ljwentworth32 Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 What do you guys think about this? interested in guys perspective and girls perspective. I feel like if i found out the person i'm seeing is seeing several other people it'd turn me off to her. What do girls think about if the guy you're seeing is also seeing other people? morally ok? morally wrong? 1
mark clemson Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 (edited) There are those who would be ok with it and those who would not (my guess is the larger % is those who are not, but that's only a guess). Morals are very subjective. I'm going to guess that, fortunately for you, no one is telling you who to date. So if it bothers you, ask them to commit to you or find someone else. Sometimes it's easier said than done if you really like the person, but hey, that's life... Edit: If your post was addressed only to women, you can disregard my answer - sorry about that. Edited January 24, 2020 by mark clemson
K.K. Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 5 minutes ago, ljwentworth32 said: What do girls think about if the guy you're seeing is also seeing other people? morally ok? morally wrong? I don’t know if it would really be a ‘moral’ factor as much of a yuck factor. But I know people do this all the time. I’m not one of them but I know they do. To each his own. 5
Ruby Slippers Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 Super lame. I'd immediately lose all interest in a guy doing this. 4
Author ljwentworth32 Posted January 24, 2020 Author Posted January 24, 2020 13 minutes ago, mark clemson said: There are those who would be ok with it and those who would not (my guess is the larger % is those who are not, but that's only a guess). Morals are very subjective. I'm going to guess that, fortunately for you, no one is telling you who to date. So if it bothers you, ask them to commit to you or find someone else. Sometimes it's easier said than done if you really like the person, but hey, that's life... Edit: If your post was addressed only to women, you can disregard my answer - sorry about that. 5 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: Super lame. I'd immediately lose all interest in a guy doing this. 9 minutes ago, K.K. said: I don’t know if it would really be a ‘moral’ factor as much of a yuck factor. But I know people do this all the time. I’m not one of them but I know they do. To each his own. so I'm in full agreement with all of u. I'd guess the huge majority of people would hate multidaters. But we live in a world of tinder, grinder, bumble, and a bijillion other hook up sites. These dating sites have ruined dating in the modern world imho. What ever happened to meeting someone in real life? but hey to each their own like someone above said. one of my friends (she's a girl) showed me the other day ... her tinder account and she's talking with 5 guys at once and going on dates with 3 at the same time! wtf. If I ever found out the girl I'm interested in is doing this I'd just get up and leave. It's gross, disrespectful, and all I can think about is STDs,etc.... 3
mark clemson Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 I think one way to avoid an abrupt end is to have "the talk" about whether you're monogamously dating. I think some folks hedge their bets during the first several weeks so don't be shocked or get too upset. It may be too much ask for right at the outset, but once you're a bit established, ask for what you want. Communication and reasonable expectations are key. Full disclosure: I'm not dating but I've been with my wife 23 years and married 12 so there's that... 1
Ruby Slippers Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 Online dating is a search for a needle in a haystack. You've got to go into it prepared to sort out MANY pieces of hay. Society is a landmine these days. But there ARE diamonds in the rough. 2
Mrin Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 Dude here. I used to multidate. And now that I'm single I imagine I will again in the near future. I'd multidate only so far though. I probably drew the line at around dates 3-5. They're kind of two rules when it comes to multi dating: 1. Make sure the other person knows that you aren't exclusive. You don't have to come out and say I am dating other women. But you do need to let them know that you are not exclusive. 2. Never ever ever ever ask or talk about others when you or she (or both) are multi dating. If you both do a good job of communicating and are on the same wavelength then it's really not a big deal. 3
basil67 Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 I think the answers will vary a lot by country and age of the respondent. Mid 50's Australian woman - I think multi dating is nasty. It wasn't done here last time I was single. But to my daughter, it's normal. 5
Miss Spider Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 (edited) I like it and I don’t mind it. I would actually encourage any guy I’m dating to see others so he can be reminded how awesome I am in comparison:D Edited January 24, 2020 by Cookiesandough 4
Daisydooks Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, ljwentworth32 said: morally ok? morally wrong? Morals are different for everyone, so I'd rather not judge morality. I find it inconsiderate and I do find it goes against MY morals. I am a 35 year old female and Canadian, if it helps or matters. Edited January 24, 2020 by Daisydooks Addition 1
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 This is the norm today, if its not exclusive its not exclusive, simple enough. Yeah, it is a turn off, that is why everyone lies about it... The nature of Online Dating extends into dating multiple people, it just is what it is.
