Heatemyheart89 Posted January 18, 2020 Posted January 18, 2020 I met a guy through work , there was some mutual attraction .I haven’t worked there for about 6 months . He added me on social media and I bit the bullet, told him I found him attractive and asked him for a drink . He said yes but he would have to check when he was free. I needily said would this be a date or a catch up . I also said if he wasn’t keen he could back out .He said let meet for coffee and see how things go. Anyway, how am I supposed to act on this non date? Should I flirt or just act like I’m meeting a friend? I’m not sure if he is interested or not as he may just be obliging me . Don’t want to make a fool of myself .I’m not very good at dating in general. Any advice welcome . 2
SumGuy Posted January 18, 2020 Posted January 18, 2020 (edited) First good for you. There is no making a fool of yourself, you’re just pursuing what you like. Welcome to guy world Kidding aside, how you are handling it sound good to me, similar to what I do as a man. I try to keep in mind Im looking for someone to like me and is not wierded out by my enthusiasm. Likely the same for you. If you want to give him a bit of space, light flirting and if you are into him give him that opportunity to give you a kiss. Some guys freak out by women being to forward, just because they don’t know how to react. you let him know you like him, a little light flirting and an opportunity should let him “recover” and still feel you like him. Realize he may take it slower even if he really digs you because of caution breed of life experience. Edited January 18, 2020 by SumGuy
smackie9 Posted January 18, 2020 Posted January 18, 2020 He said coffee and see how it goes. That’s a good sign. On this meet up spend your energy on simply getting to know him instead of working on your game. Keep it simple. Be friendly and upbeat.....that’s it. Seriously stop trying so hard. Let things happen organically. 4
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted January 18, 2020 Posted January 18, 2020 If he were truly interested, he'd have asked to take you on a real date involving a meal and/or activity. 3
d0nnivain Posted January 18, 2020 Posted January 18, 2020 Be normal. If you are flirty, flirt. If you aren't don't force it. As to how to act, follow his lead. Perhaps he's one of those guys who gets startled when a woman asks him out. I'm not encouraged by the fact that you offered to meet for a drink & he dialed it back to coffee (unless he doesn't drink). Coffee is what you do on a 1st meet from OLD when you need well lit & safe. Since you worked together I don't see why a drink would be a problem. Go no matter what. You need the practice dating. If this doesn't work out, still give yourself a pat on the back for being brave & going after what you want. 2
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 18, 2020 Posted January 18, 2020 14 hours ago, Heatemyheart89 said: I met a guy through work , there was some mutual attraction .I haven’t worked there for about 6 months . He added me on social media and I bit the bullet, told him I found him attractive and asked him for a drink . He said yes but he would have to check when he was free. I needily said would this be a date or a catch up . I also said if he wasn’t keen he could back out .He said let meet for coffee and see how things go. Anyway, how am I supposed to act on this non date? Should I flirt or just act like I’m meeting a friend? I’m not sure if he is interested or not as he may just be obliging me . Don’t want to make a fool of myself .I’m not very good at dating in general. Any advice welcome . Sounds all normal to me. Meet for coffee to see initial reactions to one another. That is my MO. Decide after that whether you two want more. I would not act any different than who you are. Why? Be yourself. First impressions and all that... Good luck.
rjc149 Posted January 18, 2020 Posted January 18, 2020 (edited) He downgraded you to coffee after the insecure behavior, I think. Men who are romantically interested in you will agree to meet for drinks. This doesn't appear to be headed in that direction, but if there was clear mutual attraction, then just act normally and catch up over coffee. If there's something there, he'll make it happen. If he doesn't, he's either a pvssy or he isn't interested. Either way, you can next him and move on. It's not up to you to make things happen. That puts you in a position where you will simply be used for sex. Coffee dates are inherently platonic and a total waste of time IMO. Coffee dates are for friends and business clients. I stopped agreeing to them in my OLD days. There are too many women out there who will give you their phone number and meet you at a bar to waste time on a grown ass woman who is too scared to take chances because she watches too much Forensic Files. Edit: I also want to commend you for taking a shot and going for what you want. That took courage, and it's only going to get easier for you. I would find it refreshing if a girl asked me out for a change lol. Edited January 18, 2020 by rjc149 3
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 18, 2020 Posted January 18, 2020 1 minute ago, rjc149 said: He downgraded you to coffee after the insecure behavior, I think. Men who are romantically interested in you will agree to meet for drinks. This doesn't appear to be headed in that direction, but if there was clear mutual attraction, then just act normally and catch up over coffee. If there's something there, he'll make it happen. If he doesn't, he's either a pvssy or he isn't interested. Either way, you can next him and move on. It's not up to you to make things happen. That puts you in a position where you will simply be used for sex. Coffee dates are inherently platonic and a total waste of time IMO. Coffee dates are for friends and business clients. I stopped agreeing to them in my OLD days. There are too many women out there who will give you their phone number and meet you at a bar to waste time on a grown ass woman who is too scared to take chances because she watches too much Forensic Files. Whoah there, my friend! This is not always true. I have coffee dates for first meet ups all the time. It has no bearing on whether there are romantic feelings involved or not. I have coffee dates with those I have decided to date, so not a sign of a downgrade. In this case, unless I'm missing something, they really don't know one another and so, a coffee meet, is appropriate. 1
