What else can I try to find a date?

[max3732]

I've tried Eharmony, Match, Bumble, Tinder,, Okcupid, POF, and Hinge with no luck. I've had a few first dates and then made it to 2 dates a few times and then 3 once and just made it to 5 and am now back alone. I don't know if I need to just keep changing my profile pictures or the words or what I can do to attract more women. It's almost like a 2nd job messaging these women and it's very discouraging when it goes nowhere. Are there any other sites that I missed? One of my friends signed up for Elitesingles and said it was empty. Are there any political dating sites that aren't scams or that have a large member database? 

In the real world I don't know where to meet women. I tried signing up for an exercise class before but the people there weren't friendly at all and it was a huge time commitment. Whenever I sign up for an activity it's women in their 60s+ and I'm looking for late 20s through 30's. I just don't know where to find them.

Tonight I was sitting home alone and just feeling down and wish I could find the right person.

Edited January 22, 2020 by max3732

[Happy Lemming]

Many years ago, I (briefly) tried on-line dating and I hated it.  If memory serves I did a 6 month membership on match, when it was up; I was done.  NEVER AGAIN!!  So I do understand your frustration and yes, I thought it felt like a 2nd job during that 6 month period.

I went back to meeting women in "real life"... bars, pubs, sports activities, book stores... basically anywhere.  If I saw a woman I thought looked interesting, I'd try to strike up a conversation with her.  I met my present long term girlfriend at an apartment complex pool (where I was living temporarily), swam up to her, chit-chatted a bit and asked her out for drinks later that night.

Have you tried "Speed Dating"??

Do you have the ability to talk to women in public??  I think "real life" is the best way to meet a woman!!

 

[mortensorchid]

If I knew the answer, I would tell you the answer.  To you or anyone who asks this question when we question the universe.  What do we do now?  But I don't have that answer.

I have done the same things you have (Match, EHarmony, Bumble, etc.) and the results?  Terrible.  Bumble especially is bad, it's full of beta males who just wait for a woman to say hello to them (at the moment).  EHarmony is a very expensive way to talk to people.  Match went downhill in the last year or two, now it's trolling.  But back in the days when it wasn't that, did I get good results?  Maybe once.

Answer?  Just keep smiling. It beats crying. 

[alphamale]

a lot of women in the 27 to 39 age range are either getting married or are married and having kids.   I don't know where those chicks who aren't married hang out.  real women like a man who can come up to them and start convo...they also like confident men who are outgoing, smart and funny and fit.

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

We have good days and bad days, just keep your head up and stay on the grind. Get your Mojo up, talk to all the women you can.

[schlumpy]

7 hours ago, max3732 said:

Tonight I was sitting home alone and just feeling down and wish I could find the right person.

Dancing a good way to meet women and something like line dancing isn't all that difficult to learn. Are you looking for a serious relationship, casual dating or an ONS paradise?

[Foxhall]

Yes I would not feel bad about something ending after a few dates,

you want the dates to be enjoyable and not a strain or a chore,

chances are if your both comfortable and enjoying it, you will get as many dates as you wish,

if it ends after 3 to 5 dates well there was probably something not quite right and your better off out of there.

[Piddy]

If you have the confidence to do it,  just approach women you find attractive.  Just say hello and introduce yourself and make a complementary remark about their looks and make some small talk and ask for their number. 

For many women confidence is the number one thing they find attractive.  Just look at it like you're an actor auditioning for a roll.  You'll get rejected and expect that,  but all you need is that one who you hit it off with and you're off to the races.  

[d0nnivain]

You can meet people anywhere.  The trick is to get out of your house.   Try the following: 

 

1. Go speed dating.  They always need men

2.  Take or teach an adult education class, nothing for academic credit just something to learn like investing or creative writing Just pick something interesting. 

3.  Join a co-ed sports team

4.  Get involved in your church / house of worship 

5.  Volunteer somewhere doing something you care about -- rescuing animals, raising money to fight disease or support the arts

6.  Go to industry work events -- conferences, trade shows, chamber of commerce meetings   I met my husband at a business card exchange.  