Andy_K Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 Not a fan, but I accept it happens. Less so in the UK, but it's becoming more common. It's rarely been an issue for me personally though, because things tend to escalate physically quite quickly. And I find if someone likes you enough for that, they're quite keen to ditch anyone else they might have been on a date with and focus on you. Especially once they find out you're not seeing anyone else. 4 1
salparadise Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 I was talking to a woman on Bumble, and it was going well, or so I thought. She was quite engaging and would sometimes initiate (which I like). The last time we talked I asked her about going out Friday. She was keen but asked if we could do it Saturday instead. So as the conversation proceeded the topic of multi-dating came up. She admitted that she was seeing 3 others, but said that none of them were "it," and that she wasn't sleeping with them. Pffft. Why would any self-respecting man sign up to be #4 ? What a waste of time and emotional energy. She's either lying about sleeping with them, or stringing them along for entertainment while she looks for one to bang. Neither has any appeal to me whatsoever. Icky. 3 1
Author ljwentworth32 Posted January 24, 2020 Author Posted January 24, 2020 24 minutes ago, salparadise said: I was talking to a woman on Bumble, and it was going well, or so I thought. She was quite engaging and would sometimes initiate (which I like). The last time we talked I asked her about going out Friday. She was keen but asked if we could do it Saturday instead. So as the conversation proceeded the topic of multi-dating came up. She admitted that she was seeing 3 others, but said that none of them were "it," and that she wasn't sleeping with them. Pffft. Why would any self-respecting man sign up to be #4 ? What a waste of time and emotional energy. She's either lying about sleeping with them, or stringing them along for entertainment while she looks for one to bang. Neither has any appeal to me whatsoever. Icky. yea i think you hit it on the nail. some guys are low status. they don't mind being 4/4. or 2/4 . whatever. but I don't buy it either. She may not be sleeping with them right this second but you never know what goes down Friday night... or the other nights. that's what i'm talking about though. bumble and tinder, etc... I'm not on either because of that. because I know you may be seeing me Saturday night and riding someone else's dick on Friday, then Sunday.... It's a meat market as someone would call it.
salparadise Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 I wonder why she felt it would be a good idea to disclose that. Maybe she thought it would trigger my competitive drive or something. Nope, she instantly went from high interest to no interest. This is what gripes me about dating in general, and online dating in particular... women who treat men like a commodity, and have this entitlement mentality. I am also now suspecting that her pics may be from a decade ago. She is engaging though, which is refreshing after all of those who think men should be jolted into pursuit mode by a profile pic and two sentences. And THEY are ones asking if there are any real men left. It's a warped reality. 3
Legatus Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 Personally I couldn't do it. Two jobs, volunteering, personal projects, dancing, they all keep me busy most of the time, so when I meet somebody I would like to date I will put my energy and effort to that person. I can always find time but there's a line when it would become more tiring (if I had to see multiple people). The most recent one, she actually asked me, almost directly, if I was seeing other people and I said no. Then I asked her, she said no. Job done. I wouldn't expect her to tell me if she started though. Not sure what a protocol would be here. Theoretically we weren't exclusive, even though that's how I do it, but we didn't go far enough to have exclusivity talk. Her new flatmate dates 5-10 women at the same time. He doesn't mind when he needs to cut some of them off to free his time - he can always find more, especially if they get attached after a while. To me, such lifestyle would be exhausting. If those are just casual hook-ups, you don't really need to think or put much effort I guess. He plays the game just as well as his guitar. I prefer to have my mind in one place rather than many but who knows, maybe one day I will try.. 3
Miss Spider Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 (edited) It’s not uncommon for a woman to have 2 or 3 coffee dates lined up because it’s way more likely none of them will be the least bit appealing to her than it is she will be riding 2 or 3 of them that week. Edited January 24, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2
