fred123 Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 Hi. I met a girl in the gym 2 weeks ago. we have been chatting when we see each other a bit in the gym. We both go often. I train with my friend every evening and she comes alone. I asked for her number and we have texted a little bit over the week. She said she was single and i said i would take her out on a date. I have made plans to play tennis with her next saturday and then go for food after to a vegan place as she is vegan. We were texting a bit late last night after the gym about random stuff before she randomly texted out the blue " i think we should invite your friend to join us. I will bring my friend Lucy along too" I said what for. She replied to join us for tennis and to go out after. I replied " strange date" she said " Dates r strange" Me " tbh i just wanted it to be the two of us" she: " We will" me: " Maybe`' she: " He might get along with my friend Lucy" Now the only reason why a woman would suggest this is because shes not that interested? We were meant to be going out the tow of us then she changed her mind or something? But i am not interested in this suggestion. she either wants to go out with me and get to know me 1-1 or not. How do i handle this?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 She's more comfortable with a double date....she said it herself that "dates are strange." She may cancel altogether now due to your negative response to the suggestion. 2 1
d0nnivain Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 She is not comfortable one on one. She may have social anxiety or be shy. she may just be paranoid that you are an axe murderer. Either way she needs the comfort of a group Date. Accommodate her 3
Author fred123 Posted January 27, 2020 Author Posted January 27, 2020 or she isnt interested and wants to friendzone me. shes 33. What if she has been on loads of 1-1 dates? how do we know shes just being like that with me? Girls will go on 1-1 public dates with guys they like no? its not like she doesnt know me. we are at the same gym and have been chatting for 2 weeks.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 Then maybe she doesn't like you like that.
d0nnivain Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 Just play doubles tennis with her & see how that goes. Then you can better assess if there is something there or not. 2
Author fred123 Posted January 27, 2020 Author Posted January 27, 2020 ok but sounds like something friends do. im intersted in her romantically not as friends
d0nnivain Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 It's one tennis game. See how that plays out. If you don't get the sense that she's open to romance after that, move on. 1
Author fred123 Posted January 27, 2020 Author Posted January 27, 2020 ok but why cant we play tennis one to one and then deicde if their is any romance. why the need to ask my friend to come?
smackie9 Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 She is one of those who doesn't want to leave her friend out. Relax, it's just one date. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 4 minutes ago, fred123 said: why the need to ask my friend to come? We've already answered this. 1
scooby-philly Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 Agreed - she may think she rushed into things with a stranger too fast so she's looking for a safety net. Accommodate her as others have said and see how things go. 1
Blind-Sided Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 OK... just reading this thread... you are lucky she even said OK in the first place. You are already angry and frustrated, and aren't listening to the girls here who are trying to explain. Also, your comments back to the girl at your gym are very negative. Unless you are just looking to screw on the first date and be done (a Hook-up)... then you have to become friends first. Not to mention... maybe her other friend has been looking for someone, and she simply thinks it's a good time to ask. I really don't mean to sound so negative... but you are judging her, and you don't even know her yet. 4
Author fred123 Posted January 27, 2020 Author Posted January 27, 2020 OK. So i asked my friend if he is available on Saturday and he is not. He is out with his work leaving do. What do i do now?
preraph Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 Have you ever seen her friend at the gym? Is it possible her friend could already think your friend is cute so she is just trying to help her out? Anyway if your friend isn't available, set it up for a different day, or blow it off entirely because she's not going to sleep with you on the first date. 3
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 9 minutes ago, fred123 said: OK. So i asked my friend if he is available on Saturday and he is not. He is out with his work leaving do. What do i do now? Is your friend open to doing it another time? 1
Author fred123 Posted January 27, 2020 Author Posted January 27, 2020 her friend is not a member of the gym. we have never met her before or seen her. I can ask him if he is free another time. Should i tell her that he is not avialable on Saturday and see what she responds first?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 5 minutes ago, fred123 said: her friend is not a member of the gym. we have never met her before or seen her. I can ask him if he is free another time. Should i tell her that he is not avialable on Saturday and see what she responds first? I would ask HIM first if he's up to doing it another time. He may not want to be set up on a blind date. Then you'll be prepared with what to say to her. 1
Daisydooks Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 1 hour ago, fred123 said: ok but why cant we play tennis one to one and then deicde if their is any romance. why the need to ask my friend to come? Because she said so. 1 hour ago, fred123 said: we are at the same gym and have been chatting for 2 weeks. 2 whole weeks? Lord. She does it know you from Adam. Dating isnt as comfy for women where we can be overpowered or taken advantage of and since she doesn't know you at all, she may just feel safe with her friend there. Why you wouldnt want her to feel safe and comfy is beyond me. If she brings Lucy to every date, sure, then there is an issue, but accommodate her this time. Maybe the last date she went on was a train wreck and she was made to feel unsafe. Since you don't know, just try to be open, and less rigid. If your friend is not available this Saturday, put the ball in her court and say you would still like to get together on Saturday for a one-on-one but that your buddy is not available until x date. Again, leave that in her court. At 22, I was an idiot and would have willingly put myself in harm's way without concern. At 33, I'd be much less likely. I personally dont go on any date I feel the need to bring a friend on which tells me she has had a bad experience, or she isnt comfortable with you yet and being cautious. With age, I'm more cautious and less trusting. When I met my fiance, I spoke to my mom the entire drive there to meet him in his city, gave his full address in the event she needed that information and we ended up at his place and also took pictures of his car and license plate upon arrival at our date. Lol! He was all for it, knowing I was just cautious and being safe. I lived alone, so if I'd told no one where I was going and when I'd be home, I could have been dead for days without anyone noticing I didn't know if I would go back to his condo or not but I wanted someone to have all of his personal information phone number, in the event he was a killer and took my life. I know it sounds extreme, but I too had only known him 2 weeks before we physically met. He is also twice my size and very much could have hurt me if he wasnt who I thought he was. I think it sounds like an amazing date and I would just hate for you to ruin it because you seem rigid in your approach. You are thinking she just wants to be friends. Not the case. She knows it is a date because she has also mentioned her friend Lucy "might like your friend," sexually, I imagine. It leads me to believe she knows this the date between you two as well. She isn't trying to be friends simply because she does not feel comfortable one-on-one with yet. Those two things are not mutually exclusive Good luck and keep posting. Hopefully something we ladies are saying makes sense 3
The Outlaw Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 There's safety in numbers and she just doesn't know you that well. And you could be coming off as too strong which in itself is a turn off, or just plain creepy. 3
rightondude Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 just do it. If you have another friend that may be an option, suggest that. Or just suggest a threesome. maybe you end up having a threesome? Just roll with it Fred.
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