7.  Check out alumni associations for anything you ever graduated from 

8. Attend MeetUp events & singles events 

9.  Get involved in niche singles events.  I went to one where we played board games; another let me bring my dog (as a woman with a Dalmatian rather then a tiny dog in my purse I got a lot of attention); when I met my husband I was signed up to play golf -- they'd pair 2 men & 2 women in a foursome (I figured heck even if the matches were uninteresting it was still a good chance to play) 

10.  Take a share in a group house to ski or go to the beach / lake 

11. Hang out at a local coffee shop or somewhere with WiFi but look up & make eye contact 

12. protest something 

13. get involved in politics -- help get your favorite local or national candidate elected 

14. Tell everybody you know that you are open to being fixed up.  You never know who knows somebody who might be perfect for you

 

Happy hunting 

[smackie9]

You need to have a good social circle of friends, and activities so you are not sitting at home wishing for a woman to fill the void. Get out there and get busy with life and make sure you are going out every weekend doing something with other people.

Edited January 22, 2020 by smackie9

[SumGuy]

Going to suggest social circle as well.  How about a match maker if you can afford it?

Where I live (near a big city) there are Meetups I see all the time that seem perfect for the late 20 to mid 30 something, such as singles groups for trivia, bar hoping/pub crawling (a little classier than it sounds), urban axe throwing even  , which sound especially designed for singles to meet and potentially date.

Not sure how much you tried OLD, I find only about 1 in 10 meets go anywhere and I'm very selective in meeting only those women who have a a profile where I'd think we'd connect.

[rightondude]

good luck brother, it's hard out there for a pimp. If I had to do it (and I hope I never have to again) I'd park myself at the nicest restaurant in town's bar and look to strike up a conversation. Or just go grocery shopping every day at different times. 

One tip, if you do get the nerve up to talk up a woman and pay her a compliment, do so on something she did, (color choice of her outfit or something) not what she looks like. 

 

[alphamale]

yea meetup is probaby your best bet

[Miss Spider]

14 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

Bumble especially is bad, it's full of beta males who just wait for a woman to say hello to them

Haha I felt the same way about bumble 

[nospam99]

[joking maybe]Neighbors across the street, couple in their early 70s, are planning to downsize and move. I told the wife that they have to sell their house to a 60 y/o divorcee who will dance, hike, and ski with me.[/joking]

[rightondude]

Well I mean you don't really have a choice as a guy on Bumble, you can't say hello first. Now once the woman does so, if a guy doesn't respond because he's scared, I can't help with that.

 

[scooby-philly]

Agreed with two things:

 

Online dating is what you make of it. But having used match years ago and back on it again - it's terrible. There are less and less active people on it and there are more and more trolls.

 

There's a ton of ways to get out there and meet women (or men). Just do you - follow your passions, follow your desires, follow your interests - and when you see someone and you like them - talk to them and if things go well enough, ask them out.

[CAPITAL CROOK]

17 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

  Bumble especially is bad, it's full of beta males who just wait for a woman to say hello to them (at the moment).

Just for clarification, Bumble is an app where the woman initiates contact with the man... Men are literally not able to initiate contact.

[mark clemson]

Hey there. Great suggestions above. One thing would be to move to (or seek women in) a large urban area where there are likely to be a lot of them looking.

That said, it won't matter too much where you go if you aren't what they want.

Are you attractive, with the "alpha vibe" that draws women? If not you could probably afford to work on some things (if you aren't already):

- Hit up Supercuts or similar and make sure you get (and maintain) a nice haircut that makes you look attractive.

- Hit the gym to help make yourself athletic and/or a bit muscular.

- Hit the clothing store to make sure you've got new, nice fitting clothes; suggest going for "classic" looks rather than anything too trendy (but up to you)

- Work on your body language. Are you slumped shoulders or erect? Does your walk indicate energy and confidence or do you shuffle your feet? They are often sensitive to this.

- Work on your social skills. Are you completely comfortable talking to women? They are often sensitive to this. Practice if you need to - female cashiers and retails clerks will do fine (just don't be a pain if they are busy or seem to feel you are overstepping boundaries with too much attention). The older women you mention above would be fine too.

Different women are attracted to different things and there are some surprising things like competence and mannerisms that can be attractive. Generally, though they'd prefer a handsome "winner" if they can get one. "Winner" means enough alpha traits to make it look like you're a go-getter who's likely to be successful in life or an attractive man with strong social skills. Preferably both.

