max3732 Posted January 26, 2020 Posted January 26, 2020 I'm on a group chat with a bunch of guys that play sports together. One of them just got married, which I believe leaves me as the only single guy in the group. Of course everyone (including me) said "Congratulations" and wished him and his new bride well. One piece of advice I've gotten here is to let friends know you're open to being setup. Would you make a comment to the whole group on the chat or say anything in person to the guys about how hopefully I'll be next or anything like that? I feel awkward trying to ask people for favors or trying to figure out what to say to them to have them consider setting me up. It just seems like having a friend get married would be a good segway into the fact I'm still single
d0nnivain Posted January 26, 2020 Posted January 26, 2020 Since you feel awkward asking for favors I'd make a but of a joke about it. When you are splitting up to end your game or whatever you do as a group say something like Hey you are all going home to your wives. I feel left out. Do your women know a good woman to fix me up with? If you aren't comfortable doing that pick the wife you are closest to & tell her privately 4
Blind-Sided Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 I'm all about cracking the random joke... but this is a serious situation. So, it depends on the friend you ask. I'm recently single after a 20 relationship, and after my divorce was finalized, I turned to friends. (I'm not a bar or club kind of guy) Currently, I'm having some real success with this... although, I'm now finding out I may not be mentally ready. But here's what I would suggest. 1) Ask female friends !! OR... ask the wives of your guy friends. The way I see it is... the guys can be a "Wing man" at a bar... but your female friends, who know you, can pick out single friends they know who may be a good match. Also, when I girl tells another girl about a single guy they know about... they are more likely to actually want to go out. 2) If you joke... make it a direct comment. One of my female friends, who I've known for a long time, but didn't have a solid relationship with... when I told her what had happened with me and the ex... my comment to her was in a humorous manner, and was "So... if you have any single friends... feel free to throw them my way." 3) Don't make it a group text. That will seem like desperation, and that's not appealing to anyone. Make individual, private comments. 4) Don't expect to have a date the day after you tell that friend, and after a few weeks, you may have to ask those friends if they "Have any thoughts" on the request. Remember... your friend may want to get you a date... but the girl they ask, may not be receptive. Right now, I'm having a good time with the friends of my friends that I asked. But, I started putting my feelers out a few months ago. AND... one of my closer female friends has also been having fun with it, as it gets her out of the house, and takes the pressure off me, as we are going on group dates. That's my 2 cents, take it for what it's worth. 4
Gaeta Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 I don't see where this could be considered a favor. Just tell them you're single and you'd be open to go on a blind date if they know any single ladies. That's all. Most people love playing match maker. 1
normal person Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 Not that it's a bad option, but that really just limits you to their single female friends, if any. Wouldn't you have met them already? Don't you guys meet women in person? Why not just use OLD? There are scores of single women on there.
smackie9 Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 Guys don't match make, women do. So you say Hey does your wife have any single friends? They will mention your comment to the old lady and she will get right on it. 2
fishlips Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 I don't see anything wrong with asking them to set you up, as long as you're open to it. A lot of people meet their spouses through friends. I like Donnivain's idea of using humor. It will take the heat off them if they are afraid of having it go wrong.
d0nnivain Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 Just now, fishlips said: I like Donnivain's idea of using humor. Thank you but @Blind-Side did a much better job articulating what I was getting at
Author max3732 Posted January 27, 2020 Author Posted January 27, 2020 5 hours ago, normal person said: Not that it's a bad option, but that really just limits you to their single female friends, if any. Wouldn't you have met them already? Don't you guys meet women in person? Why not just use OLD? There are scores of single women on there. I've been trying OLD extensively and have had several dates but no luck.
Author max3732 Posted January 27, 2020 Author Posted January 27, 2020 11 hours ago, Blind-Sided said: I'm all about cracking the random joke... but this is a serious situation. So, it depends on the friend you ask. I'm recently single after a 20 relationship, and after my divorce was finalized, I turned to friends. (I'm not a bar or club kind of guy) Currently, I'm having some real success with this... although, I'm now finding out I may not be mentally ready. But here's what I would suggest. 1) Ask female friends !! OR... ask the wives of your guy friends. The way I see it is... the guys can be a "Wing man" at a bar... but your female friends, who know you, can pick out single friends they know who may be a good match. Also, when I girl tells another girl about a single guy they know about... they are more likely to actually want to go out. 2) If you joke... make it a direct comment. One of my female friends, who I've known for a long time, but didn't have a solid relationship with... when I told her what had happened with me and the ex... my comment to her was in a humorous manner, and was "So... if you have any single friends... feel free to throw them my way." 3) Don't make it a group text. That will seem like desperation, and that's not appealing to anyone. Make individual, private comments. 4) Don't expect to have a date the day after you tell that friend, and after a few weeks, you may have to ask those friends if they "Have any thoughts" on the request. Remember... your friend may want to get you a date... but the girl they ask, may not be receptive. Right now, I'm having a good time with the friends of my friends that I asked. But, I started putting my feelers out a few months ago. AND... one of my closer female friends has also been having fun with it, as it gets her out of the house, and takes the pressure off me, as we are going on group dates. That's my 2 cents, take it for what it's worth. One of my friends told me he met his wife at a bar and spent like an hour giving me tips for what to say during the date. So maybe he'd be open to being a wingman. I don't really know their wives, but can certainly try asking them if their wives know anyone. What do you think about asking a female friend I went out with a couple times but who moved away. We've kept in touch so I was thinking of asking if she knows anyone that's single where I live.
