ItsAllConfusing Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 My boyfriend is not from the states but he's been here for over a decade. Recently we went shopping for new cellular providers. I let him handle dealing with the sales people. I was there but in the background. Long story short he felt like he got swindled. He told me he felt that I left him to handle things on his own and that I am too polite and not aggressive enough and that I'm from America and in not so many words I should know how to work in these situations. Hearing him out I stood front line on our second meeting with the cell phone providers which didn't go as anticipated because we (I) had to pay a high out of pocket cost. This bothered him because he wanted the best deal possible. The situation was resolved so I thought so until tonight. Tonight after dinner as I was helping him with paperwork he brings it up again and says, "well if it was Tammy this would have NEVER happened. You're supposed to stand with your husband, protect him". Tammy is his ex. I got so upset inside. I felt like he was comparing me to her. I told him I'm NOT Tammy and it wasn't right what he said. After finishing the paperwork I asked him to take me home, skipping sex. How could I have sex with him? He turned me all the way off. He kissed me and apologized but I wasn't having it. I felt disrespected. He took me home. I said goodnight. Now I I'm thinking of taking 2 to 3 days to be alone and clear my head. He refers to himself as my husband but we're not engaged. Did I overreact? Does not seeing him for 2 to 3 days seem childish?. I'm known to get irritated easily and take things personally. Any suggestions? I feel like his ex set the bar and she set it very high. I will never be able to do the things she did. I am me. He talks about how good of a person she is weekly. They're still friends. I can't and dont expect him to cut all ties with her because she's family. She's important to him.
Ambereyes Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 8 minutes ago, ItsAllConfusing said: He talks about how good of a person she is weekly. They're still friends. I can't and dont expect him to cut all ties with her because she's family. She's important to him. Cut your losses.
Daisydooks Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 21 minutes ago, ItsAllConfusing said: "well if it was Tammy this would have NEVER happened. You're supposed to stand with your husband, protect him". Tammy is his ex. What in the actual f. No. You're not wrong for being mad at him. Ick! He IS comparing you so you should feel like you were being compared. This would definitely make me step back, if not cut contact entirely. 3
Noproblem Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 So, what the hell, first he seems so cheap lol, crying because he could not get 10 dollar off or something Then he wants you to be someone you are not, not all people know how to haggle and get the lowest price, I came from a city where we haggle and haggle but I for once, was never able to haggle and it is just not in me.. Then the problem arises when he decides to compare you to his ex if she is so precious, maybe he should be with her! Seriously, he wants you to be her, but you are not her, and you will never be her, And he should protect you, not the other way around.. Living 10 years in USA and crying because he didn't get the lowest price, what a joke! 3 1
Ruby Slippers Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 I'd tell him to accept and love you the way you are, refrain from criticizing you, and stop talking about his ex, as all this is disrespectful. See if he can understand and adapt to those reasonable requests. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) I've got bad news for you (which I suspect you already know): he's still into Tammy. And he's using her to make you feel bad about yourself. Why are you still with this person? EDIT: Upon reading your past threads - your relationship is riddled with problems and his ex has been the proverbial third wheel nearly the entire time. Really, what is it going to take for you to finally demand better for yourself and get rid of him? He doesn't love you. Edited January 28, 2020 by ExpatInItaly 5 3
K.K. Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 5 hours ago, Daisydooks said: What in the actual f. No. You're not wrong for being mad at him. Ick! He IS comparing you so you should feel like you were being compared. This would definitely make me step back, if not cut contact entirely. Yep this ^ ^ I wouldn’t be able to look at him again after that. It would snuff the life out of the whole relationship. Tell him to go back to Tammy, Op. Yuck. 3
smackie9 Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 He's a grown man, ...tell him he needs to act like one lol. 1
scooby-philly Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 Not much to add to the discussion that's not already been said. But apparently there's been other posts from you about this relationship with a similar vain. I would go back to those and see if a pattern emerges. Whether he's not over his ex, he's not emotionally mature, or he's just quick to blame others, none of those are great signs. However, the underlying question is what have you done to confront or enable his behavior and has he responded appropriately if/when confronted? 2
SumGuy Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) As said above,. If you want to be his mother and punching bag stay, otherwise get away form this guy ASAP. Edited January 28, 2020 by SumGuy 2
Gaeta Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 Staying with a man because we're afraid we won't find someone else isn't good enough. You are wasting your best years on this old man that still idealizes his ex. You will find someone else, we all do. Offer yourself the relationship you want. 2
fishlips Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 I can't add anything that hasn't already been said. Dump this chump and let him go back to his ex. You deserve better. 1
Daisydooks Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 10 hours ago, K.K. said: Yep this ^ ^ I wouldn’t be able to look at him again after that. It would snuff the life out of the whole relationship. Tell him to go back to Tammy, Op. Yuck. I think he is even still married to her 1
Daisydooks Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) Why have you been accepting this behaviour for so long? You may have your faults but this guy is bad. He seems to see no positive traits in you, or your children and has done nothing more than be combative with you, questions your ability as a mother, calls your daughter fat, I think I've even read that he has called you fat - forgive me if that was only your daughter, compares you to the ex he is still friggin married to, and is all around a disgruntled man who picks on things you do and has zero ability to go with the flow. he is abusive and awful. You would be within your right to end it. Yesterday. You should have ages ago. Please choose your babies over men in the future, especially ones they dont like with good reason. He isnt worth it. You're a mom first. Always. And especially when they're still young and impressionable. Edited January 28, 2020 by Daisydooks 2
fishlips Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 OMG he called your daughter fat?? That's enough reason to get rid of his ass right now. Do you want your child around someone who is emotionally abusive? 2
Ruby Slippers Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 If he's still married to "Tammy," that alone is reason enough to get rid of him.
sothereiwas Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 1) Buy a cell phone 2) Use a SIM from Mint 3) Upgrade your BF 1
BrennaR Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 After my last breakup I reached out to my bfs phantom ex. She is indeed a great person and we are good friends now. The ex is history. Cut your losses. Never trust a man who triangulates you with an ex.
Lotsgoingon Posted January 31, 2020 Posted January 31, 2020 Lose this guy ... next time he mentions Tammy, go ahead and say, Well this wouldn't be a problem if I were with Rick (fill in name) because would be sexually satisfying me right now instead of whining about a cell phone. Seriously, this guy is a loser. What is taking you so long to face reality and dump him?!
BaileyB Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 This man has been bad news for a long time. What’s it going to take for you to end this relationship?
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