All of the above is easier said than done and I recognize that. Then again it IS doable for many men. Once you've mastered a reasonable amount of the above, you will probably do much better in person than via online profiles. Women are selective and often like "proof" so it will help a lot if they can tell you are awesome as soon as they lay eyes on you. They will want to get to you first, before the other girls do. Then all you have to do is be genuinely nice and friendly and not blow it once the conversation starts.

 

For additional input, strongly suggest you read the thread below as well as the subthreads linked within it.

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/588565-what-do-women-find-attractive/

 

Also get good at reading their signals to you:

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/589759-wink-how-women-signal-men/

 

And here is a song for you to remind you that in any large urban area there are generally plenty of women out there seeking "Mr. Right" and this tends to increase into the 30's. The more you can turn yourself into "Mr. Right" the more success you will have with them.

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/438610-the-song-in-your-heart-today/?do=findComment&comment=7743667

[chillii]

7 hours ago, rightondude said:

good luck brother, it's hard out there for a pimp. If I had to do it (and I hope I never have to again) I'd park myself at the nicest restaurant in town's bar and look to strike up a conversation. Or just go grocery shopping every day at different times. 

One tip, if you do get the nerve up to talk up a woman and pay her a compliment, do so on something she did, (color choice of her outfit or something) not what she looks like. 

 

 

Haaa ain't that the truth.  l hated shopping my w use to do it. Butttt, later l had to eat so l had to start shopping , still hated it , it'd been 20yrs. But after awhile l started having  encounters or noticing this one or that and started realizing the benefits of shopping and l'm thinking jezuz this is better than a bar or club or just about anything , way to go. l started looking forward to it and going more often .

But out of all the encounters , my biggest thing wound up being for a cashier chick and so l was about to ask her out one afternoon when l suddenly got a bit of a not interested anymore vibe from her, probly met someone. Only reason l didn't earlier l was trying to decide if she was too young, l wanted something serious and she was one of these people where her age was really hard to read but anyway so l let it go and stopped taking any notice of her.

Meantime l'd met my gf now but l was just in at that supermarket last wk, it's a few years later now. She's still there and man was she friendly , back to her old self and checking me out, she's ready to rock again so whatever she had going on before must've ended. Now she's lookin at me as if saying well, we gonna do this or what butttt, shame, sorry love, we've missed that boat.   So hell yeah , enjoy the shopping fellas .

 

Edited January 22, 2020 by chillii

[max3732]

22 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

Many years ago, I (briefly) tried on-line dating and I hated it.  If memory serves I did a 6 month membership on match, when it was up; I was done.  NEVER AGAIN!!  So I do understand your frustration and yes, I thought it felt like a 2nd job during that 6 month period.

I went back to meeting women in "real life"... bars, pubs, sports activities, book stores... basically anywhere.  If I saw a woman I thought looked interesting, I'd try to strike up a conversation with her.  I met my present long term girlfriend at an apartment complex pool (where I was living temporarily), swam up to her, chit-chatted a bit and asked her out for drinks later that night.

Have you tried "Speed Dating"??

Do you have the ability to talk to women in public??  I think "real life" is the best way to meet a woman!!

 

I did speed dating once as part of a Match event and I didn't meet anyone I was interested in. Most women already had kids and were 45+. There was only one in my target demographic and her personality was the polar opposite of what I'm trying to find. 

There is another speed dating service I tried and whenever I try to go they say there weren't enough people and they have to cancel. So I don't know if it's a scam or what. I'm going to try them again.

In "real life" the only women I talk to are ones that have to talk to me as part of their jobs, like cashiers, receptionist, etc. I've posted about this before, but the only other place I see potential dates would be at the grocery store and I've tried striking up a conversation a few times, but don't know how to go from the conversation to getting her number. For example, onetime I saw these 2 women trying to decide if they should buy these biscuits and I told them I'd had them before and they were good and they asked me if I'd had this other brand. After I explained about it they said "thank you" and that was that. Most of the time though I'll see some attractive woman walking down the aisle and I just don't know what to say. Even if I started a conversation how do I ask her out at the end of it?

In general I don't approach a woman if I can't think of something to say as a reason for talking to her or how I'm going to go from that conversation to asking her out. Any tips on this would be greatly appreciated!