Versacehottie Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 I also think you should do it via a A) somewhat of a joke toward the guys B) do something with the group (like a dinner or bbq or something or sports event, little after party after your sport) of them as couples, tell the wives they can invite people and if they do, see if you like any of them, speak to the wives to make it happen; if they don't, speak to the wives for next time or to set you up C) think of things in multi-layers....for example, your guy friend didn't directly set you up, but told you what worked in his experience and gave you tips--That is ALSO valuable. The important part is you are growing your overall abilities and connections at the same time, which leaves you in a position more likely to succeed--whether or not the actual reason is that you have a set up from saying that you want one. There is this thing where you can learn and grow exponentially by opening yourself to the wisdom and experiences of others who have been where you want to be already. Much faster than stumbling through it on your own and without help. Also as someone said, give it some time; people will keep their ears open though it may not happen overnight. And lastly, this is just reality, if all your friends are married, you actually need some single friends as well.
Blind-Sided Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 3 hours ago, max3732 said: ........................................... What do you think about asking a female friend I went out with a couple times but who moved away. We've kept in touch so I was thinking of asking if she knows anyone that's single where I live. There's no problem with that, since you two aren't involved. BUT... it would work better if she was local since she's not interacting daily with the women local to you. (She may not know if there is something just starting up with one of her old friends)
normal person Posted January 29, 2020 Posted January 29, 2020 On 1/27/2020 at 6:02 PM, max3732 said: I've been trying OLD extensively and have had several dates but no luck. Why do you think? Where do you live? How old are you?
Author max3732 Posted January 29, 2020 Author Posted January 29, 2020 4 hours ago, normal person said: Why do you think? Where do you live? How old are you? Wish I knew! I've gone everything I can think of... pictures with me doing cool stuff and taken with a real camera that are clear, a bio that I think sounds pretty good that shows me as an interesting and successful guy. I live in the suburb of a medium sized US city and an almost 40. I'm on match, Eharmony, Bumble, Tinder, OK Cupid, POF, and Coffee Meets Bagel. It's like another job sending out messages that end up going nowhere. When I have met up with women the furthest I've gotten is 5 dates and then 3 before that. A few 2 and mostly 1. About half of the matches that only lasted 1 were because she wasn't a good match for me. Where I live demographics and politics seem to be working against me. Some days I just feel hopeless with this and wonder what's the point of being successful elsewhere in life if I have no family (outside my immediate family) to share it with and I see all my friends get married and have families.
Blind-Sided Posted January 30, 2020 Posted January 30, 2020 (edited) OK.... DO NOT TALK POLITICS !!!!!!! I actually have a very god friend that I've known for 23/24 years now, and we actually had to say to each other... no politics. For some... it's a bore... for other's it's a passion. Either way... it ends bad if you don't see eye-to-eye. There was one time it worked for me. She was a Lawyer (D) and I'm just educated (R) and aware of the current subjects. we actually had a nice debate on a few subjects, but we came together on removing the "Party" switch from the voting machines. (She felt that she got cheated out of an elected position because of low turn out, and a district that was mostly R) It's too easy for old people, or idiots to just vote party. I'm registered R... but I vote all over the map. My 2 cents... take it for what it's worth. Edited January 30, 2020 by Blind-Sided
Author max3732 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Posted January 30, 2020 12 hours ago, Blind-Sided said: OK.... DO NOT TALK POLITICS !!!!!!! I actually have a very god friend that I've known for 23/24 years now, and we actually had to say to each other... no politics. For some... it's a bore... for other's it's a passion. Either way... it ends bad if you don't see eye-to-eye. There was one time it worked for me. She was a Lawyer (D) and I'm just educated (R) and aware of the current subjects. we actually had a nice debate on a few subjects, but we came together on removing the "Party" switch from the voting machines. (She felt that she got cheated out of an elected position because of low turn out, and a district that was mostly R) It's too easy for old people, or idiots to just vote party. I'm registered R... but I vote all over the map. My 2 cents... take it for what it's worth. Definitely agree about talking politics, but it seems to come up at some point. To start with most of the women I'd be interested in have their political views listed on their profile so I'm a bit reluctant about messaging them but I still do it. Even worse though are the ones that say if you're a ... swipe left or don't message me. So a lot of intolerance. In fact with this last 2 women where I got to 3 and 5 dates they started to bring up political issues and asked my opinion and then said we didn't have enough in common. Sometimes with others they've just blurted out some political statement and then I think they're looking to see how I react. Normally I try to steer the conversation in another direction. Not political, but there was one woman I met that I really liked but she said she was extremely religious and only wanted to date someone who was a leader in the church. Something else that bothers a lot of women is that I don't drink or like alcohol. I had one match unmatch when I confirmed with her I never drink (it's listed on my profile) and then another that I met in person ordered all these expensive drinks in the middle of the afternoon despite knowing I didn't drink. It just seems like there are so many areas where you have to see eye to eye that it's nearly impossible to find someone.
mortensorchid Posted February 1, 2020 Posted February 1, 2020 I do see why it you shouldn't at least try. Maybe seeing your last friend get married made you think that you're the oddball. However, don't assume that just because one of your friends says "Ok I know someone" and they do introduce you to them that you will automatically be a match. I was set up with someone many years ago and he was ... not right for me. The other time someone introduced me to someone he turned out to be the love of my life and he broke my heart. It's embarrassing, truly it is. There have been times I have thought about asking my friends to do just this for me but ... None of them do. And I had one who told me she wouldn't invite me to parties with her or even friend me on Facebook because that took away from her chances of meeting men. She was a hopeless drunken trainwreck. I hope you have good luck with this.
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