OatsAndHall Posted January 26, 2020 Posted January 26, 2020 19 hours ago, mark clemson said: While this is all true and a genuine risk, there is a vaccine for HPV now. Not sure about efficacy in adults, but that would be a thing to discuss with one's doctor (if interested). I asked for the HPV vaccine during an annual checkup about a month ago and he refused. My girlfriend and I wanted to stop using condoms and I didn't want to risk passing on an infection I couldn't be tested for. He said that, given my age (39), there was virtually a 100% chance that I had already contracted HPV and that the shot wouldn't do any good. Sex is fun but I think women need to factor HPV into the equation before jumping into casual sex. Chances are high that they've already contracted it at some point in their lives but I wouldn't want to increase the risk of getting a nasty strain of it. 2
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 On 1/25/2020 at 12:18 PM, miss2017 said: I feel stronger now and know the type of man/partner I want. So I met this guy on Tinder... I think that I understand why you're "confused". 1
Author miss2017 Posted January 27, 2020 Author Posted January 27, 2020 6 hours ago, SincereOnlineGuy said: I think that I understand why you're "confused". I'm not sure what you mean by that!? One of my best friends met her now husband on Tinder 4 years ago. They fell in love, got married, had a child and are very happy together, so no the issue is not Tinder.
basil67 Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 And yet you're talking to a guy from Tinder who only wants a hook up. 2
stillafool Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 Tinder is know as a hook up site so I don't know why anyone would be looking for a bf there. Of course there are "unicorn" relationships that end in marriage but I'm sure those are few and far between. The majority of men are just looking for sex.
elaine567 Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 Tinder is no longer seen or billed as simply a hook up site. 1
fromheart Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 On 1/26/2020 at 3:51 AM, Ruby Slippers said: And it doesn't always work. Casual sex is not a good bet for women. And for men its ok?
fromheart Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 On 1/25/2020 at 8:18 PM, miss2017 said: I have posted here asking for advice before about my on-off relationship with this guy that ended badly last year. He asked me to marry him, gave me an engagement ring and then we had an argument and he left me on the spot and after 1 month was with a new woman. I was left heartbroken at the time and shut down emotionally to heal and recover. It took me several months but I have finally realised what happened, why I allowed him into my life and I feel stronger now and know the type of man/partner I want. So I met this guy on Tinder, we have many things in common and we are very sexually attracted to each other. We didn't do any sexting but we talked about how we feel about each other and wanting to take things further. I don't feel this guy is "the one" for a serious relationship, but the truth is, he is making me feel alive again! I have my sexual desire back and it feels soooo good! It makes me feel more alive and passionate about life feeling this sexual energy again, since sexual energy is life force energy. I just don't know though if I should go ahead and have sex with him. I mean, I really want it, and I feel I would like to be with a new man intimately since for a very long time I only had sex with my ex and got really physically attached to him, and being with another man would break that. It's just that I don't know if I can deal with the afterwards when we go back home and I don't have a relationship. I'm quite confused. What do you think? Casual sex is disposable sex. You and another are saying that you'd like to have sex, but are not attracted enough to invest emotionally. You are training your body to close off emotions while you have sex. The consequence for some, is that they cannot reestablish that connection when they want to. There's also a very empty feeling after casual sex, due to the lack of emotional connection. How old are you? Do you wish to have children? If you are 22 you have maybe 7 years left to find the emotional tools to sustain a relationship, be a mother and produce the healthiest baby possible, with the least risk of detriment to yourself. You also want to look great after childbirth, which is something a 35 year old probably can't do. Causal sex wont help you achieve any of those goals, and this society is not preparing young women for the realities of relationship and life. Least of all, meet the right person. STD's The HPV virus can't be prevented by a condom, neither can herpes nor a few others. Its up to you whether you want to indulge, but bear in mind that it is not consequence free and is sometimes anything but casual.
fromheart Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 On 1/25/2020 at 11:03 PM, Ms.Jade said: If you do it, I advise no sleepovers, keep kissing and cuddling to a minimum to avoid potential feelings developing. Sounds great, doesn't it. 1
K.K. Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 You know the only time I think casual sex would be a fascinating possibility? Like if all of a sudden, during a normal ordinary day, you see this person that you don’t know, right? They’re looking gooood. Dripping sex from their pores. They look at you- you look at them, and all of sudden it’s ON. A fantasy come to life. Then they’re just ... gone. You never have to see their face again and nobody ever, ever finds out. 2
mark clemson Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 1 hour ago, fromheart said: There's also a very empty feeling after casual sex, due to the lack of emotional connection. For some people sure, not all necessarily all, though.
mark clemson Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 1 hour ago, K.K. said: You know the only time I think casual sex would be a fascinating possibility... So - basically a spontaneous ONS with someone hot?
