ljwentworth32 Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 Basically in the first two months or so, how often are you seeing the person you're dating? Just curious to hear answers or situations. is once a week usually standard? who plans the dates in your relationship? ideally i'd like the date planning to be 50/50 but that doesn't always seem to be the case most of the time.
RecentChange Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 I try not to put constraints and parameters on imaginary relationships. I have had ones that moved slower, and others that moved fast. My husband and I moved very quickly - 19 years later we are still happily together so "too fast" wasn't an issue for us. 3
Miss Spider Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 (edited) I was going to make a thread to ask the same question. I am glad you asked because everyone here is kind of sick of me. Anyway, in for answers becauseI feel after the first 1-3 dates people tend to want to see like every day as you head towards a more a serious relationship . It feels like too much. I have never dated someone who only wanted to hang out once a week but that would we ideal for me Edited January 23, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 (edited) It really depends on the person and situation. I don't go out for the second date with someone I'm not really interested in. My friends tease me about having "the thirty-second-test." I pretty much know in the first few minutes whether I'm interested or not. With those I've been interested in, things have developed quickly. A couple have been LD so can't see weekly but have been on the phone a lot every day since first meeting with those (a couple of people over the years) I'm very interested in. Edited January 23, 2020 by LivingWaterPlease punctuation
Author ljwentworth32 Posted January 23, 2020 Author Posted January 23, 2020 one of my guy friends just started dating this girl and he sees her literally every other day right from the get go. how are they still together? doesn't the flame die down instantly?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 After the first official date and I feel really good about it, at least once a week. At my age, the majority of the meetings get physical very quickly, so once that happens, the frequency is as often as we are both open and available to. No limitations. All about how we feel about one another. I do admit, there are times when I feel once a week is enough, but that's only because other details of life wears one down and seeing your partner, unless it's for snuggling and just quietly chilling out to recover, rest.
CAPITAL CROOK Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 Well, some people don't see each other for a very length period of time when they start a relationship, that being a long distance one, others see each other every day or even live together. I would say, initially, living with the person you are seeing within the first 2 months is a bad idea and not seeing them at all, LDR, is also a bad idea... Anything between these 2 mediums that work for the both of you, great... Communication and understanding is key, because some people need a lot of space and others need a lot of attention... I'm not here to judge you based on whether you need attention or not, although an accurate judgement can be made based on that information. 1
alphamale Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 2 hours ago, ljwentworth32 said: Basically in the first two months or so, how often are you seeing the person you're dating? Just curious to hear answers or situations. is once a week usually standard? who plans the dates in your relationship? ideally i'd like the date planning to be 50/50 but that doesn't always seem to be the case most of the time. yea once every week or two (for first 2-3 months)...I tend to plan the dates early on unless she specifically wants to.
Andy_K Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 3 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: I was going to make a thread to ask the same question. I am glad you asked because everyone here is kind of sick of me. Anyway, in for answers becauseI feel after the first 1-3 dates people tend to want to see like every day as you head towards a more a serious relationship . It feels like too much. I have never dated someone who only wanted to hang out once a week but that would we ideal for me Every day is utterly crazy. Don't you ever date people that have other things to do with their time? Hobbies, friends, interests, extra-curricular commitments, volunteering? Once or twice a week is pretty normal in my experience, maybe three times a week. Any more and you literally have no time for anything else and no life outside of the relationship. Dating someone should add to your life..... not consume it. 2 1
elaine567 Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 It is all about compatibility and how well the relationship develops. My feeling is that if you want to "take it slow" and you want to introduce apace and distance, then it is probably not a good sign. Yes "fast" relationships can crash and burn but so can those that are dead slow. They crash and burn due to lack of interest.... no momentum. Dating is a prelude to moving in together to spending a life together, if you cannot tolerate or want to spend a lot of time with the person you are dating when you first meet then how is that ever going to work? If you are perfectly happy keeping them at arm's length, then maybe they are just not the right one. Seems to me some are just too busy to actually date, they fit people in, they are so worried about neediness and clinginess. they never get close, they just feed their sex drive and ego once a week, they then get upset when it doesn't work out... 4
clia Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 Generally about twice a week -- once during the week and once over the weekend. Maybe three times if there is something going on, or maybe once if either one of us have other commitments.
Timshel Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 7 hours ago, ljwentworth32 said: one of my guy friends just started dating this girl and he sees her literally every other day right from the get go. how are they still together? doesn't the flame die down instantly? Why are you concerned about this? 3
Legatus Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 8 hours ago, ljwentworth32 said: one of my guy friends just started dating this girl and he sees her literally every other day right from the get go. how are they still together? doesn't the flame die down instantly? Why would you assume it died down instantly? This could be just your perception of such dating but doesn't make it so for everybody else..