fromheart Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, ljwentworth32 said: so I'm in full agreement with all of u. I'd guess the huge majority of people would hate multidaters. But we live in a world of tinder, grinder, bumble, and a bijillion other hook up sites. These dating sites have ruined dating in the modern world imho. What ever happened to meeting someone in real life? but hey to each their own like someone above said. one of my friends (she's a girl) showed me the other day ... her tinder account and she's talking with 5 guys at once and going on dates with 3 at the same time! wtf. If I ever found out the girl I'm interested in is doing this I'd just get up and leave. It's gross, disrespectful, and all I can think about is STDs,etc.... It has ruined the dating world to a certain extent. However, the really beautiful, exceptional women aren't going to be in these sites. For the simple reason they don't need to. So if your aiming for these rare types of women, your wasting your time on a dating site. Edited January 24, 2020 by fromheart 3
Blind-Sided Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 (edited) At face value... I personally think it's wrong. I've read story after story here that someone has dated for a couple months, and then finds out the other person is dating a few others, and the response is... "We weren't exclusive." In this situation... it's just wrong. This is playing with people's emotions, and leading them on. With that said... I've kind of gotten myself in a situation that isn't "Black and White" on this subject. I'm at a stage where I was introduced to a few girls, and we have been out on group outings. Since that point, I have stayed in contact with these girls lightly. I'm working out of town this week, and I've actually been thinking about this subject. I'm personally no t sure if I'm even ready to have a serious relationship yet, and I just want to have fun. I haven't been intimate with any of these girls... so at this point, I don't see a problem. I guess where I draw the line would be several "One on One" dates, and intimacy. My 2 cents... take it for what it's worth. Edited January 24, 2020 by Blind-Sided 1
Ellener Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 12 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said: At face value... I personally think it's wrong. I've read story after story here that someone has dated for a couple months, and then finds out the other person is dating a few others, and the response is... "We weren't exclusive." It's the first question I always ask, but guess what, people aren't always honest with their answer. 1
some_username1 Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 2 minutes ago, Ellener said: It's the first question I always ask, but guess what, people aren't always honest with their answer. In other news water is wet...it’s pretty obvious people aren’t going to tell the truth because they want to protect their own interests and keep all options in play. That’s why I never ask the question anymore and just assume they are dating others and that if it’s meant to happen then I will emerge as the “winner”. Meantime I’m doing the same thing, as much as my options will allow. Dating is very much a competition these days unfortunately. 1
2BGoodAgain Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 lol...most EVERYONE who are OK with multi-dating... is always "OK" with it until they meet someone they actually like a lot... then it's not OK anymore.. lol. 1
Ellener Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 3 minutes ago, some_username1 said: Dating is very much a competition these days unfortunately. I feel I have to ask because I would not want to be that wife waiting at home...well I wouldn't be, which is why he's interested in me... 1
thefooloftheyear Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 No dog in this fight, but if you want this mans opinion, Im in the camp with salp and basil...and maybe its our age, but I don't get it, nor would I ever participate in it....I really don't care much for buffet style restaurants either so that may be an indication.. But really....To me anyway, it reeks of insecurity and immaturity....Like a dog that has a bunch of toys and cant focus on one and jumps from one to the other...I don't see this as a sport, really and if I was in this situation, I would drop the other person immediately...I don't get "shopped"... I don't care what anyone does, but I think people need to consider that aspect...If you really like someone, the fact that you are choosing to do it could cause that person to ditch you on the spot...So in essence, the whole justification used that they can "choose the best one" may not be possible....They'll make that choice for you... TFY 4
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