amers53 Posted January 21, 2020 Posted January 21, 2020 Hi everyone, I am back in the dating world after being out for 11 years. I am older (40) so meeting someone at a bar/hanging out, etc likely won't happen, and I mostly work from home so there are no prospects at my job either. Like many, I resort to online dating. I did the online thing briefly before I got married, and just used my gut to gauge the men I met. But, I'm older and hopefully wiser now, and also have a young daughter, so I am hoping someone can recommend a reliable background check site to use? I just did a month of Beenverified, which was somewhat helpful....but it could only show you criminal records if the state has digital records. Mine does, but a potential date could still have a record in the other 49 states and I'd never know (I know I can check the sex offenders list as well, but I would like to know if someone has other offenses that would be a deal breaker). It also doesn't show marriage or divorce records unless those are digital, which my state does not have. Those are the two main things I would want to know about a potential date, if they have any kind of record, and if they currently married. I don't want to keep paying for sites if they all give the same limited info. Are there any out there that will give what I am looking for?
2BGoodAgain Posted January 21, 2020 Posted January 21, 2020 51 minutes ago, amers53 said: Hi everyone, I am back in the dating world after being out for 11 years. I am older (40) so meeting someone at a bar/hanging out, etc likely won't happen, and I mostly work from home so there are no prospects at my job either. Like many, I resort to online dating. I did the online thing briefly before I got married, and just used my gut to gauge the men I met. But, I'm older and hopefully wiser now, and also have a young daughter, so I am hoping someone can recommend a reliable background check site to use? I just did a month of Beenverified, which was somewhat helpful....but it could only show you criminal records if the state has digital records. Mine does, but a potential date could still have a record in the other 49 states and I'd never know (I know I can check the sex offenders list as well, but I would like to know if someone has other offenses that would be a deal breaker). It also doesn't show marriage or divorce records unless those are digital, which my state does not have. Those are the two main things I would want to know about a potential date, if they have any kind of record, and if they currently married. I don't want to keep paying for sites if they all give the same limited info. Are there any out there that will give what I am looking for? honestly, b/c there are so many "fish" out there... if something smells off, stay away.... your instincts have been good when it's off, even if you don't know exactly what? that'll take you a long way... as for married or not... social media is great, isn't it? life patterns, same thing. guys who cheat compartmentalize their lives. they don't let it interact... talking to his friends, his co workers, for example... stuff like that. They keep their affairs completely separate from their daily lives. 1
preraph Posted January 21, 2020 Posted January 21, 2020 I can't vouch for it but look into instant checkmate. It's rated pretty highly. 1
Gaeta Posted January 21, 2020 Posted January 21, 2020 Just googling their name will tell you a lot. If they have a criminal past they probably were in the newspaper at some point, that will come up. If I were you I would only make check to the man I intent of dating long term. If I had checked the background of all men I went on 2-3 dates with I'd be ruined. 1
smackie9 Posted January 21, 2020 Posted January 21, 2020 If they give you a fake name that will get you what? Nothing. And if they are a hardcore criminal, or are running from the law, like they would give you their real name. IMO if they are even on a court docket, wouldn't that be enough to say no thank you? 1
Author amers53 Posted January 21, 2020 Author Posted January 21, 2020 19 minutes ago, smackie9 said: IMO if they are even on a court docket, wouldn't that be enough to say no thank you? How would I know that though?
Author amers53 Posted January 21, 2020 Author Posted January 21, 2020 43 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Just googling their name will tell you a lot. If they have a criminal past they probably were in the newspaper at some point, that will come up. If I were you I would only make check to the man I intent of dating long term. If I had checked the background of all men I went on 2-3 dates with I'd be ruined. Yeah, I get what you're saying.....dating is just so different now with a kid. Her safety and well-being is my biggest concern...not that she would meet anyone until it's serious, but still.
preraph Posted January 21, 2020 Posted January 21, 2020 Just because of the way it's set up by state, I think it's likely you will have to click on every state to be sure. 1
smackie9 Posted January 21, 2020 Posted January 21, 2020 1 hour ago, amers53 said: How would I know that though? I don't know about your area but here in BC Canada there is a free government webpage that lists all the court cases for public viewing. They don't always list specific details, but you just have to put their name in and see what comes up.
