Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 Really, there's 99 percent chance that all your flirtatious talking ... will amount to nothing. Such talking is great for friends building a friendship ... not for romance. The romance has to happen in person--real person, real face, real posture, real energy ... real way they eat and chew ... and look at others ... and smile ... and frown ... and groom ... real eyebrows, real smile. But hey, lots of us have to learn this the hard way. So have at it! Are you really talking or just texting? 1 1
Miss Spider Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) You guys trying to rain hard on our parade. Isn’t happening!!!!! but just text Edited January 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
Miss Spider Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 Also, my guy has something to say to you ppl trying to shade us “ lol well I feel like there's extenuating circumstances here “Like if we lived 10 mins away and hasn't met up yep that probably would mean that neither of us was that into it” ”But we haven't met up because I don't live there yet ” 1
alphamale Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 "chemistry" in real life is totally different than chemistry on the phone or computer
SumGuy Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 23 minutes ago, alphamale said: "chemistry" in real life is totally different than chemistry on the phone or computer Indeed, but rarely have I had chemistry in real life if it was lacking on the phone/computer. 1
chillii Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 That happened to me a few times back when and if you have anything at all between you you shouldn't have to worry or try with that kind of thing it'll just happen.Some people it's been months or years before they finally got to meet but because they had something it just keeps growing all it's own. Yeah l know, no one really knows until they do meet bla bla but just sayin. 1 1
Miss Spider Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) Deleted Edited January 29, 2020 by Cookiesandough
SumGuy Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 I will say the best message chemistry I have had OLD turned into the best IRL chemistry...we did first meet within in a week but we also live about 10 miles apart 1
BaileyB Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 On 1/28/2020 at 2:23 PM, d0nnivain said: Less is more. If somebody's interest fades that fast, it wasn't worth it. I couldn’t agree more. And never send your personal information or intimate photos to someone you have never met before... be safe. 4
Author babybrowns Posted February 2, 2020 Author Posted February 2, 2020 (edited) Thank you for your replies so far everyone. Me and the guy I’m talking to have got into a bit of a ‘texting friendship’ now in that we are texting every day, have been doing it for a week. We managed to bring our meeting forward to next week and will be meeting somewhere halfway between his town and mine. Something he said today has put me off a little however. We were thinking of meeting for a lunch and then he was like ‘or shall we do a coffee first, just incase you don’t like me haha’. I said in reply that that can go both ways to which he said ‘sure, I’m sure we will be just fine!’ but it has made things a little awkward. I‘m 30 years old and he is 29. I like a man who is confident and mature, but his attitude of ‘what if it doesn’t go well!’ seems to be lacking in confidence and perhaps maturity. I had it in mind when I suggested the lunch, that even if there’s no chemistry, we could at least just have a good time on the meet-up as friends. But he really seems unsure of himself. I’m not sure if I should go ahead with it? Edited February 2, 2020 by babybrowns
Mystery4u Posted February 2, 2020 Posted February 2, 2020 27 minutes ago, babybrowns said: Thank you for your replies so far everyone. Me and the guy I’m talking to have got into a bit of a ‘texting friendship’ now in that we are texting every day, have been doing it for a week. We managed to bring our meeting forward to next week and will be meeting somewhere halfway between his town and mine. Something he said today has put me off a little however. We were thinking of meeting for a lunch and then he was like ‘or shall we do a coffee first, just incase you don’t like me haha’. I said in reply that that can go both ways to which he said ‘sure, I’m sure we will be just fine!’ but it has made things a little awkward. I‘m 30 years old and he is 29. I like a man who is confident and mature, but his attitude of ‘what if it doesn’t go well!’ seems to be lacking in confidence and perhaps maturity. I had it in mind when I suggested the lunch, that even if there’s no chemistry, we could at least just have a good time on the meet-up as friends. But he really seems unsure of himself. I’m not sure if I should go ahead with it? And this is exactly why before you have met someone there is absolutely no need to become texting buddies. Arrange the meeting, maybe a message to check in to make sure it's still on, then meet. After that can do whatever. I think he was just joking around with that comment. Stop texting him every day and meet him next week as planned and see how you are in real life.
Gaeta Posted February 2, 2020 Posted February 2, 2020 1 hour ago, babybrowns said: I’m not sure if I should go ahead with it? It sounds like he's just not used to do online dating. It's a big thing meeting someone for the first time for the online newbies.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted February 2, 2020 Posted February 2, 2020 On 1/28/2020 at 1:10 PM, smackie9 said: sexy photos? Yup, did this a few times.
Lotsgoingon Posted February 2, 2020 Posted February 2, 2020 Hmm .... not sure he's being immature. I think his attitude is mature in realizing that things may not work out in person. But I see your side as well ... no need to set up a safety net at this point ... just meet and assume things will be OK and see what happens. One of the problems with texting too much is that you can't read the other person's facial expressions or voice ... or tone ... body language ... so any slightly off text can become a crisis ... Texting is great for an already existing in-person relationship ...
Author babybrowns Posted February 2, 2020 Author Posted February 2, 2020 1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said: Hmm .... not sure he's being immature. I think his attitude is mature in realizing that things may not work out in person. But I see your side as well ... no need to set up a safety net at this point ... just meet and assume things will be OK and see what happens. One of the problems with texting too much is that you can't read the other person's facial expressions or voice ... or tone ... body language ... so any slightly off text can become a crisis ... Texting is great for an already existing in-person relationship ... It is a mature way of looking at things yes, but quite a negative way to go into it after having texted for one week straight. We do have good banter going, whether that translates into romantic chemistry or friendship chemistry we will only know on the day. But to counter suggest a coffee to a lunch when we are both travelling at least an hour to meet up, is something I did not expect. It has set a bit of a glum tone to this first date; going in with a ‘this might not work so let’s do coffee and not lunch huh?’. But I guess we will see. Indeed I would withdraw the texting until then but most of it is initiated by him, I guess I’ll delay my replies a bit. Thanks everyone again for your advice
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