UCanCallMeCrazy Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 No absolute answer as geographical proximity to one another and life schedule and obligations play a part. those things not being an obstacle, I’d say 2-3 times a week for a relationship that is quickly developing. A more casual relationship might be once a week.
smackie9 Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 3+ times a week because we really like each others company... like best friends. Looking back this is how it was with all my LTRs. 1
Miss Spider Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 10 hours ago, Andy_K said: Every day is utterly crazy. Don't you ever date people that have other things to do with their time? Hobbies, friends, interests, extra-curricular commitments, volunteering? Once or twice a week is pretty normal in my experience, maybe three times a week. Any more and you literally have no time for anything else and no life outside of the relationship. Dating someone should add to your life..... not consume it. Yes I see what you’re saying but they want to see you for at least a few hours in day each day and any shared hobbies you’re supposed to do together Plus guys want sex everyday. I don’t see how they’d be happy in a relationship only seeing gf once a week. Reasons I’m better alone. I need my space
basil67 Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 17 minutes ago, enigma32 said: If I really hit it off with a person on the first date, I usually want to see them as much as is possible. I think that is the best way to get to know someone, which is important in the early stages of dating. If you have been dating 3 months but only see each other once a week, how well can you know them? If, at 3 months in, you have been hanging out a lot, then you should have a pretty good idea of what kind of person they are. Also, if I am interested in someone, I want to spend time with them! If I did not, then why am I wasting time talking to them? This ^ No game playing, just straight up enjoyment of each other. 1
Daisydooks Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 (edited) My fiance and I have been together just over 6 years now. We met online and we lived an hour apart in good traffic. Weekends were our time together. Once a week for 5 years Sometimes I'd be too tired or he would be too tired so we would just spend Saturday day through Sunday night together for years. We moved in together at the end of 2018, and got engaged rather quickly after that. We spent 5 years seeing one another only on weekends, speaking daily from morning to night over the phone and text, having holidays together and the odd school night here and there if he was in the city. Never turned down an opportunity in the week, but didnt happen often. I rarely went to see him in the middle of the week because it was just too hard by the time I was done work. He was also working on his bachelors for the first 2 years we were together so school further kept us apart. I absolutely loved our arrangement for a long time and enjoyed having my week to myself. I was too busy growing my own business, building relationships and seeing friends and family to be bothered by not seeing him in the week. Sure I missed him through the week, dont get me wrong. But also enjoyed not being around one another 24/7 and having zero of my own time and space It wasnt horribly far on a Friday night for him to come into the city or for me to head out to the country, but most times we would spend Saturdays and Sundays together at his place. My cats had my mom close by to come see them and they were also happy on their own. His cat was highly anxious when he left, got into everything he shouldnt and always ate his entire days worth of food in the first 26 minutes he was gone. When he was out, he didnt have anyone really close by that could stop in for Duke to feed and do litter So it stressed us both out for him to leave him alone. Now that all 3 cats are brothers and live together happily, Duke is much less anxious and all 3 can be left unattended for a day if need be. No more bad behaviour because he is bored and has separation anxiety. Haha My boys wore off on him and are the most laid back cats ever. As long as someone feeds them, they would be happy. It took a year of us planning, buying a house, and me being financially ready to quit my 9-5 before I was ready to move anywhere. So we talked about moving in together 4 years in and started to put that into action by the following Halloween. Got engaged Christmas day and are getting married this June. Edited January 23, 2020 by Daisydooks
RecentChange Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 (edited) 17 hours ago, ljwentworth32 said: one of my guy friends just started dating this girl and he sees her literally every other day right from the get go. how are they still together? doesn't the flame die down instantly? If two people are crazy about each other, and highly compatible I fail to see how spending lots of time together would kill their passion. Do some relationships that start out fast burn out quickly? Yes absolutely, but my hypothesis would be they simply discovered quite quickly that they were not compatible. If they spent less time together, perhaps they would simply drag out the inevitable break up. When my husband and I first met, we spent time together several days a week. After two months he took a long distance job, and with my class schedule I was able to spend 4 day weekends staying at his place 2-3 times a month. It was a one way 500 mile drive but worth it. He would do the same drive on a single weekend when I couldn't make it. A about 5 months after we met we moved in together (as soon as I graduated college and could move). Never once did I feel like we were spending too much time together - we missed each other immensely on the days we couldn't be together (and instead talked on the phone etc). Edited January 23, 2020 by RecentChange 1
Author ljwentworth32 Posted January 23, 2020 Author Posted January 23, 2020 I prefer to see the person i'm dating more often than once a week. but it's always me that initiates ( i'm a guy) and I don't know how to broach the subject gracefully to establish that I'd like to see her more without coming accross as "needy" clingy, etc.. all these things. I dated a girl once where after 2 months of 1x/week, she actually told me she wasn't sure if we were just friends because of the infrequency, guess she wanted more too but it never came up.
elaine567 Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 If someone likes you, they never see you as needy/clingy as they cannot get enough of you, you can blow up their phone and see them every day and they will love you more for it. If they don't really like you or are lukewarm about you then accusations of neediness or clinginess will get rid of you.... you can send them a nice text once a day and it will be "far too much contact" for them... 3
Author ljwentworth32 Posted January 23, 2020 Author Posted January 23, 2020 9 minutes ago, elaine567 said: If someone likes you, they never see you as needy/clingy as they cannot get enough of you, you can blow up their phone and see them every day and they will love you more for it. If they don't really like you or are lukewarm about you then accusations of neediness or clinginess will get rid of you.... you can send them a nice text once a day and it will be "far too much contact" for them... damn so true now that i think about it. but what do you make of this situation. girl is always very responsive every time i call/text, set up plans. responds super quick. emojis, exclamation points. but she never initiates a get together... what gives? kinda hoping after a short bit it'll be more even in the date planning
elaine567 Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 2 minutes ago, ljwentworth32 said: but she never initiates a get together... Some girls will never or only rarely plan dates.
MsJayne Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 Couple of times a week, any less and I lose both the interest and the connection.
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