Syd8 Posted January 15, 2020 Posted January 15, 2020 I was the other man in an affair that lasted 2 years. My question to men who were the OM is that after the affair ended did you at any point want payback by telling her husband? What was the otcome if you ended up doing it?
carhill Posted January 15, 2020 Posted January 15, 2020 It wasn't payback, rather a NC insurance policy, so I didn't play the he-said, she-said game, rather sent her husband a nice big manilla envelope with her cards and letters to me in it. Worked great. Many, many years later we met up again, this after the advent of the internet, and she told me the envelope arrived the day before they were to leave on a cruise. Oops! I'd never do that these days, back then I was young and passionate and impulsive. Today I'd move on without comment. Marriage after that experience taught a lot of lessons. 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 15, 2020 Posted January 15, 2020 1 hour ago, Syd8 said: My question to men who were the OM is that after the affair ended did you at any point want payback by telling her husband? Many, many years ago, I dated a married woman and no I had no desire to tell the husband. I had a lot of fun with her, so why inflict any hurt on him or her. If memory serves, we "dated" about 8-12 months +/-, she broke it off with me to give her marriage one last try, which was fine. I moved on and found someone new. 6 months later married woman contacted me and said she was "throwing in the towel" permanently on the marriage and wanted to get back together, but I was dating someone new, so I declined. I have no idea what happened to her. I can only hope she found happiness with someone. 1
mark clemson Posted January 15, 2020 Posted January 15, 2020 (edited) No, I was oscillating between pissed, relieved, and somewhat"pining", but I was never THAT mad at her. I would never have done that to her unless she had done something similar to me (or something else completely over-the-top horrible) first. I'm not a very vindictive person under most circumstances. In my case it was a perma-fiancee, not a H and no PA, if that matters. I did feel bad for the fiancee, particularly near the end. I felt sorry that she was capable of totally falling for another guy. She implied we could go PA near the end but I ended up being very glad we didn't. It just would have been more of a mess than it already was. But mostly I wouldn't have wanted harm to come to her (or to me in retribution, which given her personality I suspect she would have carried out). Edited January 15, 2020 by mark clemson correction
Harry2020 Posted January 18, 2020 Posted January 18, 2020 I had a great time with the OW at a low point in my life. Still have great memories from her and our time together. Why would I want to tell her DH. To give her a hard time. So he will leave her ? Is this the way you want to get her.? She will always fell betrayed by you. 2
FMW Posted January 18, 2020 Posted January 18, 2020 On 1/14/2020 at 6:27 PM, Syd8 said: did you at any point want payback Payback for what? Did you not know she was married for the two years you were involved? I was an OW for 3 years until he ghosted me for another OW. I put myself in a position to be hurt and humiliated, and yeah, that's what I got. Not sure what payback someone who knowingly was involved with a married person would want. 3
Author Syd8 Posted January 19, 2020 Author Posted January 19, 2020 9 hours ago, Finding my way said: Payback for what? Did you not know she was married for the two years you were involved? I was an OW for 3 years until he ghosted me for another OW. I put myself in a position to be hurt and humiliated, and yeah, that's what I got. Not sure what payback someone who knowingly was involved with a married person would want. No, I knew she was married.
Daisydooks Posted January 20, 2020 Posted January 20, 2020 (edited) On 1/18/2020 at 9:50 PM, Syd8 said: No, I knew she was married. Why do you want Payback? For what? Just move on. You are free. She is still trapped in a marriage she doesn't want to be in. That's payback enough, friend! Edited January 20, 2020 by Daisydooks
carhill Posted January 20, 2020 Posted January 20, 2020 Of course technology makes things much easier today to verify but back in the day married people could easily deceive potential affair partners. In my anecdote I had no knowledge of the woman's marriage for a number of months. Didn't wear a ring, no pictures of kids (she had a 2yo daughter when we met, I found out later) or spouse at her desk, lived tens of miles distant so most interactions were through or around work, she worked for a customer of mine, met her one day when she brought a job over to the shop. No caller ID's, no answering machines, pay phones. Different era. Even after all the usual (I'd learn much later) MW blabla trash about husband, and early on believing it, after things ran their course I didn't want any payback, just to be sure the sentence ended with a period and done. Evidently, as I found out many years later, the message was received accurately, I believe the exact words were "I thought you didn't want anything to do with me'. That was indeed the message I wished to convey at the time. It worked. By that point she'd been divorced and was living with her exit affair partner and I believe they're still together today some 20 years later, some 38 years after I first met her.
