What else can I try to find a date?

[mortensorchid]

On 1/21/2020 at 11:42 PM, alphamale said:

a lot of women in the 27 to 39 age range are either getting married or are married and having kids.   I don't know where those chicks who aren't married hang out.  real women like a man who can come up to them and start convo...they also like confident men who are outgoing, smart and funny and fit.

AMEN.  I am too old now (age 45) for children, and hardly anyone even approaches me anymore.  And men who are outgoing, smart, funny and fit don't seem to be there anymore. 

[Ami1uwant]

On 1/22/2020 at 9:01 PM, max3732 said:

Those are great suggestions. A few questions on them by #

1. Any suggestions on services?

3. How do I find co-ed sports teams? I play on a sports league, but it's all married men and it's an individual sport

7. I know there is an alumni association near me (I live near where I graduated), but how does that help?

8. How do I find these niche singles events? I'd love to go a board game one or different wholesome activities.

12. How do you join protests? There are a number of political issues I'm passionate about, but I'm in the political minority where I live so I'd imagine most protests are on the opposite side.

14. You don't think they'd find it pushy? What about acquaintances? For example, I have a couple female friends I played sports with who moved. Would it be weird to contact them and ask them to fix me up? One I've kept in touch with, the other I didn't.

 

Where are you from? Large city or small?

 

as others said ..folks in your main dating age of say 27-34 have married off or about to be. If you live in large cities like Chicago Or new York City thismarrying off age range shifts a little later to 30-36

 

those available in your age range are likely post marriage and have kids.  You are going to have to accept children.

 

you could go to college bars and hit the early 20s.

 

with dating sites, if you haven’t realized many of the folks you see are the same.  

Hiw are you in approaching women?

 

my problem is I suck at small talk so I need to have something start a conversation.  Do this at places that already interest you.  Don’t do this st a place you wouldn’t go to if it wasn’t to try and meet women.  Don’t volunteer somewhere if that isn’t who you are.

 

do you have a network of friends where you can meet others?

 

why did some of your dates last only 1? Why did thefew last 3-5 dates?

 

 

 

 

 

 

[chillii]

On 1/23/2020 at 12:54 PM, max3732 said:

What I'd like is a serious relationship and hopefully marriage + children. I don't really know what "casual dating" means. How would I do dancing to meet women in the age group I mentioned? My fear is being with a group of grandmothers.

 

On 1/23/2020 at 4:08 PM, CAPITAL CROOK said:

 

That's the easy part , before you  join anything , you see who else is in it and whether the age group and type of people suit you.

Edited January 24, 2020 by chillii

[d0nnivain]

Any activity that affords you access to more people is a good one.  All of the things I mentioned I found near me using internet searches & reading local throw away papers / newsletters especially the ones that only come out once per week. 

Joining alumni associations gives you access to people with a similar background.  You already have something in common. 

No I don't think it's pushy to tell your friends & family that you are open to being fixed it.  You simply mention it.  You don't hound them about it.  

It's really all about making an effort besides creating an OLD profile. 

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

 reading local throw away papers / newsletters especially the ones that only come out once per week. 

 

Yes my weekly "throw-away" paper has a "Things to do this weekend" section.  They also post the list on-line!!

I found that source quite helpful. In addition to meeting people, there is also some great date ideas (for date planning) once you find/start dating someone.

[Malin889]

On 1/21/2020 at 10:18 PM, Happy Lemming said:

Many years ago, I (briefly) tried on-line dating and I hated it.  If memory serves I did a 6 month membership on match, when it was up; I was done.  NEVER AGAIN!!  So I do understand your frustration and yes, I thought it felt like a 2nd job during that 6 month period.

I went back to meeting women in "real life"... bars, pubs, sports activities, book stores... basically anywhere.  If I saw a woman I thought looked interesting, I'd try to strike up a conversation with her.  I met my present long term girlfriend at an apartment complex pool (where I was living temporarily), swam up to her, chit-chatted a bit and asked her out for drinks later that night.

Have you tried "Speed Dating"??

Do you have the ability to talk to women in public??  I think "real life" is the best way to meet a woman!!

 

Agree! I love when guys approach me in real life, and it happens too infrequently these days. But when they do, I love it. It takes confidence for sure but guys should not be afraid to do it. 

[max3732]

18 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

 

Where are you from? Large city or small?

 

as others said ..folks in your main dating age of say 27-34 have married off or about to be. If you live in large cities like Chicago Or new York City thismarrying off age range shifts a little later to 30-36

you could go to college bars and hit the early 20s.

with dating sites, if you haven’t realized many of the folks you see are the same.  

Hiw are you in approaching women?

my problem is I suck at small talk so I need to have something start a conversation.  Do this at places that already interest you.  Don’t do this st a place you wouldn’t go to if it wasn’t to try and meet women.  Don’t volunteer somewhere if that isn’t who you are.

do you have a network of friends where you can meet others?

why did some of your dates last only 1? Why did thefew last 3-5 dates?

