He isn't progressing the friendship but is very interested in me?

[InfraredRoses]

So, I friended this guy on FB. He's a musician and I am as well. He said he swore he met me at one of his shows and we kinda left the message at that. Then months later he is "love" reacting everything on my FB. He then hops on a philosophical post of mine, and joins in on the discussion. He messaged me again saying how much he really enjoys my posts. 

We then started to progress in sending each other LONG lengthy messages. I mean he was running out of characters. He opend up to me and I opened up to him about our trauma in our lives. We seem to really hit it off. He even said I have him "hooked", and he treats me with so much respect. It's nice for a guy to talk to me about life, and important stuff, than talk about hooking up or how beautiful I am. 

He does compliment me but it's a reasonable amount. I told him I will see him at one of his shows, but he said he isn't having one until april or may, so I thought he would try to progress the friendship by at least asking for my number, but he doesn't even ask me out. Since that's like 3 to 4 months away. He offered to give me lessons on drums for free because I said I wanted to hone in on my skills. He is intrigued by the fact that I love to write. He kinda kept pushing for me to send him my poems. He said "I really am interested in your poems. I feel it will let me know more about you. I want to know what goes on in that beautiful deep brain of yours." Hahaha. 

He keeps saying I can talk to him about anything. He keeps saying how much he really admires me, and all. But he isn't giving me his number and he isn't asking me out? I don't know if he is waiting for me to show up at his shows to break the ice since we don't know each other at all, only via web? Is he going with that flow? He really treats me well and listens. He sends long messages, they are never short either. So, I don't know what this sounds like but he seems to be awfully hooked on my writings and my intelligence. He said he offers free lessons to people he cares about, and he said "that says alot about you considering I only know you from FB." I can't tell if he is sincere or playing me? But he seems interested but won't progress the friendship? He also seems so intrigued by my intelligence. I never had a guy intrigued by my writings. Or so deeply interested I should say. So, it's a nice change to be able to talk to someone who is not just complimenting me every second and keeping things short. What does this sound like to you?

[smackie9]

Offer your phone number and see what happens from there 

Edited January 19, 2020 by smackie9

[Miss Spider]

I don’t know many men who would talk with a woman like he has with you if he wasn’t interested. Will he take it further though. You may have to make the first move. Are you sure he’s unattached? Ask him if he wants to meet in person or  I Smackie’s  suggestion. Good luck 

Edited January 19, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[preraph]

I would bet that he's already got a girlfriend. 

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

Will he take it further though. You may have to make the first move.

I've just done this with a man I know, I gave him an obvious little birthday gift and wrote 'call me' in the card now I'm shutting it down from my side as it's frustrating me and I don't want to get any more attached if he's unavailable whatever reason.

2 hours ago, InfraredRoses said:

It's nice for a guy to talk to me about life, and important stuff, than talk about hooking up or how beautiful I am. 

Yes it is, and it sounds like a friendship. If you want more than that you'll have to wait until you meet in person I am guessing.

[InfraredRoses]

Crazy you all are saying he probably has a girlfriend because I was thinking that. Even though his profile shows he is single as they come, he is friends with like over 2000 people.  Seems to be mostly women. He has his status up as "single" and has no pictures with other girls. He only has pics of him and his band, and some by himself. We both related over having narcissistic ex's and he sent me the lyrics he wrote for his band of his narcissistic relationship he use to have.

 

So, he never mentioned anywhere he has a girlfriend as of now, and I assumed he didn't because he displays being single. But it is mindboggling. I noticed when I said I was "grateful for our friendship" he toned down. He was flirty but respectful and kind. But it seems he kinda went the route of being a "friend" when I said that. Maybe I should wait the 4 months or so and just show up at one of his shows he'll be advertising, and see if there is a girlfriend. It all makes sense except for exchanging numbers and what have you. He keeps saying stuff like "when we meet" or "I can give you free lessons", etc. He says "we can keep talking like we do." I don't know if it's because I'm not biting by responding back with a follow up of meeting up, why he maybe feels he shouldn't give his number? But I would think that would be the next step. Even if you're scared of rejection, I mean giving someone your number and as much as we talk, it should kinda be a given I wouldn't reject having his number. Idk. Thank you for commenting, I still am stuck. I don't want to be the one to make the move. Lol.

[Ellener]

3 hours ago, InfraredRoses said:

I don't want to be the one to make the move.

Nobody does these days it would seem! 

In the old days the guy would be expected to ask to see you/get your number, the social media blurs it all I guess.

Be cool, keep up with your correspondence and see what happens when you meet.

 

[d0nnivain]

Ugh.  

This all sounds meaningless & fake.  If you have never progressed farther then writing to each other over social media, I don't see that there is anything here, & even the friendship is kind of anemic.  I would not put stock in anything other than pen pal happening with this guy.  Waiting 4 months until he might have a show is you putting your life on hold.  You don't even know this guy.  Do not do that.  Continue interacting with him if you like but recognize it may never get more real then it is now.  I bet that show never happens.  

