He's threatening me bc I won't see him

[basil67]

8 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

You should not mention this to your boss or human resources. Even though you've done nothing wrong, this situation will still make you look bad. 

I couldn't disagree more strongly.   The OP works with children and the principal needs to know that he's threatening to do something in her workplace.  A school!  If your school has security, they need to know too.

I have no idea why GP says that this will make you look bad, because I doubt that any reasonable person would victim blame you in this situation.  And most people are reasonable. 

Edited January 21, 2020 by basil67

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

 If he was for real he wouldn't have said anything and went right to her work or to her place without telling her if he was that seriously a criminal.

I am flabbergasted by your position on it. This is no matter to take lightly. Would you tell your daughter to ignore something like this!

Every woman that was killed by an ex, or by a man obsessed with her, had a long history of  being harassed first! These crimes rarely come on with 0 history.

[ExpatInItaly]

12 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I couldn't disagree more strongly.   The OP works with children and the principal needs to know that he's threatening to do something in her workplace.  A school!  If your school has security, they need to know too.

I'm with you, Basil. 

Your place of work should be informed, OP.  If you don't, and he does show up and more comes out, they will be looking directly at you and questioning why you didn't take appropriate steps so they could take appropriate preemptive measures. 

[Redhead14]

Oh, hell yes, she should report it to the appropriate people at her place of work.  Children are involved.

[ChatroomHero]

Well if OP doesn't report it to the principal or her boss etc. and something happens, she will probably get fired when they learn the rest of the story and see she had texts and could have warned them. First thing I would do is call the boss asap and let him or her know what is going on and let the boss decide how to handle it.

[Gaeta]

If she goes to police and show the threats and explain she works with children they will take it seriously. They will give this guy a courtesy visit and tell him to calm down.

Edited January 21, 2020 by Gaeta

[MsJayne]

I don't have any better advice than everyone else, he probably won't follow through because basically he's just a sniveling little coward, but do let the police know.  Not sure where you are but here in Australia the police usually respond to these kind of reports by doing three parts of FA, they prefer to wait until a woman's been beaten to a pulp or murdered before taking any action.  As a female who has been in the same situation I can tell you that the last thing these oxygen thieves expect is that you will fire back, and they almost always poop their pants if you do.  What he really needs is a physical talking to,  but leave that for someone else to do.  

[K.K.]

20 hours ago, LShalcy said:

I finally let him know that I wasn’t interested and he begins threatening me that he will be at my job tomorrow on purpose to embarrass me and call me out. 

So ... it’s tomorrow. Did he show. 

[mortensorchid]

Block him from contacting you on your phone as well as other contact information (email address, screen names, social networking, etc.).  You have already said no to him, which is good.  Say no once and only once, then walk away.  Alert security at your workplace of this guy, do not accept any phone calls, letters or packages delivered to you that you didn't order.  If and when he shows up at your workplace, home, or in between, call the police.  You can even have an escort as you walk to and from your car.  Also alert your friends, family and neighbors (and unfortunately, coworkers as well) to this guy in case he is trying to find out information through them about you or showing up at your doorstep or workplace.  Many victims (like you) are embarrassed when they are being stalked and they feel foolish about calling the police.  But also understand the stalker as well - He may be sad or lonely, he may not like being rejected, but his intentions are not benevolent.  Even if he is sending you thoughtful things (like flowers and candy or poems) he doesn't really love you, or even like you.  He actually hates you.  He might be saying by his actions at times that he wants to be friends, but he's really saying by his actions "You WILL acknowledge me". 

[ChatroomHero]

1 hour ago, mortensorchid said:

Block him from contacting you on your phone as well as other contact information (email address, screen names, social networking, etc.). 

 

I'd do the opposite. I wouldn't block him. I wouldn't ignore him but if was going to do something, I'd want to have a heads up if he provides it. I'd rather get a threat come through via text that I could monitor and preemptively prepare for than to go dark and be surprised. 

[LShalcy]

Update: thank you so much to everyone who replied! I’m happy to report he DID not show up at my job today, although I was nervously checking every minute - which I think was part of his plan. I really don’t know much about him but I do know he DOES have a criminal record and that did concern me. The messages he did send also sounded VERY convincing — he even called himself “extremely vengeful and petty.To be honest I would have just normally ignored texts like that but his tone and the certain things he said  made me pause. He also did send me a extra weird picture of a dead bird on a sidewalk (who does that?!).

Here are some of the texts he sent: (copied and pasted)

“OK cool you'll see me in ya job real soon and yes I will show my ass”

“imma make you seriously regret this I'm super petty and extremely vengeful 

“Im done texting time to show action so you can see how serious I am

watch how this plays out I promise you I'm going to make a scene and embarrass you”

“you acting od immature you deadass gonna make me come inside your job and cause a massive scene why you want to test me I can show you way better than I tell you”

“I give you my word I will comeif you don't come see me ”

“you'll see how I embarrass ya ass in ya job you wanna play me imma show you a next side of me. just come see me to avoid that. I've been od patient with you “

There are a bunch more, including some where he is calling me every name in the book, but it would take a while to copy all. So, although I do think after reading through some of your replies that he does just want me paranoid, I still am a little anxious he will still show up. Fingers crossed he doesn’t. I’ll keep you all updated.