rjc149 Posted January 18, 2020 Posted January 18, 2020 Just now, Gr8fuln2020 said: Whoah there, my friend! This is not always true. I have coffee dates for first meet ups all the time. It has no bearing on whether there are romantic feelings involved or not. I have coffee dates with those I have decided to date, so not a sign of a downgrade. In this case, unless I'm missing something, they really don't know one another and so, a coffee meet, is appropriate. They are already acquainted through work, and OP states that there was mutual attraction. They are not strangers meeting for the first time. If this guy was sexually/romantically interested, he would agree to meet for drinks. Now, it doesn't mean he's not interested. But dialing the date back from drinks to coffee is not a signal of him being open to a seduction taking place. I'm not a fan of coffee dates because I have had the best results with women by escalating and making things happen fairly quickly. I will set dates to take place at venues where alcohol can be consumed and appetizers can be shared. Sharing food and drink is a bonding activity that spans all human cultures and societies through the eons of time. No need to fix something that isn't broken. I also don't drink coffee after 10AM.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 18, 2020 Posted January 18, 2020 (edited) Not been there for 6-months. First friend request on FB, so not that familiar with one another. Told him that she found him attractive on FB and asked for a drink. This doesn't sound like someone who really knew the other person well at all. A coffee is appropriate here. He hasn't seen her in six months and is not sure. Back to step one to re-acquaint... MANY people drink coffee later in the day. Or tea. Or chai-tee....etc. Edited January 18, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020 1
rjc149 Posted January 18, 2020 Posted January 18, 2020 Just now, Gr8fuln2020 said: Not been there for 6-months. First friend request on FB, so not that familiar with one another. Told him that she found him attractive on FB and asked for a drink. This doesn't sound like someone who really knew the other person well at all. A coffee is appropriate here. He hasn't seen her in six months and is not sure. Back to step one to re-acquaint... I dunno man. Usually when a guy is dialing things back and taking things more slowly than the woman, it indicates that his interest level is lower. I speak for most men when I say that I don't need to know a woman very well if I want to hook up with her. And I think we'll just have to agree to disagree on coffee dates being a good setting for romance to take place. 2
Author Heatemyheart89 Posted January 18, 2020 Author Posted January 18, 2020 (edited) Hi all thanks for the replies I have spoken to him only once( he was in a different part of the building ). He’s quite a quiet type and I’ve never heard of him with any other woman at work/elsewhere ( I think he is quite private) . I do feel coffee is a down grade and I do wonder about his interest . BUT he knows how I feel, he could have said no .He is either feeling me out or just going along with it to be polite . I will have to wait and see! Edited January 18, 2020 by Heatemyheart89 1
Miss Spider Posted January 18, 2020 Posted January 18, 2020 Hey, have a little confidence in yourself! It will be fine. Don’t overthink it. Have fun. 3
Andy_K Posted January 18, 2020 Posted January 18, 2020 This might vary depending on where you're from. Here in the UK, suggesting a coffee date is a bit like suggesting a church date. We meet up for drinks and make bad decisions instead Also, 'I have to check when I'm free'... is likely as not a deflection. Or he's insecure. Hard to tell which. Bottom line: A reasonably confident guy who is into you and whom you've informed you find him attractive, is not going to need any further green lights. If it's on, he'll make it happen. 1
Interstellar Posted January 18, 2020 Posted January 18, 2020 (edited) So you want to get a drink and this guy prefers coffee? sounds like you want something Well this guy’s smart enough not to drink on the first date. Especially with a complete stranger, when men drink they get sloppy with their mouths then they turn the woman off. Sounds like a date, hopefully nobody flakes. Edited January 18, 2020 by Interstellar 1
preraph Posted January 19, 2020 Posted January 19, 2020 I agree to just be yourself. I have to say he didn't sound overly enthused, but then again, I assume he added you on social media of his own volition, so he thought something of you. Try to be just casual and entertaining and not scare him. 1
The Outlaw Posted January 19, 2020 Posted January 19, 2020 Take a deep breath, kick back, relax, have fun and just be yourself. And if you're interested in him, flirt like absolute crazy. Let him know you dig him. If he reciprocates, perfect. If not, move on and try again. There's really nothing to it so don't sweat it.
hercules22 Posted January 19, 2020 Posted January 19, 2020 14 hours ago, Interstellar said: So you want to get a drink and this guy prefers coffee? sounds like you want something Well this guy’s smart enough not to drink on the first date. Especially with a complete stranger, when men drink they get sloppy with their mouths then they turn the woman off. Sounds like a date, hopefully nobody flakes. yeah i would be worried i would blow it by drinking on the first date lol i agree this bloke playing it safe 1
d0nnivain Posted January 19, 2020 Posted January 19, 2020 14 hours ago, Interstellar said: Well this guy’s smart enough not to drink on the first date. Especially with a complete stranger, when men drink they get sloppy with their mouths then they turn the woman off. They are not strangers. They worked together & have known each other for more then 6 months. I have never known a guy who thought he better not drink on a date in case he says something to turn a woman off. We're also talking about 1 maybe 2 drinks, not getting rip roaring snockered. Heatemyheart -- glad you are still up for that coffee. Maybe it will turn out OK.
Interstellar Posted January 20, 2020 Posted January 20, 2020 (edited) 13 hours ago, d0nnivain said: They are not strangers. They worked together & have known each other for more then 6 months. I have never known a guy who thought he better not drink on a date in case he says something to turn a woman off. We're also talking about 1 maybe 2 drinks, not getting rip roaring snockered. Heatemyheart -- glad you are still up for that coffee. Maybe it will turn out OK. I don’t drink (or smoke) so I have low tolerance for it so if I have even one then I’m drunk. Edited January 20, 2020 by Interstellar
Author Heatemyheart89 Posted January 25, 2020 Author Posted January 25, 2020 Update Hi all so I went on the date yesterday and it wasn’t coffee. He actually took me to a really nice place and had a couple of cocktails. I did flirt and it felt natural and we got on well! Couldn’t have gone better actually . I would like another date, but il see if he asks I won’t ask 2
Miss Spider Posted January 25, 2020 Posted January 25, 2020 Glad to hear the date was fun!!! Update us if anything else happens
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