preraph Posted January 21, 2020 Posted January 21, 2020 I think the only national databases here are for law enforecement, and they are limited in scope and not everyone participates and puts entries in them, so here, it's by state. The big hurdle is even knowing if the name she gives you is her real name. If you ever go somewhere in her car and she gets out, open the glove compartment and see if you can find her insurance card or anything. 1
mrs rubble Posted January 21, 2020 Posted January 21, 2020 I met a man online who was a fraud, he cheated many women out of thousands and thousands of dollars. He had several alias's, however for some reason he had given me his correct first name, wrong surname though. I got suspicious of his stories, he told me his car had broken down and he was using his brother's car who lived in another part of the country. I went to the transport authority and ran the licence on the car, it came up as registered to a woman in another town all together. I then told him about by family members who are in the police, and my dad's friend who is a district court judge, he took off after that and I never heard from him again. The police contacted me several months later as my number was in his phone to ask if he'd taken anything off me and filled me in on what he'd been up to! So from personal experience, there is only so much you can do to verify someone is genuine. I would recommend doing what I did and talk about police/ lawyers/court and see how they react. 1
smackie9 Posted January 21, 2020 Posted January 21, 2020 My Hubby has a knack for this type of stuff. He digs deep on the new starts at work. It's like he turns over every stone to find something about them. I heard you can goggle something like a face recognition thing on the web too.
Miss Spider Posted January 21, 2020 Posted January 21, 2020 (edited) Wow @mrs rubble that’s nuts. I think Smackie is right though. Career criminals are experts at faking their identities. They probably wouldn’t give accurate info. As for the other stuff like age etc, beenvertified is pretty accurate but those databases always have room for error. , try running their phone number. Good luck !! Edited January 21, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1
Blind-Sided Posted January 21, 2020 Posted January 21, 2020 and once again... This is why I don't do on-line dating. 1
mortensorchid Posted January 22, 2020 Posted January 22, 2020 If you feel it's necessary, then by all means do a background check on someone. Then again, how many OLDs have we all had where you don't even know the last name of the person if and when you meet, then you part ways and never hear a word from them ever again? Only do it if you feel that something isn't right. Because if something doesn't feel right, it usually isn't. You may never know what that is or is not, but if you ignore it will always linger. 1 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 22, 2020 Posted January 22, 2020 All are good ideas. I google or FB search, LinkedIn search, etc. Otherwise, I try to find out as much as possible by their availability and actions (including frequency and time of communications). I have never been duped. At least I haven't been a victim of a con. I find most women have been very revealing, though, sometimes, not in a more timely manner. Because of the problem of our society living more shadowy lives, I make it a practice to give out my phone number, last name, and a link to my blog within the first week if our communication has been promising. The rest is up to them...google me, FB search me, etc. Looking back, I have never had a single person NOT tell me where they work, at least what city in which she lives, or her abridged life story. Anyway, it seems that men are much more adept or willing to deceived than women. Could be wrong. 1
Interstellar Posted January 22, 2020 Posted January 22, 2020 (edited) If you have a friend or family who’s a LEO they could probably run a background search on their police database. Not sure about the legalities of this though. Edited January 22, 2020 by Interstellar
Ambereyes Posted January 22, 2020 Posted January 22, 2020 If someone has a stable job, makes decent money, lives in nice house, has family and long term friends, wouldnt that tell you enough what you need to know?
d0nnivain Posted January 22, 2020 Posted January 22, 2020 I think Google & your gut are the way to go initially. A few months in when you think you might be ready to introduce the person to your daughter, then you can pay for a better / deeper background check if you think it's necessary.
CAPITAL CROOK Posted January 22, 2020 Posted January 22, 2020 The fact of the matter is attempting to protect yourself from this is a waste of effort and time; many people are into shady things and have never been busted by the police in the first place. Furthermore, as already mentioned above, even the police do not have full access to criminal databases; many police departments have only recently begun coordinating all the information they possess and typically this coordination is only in response to an going crisis such as maybe a serial killer... A pretty famous example of this lack of communication is the Highway Of Tears killings; had all law enforcement entities been coordinating all their information together, they would of realized the significant pattern that exists along major highways through Canada and United States, but because this wasn't done until a very short time ago, the Highway of Tears was thought to be a self contained pattern to British Columbia alone.
Gaeta Posted January 22, 2020 Posted January 22, 2020 On 1/21/2020 at 2:01 PM, amers53 said: Yeah, I get what you're saying.....dating is just so different now with a kid. Her safety and well-being is my biggest concern...not that she would meet anyone until it's serious, but still. There is no miracle trick that will guarantee you a person is 100% honest. You need to trust your instinct and like Morten said if it feels fishy then it is and you stop and move on to someone better. People with hidden agenda can't keep up appearances for months and years. Their true colors shine through pretty fast. There is also no valid reason for leaving a man you date alone with your child. None. That part is covered. 1
mrs rubble Posted January 22, 2020 Posted January 22, 2020 20 hours ago, Interstellar said: If you have a friend or family who’s a LEO they could probably run a background search on their police database. Not sure about the legalities of this though. That would be illegal in my country, several police have been charged for it here.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 22, 2020 Posted January 22, 2020 18 hours ago, Ambereyes said: If someone has a stable job, makes decent money, lives in nice house, has family and long term friends, wouldnt that tell you enough what you need to know? Oh, heck no! So much more to consider under all that veneer of stability...I've dated a few ladies that seem to fit all that...until....
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