 

thanks again.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 22, 2020 by LShalcy

[Ellener]

4 hours ago, LShalcy said:

There are a bunch more, including some where he is calling me every name in the book, but it would take a while to copy all. So, although I do think after reading through some of your replies that he does just want me paranoid, I still am a little anxious he will still show up. Fingers crossed he doesn’t. I’ll keep you all updated.

I met a man like this through a strange connection about two years ago when I was really quite ill with anxiety. I think what happened was his friend told him more than he should have about me, and he sought me out. Almost immediately he was being inappropriate and literally demanding a sexual relationship, I just said no and didn't think any more of it, except he kept sending these more and more lurid text messages, finally I told him the next time you send me this nonsense I will copy it to every single phone friend I have and don't be surprised if someone kicks your ass ( or at least blows up your phone ) I was living in a very rough neighbourhood at the time and surrounded by people who would happily have taken care of him but I just asked them to look out for me, and they did.

9 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

He may be sad or lonely, he may not like being rejected, but his intentions are not benevolent. 

Exactly.

Shine the light of day on what someone's doing- will they really own their actions in public, all the time?

 

[Ellener]

4 hours ago, LShalcy said:

I was nervously checking every minute

I was uncomfortable for a while too, but once you signal "I am not your victim' I think most except the worst psycopaths move on. Saying that, our fears are not unrealistic. In 2018, the US murder rate was 5 per 100,000. I doubt most of those are from strangers or stalkers ( most will be gun accidents gone wrong or domestic arrangements ) but still...you know what it says on the Statue of Liberty and what freedom is all about: 'yearning to breathe free'.

Women need to breathe free and any man who can't accept that needs to work on himself, no one can ever be truly happy trapping another spirit.

 

[schlumpy]

It won't hurt to have a can of mace that can be quickly deployed, a loud whistle or a device that will sound an alarm with the push of a button or the pull of a pin.

Stay away from those all so exciting bad boys and give some nice guys a chance.

[Gaeta]

9 hours ago, LShalcy said:

Here are some of the texts he sent: (copied and pasted)

“OK cool you'll see me in ya job real soon and yes I will show my ass”

“imma make you seriously regret this I'm super petty and extremely vengeful 

“Im done texting time to show action so you can see how serious I am

watch how this plays out I promise you I'm going to make a scene and embarrass you”

“you acting od immature you deadass gonna make me come inside your job and cause a massive scene why you want to test me I can show you way better than I tell you”

“I give you my word I will come if you don't come see me ”

“you'll see how I embarrass ya ass in ya job you wanna play me imma show you a next side of me. just come see me to avoid that. I've been od patient with you “

And after all this you still think it's not necessary to report him to the police ?????

 

[kendahke]

12 hours ago, LShalcy said:

I’m happy to report he DID not show up at my job today,

Let's hope it stays that way.

 

[JS84]

If something like that ever happens again please make sure someone else knows what is going on. Whether it's for your personal safety or to protect your reputation.

[Gaeta]

To me it's not a matter of he'll do it or not. These are things that shouldn't be said and tolerated in our modern society. We women have fought for generations so that crimes against us be taken seriously by the authorities. Each woman being a victim of harassment and threats and not reporting it is having us women do a step back, not forward!

Also he doesn't need to do anything for the authorities to intervene. Go on your FB and make a threat like this toward anyone and lets see if authorities will wait you go into actions. They won't, they'll knock on your door pretty fast. Even faster if you have a criminal past like this guy.  

[Gr8fuln2020]

Personally, I would have informed him that I have his phone#, name, picture, etc. and will inform the police, local authorities, including the messages he sent. No tolerance for people like this. None. I would have done everything I could to turn the tide on his butt and make his life miserable without resorting to violence, of course. Crazy to simply ignore people like this. 

[d0nnivain]

On 1/20/2020 at 10:33 PM, LShalcy said:

My job would really be in jeopardy if he comes and makes a scene considering I work with kids. He has sent numerous texts saying he will be there and he’s going to make me regret not coming to see him. What to do? 

I'm glad he didn't make good on his threats.  But you should report him to police & tell your principal that he made the threats.  It's unlikely that the school will punish you for something he did but they have an obligation to protect the kids. 

It sounds more like  he's a bully & was seeking to embarrass you rather than cause you physical harm. 

Block him but keep what you do have as evidence.  If he does show up, alert school security & thereafter seek a protective order.  

Edited January 22, 2020 by d0nnivain

[Tamfana]

You need a restraining order.