Metsgal Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 A girlfriend of mine wanted me to meet one of her single guy friends, he saw a picture of me and he told her that I was attractive and like wanted to meet me. I told her it was okay for her to give him my number so he texted me and I responded, he told me he would like for us to hang out, anyway, last Saturday he texted me and asked if I was free that night, I texted him back like 30 minutes later and told him that I was free and if he wanted to meet that night. He then told me, "oh damn, I literally made plans just now, I'll be free next week Thursday after that. And I replied, "ok, shoot me a text" then he replied, "alright, cool." Well, he hasn't texted me these past days about planning/locking down a day to meet up. Is this my fault for not asking him exactly what day he wants to meet up and just being causal about it or is this on his end for not contacting me and locking down a certain day to meet?
alphamale Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 this guy is talking bullshyt. give him one more chance and then write him off 1
Author Metsgal Posted January 23, 2020 Author Posted January 23, 2020 6 minutes ago, alphamale said: this guy is talking bullshyt. give him one more chance and then write him off What do you mean by talking BS?
ChatroomHero Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 I'm a guy and I would say that is a major d*ck move. Personally I think him asking you out and then having plans (better plans than meeting up with you apparently) within 1/2 hour, is inexcusable. It might be 1 thing if it was an hour or two before you replied and he was already out somewhere but he told you he just made plans and should have easily backed out of whatever those plans were. After blowing you off this week if he texted you now, I'd either tell him you play by Catholic League rules, 2 strikes and he's out or else whatever day he proposes meeting up, say yes and then the night of, text him that a guy you really like asked you out so you are going to go out with him instead but maybe you two can get together the following week. This is a case where this guy really deserves a big middle finger, you dodged a bullet.
alphamale Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 1 hour ago, ChatroomHero said: I'm a guy and I would say that is a major d*ck move. Personally I think him asking you out and then having plans (better plans than meeting up with you apparently) within 1/2 hour, is inexcusable. It might be 1 thing if it was an hour or two before you replied and he was already out somewhere but he told you he just made plans and should have easily backed out of whatever those plans were. After blowing you off this week if he texted you now, I'd either tell him you play by Catholic League rules, 2 strikes and he's out or else whatever day he proposes meeting up, say yes and then the night of, text him that a guy you really like asked you out so you are going to go out with him instead but maybe you two can get together the following week. This is a case where this guy really deserves a big middle finger, you dodged a bullet. ^this^
CAPITAL CROOK Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 He is trying to make himself unavailable to you to increase attraction, but unfortunately that tactic does not work until you actually meet the woman, bwahahaha. You should give this guy another chance, cause he is probably gonna try some Youtube Video advice on you, should be comical if nothing else. And I mean, the advice on Youtube, a lot of it is good, but you need time to work on, you can't be just going straight from watching the video to trying it out, because then stuff like him making himself unavailable to you without meeting you first happens... Like who does that. 3
Ruby Slippers Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 33 minutes ago, alphamale said: ^this^ Agreed. This guy is a jerk. I'd block and delete. 1
Author Metsgal Posted January 23, 2020 Author Posted January 23, 2020 (edited) I kind of want to give him the benefit of the doubt..maybe when he texted me, he expected me to answer right away? So then maybe one of his buddies reached out to him and then he made plans with them and it was too late then..I don't know, he sounded pissed though. If I don't hear from him by Saturday, then I'm going to write him off . Also, I know women are important , but turn it around, if I made plans with friends, I probably wouldn't cancel my plans to meet up with him if the same situation happened..do you know what I mean? Edited January 23, 2020 by Metsgal
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 2 hours ago, Metsgal said: o, I know women are important , but turn it around, if I made plans with friends, I probably wouldn't cancel my plans to meet up with him if the same situation happened..do you know what I mean? we don't know that this guy didn't just make plans and in the process find the love of his (present month) life. It is surely possible that suddenly he cleared his entire next 10 days or 10 months for the chance he can spend them with somebody else met since those traded texts.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 (edited) My read is that he felt he had to get in touch since your mutual friend was trying to set you up, but doesn't have much serious intention of following through. In other words, he sent the token invitation to satisfy your friend's desire for you two to connect but wasn't actually that interested to begin with. I think it was a little too convenient that he asked you out and then had just made plans 30 minutes later. Sorry, OP. I don't think I would hold my breath for this one. Edited January 23, 2020 by ExpatInItaly 1 1
Ellener Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 Me personally, it's a value I have- whatever plans I make first is what I stick to. That said...he could have been a little more gracious and tactful OP. Even if he texted you to say, sorry, I don't think we're compatable or something.