[max3732]

16 hours ago, schlumpy said:

Dancing a good way to meet women and something like line dancing isn't all that difficult to learn. Are you looking for a serious relationship, casual dating or an ONS paradise?

What I'd like is a serious relationship and hopefully marriage + children. I don't really know what "casual dating" means. How would I do dancing to meet women in the age group I mentioned? My fear is being with a group of grandmothers.

[rightondude]

3 minutes ago, max3732 said:

 For example, onetime I saw these 2 women trying to decide if they should buy these biscuits and I told them I'd had them before and they were good and they asked me if I'd had this other brand. After I explained about it they said "thank you" and that was that. Most of the time though I'll see some attractive woman walking down the aisle and I just don't know what to say. Even if I started a conversation how do I ask her out at the end of it?

 

You smile and say (non-threateningly) "Hey you need any help cooking those? I'm a pretty good cook; be happy to give you a lesson! No? Well how about a drink then?"

 

[max3732]

12 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

You can meet people anywhere.  The trick is to get out of your house.   Try the following: 

 

1. Go speed dating.  They always need men

2.  Take or teach an adult education class, nothing for academic credit just something to learn like investing or creative writing Just pick something interesting. 

3.  Join a co-ed sports team

4.  Get involved in your church / house of worship 

5.  Volunteer somewhere doing something you care about -- rescuing animals, raising money to fight disease or support the arts

6.  Go to industry work events -- conferences, trade shows, chamber of commerce meetings   I met my husband at a business card exchange.  

7.  Check out alumni associations for anything you ever graduated from 

8. Attend MeetUp events & singles events 

9.  Get involved in niche singles events.  I went to one where we played board games; another let me bring my dog (as a woman with a Dalmatian rather then a tiny dog in my purse I got a lot of attention); when I met my husband I was signed up to play golf -- they'd pair 2 men & 2 women in a foursome (I figured heck even if the matches were uninteresting it was still a good chance to play) 

10.  Take a share in a group house to ski or go to the beach / lake 

11. Hang out at a local coffee shop or somewhere with WiFi but look up & make eye contact 

12. protest something 

13. get involved in politics -- help get your favorite local or national candidate elected 

14. Tell everybody you know that you are open to being fixed up.  You never know who knows somebody who might be perfect for you

 

Happy hunting 

Those are great suggestions. A few questions on them by #

1. Any suggestions on services?

3. How do I find co-ed sports teams? I play on a sports league, but it's all married men and it's an individual sport

7. I know there is an alumni association near me (I live near where I graduated), but how does that help?

8. How do I find these niche singles events? I'd love to go a board game one or different wholesome activities.

12. How do you join protests? There are a number of political issues I'm passionate about, but I'm in the political minority where I live so I'd imagine most protests are on the opposite side.

14. You don't think they'd find it pushy? What about acquaintances? For example, I have a couple female friends I played sports with who moved. Would it be weird to contact them and ask them to fix me up? One I've kept in touch with, the other I didn't.

[CAPITAL CROOK]

3 hours ago, max3732 said:

Those are great suggestions. A few questions on them by #

1. Any suggestions on services?

3. How do I find co-ed sports teams? I play on a sports league, but it's all married men and it's an individual sport

7. I know there is an alumni association near me (I live near where I graduated), but how does that help?

8. How do I find these niche singles events? I'd love to go a board game one or different wholesome activities.

12. How do you join protests? There are a number of political issues I'm passionate about, but I'm in the political minority where I live so I'd imagine most protests are on the opposite side.

14. You don't think they'd find it pushy? What about acquaintances? For example, I have a couple female friends I played sports with who moved. Would it be weird to contact them and ask them to fix me up? One I've kept in touch with, the other I didn't.

Plenty Of Fish will host in person meet ups very frequently, I would suggest one of those.

If you really are struggling this badly, there is one thing you can do that will fix all of your women troubles, but you gotta commit to it... What you do, is you edit your Online Dating profile and you simply put "I am searching for a travel partner." If you do this, you will get the most messages you will ever get in your current situation. BUT... You must make sure this woman is willing to sleep with you before you travel, any woman who hasn't slept with you is not a worthy travel partner and you WILL encounter women who will want you to take them travelling without you getting a lick of anything you want, they are out there and they will respond, so be careful.