Slim2221 Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) My girlfriend never makes plans with me, and if we ever hang out, its because I end up making the plans. I feel like a boyfriend of convenience. (I'm 27 years old and my girlfriend is 29 years old). Been together for 3 months right now , yes she called me her boyfriend... We socialize together. We met alot of important people, we usually spent time together on week days and weekend only when i end up making the plans..What should I do? Edited January 28, 2020 by Slim2221 Addition informaion.
VioletVelvet Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 A bit more context please: How long have the two of you been together? Does she call you her boyfriend? Do you socialize together? Have you met important people in each other's lives? Is it a given that you will be together on weekends?
Author Slim2221 Posted January 28, 2020 Author Posted January 28, 2020 @VioletVelvet Been together for 3 months right now , yes she called me her boyfriend... We socialize together. We met alot of important people, we usually spent time together on week days and weekend only when i end up making the plans..What should I do?
VioletVelvet Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 I'm not exactly sure I see the problem, but the solution is likely just to talk to her. Are you concerned that she isn't taking this seriously and just going along with it because you're doing it? Or are you concerned because you feel like the weight is all on you? Whatever it is, no one here is going to be able to help you figure it out -- you have to talk to your girlfriend for some clarity. Communication is THE absolute most important thing in a relationship and it gets easier with practice.
Author Slim2221 Posted January 28, 2020 Author Posted January 28, 2020 I'm concerned she ain't taking the relationship seriously, however im also concerned because im the only person putting effort in the relationship.. Yes i spoke to her few weeks ago and her respond was i'm doing my best..
preraph Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 I don't see any problem that she isnt the one making plans. And you can't demand that she take the relationship seriously. It will either grow or it won't. 1
Daisydooks Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 Communicate what you need. What is it you expect of her 3 months in? Walk us through what actions you want to see in her and maybe we can help further your dialogue. 1
Author Slim2221 Posted January 28, 2020 Author Posted January 28, 2020 @Daisydooks She said i'm too good for her, because i take very good care of her.. Furthermore , she said her previous ex boyfriend don't give a s*** about her, ( In her previous relationship she make all the plans, spend her money on dinner and outing, they hardly go on vacation) All this i do for her.. I'm concerned she ain't taking the relationship serious, i can tell from her action and characters
preraph Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 Well, there's nothing you can do about that. You can't MAKE her stay with you. So not sure why you're bothered you make the plans since her last bad boyfriend didn't and she didn't like it. You can't buy her.
clia Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 I concur with the others that you need to talk to her. "I would really like it if you would do initiate plans with me. It makes me feel like you are not invested in this relationship when you are constantly relying on me to initiate everything." Or whatever... And if she says she's "doing her best," you need to probe that more, because it sounds like her best is equal to nothing. You can also take a step back, don't plan anything, and see if she steps up to the plate. If I was dating a person who never tried to make plans to see me, I would probably think they are not very interested in me and move on.
Gaeta Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 Sounds like she is making you pay for her ex-boyfriend like she planned and paid all the time so from now on she will never plan and pay. You can't be in a healthy relationship if you have not made peace with your past. How long she was single when you started dating? 1
Redhead14 Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 Do you give her the opportunity to do that? I mean, do you get anxious because you haven't heard from her in a certain amount of time so you do it out of anxiety? Are you always reaching out to her and so frequently so that there is no need for her to do it?
Author Slim2221 Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 @Gaeta Omg you said it all.. probably 15 months of been single.. i'd remember she gave me posted card as xmas gift, in return i bought her guess handbag, right after she received my xmas gift, she called me (saying babe i dont like this bag, i want the MCM clutch bag as xmas gift..) can you imagine, I told her, i'm not the boyfriend ya looking for. Few weeks ago she told me she want the new Gucci disney mickey mouse bag for valentine, told her i can't afford it at the moment..
Author Slim2221 Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 @Redhead14 Usually i paid all the bills whenever we're out(dinning and outing).I gave her no opportunity, No i don't get anxious, i only reach out to her when she text me..Today she said( i really wanna have dinner with you( she's actually waiting for me to make plans for dinner) i told her my brain is lazy to think..
Redhead14 Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 3 hours ago, Slim2221 said: @Redhead14 Usually i paid all the bills whenever we're out(dinning and outing).I gave her no opportunity, No i don't get anxious, i only reach out to her when she text me..Today she said( i really wanna have dinner with you( she's actually waiting for me to make plans for dinner) i told her my brain is lazy to think.. Ok, ask her where/what she'd like to do! Tell her you're out of ideas and would like to do something with her that she wants to do. No problem.
Gaeta Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 4 hours ago, Slim2221 said: i'd remember she gave me posted card as xmas gift, in return i bought her guess handbag, right after she received my xmas gift, she called me (saying babe i dont like this bag, i want the MCM clutch bag as xmas gift..) can you imagine, I told her, i'm not the boyfriend ya looking for. Few weeks ago she told me she want the new Gucci disney mickey mouse bag for valentine, told her i can't afford it at the moment.. Why do you date someone superficial like this? She's a taker, don't expect she'll ever turn into a giver. Now it's the Gucci, tomorrow it will be the overpriced house, then the kids will have to be dressed in designer clothes, and she'll need the latest car at the door, trips, she'll want to impress her friends, colleagues and family and you'll be the wallet that will allow her to do that. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 You need to tell her that her lack of planning & initiative combined with her greed are making you feel like those other men made her feel. She did all the work & they gave her nothing. Now she is doing that to you. Explain that you would like her to plan more often & pay once in a while. Meanwhile turn off the money flow. Get her some chocolates & maybe a cute bear or something for Valentine's Day, not expensive purses.
Gaeta Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) 22 hours ago, Slim2221 said: ( In her previous relationship she make all the plans, spend her money on dinner and outing, they hardly go on vacation) I have a really hard time believing this. A giver doesn't turn into a taker over night. It's deep ingrained into us. If she says you are too good to her then you are, believe her. It means you invest in her way more than she is willing to invest in you. Edited January 29, 2020 by Gaeta 1
VioletVelvet Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 6 hours ago, Gaeta said: I have a really hard time believing this. A giver doesn't turn into a taker over night. It's deep ingrained into us. If she says you are too good to her then you are, believe her. It means you invest in her way more than she is willing to invest in you. Maya Angelou: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." [^^ I also need to take this lesson to heart.]
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