2BGoodAgain Posted January 20, 2020 Posted January 20, 2020 (edited) tempted, but ultimately no. karma has a weird way of getting back to you... and honestly, even IF karma didn't exist and you said FU to the universe... on a personal level, don't do it. move on, and heal yourself and figure out why you got involved in such a relationship and grow and be a better person for the next relationship that hopefully is a better and longer lasting one. Being the better person, will benefit you more than anyone else... and there's a saying... "I could destroy you, but i'll let life kill you instead".... i know many of us jilted lovers may have all sorts of "dirt" on our partners... esp these days... but be the person you wanna be, not what she made you into.... you know? take control of your life. Edited January 20, 2020 by 2BGoodAgain 1
Author Syd8 Posted January 20, 2020 Author Posted January 20, 2020 7 hours ago, Daisydooks said: Why do you want Payback? For what? Just move on. You are free. She is still trapped in a marriage she doesn't want to be in. That's payback enough, friend! Never said I wanted payback. Was just wondering if any other OM have ever gone that route. 1
Author Syd8 Posted January 20, 2020 Author Posted January 20, 2020 6 hours ago, 2BGoodAgain said: tempted, but ultimately no. karma has a weird way of getting back to you... and honestly, even IF karma didn't exist and you said FU to the universe... on a personal level, don't do it. move on, and heal yourself and figure out why you got involved in such a relationship and grow and be a better person for the next relationship that hopefully is a better and longer lasting one. Being the better person, will benefit you more than anyone else... and there's a saying... "I could destroy you, but i'll let life kill you instead".... i know many of us jilted lovers may have all sorts of "dirt" on our partners... esp these days... but be the person you wanna be, not what she made you into.... you know? take control of your life. Thank you for your response. Oh believe me, I have plenty of dirt. I have letters, pictures and other personal items. 1
2BGoodAgain Posted January 21, 2020 Posted January 21, 2020 13 hours ago, Syd8 said: Thank you for your response. Oh believe me, I have plenty of dirt. I have letters, pictures and other personal items. yes, but do the right thing for you.... besides, these days... such behavior can land you in jail, as a obvious consequence.
quagmire2020 Posted February 16, 2020 Posted February 16, 2020 On 1/21/2020 at 12:55 PM, 2BGoodAgain said: besides, these days... such behavior can land you in jail, as a obvious consequence. Sorry. Why? Is it a crime to let the husband know that his wife cheated?
2BGoodAgain Posted February 17, 2020 Posted February 17, 2020 21 hours ago, quagmire2020 said: Sorry. Why? Is it a crime to let the husband know that his wife cheated? sorry, this was a while back i had to backtrack to find out why i said this. so if you release videos/pics of someone you're involved with, and it goes public and may be explicit... you may become liable, depending on what country you're in.
Difficultstuff Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 I was older, single OM in EA with someone engaged. No, never a desire for payback after. More just a wish at the time that she'd be straight and tell him. I did run into them a month ago at a large social event. Thought they might be there, didn't see them at first, then saw him. Instantly went into flight or fight mode. Very primeval and instinctive. I fled at first, left the building - had to pass physically close to him to do so. He saw me. Calmed down, came back in, went to bar. Didn't see he was in front of me buying drinks till he turned around and brushed by me. I was very worked up, serious adrenaline. Realised afterwards that I was physically prepared to fight the guy, and keyed up in case he attacked me. At the time I assumed he knew about 'us', though now I'm not so sure she had confessed. Either way, he's got to marry someone who at least at one point believed she had fallen in love with someone else and, even if he now knows, didn't tell him for months.
Syre17 Posted February 19, 2020 Posted February 19, 2020 Never had to...her H followed (or had her followed so he knew where to go) on two different occasions when we were meeting up and found us. So he knew...
Hip Pocket Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 On 2/16/2020 at 11:32 AM, quagmire2020 said: Sorry. Why? Is it a crime to let the husband know that his wife cheated? It could be considered revenge porn which is punishable by law.
Dimjo9 Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 On 2/18/2020 at 7:02 PM, Difficultstuff said: I was older, single OM in EA with someone engaged. No, never a desire for payback after. More just a wish at the time that she'd be straight and tell him. I did run into them a month ago at a large social event. Thought they might be there, didn't see them at first, then saw him. Instantly went into flight or fight mode. Very primeval and instinctive. I fled at first, left the building - had to pass physically close to him to do so. He saw me. Calmed down, came back in, went to bar. Didn't see he was in front of me buying drinks till he turned around and brushed by me. I was very worked up, serious adrenaline. Realised afterwards that I was physically prepared to fight the guy, and keyed up in case he attacked me. At the time I assumed he knew about 'us', though now I'm not so sure she had confessed. Either way, he's got to marry someone who at least at one point believed she had fallen in love with someone else and, even if he now knows, didn't tell him for months. Brother stay away from ladies who are M or committed.. woe single ladies tons out there.. Karmic Justice - “so as we reap we shall sow” will haunt u in the future if u will not reform.. The Lady’s fiancee deserves to know the truth; this is your way of atonement.. sent him a private message if u have a way.. Maintain NC for life..
Dimjo9 Posted February 23, 2020 Posted February 23, 2020 On 1/20/2020 at 2:58 PM, Syd8 said: Never said I wanted payback. Was just wondering if any other OM have ever gone that route. Syd8, Brother woe single ladies lots of them.. Karmic Justice - “so as we reap we shall sow”.. if u ever had slept with Married ladies & the Husband finds out its very painful.. ”thou shall not covet other man’s wife” if they have problem in their marriage let them sort it out.. Have u ask forgiveness from the Husband that both of u hurt ? The tears & the spear of pain that u trust in his soul heaven felt.. Be very wary of the 4 Horseman.. when they come they will take everything u cherish as a retribution.. The king of Kings own words “Vengeance is Mine”.. Reflect on this while u have time...
Recommended Posts