[stillafool]

You said this guy keeps pressing you to send your poems, could it be his is trying to steal your material in a slick way?

[InfraredRoses]

Stilafool, I was actually thinking that because he ghosted me now. My poems are very personal and something I don't show just anyone. They are emotionally driven, full of my pain, and depressing. Therefore, unless I really trust the person I will share my poems. I expressed that to him and he understood yet in a subtle way still kept wanting me to send my writings to him. I caved as he seemed genuinely interested. I sent him a pretty light one and replied back to his previous message and BOOM! He left me on "read" for 10 days now, but is still love reacting some of my posts and the two pics I posted of myself. 

 

He is confusing the hell out of me and now I'm angry. It takes ALOT for me to trust men especially after what I have gone through, and I thought we were building a solid friendship. Then he just ghosts me, but is posting stupid stuff on his FB and even posted "Anyone want to hang out tomorrow? I'm off and have nothing planned." Uhhh? Wouldn't you take that opportunity then to ask your "favorite person" out? The person you are "hooked on"? I was turned off by the fact that he personally didn't message me or ask me, since he made it out that I was this beautiful goddess in his life or something.

Should I address him and ask him why? Only because we were sending each other novels of messages and then I finally caved. I sent him one of poems, replied to his previous message, and he ghosts me? He has been posting non stop since then and extremely active on FB. Even my one friend thinks he is being malicious by doing that. Him and his band are working on new material. That's how the "show" talk came up. Because I thought he was going to have another one soon, but he said "We won't for awhile now. April or may because we are working on new material, practicing, and recording. " he really reeled me in and made me feel like I could trust him. Especially sending me super long messages. I don't trust easily so it took alot out of me to even send him ONE personal poem that he really encouraged. I thought because he kept going on about my intelligence and how fascinated he is by my wisdom, me a whole, that it wouldn't be a problem. Now I'm thinking he just wanted me to send him my writings so he could use it for his songs. Now, he ghosted me. 

I know that's far fetched and if he was smarter he would try to still converse with me to get more out of me. However, I feel like he might pop up like a month later with some lame excuse why he couldn't message me back and still try to lure me to send him my writings. But now.... because I'm so confused and can't think of anything else....now I'm thinking he just completely conned me to get a writing out of me for his "new material" he is working on. It really hurts that he is posting stuff on FB like almost all day long, constantly active, and even love reacting some of my posts and pictures, yet isn't responding to my message? He isn't responding to my poem either? When I responded to his songs and how much I really liked his lyrics very quickly, and he sent me like 11 of them. I still got back to him and expressed how I felt individually of each song in a matter of an hour. It was a busy day too but that's how much I was intrigued by him.

 

How would you handle this? Because I really don't understand how you can message someone LONG lengthy messages (he initiated it) have deep convos, say how much you are hooked on said person, say said person is your favorite, and you're fascinated by that person, offering free drum lessons and guitar lessons, expressing so much interest as whole, but not ask them out, or for their number, and just ghost them when YOU push for that person to send one of their writings? Then ghost them for 10 days now, and still love react their posts, and remain active on FB? How would you handle this? I am completely turned off and feel played, but I kinda want to tell him in a diplomatic way how hurtful it was for me to be that open with him, someone I don't know, and share a personal poem with him, and he just ghosts me and makes me feel unimportant. Like I'm not a priority when he sent me 11 songs and I replied back within an hour and replied to each one, not some generic response. I took my time to interpret his songs and share my opinion on each one. Yet, he can't even share an opinion on ONE poem that isn't even long? I can't seem to let it go. So would you address it to see what lame excuse he has?  Because at this point he might be using my poem as something he is curating for his band for all I know. But it hurts me that he made me feel so respected, special, and I thought we would really blossom by having a strong friendship,  then he does this. It completely baffles me and leaving me confused. I'm honestly hurt. Because he really made me feel like we were building a solid foundation of a friendship then he does this.

Edited January 29, 2020 by InfraredRoses
Typos

[elaine567]

My guess he just wanted your poems. He wanted to tap into those verses of "pain and depression" of yours.
The best songs often stem from heart ache.  He is probably under a lot of pressure to write songs, he wants to get inspiration from wherever he can get it.
SM is probably a great resource for him. He used every trick in the book to get you to send him your poems.
You finally sent him a poem, I guess he went "No, not what I'm looking for." and ghosted you.
He sees no need to keep you on the hook as he  probably didn't like your style of writing enough, or it didn't gel with his style enough, to bother keeping you around.
It's a cruel world out there.
Hugs.

[Miss Spider]

Wow...register your poems ASAP and get him on copyright infringement if he tries to steal your intellectual property for his crappy band.