Ruby Slippers Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 2 hours ago, fromheart said: And for men its ok? I think it's a dead end for women or men - but the risks to women are much greater.
Els Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 On 1/26/2020 at 6:18 AM, miss2017 said: It's just that I don't know if I can deal with the afterwards when we go back home and I don't have a relationship. If you're wondering about this, it's probably a bad idea for you, since this concern tells me that you do equate sex with some degree of emotional intimacy (some people don't, and those people are much more likely to be able to have casual sex and not experience any negative emotional effects). Additionally, for a hetero woman, I personally don't see the point. The orgasm gap literally doubles when you have casual sex - on average women in relationships apparently orgasm ~60% of the time they have hetero sex compared to ~90% of men (which is already a bad enough statistic), but when it comes to casual sex women typically orgasm ~30% of the time compared to ~90% of men (the statistic remains unchanged for men between relationship sex and casual sex). So essentially you're risking pregnancy, STDs, and negative emotions for an encounter that has a lower chance of satisfying you sexually than your finger or a $10 vibrator. 1
Els Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 On 1/26/2020 at 11:24 AM, mark clemson said: While this is all true and a genuine risk, there is a vaccine for HPV now. Not sure about efficacy in adults, but that would be a thing to discuss with one's doctor (if interested). You need 2 doses of the vaccine 6 months apart, and any contact with HPV during those 6 months renders the vaccine useless. So not very useful for on-the-spot protection, unlike a tetanus or rabies vaccine. 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 7 hours ago, miss2017 said: I'm not sure what you mean by that!? One of my best friends met her now husband on Tinder 4 years ago. They fell in love, got married, had a child and are very happy together, so no the issue is not Tinder. Thread title: "Is having casual sex a good idea" You "know the type of man you want" yet you are meeting guys on Tinder You need to rise above the noise and confusion, get a glimpse beyond this illusion you're soaring ever higher, but in danger of flying too high . . . Carry on, you will always remember Carry on, nothing equals the splendor Now your life's no longer empty Surely heaven waits for you
K.K. Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 4 hours ago, mark clemson said: So - basically a spontaneous ONS with someone hot? Yes, please! 1 hour ago, SincereOnlineGuy said: Carry on, you will always remember Carry on, nothing equals the splendor Now your life's no longer empty Surely heaven waits for you Good tune.
Author miss2017 Posted January 27, 2020 Author Posted January 27, 2020 Thanks everyone that responded. I have decided based on how I feel that I am not going ahead with the casual sex thing. One of the good things about my last relationship was exactly the connection we had after the sex. Our sex was very passionate but the connection afterwards was really good too, and I enjoyed having someone there to sleep and cuddle with, to grab a late night snack, to have breakfast in the morning and spend the day together, etc. I truly miss all that and that's what I want to have, so if I had casual sex I know I would feel really empty afterwards, so don't want to do it. I'm in a good place with myself now, so am just gonna wait and meet the right man. I've had this realisation when this guy asked me yesterday (we were sexting), if he can c** in my mouth and for me to swallow... I just don't want or need this in my life. 6
Ruby Slippers Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 Good for you. Guys like him view women as disposable receptacles. You can do much better. 1
Author miss2017 Posted January 28, 2020 Author Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: Good for you. Guys like him view women as disposable receptacles. You can do much better. Yes I realised that when he asked me if he could c** in my mouth and if I swallow. Horrible to say the least, and a kind of energy I don't want anything to do with. Edited January 28, 2020 by miss2017 2
Piddy Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 43 minutes ago, miss2017 said: Yes I realised that when he asked me if he could c** in my mouth and if I swallow. Horrible to say the least, and a kind of energy I don't want anything to do with. That was your wake up call. You are a relationship sex type person and not a recreational sex person. It just took the realization of what casual sex is really all about for you to remember that.
Author miss2017 Posted January 28, 2020 Author Posted January 28, 2020 1 minute ago, Piddy said: That was your wake up call. You are a relationship sex type person and not a recreational sex person. It just took the realization of what casual sex is really all about for you to remember that. Yes that's it. So I am grateful to this guy actually for helping see that. I wish him well but I'll stay in my energy until I meet the right match. 2
stillafool Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 On 1/27/2020 at 8:24 AM, elaine567 said: Tinder is no longer seen or billed as simply a hook up site. What changed? Let me guess, women decided they wanted to make it a relationship site.
2BGoodAgain Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 your sexual energy is your chemical addiction to the way he makes you feel....your brain recognizes the good feelings you get and encourages you biochemically to find it again.... what you really need to do is find out WHAT about him that affects you makes you feel this way... figure this out, and you'll be happier long term, than the short term happiness you feel with this guy.
SumGuy Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 3 hours ago, stillafool said: What changed? Let me guess, women decided they wanted to make it a relationship site. Pretty sure it was marketing executive. If we say it often enough and put up a few TV adds it will be true.
Recommended Posts