Where I live is in a suburb of a medium sized city. Aside from approaching women online with a message like "Hey X, noticed you're into Y. That's really cool. How did you get into/what do you like about/ it" or some variation of that. 

In person I don't approach a lot of women since I just don't meet a lot of them outside of the grocery store. The few that I have I try to think of something about what's going on or something interesting they're shopping for or have in their cart and comment on that. Even if I do get a conversation going I don't know what to say to get her number or ask her out. For example, if I say "those english muffins are really good" and we start talking about them how do I go from muffins to asking her on a date? In general people are just rushing through, pushing their carts and I don't approach them.

Most of my friends are already married and only one has set me up with someone. That only lasted 1 date. Sometimes when they invite me I tell them I can't go because I have a date and occasionally they'll ask how it went. I haven't specifically asked them to set me up.

I don't get to 2 dates most of the time because either one of us are not interested. When I am interested I used to (and sometimes still get) so nervous that I'll start talking really fast or awkwardly or sometimes even stammer a bit. It also seems like the fact I don't drink is a deal breaker to some of these women and my political views also turn off some of them. One time I met someone on the side party, but she was upset I wasn't extreme enough for her on one issue. I've also met people who lie on their profiles or were just using me for a free meal.

The last few were better because I think I was more confident and tried to act like I didn't care as much. I also found a lot of things I liked about both of them.

This week I went to a singles event that was supposed to be 10 men and 10 women and only 4 women showed up.None of them were my type. There was one that was really attractive, but she was extremely obnoxious

[max3732]

5 hours ago, Malin889 said:

Agree! I love when guys approach me in real life, and it happens too infrequently these days. But when they do, I love it. It takes confidence for sure but guys should not be afraid to do it. 

What should the guy say when he approaches? How should he try to setup seeing you again? I'm so afraid of asking for her number or to see her again and having her laugh or say something like "why"?

[alphamale]

13 minutes ago, max3732 said:

What should the guy say when he approaches?

how's about? "Hello, i'm max3732, what's your name?"

also, and this is key, don't cold approach any women unless she smiles at you AND makes extended eye contact

Edited January 24, 2020 by alphamale

[LivingWaterPlease]

Agree with Alpha. And also, once you're talking with her and want to gage the situation, say something positive to her. Could be something as small as, "Wow, you must be so healthy what with all the veggies in your cart!" or, "How do you stay so fit (slim, gorgeous, whatever) and still find a way to eat all those delicious treats?" If you compliment her on something, the door is open for you to begin a conversation about whatever it is.

I've never been offended by any over-the-top compliment from any stranger.  Most people lap them up! If someone is offended when you compliment her, well, there's your answer, probably not someone you'd want to get involved with, anyway. Just saying...

[max3732]

17 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

Agree with Alpha. And also, once you're talking with her and want to gage the situation, say something positive to her. Could be something as small as, "Wow, you must be so healthy what with all the veggies in your cart!" or, "How do you stay so fit (slim, gorgeous, whatever) and still find a way to eat all those delicious treats?" If you compliment her on something, the door is open for you to begin a conversation about whatever it is.

I've never been offended by any over-the-top compliment from any stranger.  Most people lap them up! If someone is offended when you compliment her, well, there's your answer, probably not someone you'd want to get involved with, anyway. Just saying...

Ok, I can try that depending on the situation. If all goes well how do I ask her for her number though? That's the part that really trips me up. Something like "I've enjoyed talking to you. Can I have your number so we can meet up?" Even typing that sounds weird to me. I just feel uncomfortable with the closing part.

The other day an attractive woman actually came up to me and asked me if I knew about an event going on and I explained it to her. Then I just had no idea what to say and she said thank you and I walked away. 

[LivingWaterPlease]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

Ok, I can try that depending on the situation. If all goes well how do I ask her for her number though? That's the part that really trips me up. Something like "I've enjoyed talking to you. Can I have your number so we can meet up?" Even typing that sounds weird to me. I just feel uncomfortable with the closing part.

The other day an attractive woman actually came up to me and asked me if I knew about an event going on and I explained it to her. Then I just had no idea what to say and she said thank you and I walked away. 

I'd say just get comfortable with having the conversations before you get to the place to start asking for a phone number. I probably wouldn't be open to giving my phone number to a stranger. For me, it would have to be that I encountered someone many times with friendly greetings, then conversations in which I learned we have a lot in common and also getting clues as to who the person is character wise, etc., before getting to the place of giving a phone number. I would have to have developed an affinity for the person. What would work best for me probably is to discover I'm going to be at the same event as the person is going to be at due to interests in common, rather than giving my phone number and attending the event with the person.