clia Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 I would give him the benefit of the doubt because you have a mutual friend. On Saturday, it sounds like he gave you half an hour or so to respond, and when he didn't hear from you, went ahead and made other plans. This seems totally reasonable to me. I really don't see why so many people think he's a jerk for doing this. He doesn't know you, had no idea what you had going on that day, etc. Was he just supposed to wait indefinitely? I also don't see any issues or nefarious plan to appear unavailable because he's busy this week. Maybe he's just busy this week! Sheesh. There could be any number of reasons why you haven't heard from him that don't involve him blowing you off. Anyway, since your friend went to the effort to make the introduction, I would probably send one text to see if he wants to get together. If he doesn't, no big deal. If he does, great. But be sure to nail down a day and time. 3
ChatroomHero Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 9 hours ago, Metsgal said: I kind of want to give him the benefit of the doubt..maybe when he texted me, he expected me to answer right away? So then maybe one of his buddies reached out to him and then he made plans with them and it was too late then..I don't know, he sounded pissed though. If I don't hear from him by Saturday, then I'm going to write him off . Also, I know women are important , but turn it around, if I made plans with friends, I probably wouldn't cancel my plans to meet up with him if the same situation happened..do you know what I mean? You're straining to give his bad behavior a good intention. I see so many people on here in relationships and the major issue is just that. Who in their right mind would text a girl they didn't know, ask them out for that night, then expect an immediate answer having no idea what you were doing or if you even had your phone? Nobody. No benefit can be given there. Frankly if he said right after he texted you he was offered tickets to the Super Bowl, or the Stanley Cup Finals or something on the same day, ok. His buddy saying, hey what are you doing?..All he had to say was I texted this girl, if she responds and she is free, I am meeting up with her. Being so "pissed" that he said he would arrange a date for Thursday then, *surprise* didn't follow through? This guy has blown you off and not followed through TWICE BEFORE YOU EVEN MET. Sometimes you ladies put up with so much crap that is obvious on the face of things. I am going to make an assumption...you are highly attracted to him. If you were on the fence, this guy would have been gone the first time he blew you off. So you are overlooking bad behavior by choice. Let me help write your next LS posts if you give him the benefit of the doubt: This guy agreed to meet last week and we were supposed to go out Wednesday but I didn't hear from him since we last texted. When I texted him Wednesday afternoon at 2pm to ask what's up, he said his friend was in town "suddenly" and he had to reschedule for Saturday. Saturday: On Wednesday this guy rescheduled for Saturday. I texted him Saturday at 10 am to ask if we were still going out and he did not respond for 3 hours. He said he has something he has to take care that just came up but will text me later if he gets done early. At 10 pm I texted him again and he said he had to help his parents with an emergency and couldn't text because he gets bad reception at his parents house and was working on their sink all night. If you do get a date: I met up with this guy and we really clicked and he said he thought I was great and everything my friend told him about me was true. We talked for a long time and everything was great. He said he wanted to meet up again soon but didn't mention a day. But now it is 5 days later and I had not heard from him. I sent him a text saying I had a nice time and asked when he was free again. He replied 2 days later, "Hey, I had fun too. We totally should hang out again". He didn't offer a day and hasn't replied to my last text. Then a few months later: Why do all guys jerk me around and ghost me? Answer: Because you chose allow them to. 7 2
stillafool Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 9 hours ago, Metsgal said: ..I don't know, he sounded pissed though. Did you actually speak to him on the phone?
Aus Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 you really shouldn't accept last minute dates/"hang outs" I agree with the other posters that said he is probably just humoring your mutual friend by "attempting" to make plans with you so that he can say that he tried, his heart is not in it. Your heart on the other hand seems to be heavily invested? Posting on this forum and making excuses for his crappy behavior, girl reel it way way back in.... the anxiety is palpable
Aus Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 12 hours ago, Metsgal said: Is this my fault for not asking him exactly what day he wants to meet up NOOOOOOO it's not your fault or your job to initiate dates.... ladies really need to stop trying to be the cool girl and casual about guys' flakiness, they will stop doing it when more women stop tolerating it 2 1
introverted1 Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 10 hours ago, Metsgal said: I kind of want to give him the benefit of the doubt..maybe when he texted me, he expected me to answer right away? So then maybe one of his buddies reached out to him and then he made plans with them and it was too late then..I don't know, he sounded pissed though. If I don't hear from him by Saturday, then I'm going to write him off . Also, I know women are important , but turn it around, if I made plans with friends, I probably wouldn't cancel my plans to meet up with him if the same situation happened..do you know what I mean? No, I wouldn't cancel plans with person/people A to meet up with person/people B. But - and this is key - I also don't issue invites with a 30-minute expiry! To me, it sounds like he was bored on Saturday, texted you, then heard from a buddy (or another woman) and was "busy" by the time you replied 30 minutes later. If he contacts you again and you feel like wasting some time, then respond. There is definitely no reason for you to reach out to him.
divegrl Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 @ChatroomHero nailed it. This man is not interested. Please don’t give him another thought. Have a beautiful day my friend. 1
smackie9 Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 Maybe he didn't see much interest on your end because you didn't answer right away. Probably had this happen to him many times and took his own read on it. Oh well it is what it is. Move along, nothing more to see here.
Noproblem Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 (edited) why would you wanna go out with someone who looked at your photo and decided you are attractive enough for him to date. Kinda superficial to me.. and yeah I know online dating is like that but again.. at least in online dating, sometimes people chat for days before meeting up.. Edited January 23, 2020 by Noproblem
Ruby Slippers Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 13 hours ago, Metsgal said: I kind of want to give him the benefit of the doubt..maybe when he texted me, he expected me to answer right away? Seriously? Where is your self-respect? 1
FMW Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 In my book a 30 minute response time qualifies as answering right away. So there is absolutely nothing wrong with your response time. He, on the other hand, is an ass hat for making other plans within those 30 minutes. Seriously. Don't reach out to him again. If he eventually reaches out to you and you just feel you have to check him out, then ok, but give him only one more chance to do things right. But I think the best action is to just forget about him. I would expect that when a mutual friend tries to set you up you would either say no or be on your best behavior. If this was his best behavior, then I would steer clear. 1
beentheredonethat77 Posted January 23, 2020 Posted January 23, 2020 Im going to throw another possibility out there, as this reminds me of my ex who would do the same type of thing --- Social anxiety.. he freaked out as wasn't expecting a yes. My ex was the type to build up courage to ask someone out on the spot then have a mild panic afterwards and change his mind. Its not sexy i know... but he had legit social anxiety and was crippled with it, bless him -- may be possibility here. Though, better to assume hes just not keen than do your head in with these random possibilities. 1
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