Adam2020 Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 So broke up with this girl 2 weeks ago. And in the first week I went really needy pestery and just a s*** person. Since then on her advice I went and spoke to someone intensely who helped me see that I had issues with rejection which came out at the end of the relationship. She said she never wanted to speak to me again. I don’t want to annoy her however I don’t want her thinking of me as that guy. anyway here’s the text I’m thinking of sending. Hey. Can we talk? Feel free to delete this straight away. Can we stop being fallen out? I'm not saying now But after talking I took the advice that talking, not arguing not being fixated on one thing might be good. No worries if not. We had chemistry and I'm not saying at all that I want you back, because I know now that there is damage that I have done to how you think of me that even being friends might be a stretch but i don't want to be the person you think of as being that annoying f***er who I was with and then he went all crazy. I've talked to this person, and I've seen that I have flaws and issues with rejection, which is how I saw it.l, that go back a long way and they all came out with you. And I'm sorry that you had have the brunt of them. They are somethinh I'm obviously going to have to work on You're an amazing person and you did everything right. I didn't. If you never want to talk again, I'm not saying now with loads of stuff I'm just saying maybe be able to say hi and stuff, then delete this. If you want answers for anything I said and then not talk again feel free to ask I owe you that and I would be 100% true. I just want to make this right and not be an a**h*** who became an idiot. I want to be an a**h*** who tried to do the right thing and apologised for the immature stupid and creepy way I acted. I am so sorry and understand that I was not a good, respectful or nice person over the time after.
preraph Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 Since she didn't want to hear from you again, I agree with Sam that you should keep it very brief. No more than two sentences. You were right.Therapy helped. 3
The Outlaw Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 Say what you feel you need to say but say no more. Since she doesn't want to hear from you again, don't send the text. It won't be full closure, but it WILL help. Trust me, I've been in those shoes before.
alphamale Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 the only place this text should be sent is to the trash bin 6
ExpatInItaly Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 If your goal is to demonstrate that you are not a needy, pestery person - do not send that message. It is the very definition of needy and pestery. 5
Legatus Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 You definitely have to shorten it. Don't tell her she can delete it - of course she can, doesn't need your approval. Don't ask her to stop being fallen out. If it ever happens it won't be just because you made a polite request. It doesn't work like that. It feels like you're trying to control the outcome here, that's why it's so long. She will do what she wants. What is it that you want to convey in this message? The fact that you want to talk to her again? It's too soon. Show her your remorse? It's great but she probably won't care. If it's for some form of closure, focus on that. Just say that you've been working on a lot of things and realised your mistakes and that you are sorry that you guys had to break up for you to see it. That's it. 2
JPT0918 Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 If you want to save the relationship, then don't send the text. she will only see it as a pathetic attempt to get her back by being clingy and needy. This causes her to run even further away from you. Immediately start no contact and move on. Only then will she have the chance to reflect and reconsider her decision. Be strong and withhold the text. It will pay off for you to do so. 3
NomiMalone Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 Do not send that message. The only way to redeem yourself as “not that needy person” is to respect her request to not contact her again and go stone cold silent. You can post here instead! 3
Grathblagg Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 You need to send that message for her sake. She needs to know that you won't listen to a word that she says. No doubt, she will come crawling back. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 Do not send that. Never send long rambling texts like that. Texts are for short non emotional factual exchanges. Anything that requires nuance like emotions should NEVER be communicated via text or email. They require face to face communication. In addition, the woman told you she never wants to speak to you again. Respect that. To do anything else crosses into stalker / harassment territory & proves to her that she is well rid of you. 3
CAPSLOCK CROOK Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 Why all the nuance? She experienced the same relationship you did. What you need to do is explain to her that you went to therapy and discovered that you were in the wrong and that you are regretful that you were so protective of your own feelings and wished you had opened up to her more about your feelings, but understand that the ship has sailed and wish her well. 1
elaine567 Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 When people break up with you and tell you they never want to speak to you again then you have to listen to them. They dont make these decisions lightly. As the dumpee you are not unfortunately in control of the narrative, she is. She doesn't want you in her life, she doesn't want to hear about your issues and problems, she is done. IF she wants you back, she will contact you. Do not send anything. 3
ChatroomHero Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 It's crazy how when you are in the middle of it, the absolute worst choice looks like the best. If she says she never wants to talk to you again, the best choice seems to be...if I could only talk to her. If she says she never wants to see your face again you think...if only I could meet up in person with her. If she says she wants no communication with you, you think...if only I could send another text and communicate with her how I won't communicate with her again! Basically she said she never wanted to speak to you again. You don't want to be "that guy". So your plan is to basically speak to her again? Read that one more time. See, you think explaining and apologizing will make her think you had introspective and are truly sorry and accept responsibility. She will see the text come through, "Hey." and think, my God, what do I have to do to ditch this creep who won't leave me alone. Not I hate him more. This confirms he is "that guy". I need to have all my girlfriends read this crazy manifesto from this loser and see if they think I need to get a restraining order. I told him I never want to speak to him again and he will keep trying to speak to me like a psycho. What do I have to say to get him to just stop! When she tells you off or doesn't respond, you'll probably think you need to send her another message to not be that guy. Rinse and repeat. She told you to leaver her alone. Be a man and leave her alone and move on. 1
preraph Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 Well, he's disappeared, I guess. Two weeks of therapy probably wouldn't stop him from being triggered in the same way anyway. I bet he sent it. Oh, well, she can block him. 1
Malin889 Posted January 24, 2020 Posted January 24, 2020 Was this the same girl you said broke up with you or was taking time out for her kids?
UniverseInMe Posted January 25, 2020 Posted January 25, 2020 Hey kid. I made the same mistake you made, only worse. Much worse. I made every embarrassing mistake imaginable. And obviously the more I pushed the subject, the worse it got. And yes, I wrote heart felt message too, and guess what? It did NOT work. In fact, all it did was piss her off. But I kept pressing the issue for close to 2 1/2 years. All in all I went through 3 years of pure hell. I reached obsessive levels, but eventually I quit on her. I finally started to feel somewhat normal again after that excruciating length of time. And guess what? She came back.. And now I'm completely over her, like 100%. But she's the one that wants me now. I finally got my power back. So ya, don't send it. In fact, disappear like a ghost. It will be tortures but you have no choice now. If you want back with her this is your ONLY and BEST shot, trust me on this. 2
spiderowl Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 I can completely see why you want to send the text. You do not want her to remember you as that crazy guy who went over the top when the relationship broke up. I can also see that if she told you she never wanted to speak to you again, then it would be foolish to ignore that. She might have said it impulsively and would change her mind about not speaking if she knew you were not going to try to get back together with her or be clingy. However, it is best to respect what she says and maintain your dignity at this point now. It's a tough choice, I can see, but I cannot see a positive outcome either way, so you might as well just try to move on without her.
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