Author emmab219 Posted January 17, 2020 Author Posted January 17, 2020 1 hour ago, kendahke said: OP--would you answer my question please? Most of it happened during the course of two conversations. After our first date, he said he was ready to make it official if I was and I told him no, I really needed to take things slow. That I liked him and wanted to continue seeing him but wasn't interested in rushing into a relationship with someone I just met. He said he totally understood and would be patient. I'd say it really progressed after our second date. In a single night after that was when he started dropping the 'I really think this is going to happen between us' type stuff, calling me his potential future girlfriend, etc etc. I kept trying to skirt around it, hoping maybe he'd catch on that it was making me feel a little weird, but then I finally did just tell him then that I understood maybe in the past it'd worked for him to be really forward and overshare how he was feeling too soon, but I'm not like that at all especially with someone I just met and it made me feel a little uncomfortable. And he was apologetic. Even the next day after the convo, he texted that he was sorry he was dumping his feelings on me so soon, but that he was just really into me and excited about me. I guess the thing was that, initially, I didn't want to stop seeing him because I really did like him. But then all this happened and I started to feel...like a pressure almost? Like this IS GOING to be a relationship. Not that it MIGHT be. And now I probably will stop seeing him. Just to make it clear-- I get that this is a compatibility issue. We are NOT on the same page here at all regarding the speed at which a relationship should progress. In the past, he's jumped in and gotten to know someone along the way. I'm the opposite and prefer to really get to know someone before deciding if I think we could work as a couple. I think being open about how you feel and honest is great, and honestly there are probably plenty of women out there who would love this and appreciate it and maybe also be ready for commitment after one or two dates. However, I am not one of them. And it is MY opinion that this comes off as a little needy because it really in my mind makes no sense to me why you'd want someone to be your girlfriend after a week of knowing them. So it is NOT just him. It's me, also. I get that and I see it. I'm not trying to attack him or make him look bats*** because he's not. We're just very much on different pages here.
Author emmab219 Posted January 17, 2020 Author Posted January 17, 2020 I guess what I also want to say is that I've been love-bombed in the past. It started off pretty similarly to this, but I was incredibly young at the time and it was my first ever relationship. So I thought it was great this guy wanted me to be his girlfriend after we'd met a week ago. What progressed was an incredibly toxic and controlling two year relationship. Therefore, I'm pretty cautious about people who want too much from me too soon.
FMW Posted January 17, 2020 Posted January 17, 2020 I'd be put off as well, OP. I think it's a good idea to stop seeing him. His fast track approach might just be awesome for someone else, so leave him free to find her. 1
Author emmab219 Posted January 17, 2020 Author Posted January 17, 2020 12 minutes ago, Finding my way said: I'd be put off as well, OP. I think it's a good idea to stop seeing him. His fast track approach might just be awesome for someone else, so leave him free to find her. I agree. I truly think there's someone out there who probably is looking for this, and I honestly have thought about how unfair it would be for me to stand in the way. Clearly, he wants a relationship soon. I want one, but after taking however amount of time I need to get to know someone. Don't want to hold him back from finding what he's looking for. 1
beentheredonethat77 Posted January 19, 2020 Posted January 19, 2020 OP -- I totally agree with your feelings and dont think you've been judgey/an a**h** about this at all. You feel uncomfortable and are vetting these feelings in a forum - you dont need to apologize. I am sure hes a really nice guy but yes, i'd feel exactly the same. Including the loss of attraction when he said he didn't feel comfortable sitting at the bar by himself and wanted to wait for you outside -- whatever that particular behavior is.. (if not neediness.. lack of independence / confidence? .. ) is something i'd not be attracted to also. Def go with your gut on this one..
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